“Just a second.”
With her husband close behind, she walked over to their scattered belongings. Evie picked up the little wooden box that she’d stored her precious things in. Tenderly she put the baby bootie safely back inside, shut the cracked lid then set it on the tailgate.
Evie let him escort her to the fire although her appetite was nonexistent. Tiny flames flickered among the coals. Her husband reached down and cut her a piece of charred, crumbly cornbread as she filled a mug. She took a sip of the lukewarm brew, grimaced then bit into her breakfast. Immediately she gulped bitter coffee to wash the taste out of her mouth then tossed the rest out for the grey jays that hovered near.
In silent accord, they abandoned all pretence of enjoying a meal. Evie doused the coals with the last of the coffee while Ben fed to rest of the bread to the birds. Dishes in hand they headed to the wagon. Working together, it didn’t take long for them to gather their things off the ground and repack the bed.
They were back on the well-traveled road headed west an hour later. Jittery Evie placed her hand on her husband’s rock solid thigh. The simple contact gave comfort. Love, powerful and strong, swept through her. Lovely memories from the night came up and chased out dark thoughts about the morning.
“Do you think we’ll reach your cousins’ place today?”
“Yes.”
Ben didn’t say another word after that. Flat land evolved to fir tree covered hills as the day advanced. A narrow, muddy creek started to run along the left side of the road. Her dress clung to sweat damp skin, as the day’s heat grew uncomfortable despite the breeze. Although Evie found her husband’s silence odd, she didn’t prompt conversation again. It was enough just to be together.
After a time, she reached down into the bag by her feet and pulled out her brush. She took her time, worked out tangles and braided her hair. In deference to the bright sun, as soon as Evie finished, she put on her bonnet.
Around noon, they reached Fir Mountain and got directions to the Bar 7 Ranch. Over an hour from the small town, they rounded a stand of pines and arrived at their destination. The two men by the barn cast curious glances in their direction as they pulled up in front of the sprawling log home but neither approached. A stout middle-aged woman with a faded apron over her dress answered Ben’s knock on the door while Evie waited on the wagon.
Her husband returned a short time later. “They’re gone.”
“Your cousins? They moved?”
“No they’re out moving the herd. Alice, the housekeeper, expects them back in a few days.”
“Oh,” Worry knotted her gut. “What will do until then?”
“Alice isn’t comfortable with us in the main house. She doesn’t know us but since I’ve the look of a Rolfe,” Ben arched an eyebrow. “We’re welcome to stay in the old homestead cabin.”
Evie smiled with relief, “That’s nice of her.”
“Yes it is.”
An odd note in Ben’s voice troubled her but just then one of the ranch hands came over, told them he’d show them to the cabin and the opportunity to express concern was lost. The man led them down an old, mostly overgrown pathway. As they rolled between clumps of skinny oaks and over countless rocks, the main ranch buildings disappeared from sight. Several minutes passed before they pulled up in front of a snug house set back in a clearing. Their guide showed them the spring, the outhouse and where some split wood was stacked then left them to settle in.
A grin slowly spread across her face as Evie stepped inside the structure. The home, though small, was larger than the one they left behind and had an actual bedroom. She walked around a table and chairs to touch the cook stove with reverence. It’d been well over a year since she’d cooked on one and the prospect thrilled her. Hope displaced angst. She finally believed her husband’s claim that this would be the start of a new and happy life together.
“Here,” Ben walked in, handed her a wadded piece of linen.
In the cloth, Evie found two sad looking blueberry muffins and four squished boiled eggs. “Where’d this come from?”
“I got it in town.”
“When you got directions?” Hungry, her stomach growled.
“Yeah.”
Evie studied her husband a moment. His behavior seemed a bit off. She couldn’t pinpoint what worried her but the only thing that made sense was that the early morning standoff still bothered him. With a mental shrug, she decided to let it go.
“That was thoughtful.”
