by Toni Mari
And, now, spectators were going to watch me ride. I straightened my spine. I had a lot of work to do. I was determined to be just as noble and fantastic as those two were. Erica had said I could do it. I rolled my eyes skyward. Thank you for believing in me. I promise to work hard to make you proud. I bounced on my toes, looking around for my jacket. I had to call Kate.
“Jane, get in here!” my father yelled from the kitchen.
The grin dropped off my face. His voice was loud and sounded weird, not like his usual executive voice at all. He sounded a little wild—crazy, in fact. I glanced at the letter again, cocking my head. His fury did not match what I thought was the best news I had ever gotten. Maybe he didn’t understand the honor and prestige that came with this invitation. When I explained what this meant, he would calm down. He had to. He would realize how good I was and how important it was for me to keep riding. He would be proud of me.
I leaned forward, forming an explanation in my head, seeking the right, powerful words that would have my parents melting at my feet. See, I was learning some things in college.
I pushed open the swinging door to the kitchen and jumped when my father slammed a glass on the counter with a loud crack. My eyes leapt from the glass to the open bottle of whiskey to his red face.
“Warren, take it easy. We are going to talk about this calmly, okay?” my mother cajoled as she pulled out a chair. Her tone hardening, she commanded me, “Sit down, young lady.”
With two hands on the counter and his back to me, my father asked, “Tell me why that letter says you rode in the Dressage Finals? Tell me why it says you took off from school to be in Kentucky? And you better tell me it’s a mistake. That you wouldn’t have lied to me to do it.” He turned, crossing his arms and leaning back against the edge of the counter.
“It’s not a mistake, but I did so well.” I got up and stood right in front of him. “You would be so proud, Daddy. I placed third, and now they want me to ride in the Festival. It’s really a big deal!”
“Proud of you? You’ve got to be kidding. You lied to me. To your mother,” he said, swinging an arm toward my mom. “We specifically told you no, and you went behind our backs anyway.”
His angry eyes bore burning holes in my face, and I turned away to protect myself from their awful power. “I didn’t exactly lie. But EMA was willing to back me, and it didn’t cost you anything, and they’ll pay for this too. I’ve got it all taken care of.”
“What about school?”
“I’ll do school. I’ll be good. I’ll really buckle down. I swear.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Daddy! I promise.” I swallowed the rock scratching at the back of my throat.
“It’s over, Jane. You’re a college student and the horse shows are interfering with that. The horse will be sold. Give me your car keys.” He held out his hand.
I reached in my pocket and then dropped the keys in his palm. “Why?”
“Because I’m taking you to school myself, and you won’t have a car to sneak to the barn with. You want to come home, you’ll have to call me first.”
My muscles wobbled and I sank into the kitchen chair. “Daddy, please. Listen to me.”
“Listen to more lies? No, I won’t.” His voice caught, and he rubbed the wrinkle between his brows. “Go to your room.” Defeat weakened the order.
I stared at him, but he wouldn’t look at me.
“Go,” my mother repeated.
As I left the room, I was still thinking of arguments, the perfect words to convince him that it was all okay. Once he calmed down, I would be able to make him listen to my plan, to understand that I really could do this. The invitation was, in fact, proof that I could do this, and do it well. I would just have to wait for him to calm down.
My foot on the bottom step, I paused in my musings when I heard my father pick up the house phone and dial. After a moment, he said, “Hi, Kate.” My stomach flipped. What was he doing?
I turned and tiptoed back to listen through the swinging door, breathing shallowly and straining to hear over the buzzing in my ears.
He spoke in such a reasonable tone, not at all the haggard, raspy croak he had used with me. Businesslike. He talked as if he was asking her to sell off an old dresser. When I heard the words “sell Jane’s horse” I slapped a hand over my mouth. Holding in the panic, the sobs, I reached up to slam open the kitchen door but stopped myself when he said, “We know what you did.”
