by Toni Mari
Closing my mouth before a childish protest came out, I faked a smile. “Guess we’re leaving.” When my father was done discussing something, he was done. And no amount of whining or begging would sway him. In fact, if I tried too hard to argue, he often became more stubbornly dug in. I looked at the letter again, trying to figure out what he was thinking. Even though it was associated with horses, the letter was professional and flattering, It would only advance my riding career. Unless he thought I would make a mistake and it would damage it by giving me bad publicity. I folded the letter into a small square and shoved it in my purse. I would have to talk to him about it later.
Cory took my hand, twining his fingers around mine. Shrugging one shoulder, he tugged me into motion. “C’mon,” he whispered. “I have a surprise for you.”
Allowing him to distract me from my troubling thoughts, I let him guide me to his truck. He opened the door with a flourish and closed it with a grin. He got in the driver’s side, turned the key, started it up, and pulled away without speaking.
Wiggling my leg through the whole slow ritual, I finally grabbed his elbow and shook it. “What’s the surprise?”
“Do you mind if we skip the restaurant? I have something set up for us at our special spot on the farm.”
“Something special? I don’t mind at all.” Warmth spread from my core, and my shoulders relaxed.
Cory patted my leg. “Let’s enjoy ourselves tonight. Your dad’s pretty smart, and if he doesn’t think you should work for EMA, he’s probably right. Let it go and let’s have fun.”
His complete turnaround from encouraging me earlier to agreeing with whatever my father said put a chink in my anticipation. He turned his hand up on my thigh and I put mine in it. He squeezed and I let his promising smile distract me from exploring that feeling.
Chapter 3
Cory lifted the two suitcases into the back of my blue SUV. “Are you sure that’s all you need?” he asked, eyebrows drawn together in doubt.
I glanced at the front door of the house. My mother had asked me the same thing when I carried them down the stairs. “I’ll be home this weekend; if I need anything more, I’ll get it then.”
He reached up and closed the hatch with a solid thud. I leaned against the driver’s door, my arms crossed and my gaze on my boots.
Was it too much to hope that I could slip into my assigned dorm room, shove my clothes into the closet, and brood alone on the bed? My father wanted to hike around campus, see if he ran into any old classmates, and take us to lunch at the burger joint that used to be his favorite hangout. I was supposed to be bubbling with more excitement than him. But I wasn’t interested in breathless introductions and tours of the campus or exclaiming how beautiful and fun it would be.
Plus, though he never admitted it, Cory wished he was going away to college, too, and knowing that I would easily give it up when he would kill to be going made it impossible to talk to him about my feelings. I wished he was going to be there today holding my hand, but I didn’t want Cory to have to hide his jealousy as we found my dorm and lecture halls. I wasn’t going to put him through leaving me on campus. I would rather do the goodbye thing here.
Cory’s legs appeared, standing in front of me. “Wish I was going.”
“I’ll be home in three days. And every weekend.” I summoned a smile.
He pulled off his hat and ran fingers through his dark curls. “I know, but I’ll still miss you.” He put his hat back on and grabbed both of my hands, swinging them gently.
I squeezed his fingertips. “In that case, I’ll stay here.” I lifted my eyebrows.
“Right. Your dad would never notice.” He shook his head. “College is fun, and important, you’ll be glad you went.”
I straightened up, slipping my arms around his waist, and pulled him between my legs. “You’re right, as usual. It’s only an hour and a half drive. I’ll miss you too, that’s all.”
He pushed his hat back and gathered me close. “I’ll be holding my breath until you’re back.” His kiss was a promise, a tease—a brand. “Three days.”
The front door slammed and my father interrupted us. “Let’s go, Jane,” he called. “We have a long drive and I want to have plenty of time to show you everything.”
Cory pulled back, straightening his hat and smoothing his shirt. “Your dad’s ready to go,” he stated unnecessarily.
I rolled my eyes at his discomfort.