His expression distant, Ben nodded. He took a seat at the table as she divided the bounty onto two plates. They ate in silence while her gaze wondered the room, planned where she’d put things if his relatives let them to stay awhile. Wrapped up in her musing, Evie didn’t notice how quiet her husband remained until he got up and started to bring things in from the wagon.
An uneasy feeling tightened her gut as Ben ignored her plea to wait for her help. He brought in their dishes, bedding, her bag, their food supplies and the box that held their special items all before Evie finished her last bite. All he’d left for her to help with was the pallet.
After they lugged it inside, Ben went back outside to move the wagon around to the lean-to behind the cabin. She made up the bed, proper, in a matter of minutes. Her step light, she reentered the main room and started to unpack a few things. As she worked, Evie discovered an old washtub in a corner. Her gaze returned to it repeatedly and the desire to wash away any trace of the outlaw’s scent grew.
“Evie I-”
“Oh Ben,” she turned to face him. “There’s a tub.” Her palms rubbed together, her tone eager. “Would you fetch some water so I can bathe?”
For a long moment, her husband simply looked at her, his expression unreadable. The sense that something was wrong came back. Her eyes narrowed. She took a step toward him.
“Ben wha-”
“Sure.”
“If you’re tired or hurting it can wait.”
“It’s fine.”
“I’ll try not to be so bath obsessed after this its just-”
“Evie,” his voice tightly constrained Ben grabbed a large pail by the door. “It’s fine.”
“But-”
He paused by the door, looked back at her. “We’ll talk after your bath.”
“But-”
“After your bath.”
His firm tone caused Evie to shake her head as he walked away. Her husband was more stubborn than a mule and when his mind was set, almost nothing changed it. Impatient to hear what troubled him, she had Ben dump each pail directly into the tub.
When the container was a little less than full, she started to strip. Her husband immediately marched back outside. Evie exhaled hard as she dropped her dress onto the rough-hewn wood floor. With a sliver of rose scented soap in hand, she stepped into the bath. She stood, shaking, as her fingers dipped into the icy water, worked over the bar until lather foamed. Her skin a carpet of goose bumps, she washed quickly then hurried to put on clean clothes.
“Evie?”
His hoarse voice made her pause in the act of fastening the last button on her long sleeved blue shirt. She turned to find Ben in the doorway, his expression sent worry tumbling through her. Her numb lips had trouble forming words.
“What’s wrong?”
“I let you down again.”
The self-disgust in his voice made her gut tighten. Cold pierced her heart. Apprehension heightened.
“How?”
“It’s my fault.”
“What is?”
“This morning, those men,” Ben stepped close, eyes stormy with turmoil. “You could’ve died.” His fingers trailed down the side of her face. “You’ll be better off without me.”
The statement hit her hard. In shock, she watched him turn and walk away. He reached the door before she found her tongue.
“Stop.”
“What?”
“Turn around,” Arms crossed over her chest, Evie waited until he faced her. “You insi
sted on waiting until after I took a bath to announce that you’re leaving me?”
“It was important to you after … this morning.”
“Yes but … ” Words escaped her.
“And I didn’t want you to haul all that water yourself.”
“You didn’t want me to haul water?” She shook her head in disbelief. “What do you think I’ll be doing if you leave?”
“My cousins will be back soon. You should be fine.”
“Not if you leave.”
Ben averted his gaze as he asserted with force. “I am no good for you.”
“That’s ridiculous.” Spine stiff, her edgy tone seemed to echo in the room. Minutes ticked by before green eyes at last met blue.
“I need to go,” Expression closed, his tone held a note of conviction that alarmed her.
“I believed you, believed you meant your promises.” Tears threatened. “I love you.”
“And I love you,” Expression hard, eyes over bright, voice stern, “Very much.”
Acid burned her throat. “So much that you’re leaving?”
“It’s what’s best for you.”
“Don’t do this.” A wealth of emotion rang in her response.