Wait. Kate couldn’t get in trouble for taking me to Finals, could she? I was eighteen, an adult, but technically, Windsong belonged to my father. Would he do something to hurt Kate if she didn’t listen to him? What had I done, involving her in my deception?
I fled to my room, pounding up the stairs, not caring if they knew I had overheard. I threw myself face down on the bed and let hot tears soak my pillow case.
My phone vibrated under my hip. Swiping it on, I rolled onto my back.
“I just talked to your father. He told me you had decided to sell Windsong,” Kate reported.
“I didn’t decide that. He is trying to get me to quit riding.”
“So you said before. He found out about Finals.” Her tone was grim.
“I’m sorry. He read my mail. He opened an invitation to the Festival of Champions before I got home. He was furious that I went to Finals without telling them. So he threatened to sell Windsong. He said I needed to be a college student.”
“Wait a minute. You were invited to compete at the Festival?” Kate said. “That’s incredible, fantastic!” Her joy was exactly the way I had imagined it would be. She knew what this meant, and she was thrilled.
I grinned. “I know, right?” But then my throat clogged, and I pressed the heel of my hand between my eyes. “But I can’t go. He took my car keys. He’s going to take me everywhere and never to the barn. But I can’t let him sell Windsong! I have to do what he says now.”
“I think he’s going to sell him no matter what. He told me he wouldn’t pay another cent for board or lessons, so I better get the horse sold before the next bill is due or pay for him myself. Jane, the next board payment is due on the first, in ten days.”
I sprang up. “He can’t do that.”
“His name is on the papers, he pays the bills. I have to do what he says.”
Pressing my forehead harder into my hand, I murmured, “What am I going to do?”
“You need someone else to pay the bills. When I asked how much money he wanted me to ask for Windsong, your father said any price would do, as long as the sale was final in the next few days.”
“A few days!” Now I pressed my hand over my mouth to keep from throwing up. “I gotta figure something out. Kate, please, don’t do anything yet. Just give me a little time. Please.”
“I will try, honey. Okay? I’ll try to think of something too.”
In the bathroom I rinsed my mouth and swallowed some cool water. With a sigh, I sat at my vanity table and scrolled to Cory’s number.
“I need your help.” I told him what had happened. “I barely even care about the Festival, I have to save Windsong. He can’t be sold! No one would know how to ride him, he’s so quirky and he’s not that healthy. I mean, no one would buy him with his condition. Oh my God, he can’t go to some bad trainer like the guy we got him from. What can we do, Cory?”
“Find a good home for him and get back to school. Your dad just wants you to do well in college.”
“What?” I rubbed my temple, shaking my head. I couldn’t have heard him right. “Windsong’s life is on the line and you are agreeing with my father?” I stood, leaning a hand on the table.
“Windsong is a valuable horse; you’ve done well on him. It will be easy to find someone for him. He will get a good home. It’s time to choose.”
I stood eyes level with the poster of Erica and Santos. “I have been invited to the Festival of Champions, I am a nationally ranked rider, and I have a chance to compete with the best in the country. An
d all you and my father can think about are a couple of Fs on some tests that I can retake?”
“We are thinking of the future, of giving you a chance for a happy life,” Cory drawled.
“No, you are thinking of a future that would make both of you happy. Not me.” I started to pace, throwing my hand out at each sentence. “I do have to make a choice. I choose Windsong. I can’t imagine not having him in my life. I will fight for him.”
“And if I tell you I think you are making a mistake? That you are destroying your relationship with your father over a horse? What is your choice then?”
“My father picked this fight! I would have compromised to keep Windsong.”
“You didn’t compromise, you lied and did what you wanted to.” Cory’s voice rose.
“Because he wouldn’t listen to me!” I pounded the door frame with my fist. “I can’t believe you’re siding with him.”
“I told you I didn’t like the lying, especially to a respectable man like your father. But you seem to think a crazy horse deserves more respect than a man that has done everything for you. I won’t be a part of that.”