Rubbing his morning stubble, he assumed the straight-backed distance he portrayed around my parents. Even his voice became less intimate.
Purposefully, I put my hand behind his neck and pulled him close for one more sweet kiss. His lips were stiff and he put his hands on my hips, holding me back. “Bye, baby,” I whispered, watching him look over his shoulder at my parents. They were busy getting in their car and were not paying any attention to us. That didn’t keep the red color from creeping up Cory’s neck into his cheeks.
“I’ll see you this weekend.” He pressed his lips together. “Call me.”
Smiling, I climbed behind the wheel, never breaking contact with those incredible eyes as I started the car and waited for my father to back out of the driveway. Cory’s truck appeared in my rearview mirror, and with one last wave, we turned in opposite directions at the end of the street.
An hour and a half later, I joined the queue of cars behind my parents’ SUV at the entrance to campus. Inching forward, I started to roll down the window so I could show the attendant the postcard with my dorm assignment, but my dad’s arm came out the window, pointing ahead. The attendant waved me through.
Dad parked in the lot but told me to take my car in front of the building to unload.
Eyeing the volume of double-parked vehicles up by the dorm, I pulled in next to his car. “I have only two suitcases, Dad. We can carry them in.”
A line of kids were waiting at the sign-in table. It reminded me of the secretary’s stand at a horse show, except the volunteers were handing out room keys instead of show envelopes. The bright chatter and tentative greetings bounced over me. I was wishing for wooden fences and sand arenas instead of brick walls and glass windows.
Mom elbowed me. “Be friendly. Say hi. One of these kids might be your roommate,” she whispered, short blond bob bouncing with enthusiasm. She grinned at a haggard mother balancing a crate of odds and ends; bulging bags hanging from her shoulders. Oblivious of her crisp skirt set and heels, my mother held out a perfectly manicured hand. “Can I take something?”
The woman smiled broadly, shaking her head in response to my mother’s offer to help. “I think she brought everything from her room at home. But her brothers are here to help. Thanks.”
I handed my new ID to the student volunteer with the clipboard.
“Jane Mitchell. Oh, we just checked in your roommate,” the smiling girl said as she handed me back my card and a key chain with two keys on it.
“Great,” with a meager smile, I took the keys.
“She seemed nice,” the girl reassured me, misinterpreting my lack of enthusiasm. “Don’t worry.”
Dad carried my suitcases down the hall, greeting anyone who looked his way. The door to the small cinder-block-lined room bearing the number that matched my key was open. Bodies blocked the opening, so I stood outside, reluctant to draw attention to myself.
“Hello,” my father boomed from behind me.
All the bodies turned at once.
“Ooh, sorry. Do you need to come in here?” A tall, broad-shouldered man stepped to the side. “Carly, I think your roommate is here.”
A squeal sounded from the other side of the wall of people. “Oh my God! Move Gabe. Let her in. There are way too many people in this room.”
Amazingly, the crowd parted and a tiny dark-haired girl came hustling through. The grin on her face was filled with joy and excitement. Almost more than I could have handled at the moment. A spear of nerves pinned me to the spot, my mind blank. I gave a shaky little wave.
Carly kept coming, nothing shy about her. She didn’t hesitate but put her arms around me. “I’m Carly. You, of course, are Jane. We are going to be such great friends and have the best time ever!” Her voice went up in a little scream.
I patted her back awkwardly, nodding wordlessly.
“Carly, let the girl in so we can all meet her.” The woman from the lobby with the overloaded arms grinned at me as she gently pushed the four tall men to the side. “I am Mrs. Diamond, Carly’s mom.” She also didn’t hesitate but pulled me in for a hug.
She gave a screech when she saw my mother, and they hugged like old friends. Carly took my arm. “This is my dad, Mr. Diamond.” She used a teasing, falsely formal tone.
A sweet-looking man threw an arm around her shoulders as he held out his hand to my father, who towered over him by a good six inches. His soft hazel eyes crinkled and he patted my shoulder. “So nice to meet you, Jane.”