His fisted hand unclenched to lay flat on his thigh. The stubborn set of his jaw spoke of his conviction. “You could’ve died because of me.”
“You aren’t responsible for those lowlifes.”
Ben scowled. “I put you in danger.”
“You kept me safe.”
“If I hadn’t cheated, it wouldn’t have happened.” He muttered through clenched teeth and half turned, back rigid, presented a profile carved in stone. His hands worried his hat a moment before he put it on.
“You don’t know you cheated. They could’ve been simply sore losers. Upstanding citizens they were not.” She glared at his shadowed face, frustrated. “You aren’t listening to me.”
“Regardless, I’m responsible for him laying hands on you.”
Anger crystallized. “And you think deserting me will change that, make it better?”
“It’ll make sure it never happens again.”
Stress tightened a band around her temples. Nausea rolled in her stomach. “How will I survive? Beg from your relatives?”
“I’ll find work, support you.”
“So you’ll pay my way but won’t stay with me, hold me at night, share my life or love me.” Bitter scorn laced her tone.
“Now you’re the one not listening.”
“I’ll be happy to listen to you any time you want to start making sense.” Aggravated, Evie sucked in a harsh breath then released it slow. “You love me and I love you. We should spend the rest of our lives together.”
“You need to accept this. I won’t change my mind.”
“You … ” Evie threw her hands in the air, exasperated.
“It’s for the best, someday you’ll understand that.”
The words, shards of ice, pierced her heart. Her poise strained to the point of shattering, held, barely. She spoke soft but with a bite.
“Don’t dress this up as something noble. This is your typical routine. Life got rough so you’re going to move on, only this time you’re not dragging me along with you.”
“Evie please I-”
“Just go.” her words sounded hollow, emotionless then with a hard shake of her head, she turned her back on him.
Tension held her upright. Silence ruled a moment then the door slammed shut with an awful finality. Evie stared at the stone fireplace dry-eyed even as a whirlwind of emotion raged within her.
Hurt and anger melted together and burned like lava in her veins. Her throat constricted. She reached out, gripped the high back of the nearest chair hard. Every breath required effort. Her heart longed for the man who’d walked away even as righteous fury pulsed through her.
Seconds later, agitation seized control. Evie paced the length of the room until her head throbbed so bad she couldn’t ignore it. Hands visibly shaking, she dismantled the remains of her braid in a couple rough motions then sank down onto a chair, deflated and drained of fight. She closed her eyes and covered her face with both hands. Over time, the headache lessened to bearable and, restless, she stood up.
The next hour passed with irritating slowness as Evie found things to do. She put her food and cooking necessities on the two shelves by the stove then stacked the emptied boxes next to the door. As she scanned the room, looked for what to do next, the small box on the table caught her eye. Her gaze fixated on it. With slow, dragging steps, she crossed over and opened the lid. Her hands shook as she pulled out their wedding picture.
For some time Evie stood and stared at the photograph. Her heart ached. Tears stung her eyes but didn’t fall. She already missed Ben, his wit, warmth, kisses, even his stubbornness. Her movements those of an old woman, she shuffled to the bedroom and lay down, the picture held to her chest. Weary, she closed her eyes, tried to sleep but the silence itself tormented. Without her husband’s dreadful snores rest eluded her.
Evie eventually gave up. Chilled to the bone, she wrapped a quilt around herself and walked into the main room, looked out the window. As she stared outside, the nugget of hope that Ben would come back died. An endless, bleak future stretched before her. Tears welled up, streamed down her cheeks. Sadness sapped her spirit; she couldn’t muster the energy to wipe her face.
Suddenly something deep inside of her snapped. Her mixed emotions morphed into cold hard resolve. Without her husband, nothing else mattered. She wouldn’t let Ben go this easy.
