“Maaaaybe,” he says. That smirk of his reappears and I fight the urge to throw myself at or on top of him.
He reaches for the press and lines it up to the opening. He slowly presses it down, sending the plunger into the warm liquid as it if it’s parting the sea and releasing a lifetime’s worth of pressure. I guess in some ways it is. That coffee will never have that experience again. Only once. And before I go waxing poetic about plants inside my mind I remind myself that I’m the one who’s glad she’s been waiting all these years for a similar kind of deep plunge by the man whose forearm muscles flex as he operates the device with precision and fluidity.
“I never knew coffee could be so erotic…I mean exotic!” I say. “Exotic. You know being Switzerland and all.”
“Which one is it?” he says as he pours the brown creamy liquid into a pristine white coffee mug. He takes a step towards me and offers me the cup.
I reach for it with both hands. It should be too hot, but I’m already on fire on the inside, much past my own boiling point making the coffee feel like nothing more than lukewarm tap water…at least in the places where my hands actually come into contact with the mug. He’s still got it in his grasp and his hands are huge.
My hands wrap around his, or at least half of his.
“It’s hot. We need to be careful,” he says.
“Uh huh,” I say. I process his words and am almost certain he’s not just talking about the coffee. We need to be careful? What is he planning on giving me next? Careful because it’s going to be hot, or because we can’t let anyone see?
I’m standing there facing him, his hands clutching the cup and my hands doing the same, with a lot of overlap onto his hands. He’s looking at me and I’m looking right back up at him. My heartbeat is pounding and my lips part, but it’s not to take a sip. It’s too hot, just like he said…or was he referring to the heat in the room between us, and for each other?
“Dad! Where’s the cake?” Charlotte bursts into the room causing my hands to fly away from the cup. I accidentally knock it. I should have sent his special offering tumbling to the floor into a huge, wet mess, but his grip is too strong and too permanent. Point taken. When you’re within his grasp there’s no getting out…not that I would ever want to. And after that moment we shared the only huge, wet mess right now is me. I knew bringing an extra set of panties was a good idea.
If Charlotte would have been a minute later I’m not sure what might have happened. But I am sure I would have enjoyed every second of it.
CHAPTER 21
Chance
“Get paid to read? Are you kidding me?”
“Okay. I just wanted to make sure, Janice.”
“Don’t worry about a thing. She’s out like a light. I think playing all those board games wore her out.”
“That’s a surprise. She’s usually unwearoutable. Is that a word?”
“It is now.” Janice laughs. “Just have fun out there tonight and be safe. You know how these amateur’s night out have a way of bringing out the craziness in people.”
“Well said. Catch you sometime after midnight, or early in the morning?”
“Anytime before three p.m. and I’m golden. And thanks again. I really like your little girl, and I definitely like staying in tonight and making money while I catch up on my favorite authors. There’s no deal sweeter than that.”
“My pleasure. And the thanks is all yours. Happy New Year’s.”
“Happy New Year’s, Chance.”
I end the call and get back to the festive atmosphere.
It’s a madhouse out on The Strip. It’s been forever since I’ve had a night out. I planned on taking Vic out to ring in the New Year, but it’s so much more fun with everybody here. I think the only people that are even having close to as much fun as I am are Rico and Penelope. I have a feeling they’re going to be the first in our group to ring in the New Year with a…bang.
Unless Vic beats them to it. He’s playing it off well, but I’m feeling a vibe like he might want to sock me in the jaw…the kind of bang I can certainly do without.
Amongst the confusion earlier Harmony got in my ear and told me she could feel a tapping on the floor when Violet and I were in the kitchen. The longer we were in there the quicker the pace and the more obvious. Vic can sense it. He knows.
Heck I can sense it. Something about being around this girl makes me feel more confident, needed, masculine, wanted, and heroic again. I’ve never had a confidence or masculinity problem, but without a woman in my life I realized maybe my opportunities to be heroic have dwindled considerably.
I need that. It’s who I am. I’m a cop for Pete’s sake. I thrive on being the hero, and I can’t be a hero unless there’s someone that needs me. I’m feeling that with Violet. Not only does she need me, but also she wants me.