Carly kissed his cheek affectionately and pointed to the three tall young men huddled in the corner. “And my three brothers, Gabe and Nat and Chuck.”
They were all big and in their late twenties. “Hello.” “Nice to meet you.” “Hi.” I looked at Carly’s parents, both shorter than me, and wondered where her brothers got all that height.
Dad dropped my cases next to the empty bed, since the other one was overflowing with clothes and bags. He shook hands with the boys, announcing that he had lived in a room just down the hall when he attended.
As he described his room and bragged that his roommate became a Fortune 500 CEO, Carly spoke softly to me, “Do you have more stuff? My brothers can help you unload.”
“No, that’s all I have.”
Carly grinned at me. “I think I brought everything from my room at home.”
I stared at the giant mound on and around her bed, and then looked at my two bags. “I couldn’t figure out what to bring.”
She put her hand on my arm, instantly making me feel warm and comfortable. “We’ll figure it out.”
“Thanks. We can make a list and I could get it this weekend when I go home to ride my horse.”
“A horse? I love horses! I don’t ride or anything. I love all animals. I’m going to be a vet. What’s your major?” She spoke with calm certainty, and despite the fashionable clothes and painted nails, I didn’t doubt that she would do it.
With a sigh and a shrug, my response was not anywhere near that confident. “Business.”
Dad clapped his hands. “Who wants to take a tour? If it hasn’t changed too much, I should be able to point out all the hot spots. And some of the academic buildings, too.” He chuckled.
Carly’s mom smiled politely. “We better stay here and help Carly put her things away so the girls will have someplace to sit and sleep tonight. Thanks though, and have a good walk.”
The campus was beautiful, all rolling green hills and shaded paths between brick and glass buildings. Not much had changed, according to my father.
He groaned. “There’s the math building, none of us liked getting up early on Monday mornings for Statistics there. After freshman year, we did our best to schedule as many classes as possible later in the day.” He laughed. “Despite the early hour, my classmates hated me, because I kept breaking the curve and acing the exams. What can I say? I’m a math whiz. You’ll probably do the same thing, Jane. You’re great in math.” He rambled on, describing his favorite memories as we walked.
It did sound like he had fun. I couldn’t summon up any enthusiasm for it, though. When I was walking along the lovely path, down the steep incline and past the pond with four geese floating on it, would I be missing Cory? And as I sat in the two-story brick building on a hard plastic seat with a smooth, cool desk to rest my elbows on, would I be wishing I was riding a canter half pass? Would Windsong pace the fence, wondering where I was and when he was going to get his treats? But, hey, I would be getting smarter, right?
I followed my parents across a parking lot, calculating the hours until I was back home.
My belly full of french fries and a burger, I kissed my parents and waved as they drove out of the parking lot. I stood for a moment watching the sun sink behind the math building, turning the red brick to bright orange. The crush of cars was gone and there weren’t as many parents around. I used my key for the first time to let myself into the dorm.
My room door was open and Carly was kneeling on her bed, taping posters of puppies and kittens to the wall. Her family was gone, but two girls perched on the edge of my bare bed.
“Hey,” she said as I closed the door behind me. “This is Linda and Colleen. They are two doors down that way.”
“Hi, Jane.”
I finger waved. I put my suitcase up on the bed and unzipped it. “Your side looks great, Carly.”
It did. Her bedspread, the posters, and some extra furniture made it look like a real bedroom. I tugged out my sheets, and the picture frames I had tucked in between the folds fell onto the bed.
Linda scooped one up. “Wow, is this guy real? He looks like the model that comes with the frame.”
I took it back from her, setting it on the table close to where my head would lay so I could wake up and see it. “That’s my boyfriend, Cory.”
“Seriously? He is hot.” Colleen picked the photo up and handed it to Carly.
Carly studied it for a few moments. “Now I know why you want to go right back home. Me, I’m staying for all the weekend parties.”
