by JA Low
“I’m not ready, Elliot.”
“You’re not ready, or you could never see yourself with someone like me.” He takes a step away from the bed.
“It’s not like that, and you know it,” I explain. “Before the accident, I would have given everything to hear these words from you, EJ. I would have thought I was the luckiest woman in the world that Elliot Jones finally saw what was under his nose. That I was always right there, ready for you to see me.” I’m totally honest with him for the first time. “But this accident has changed me.” I’m trying to implore him to understand what I’m saying. “And I don’t feel like the same Stella anymore.” I let out a heavy sigh. “I feel lost, EJ. Everything inside of me feels different.” I play around with the muffin wrapper while looking down. “I guess just like things have for you.”
He nods his head in agreement. “My feelings are just the opposite to yours,” he says quietly. Taking a seat on the edge of the bed, he looks defeated.
“I don’t know,” I tell him honestly. “But all I do know is I’m giving you mixed signals at the moment, and the more I stay here, the more I think I might end up hurting you, and I can’t do that to you.”
EJ reaches out for my hand and curls it into his. “I thought about my future, Stella, and it has you in it. In the suburbs with our friends. Happy.” Oh shit. “I know what I want, and I have to respect that you may not be there yet, or if e-ever.” EJ’s voice cracks. “But I’ll wait.”
“I’m so sorry, EJ,” I state as I burst into tears.
“Shh, Stell. You have nothing to apologize for, okay?” he tries to reassure me. “It’s not our time yet, but it will be.” He leans in and places a kiss on my cheek. “You better get ready. You have a gym session in thirty.” And with that, he walks out of my bedroom.
“Thanks for another great session,” I tell Gray. He is looking mighty fine today, but I don’t have the energy to check him out. Well, not as much as yesterday, that is.
“You seemed a little distracted today. You all good?” he asks sweetly.
“Um, yeah, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. I, um… I’ve decided that I need a change of scenery and am heading to The Hamptons today to stay for the rest of my recovery.” Gray nods his head. “So today is our last session together.”
“I understand.” He smiles at me. “I commute between here and The Hamptons over the summer because most of my city clients are up there during the summer. You’re doing me a big favor moving out there as you were my last client in the city.”
Oh, that’s most definitely not at all what I was thinking he was going to say.
“If you’re still up for it. I’d love to keep training with you while you’re up there.” He grins. “We can do some exercises out in the sunshine instead.”
“Sounds great.” Right now, I’m unable to find any other answer.
“You’ve got my number. Send me a text with your new address, and we can catch up.”
I nod my head in agreement as he waves goodbye.
Summer just got interesting.
25
EJ
“Hey,” Chloe answers her phone.
“Stella’s moving out,” I tell her. There is a pause as my sister takes in my words.
“What do you mean she’s moving?” Chloe seems a little confused by my statement.
“Did you not know?” I ask.
“No. Not at all.” She seems genuinely surprised. “What’s happened? Did you do something?” she accuses me.
“No. I’ve done nothing,” I explain. “I mean it… nothing.”
“Where is she going?”
“The Hamptons,” I tell her. “She said she needs some space.”
“Doesn’t sound like Stell at all,” Chloe muses. “You sure you didn’t say anything?”
“I was honest and told her how I truly feel about her,” I confess.
“And?”
“She’s leaving and moving a couple of hours away.” I rake my fingers through my hair as I pace around my room. “That’s how well it went.”
“EJ, I don’t think it’s because of you,” Chloe tries to reassure me.
“Why else would she go?”
“I see your point. But honestly, don’t see this as a bad thing. I know at the moment Stella is dealing with a lot after the accident,” Chloe confesses. “Mentally, she’s a little all over the place. Dan did a number on her, and now, the guy who she’s always wanted is giving her what she’s always wanted, and I think she’s confused and overwhelmed.” Chloe spells it out for me. “Can I ask you something and please answer me honestly?”