“You are seriously saying that I should just cave and let him sell Windsong to some stranger?”
“That’s right. What’s fighting with your father over this going to cost you? Your relationship with your parents? Your degree? Me? Is it worth it? Figure it out.” He hung up.
I looked at the screen until it went blank. I threw the phone down on the bed and pounded my pillow with both fists.
Chapter 20
Figure it out?
What? That I wanted riding success more than anything else in my life? No, that wasn’t true. I wanted it along with everything else important in my life. I knew what was important. What I didn’t know was why it had to be a choice.
My phone jingled and I lunged for the bed, hoping it was Cory.
“Hi, girl. It’s Carly.”
“Boy, did you call at a bad time.” Flopping on the bed, I kicked my shoes off.
“I was just going to ask you what time you were getting to school. Why? What’s happening?”
Starting with the invitation, I told her my predicament. Like Kate, she actually was happy for me.
“I’m proud of you, Jane. You never really talk about it, but you must be a really, really good rider.”
My eyes fell again on the poster of Erica and Santos. It was starting to show wear and tear from its travels back and forth to my dorm. But Erica’s charisma and Santos’s beauty still radiated strongly from the paper.
“I’m not as good as Erica was, but Windsong is so talented.”
“So, you compare yourself to an Olympian and give the credit to your horse. Maybe you need to toot your own horn. Maybe your dad doesn’t get how good you are.”
“I’m not sure he would care if he knew.” My feet waved in the air as I tucked the phone between my shoulder and cheek and massaged my stiff neck.
“I’m sure he would. It’s a shame you can’t hire a tutor or something, like child actors or young sport pros do. Then you can study in the down times as you traipse around showing Windsong.”
“Like my dad would ever pay for that! He told Kate to sell Windsong. I don’t know what I have to do to convince him I learned my lesson, but I have to think of something.”
“Let me know if I can help. I guess I’ll see you sometime tomorrow.”
I rolled up to the edge of the bed. Erica would have liked the tutor idea. And she would have been proud of me. She was a top-level rider, one of the world’s best, but she was more than just a trophy winner. Of course, she created the rescue that helped so many abused and neglected horses. She also was extremely influential in the highest echelons of the governing bodies of our sport. In person, she was all encouragement, inspiration, and positive energy. That’s what I wanted to be—someone as gracious, generous, and fabulous as she was.
I missed her. Like the ground coming up to meet me when I fell off a horse, pain slammed my chest and the air left my lungs with a whoosh. “Erica, am I doing the right thing? Or am I dreaming?” I whispered as I touched her paper cheek with my index finger.
As clear as if she was right in front of me, I heard Erica’s voice, “Jane, I believe you have great potential and, with proper support, will go far in the sport of dressage.”
I imagined Windsong and me on a similar poster. I didn’t want people to recognize me just to be popular. When they saw me and Windsong on a poster, I wanted them to feel the same admiration and respect that I always felt when I gazed on Erica’s picture. And if I could inspire just one kid to work a little harder to achieve a dream like Erica inspired me, then my efforts will have paid off.
I also wanted to be the spokesperson for EMA for more than the acclaim. I believed in the organization, in its methods of helping the horses and in its policy of education. I was excited to spread the message, to be a part of such a great thing.
I didn’t want to quit school; I had to figure out a way to do all of it. Maybe I couldn’t hire a tutor, but like I had mentioned to Cory, there were online colleges. I saw commercials about them all of the time. I pulled my laptop out of the carrying case and keyed it on.
Twenty minutes later, I pressed send and an email zipped to my college adviser’s inbox. I shut down the computer, picked up my phone, and called Michelle.
After I hung up, I tucked the phone in my purse. Most of my things were packed for my return to college, so I needed to get only a few more items together. I threw the last of my clothes and toiletries in the bag and carried it down to the foyer. On my third trip down the stairs, my mother got up from the couch. “What are you doing?”