As I took out the next one, she held out her hand to exchange pictures.
“And who is this one?”
I smiled. “That’s my other boyfriend, Windsong.”
Her eyes met mine. “How could you ever leave two gorgeous guys like these?”
I shrugged, and then mimicking my father’s deep voice, I expounded, “Getting an education is the most important thing you can do, Jane.” They giggled but didn’t disagree. Then I unfolded my poster. “Can I borrow your tape?”
As I fastened it to the painted cinder block wall, Carly said, “That’s Erica Flame. Isn’t it just horrible what happened to her?”
Linda nodded. “It was all over the news. I really thought she was going to the next Olympics. What was her horse’s name?”
Smoothing tape over the last corner of the poster, I pictured the giant, regal head as he took a treat from my hand. “Santos.”
“Right. Did he die in the accident too? I don’t remember them saying.”
The newspaper photo with the trailer lying on its side flashed into my mind and my breath caught in my throat. No one ever said it, but Santos must have been severely injured when the trailer flipped. The poor thing. I touched the lightning blaze on the poster and then turned and sank down on to the bed.
I would have still been training with Erica if there hadn’t been an accident. Her support and encouragement made me believe I could achieve my dream of becoming a top dressage rider like her. And now, I faltered at every decision I had to make—from answering EMA to whether I should ride Windsong on a ten-meter circle or across the diagonal. That sounded dramatic and I knew it, but the heavy feeling in my brain took more strength to lift than I had right now. I felt like a freak, an alien among these kids, with their excitement during this brand-new adventure. I wished I was home, getting ready to go to the barn, to Windsong. My lips curved down.
“Jane.” Carly stopped unrolling posters to look at me. “Are you okay? What is it?”
I wanted my voice to sound normal, but it hitched as I tried to answer. “I trained with Erica over the summer. She was going to teach me to be as good as she was. I still want to be just like her, but I don’t know how I will without her.” I stared at my sneakers, doing a decent job of controlling my quivering lips. Blinking rapidly, I raised my chin to wave off the grief, but the exaggerated sympathy on their faces made me crumple into my pillow. “I’ll be okay in a minute,” I mumbled. I had to be, and I had to find a way to do it on my own, because Regionals were just four weeks away.
L
inda rubbed my back. “Girl, what you need is a distraction. The boys down the hall told me where there’s a party tonight. Let’s go.”
Chapter 4
My phone buzzed itself right off the front seat of my car and landed with a thud on the floor. I considered leaning over and trying to get it, but that seemed like a bad idea at sixty miles an hour on the highway. It was probably just Carly. I admitted to myself that she had made the first three days of college interesting, even if they seemed like the longest three days in history. If she hadn’t dragged me to every planned freshman orientation event, I would have stayed by myself in our dorm room. But she was a ball of fire, and now I knew where every building on campus was and which clubs to join, and we had hit almost every party that would let freshmen in. Carly even had a crush already; granted the guy was a drunk junior lacrosse player who had flirted with every girl who walked near him and who next week wouldn’t remember meeting us.
I was supposed to have left the night before, but Carly wouldn’t hear of me missing the Friday night parties. Bad enough, she said, that I was going to miss Saturday night. I was running on four hours of sleep, and I had skipped breakfast at the dining hall to get a good start home. I did stop for a large cappuccino. I reached for a sip, savoring the yummy goodness of the hot drink.
Sliding the cup back into the holder, I turned up the radio, smiling to myself. I was going straight to the barn to ride Windsong before heading home for dinner with my parents. Cory was the first thing on my priority list, though. I pressed my foot on the accelerator, flicking on my blinker and switching to the fast lane. I was looking forward to getting home, getting back to him.
When I pulled off the highway onto the familiar roads of my town, the butterflies that lived in my stomach woke up and started to flutter around. My ears burned, and electricity danced through my veins. I was getting closer to Cory and it was a good thing I knew the way by heart, because my mind stopped thinking of anything but his blue eyes, his strong arms, and …