“Of course.”
“Do you have feelings for Stella?” Why would my sister doubt my feelings like that? “It’s just not that she’s there, and you’re bored, is it?” I can hear the concern in Chloe’s voice.
Wow, that is brutal from my sister. I’m a little taken aback by her perception of me.
“You seriously think I would do that to her, Chloe? The way I feel about her isn’t real?”
“That’s not what I’m saying,” Chloe states defensively. “It’s just that you weren’t feeling like this a couple of weeks ago in Vegas. And now you’re declaring your love for my best friend.”
“You can’t tell me how I feel, Chlo,” I raise my voice in protest.
“I’m not,” she exclaims even louder. “It’s just you were hooking up with other women only a couple of weeks ago. You weren’t sitting there pining away for Stella.”
“Because she was happy with Dan,” I argue.
“You’ve had multiple opportunities to have something with Stella. Why now?” Chloe pushes.
“Because I’m ready now,” I reply defensively. “Stella isn’t the only one feeling confused and overwhelmed by these new feelings, especially when I can’t turn the fuckers off,” I yell.
“A life without Stella flashed in front of me that day in the hospital when she arrived bloodied and lifeless. A life where her happy, smiling, and beautiful face no longer graced my world.
“I saw us all getting together as the years went on, and there was always a space missing where Stella should have been. That hole, that void, those thoughts created in my mind at that moment paralyzed me. My past flooded my mind, and all that fucking time I wasted on stupid shit. Spending money on fast cars, beautiful women… all for what? To tick off some douchebag bucket list?” Frustration crawls over my skin like a thousand roaches making me want to crawl out of it.
“I had no idea, Elliot,” Chloe states softly. “I didn’t realize everything had changed for you.”
“I know the kind of guy I was before Vegas, and I don’t want to be him anymore, Chlo.” I sink on my bed and sigh. “I look at you and Noah, and I want that. Even Logan’s found happiness.” Chloe chuckles. “I mean, look at Andy. He’s flown halfway across the world to fight for his woman.”
“In that case, The Hamptons are not so far, are they?” Chloe adds.
“What do you mean?”
“What I mean is if Anderson is prepared to fly to France for Emma, I think you can follow Stella to The Hamptons, don’t you?”
“Is that not creepy?”
“Not if you have to go there for work,” Chloe adds. “I mean, what’s the point of your soon-to-be brother-in-law owning a hotel if you can’t use it for your gain.” Chloe sniggers. “We could have a meeting up there. Maybe even start talking about the Australian deal again.”
The guys and I have talked about a new venture in Australia, but when we were down there, that’s when the whole Tracey incident with Chloe happened, and things took a big sidestep, and we haven’t got back to that.
“Stella wouldn’t believe that. She knows everything that’s happening in my business.”
“We need something to spin to Stell… leave it with me.” I can hear the grin in Chloe’s voice.
“Don’t you think it’s weird that I’m now just happening to have a meeting in the same spot she’s moving to?”
“But what does it prove other than I’m stalking her?” I have to admit I am a little perplexed by her logic.
“Not if it comes from me. I can talk to her and say, hey, we need to catch up for dinner because we have a business meeting. Seriously, EJ, leave it with me.”
Her idea does not convince me, but my sister seems adamant it’s a good plan. And at the moment, I have nothing to lose. Other than Stella thinking you’re a stalker. But that doesn’t seem that bad, does it?
“Fine, Chloe. I trust you.” Resigning my fate to my sister, I can’t help but let out a groan.
“Yay,” she squeals down the phone.
I’m already regretting this.
26
Stella
Ariana helped me pack up my bags. EJ disappeared for a little bit but came out of his room looking much happier than he did before.
“I’ll call downstairs and get them to come up and help you with your bags,” EJ tells us as he enters the living room.
Ariana raises her brows at me as EJ passes.
“He seems to be okay about this?” she states.