I dropped my last bag on the pile and walked into the living room with my mother trailing behind me. “I have something to say.”
My gravity and firm stance had my father clicking the television off.
I looked him in the eye, drawing my shoulders back and lifting my chin. “I thought about what you said and realized that I didn’t go about things in a good way. I apologize for deceiving you. It was wrong and childish. But Windsong is my horse, and I have plans and goals. It is my life.”
I held up my hand when my father started to rise. He sank back down, his jaw clenched.
“Just listen for a minute,” I said, my eyes firmly on his face. “I have made arrangements to move Windsong to a farm that has agreed to employ me and provide living arrangements. EMA is going to sponsor me, supporting my preparation for the Festival of Champions in exchange for certain duties. Michelle is on her way here to pick me up.”
My father stood abruptly and crossed his arms as he leaned over me. “What about school?”
Licking my lips and swallowing, I tried not to let his height intimidate me. “I have a meeting with my adviser tomorrow about online courses. I researched it and I can complete a degree at my own pace over the Internet. You have already paid for the next semester, so I will transfer that credit to the virtual college, but in time, I plan on paying you back.” As his gaze darkened, I shoved my fists into my pockets to hide their trembling and looked at my mother. Her eyebrows were lifted and her eyes opened wide.
My father rolled his eyes. “How? Mucking stalls doesn’t pay that great, last I heard.”
I cringed, tearing my eyes from my mom to look around the living room at the big screen television, my father’s elaborate surround-sound system, and my mother’s delicate and expensive collection of equine art. I wouldn’t be living in the lap of this kind of luxury, but I would do okay.
My eye fell on a shiny ceramic figurine of a black horse. I couldn’t give up Windsong even if it meant I had to live in the stall next to his to save him. I took a step forward, narrowing my eyes at my father. “Everything is not about money!”
“No, but you won’t get far without mine.”
I let the air I was unconsciously holding in my lungs stream through my lips. As I looked into his determined eyes, I realized something. He didn’t have any fai
th in me, didn’t think I was capable of making it on my own. He still thought of me as his little girl that he had to take care of. With a shake of my head, I took a step back. While I appreciated the sentiment, I didn’t agree. I could do this on my own—I would do this on my own.
“I guess we’re gonna find out.” At the faint sound of a horn, I turned. “I gotta go. I’m sorry if I upset you, Mom.”
“Don’t go.” Mom grabbed my arm. “Let’s talk some more, work this out.”
I looked over my shoulder. My father still had his arms crossed, his back stiff and straight. When it didn’t soften and he showed no sign that he wanted to talk more, to work something out, I shook my head. I gave her a hug and went to pick up my bags.
“Warren!” Behind me, my mother hissed, “Do something. Fix this.”
“Jane, wait.” Without moving, he tried to call me back. “College is only four years. After you get your degree, I’ll buy you another horse. You can pursue your riding while you work at a very good job.”
Using my forearm to lever the door handle, I kept moving. “See, that’s just it. This is a very good job, and the one I want.” I kicked the door closed.
His loud angry voice easily came through the closed door. “I’m not giving you your car back!”
Chapter 21
Michelle helped me load my bags into her little hatchback.
“Thanks for coming.” I slipped into the passenger seat and clicked the seat belt closed.
“What a mess. Are you okay?” After looking over her shoulder, she pulled out into the street.
I shrugged. “I guess. I just feel really strongly that this is what I want to do. I still can’t believe how crazy my dad is.”
Michelle laughed. “He’s probably thinking the same thing about you right now.”
She was taking me to one of EMA’s partner farms. EMA would send rescued horses there for rehabilitation before adoption. There was a room above the barn and I could help with the feeding and barn chores in exchange for boarding Windsong. The farm was small—fifteen horses was its full capacity—but it only had eight horses at the moment.