Determined to track him down to at very least continue the argument, Evie threw off the blanket and stomped outside. The setting sun painted the clouds burnt orange. Liquid gold bathed the distant hills. Full dark would soon arrive but focused she dismissed fear.
Evie made her way to the lean-to tired yet energized. The mare stood inside a small corral next to the shelter. It took a few minutes to find the saddle still in the wagon. In the low light, she stumbled and dropped her heavy burden. When she bent over to pick it up her fingers brushed over a piece of knotted leather and she froze.
Her mouth dry Evie hardly dared to hope. Slowly, as if in a trance, she opened the secret pocket her brother created. She swallowed hard then felt inside. Her fingernail struck against the tightly packed coins. Tears of relief filled her eyes. She couldn’t wait to tell Ben about their change of fortune.
“Are you all right?”
Evie sprang up and whirled around with a gasp. “Ben?”
“Were you expecting someone else?” Her husband stood a few yards away, just beyond the reach of a large pine’s shadow.
“No, of course not,” Her heart sped. She drew in a calming breath then marched up to him. A thousand different things to say danced through her mind. Evie seized one of his hands with both of hers and spoke before she lost courage. “I missed you.”
“We’ve only been apart an afternoon,” Ben stared at her, his eyes dark with intense emotion.
“One of the longest afternoons of my life, I missed you the minute you walked out the door.”
“And I you,” He gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “Though I still believe you’d be better off without me.”
“I don’t agree.”
“Even if my presence puts you in danger,” His voice rumbled with a strange note she couldn’t place.
“Even if,” Evie inched closer, studied his expression for a clue about what he was thinking. “Isn’t that why you came back, to be with me, don’t you want that?”
“I want that more than anything.”
Evie slumped as tension fled, “Thank God.”
“But I need to-”
“Ben,” Nerves frayed, she struggled to remain calm certain he was going to say something she wouldn’t want to hear. “Be reasonable.”
“You don’t understand.”
“Pray enlighten me,” Although she’d promised herself she wouldn’t lose her temper, the mere thought of his mule h
eaded stubbornness provoked her.
Seconds felt like hours as she waited his response. She placed her hand on his chest, impatient and implored him with her gaze. At last, Ben spoke.
“I remembered something.”
That was the last thing she expected him to say. “What?”
“I’m an extremely flawed man who loves you beyond reason.”
“That’s a memory?”
“No, that’s a statement of fact. I remembered that we argued and I left on the day I was attacked.”
“I told you about that,” Her tone revealed irritation.
“I know,” Ben confirmed. “But I also remembered being on the road to our old place, seeing men ride up to me.”
“You remember the attack?”
“Only that flash,” Disappointment haunted his tone.
“Well that’s good.” Evie tried to sound excited about it even though she was concerned with the issue at hand. “Maybe it will all come back soon.”
“I hope so but that’s not what’s important right now.”
“What is?” Hope laced her whisper.
“I was headed back Evie. I was headed back.”
Confused, she shook her head, “What?”
“That day, like right now, I headed back for you.”
The sweet implication flooded her mind. Her lips parted yet she couldn’t make a sound. Evie dropped his hand and took a half step back. Her legs threatened to buckle. She swayed on her feet, sank to the ground and stared up at her husband, mute.
Ben lowered himself down to sit beside his wife. Her eyes swollen, skin mottled, the evidence of her tears shamed him. He took her hands in his.
“I’m definitely not good enough for you,” When Evie started to object, he shook his head and she quieted. “However, I’m far too selfish to stay away. I love you pretty lady.”
“You were headed back to me,” Her voice incredulous.
“Yes I was.” Ben tried to think of something profound to say but only three words came to mind. “I love you.”
“Love didn’t stop you from leaving,” Sarcasm underscored her words.
“Evie I … I want to be with you now.”
“What changed?” Her lips trembled. All logic forgotten, anger demanded expression. Her eyes spit blue fire when she snapped. “You didn’t earlier.”
Lori Connelly Page 23