“I know he seems a little too calm.” Frowning as he talks to the bellman downstairs on the phone, he turns around and catches me staring at him.
He gives me a bright smile. “All set. Roger will be up to collect your stuff.” He adds, “Is there anything else you need?”
“Nope. I think I’ve got everything covered,” I tell him.
EJ shoves his hands into the pockets of his shorts. “Great.” He grins. “You’re going to have a nice time in The Hamptons. The weather looks great.”
Ariana’s head turns from side to side, watching our interaction like a tennis match.
“Don’t know how much fun I’m going to be able to have with my leg like this.”
Ariana turns back to me.
“The girls will be up at some stage, I’m sure you’ll get into mischief then.” EJ grins.
“Oh yeah. We’re going to have a lot of fun,” Ariana teases EJ. “We have a house right on the beach. Fingers crossed Stell will be able to watch the hotties run past doing their morning jogs.” Ariana wiggles her brows at me.
EJ frowns, then quickly hides it. “Shame Gray won’t be training you anymore. Guess no more man candy.” He grins.
“Gray’s based out of The Hamptons,” I explain. “I was his only client left in the city. He said it works better for him me being up there.”
EJ keeps the smile on his face, but I can see right through his façade of fakeness. His hands curl into fists beside him, and the little vein in his neck pulsates. “Well, you do need to keep up your exercise,” he muses.
Ariana stares at him, assessing his reaction, then shakes her head.
“Right, well, we should probably hit the road. We don’t want to get stuck in traffic.” Ariana changes the subject, then hands me my crutches.
Hobbling along the hallway, I stop in front of EJ and look up at him. “Thanks so much for all your help.” My stomach turns in knots—I feel utterly ungrateful for all he has done, and now I’m leaving him like this. This conversation is more than a little awkward. I reach out to try and hug him, but my stupid crutches are in the way. The next thing I know, EJ picks me up and swings me around.
“I’m going to miss you,” he confesses into my ear.
At this moment, I’m starting to regret my drunk decision to have time out from him.
“I’m going to miss you, too,” I tell him as he lets me slide down his hard body. Okay, I’m definitely having seconds thoughts.
“I’ll be here waiting for you when you get back,” he tells me.
I hesitate, but EJ straightens me up and sends me on my way. I hobble after Ariana and Roger, the bellman, who are waiting to take my things to the car. Taking one last look at EJ, who gives me a smile and a wave, I close the door after me.
We silently take the elevator down to the basement where Ariana’s car is located, and she pops the trunk. Roger places my bags into the back and wishes us a safe trip. Ariana helps me into the car carefully, then takes my crutches and puts them on the back seat before sliding in. We exit the basement of the apartment and head out into the Manhattan traffic.
“That was an interesting goodbye.” Ariana looks over at me.
“What do you mean?”
“The hug… the fake smiles,” she explains.
“I know.” Letting out a heavy sigh, I look over at her.
“Are you having second thoughts,” Ariana asks.
“In this moment, yes. But I know once I’m there, and we have a little bit of distance between us, that this feeling will pass.” As I look out at the urban landscape passing us by, I wonder if I am doing the right thing.
“What feeling?” Ariana pushes.
“That I’m making a mistake leaving him because I’m scared,” I confess.
“Oh, Stell.”
“I know. I know. Like I said last night, I’m giving him mixed signals. I mean, I am giving myself mixed feelings.” Scratching at a bit of plaster on my leg as a diversionary tactic, I continue with my thoughts, “That’s why I need to get away to sort myself out.”
“You know it’s okay to want something with EJ,” Ariana advises. “Or not, too.”
“I think time apart will be for the best.” I keep scratching at the fascinating bit of plaster on my leg. “I need to know it’s not shock that’s driving EJ’s feelings.”
“And what happens if it is?” Ariana challenges.
“Then I guess he’s not the one for me.”
“Think you’ll do a Lenna and leave?” she pushes.
“Probably. I’m not sure if I could handle seeing EJ with someone else after these past couple of weeks.”
Ariana nods her head in agreement. “Well, never fear… I’m here. And I’m going to make you forget all about Elliot Jones. We are going to find your sparkle again.” Ariana smiles in my direction. “Girls Gone Wild!” she squeals, cranking up the radio.
My throat is sore from the 90s marathon, which we have just sung for the past couple of hours.
“Here we are.” Ariana grins as we pull up to a white farmhouse gate with stone columns. Lush greenery hangs over the entrance and disguises what’s behind it. Ariana types in her code, and the doors open for her. We drive along the dirt road through the canopy of trees for a short distance until it opens out to a wide space, and wow. This beautiful two-story, gray shiplap home and beyond that is the golden sand beach and sapphire blue Atlantic. I stare down at my leg, cursing it because I would give anything to be able to walk along that beach and have a quick swim in the ocean. The color of the water brings back a memory of swimming in the mountain lakes back home. Strange. I haven’t thought about home for a long time.
“You okay?” Ariana asks, glancing over at me.
“Yeah. Just had a memory of home,” I reply.
“Have you spoken to any of them?”
“No.” I stare out the window at the gorgeous place I’m about to call home for a couple of weeks.
“Do you want to?” Ariana continues.
“I’m not sure.”
Ariana leaves the conversation there as we pull up out the front of the multi-million-dollar home. “This is gorgeous, Ari.”
“I know.” She grins. “A famous architect built the home. I’ve always wanted to stay here. I booked it for selfish reasons.” Ariana laughs, which makes me laugh too. The car stops, then Ariana hops out and opens the back door, and grabs my crutches. She opens my door and helps me into them. I’m a little shaky on the uneven dirt driveway, but I soon get the hang of it.
“Let’s get you inside and set up, and I’ll come back for the bags.” I feel bad lumping her with all the luggage. Ariana opens the white wooden door, and it’s breathtaking. You can see straight through the home out to the beach and the ocean.
“Wow.” I gasp as I jump up the two steps to the entryway. Thankfully, the polished wooden floors aren’t as slippery as they look as I eagerly make my way through the home, ignoring the interior for the gorgeous view outside. Ariana rushes ahead of me and pushes on the huge glass sliding doors that let the outside in and leads you to the pool area. As soon as the doors are open, I can hear the sound of the waves crashing on the beach, and instantly my body relaxes. I suck in a deep breath of salty sea air and feel like I’m home.
“Grab a seat.” Ariana points to a large sun lounge. “I’ll be back with drinks.”
Gingerly, I unclasp myself from the crutches and sit on the soft navy- colored lounge overlooking the pool and beach. I shimmy against the soft cushion and take in the peace and quiet. There’s not a soul is in the area. There are no cars either, just the sound of nature. This is what I need. No distractions, especially not of the brown-haired, muscular distraction that is Elliot Jones. I need a clear mind to sort out everything that’s going on.
“I’ve put your bags in your room. It’s just over there.” She points to the glass windows that overlook the pool. “I’ve taken the gorgeous master suite upstairs.” She smiles.
Perfectly fine because I’ll probably fall down the stairs and break my neck if I had to go up and down them every day. I’m fine on the lower level.
“Let’s get this party started.” Ariana shakes the champagne. She pops the cork, which goes flying high in the air. The liquid spills over the lip of the bottle, which makes her squeal, then she shakes her hands of the excess bubbles before pouring us each a glass. Ariana hands me a drink and takes a seat on the other side of the two-seater lounge right beside me.
“This is life.” Ariana sighs, laying back and crossing her legs.
“Thanks for taking some time off for me,” I state while taking a sip of my champagne.
“No. Thank you, Stell. I haven’t had time off in I don’t know how long, and I need it.” She exhales deeply as she takes another sip of her champagne.