And I can’t deny I want her. She’s someone I have a history with. Someone who knows my secrets and someone I can share future secrets with.
But our first secret will be keeping whatever happens under wraps. There’s a definite concern that Vic might find out. That’s my dilemma.
And Vic’s concern, like every other man’s would be in his shoes, is about me trying to put what’s in my pans in his sister.
If you had told me just a few weeks ago I would have bumped into her I would have thought you were crazy. If you would have doubled down and told me once I did bump into her I’d have feelings for her I would have known you were out of your mind.
But I’m the one who’s losing my mind at the moment. I’m trying to stay rational, and there’s still a part of me that’s focused on the past, but for the first time in a long time there’s a part of me that can start to imagine a brighter future.
I can’t believe how quickly things can change.
But I’m trying to stay logical. My livelihood is built around clear thinking while staying on my toes. I can’t let my judgment get clouded due to the time of year.
I tell myself I’m not lonely. I tell myself that Charlotte will never need another woman to come in and care for her. And I tell myself I don’t need a woman either.
And I’ve believed it one hundred freaking percent up until now.
But those beliefs are cracking fast. I want to believe it’s just because of the holidays but I know that no matter how many times I try and tell myself that, it’s a lie. I can’t trick myself. I know the truth.
I look down at my watch. Five minutes until midnight.
Personnel check. Charlotte is home with Janice, the desk sergeant from the station. All good there. Rico and Penelope are getting touchy feely about ten feet in front of me and to the left. All good there. I look behind me and see Harmony talking to Victor. His eyes alternate between shifty and enjoying himself. I can tell he’s having fun talking to my sister, but I can feel his peripheral vision on me at the same time. It’s going to take a lot to slip off his radar.
Wait? Harmony and Victor. Is that real? Is Harmony just being a good wingwoman? I don’t know, but I’m not going to waste the opportunity.
I look to the side and see Violet eyeing the drink stand.
She catches me looking at her.
“Frozen upside down raspberry margarita slushy?” she asks reading the sign in disbelief.
“You thinking about one?”
“I’ve heard of raspberry ketones, but this is a whole new level. Does the world suddenly have an oversupply of raspberries they’re trying to get rid of?”
“I’m not sure, but if so we can help them.”
“I’m not much of a drinker.”
“Neither am I,” I say. “That will make it all the more special…and all the more memorable.”
She latches onto my last word. It’s true. I meant it. I know I’m going to remember this night, and this moment for a long, long time.
“Why not try something new together? Life is all about stepping outside of our comfort levels, right? Pushing ourselves and our boundaries…in a good way that makes us str
onger.”
“Yeah,” she says. My comment seems to have really struck a cord with her. A relaxed easiness kind of vibe comes over her. “You’re absolutely right. Let’s do it!”
We turn together to walk toward the drink stand and our hands brush. I can feel the warmth of her fingers against my palm. Her hand is so small, so feminine, so delicate. My instinct to protect her from anything, anytime, and anywhere kicks in. I can be her hero. I want to be her hero.
If each of the people on The Strip were a sardine right now, there’d be about 300,000 of us packed inside the same can. I know no one from our group can see what I want to do so I go for it. I interlace my fingers with hers and she accepts. Her hand stays limp at first, but slowly she allows my fingers to take hers.
I should be cold, but I feel the warmth of her touch run up through my arm and throughout my body. I feel alive again. I realize what I’ve been missing.
But I wasn’t missing anything until I met her. Before her there was nothing to miss. She’s the one who’s responsible for making me feel this way. It couldn’t be anyone else.
I lead her towards the booth and think back to that time I held her hand for the first time. I haven’t thought about it since the moment it happened.
“I don’t know, Chance. It’s far.”
“You can do it, Violet. I know you can.”
I look at her face and I see fear. I know she wants to jump across from the train tracks to the other side of the gorge to keep up with the guys, but she’s scared. I didn’t know it at the time, but it wasn’t about keeping up with the guys. It was about being with me.
I take a step back from the edge and get my weight on my back foot before shooting my body forward as I leap back over the gorge and land on the tracks. The river below is fast and strong. If you slip and fall you’re caught in the current and it’s not good. Not only that it’s a long way down. We’re a good thirty feet above the water’s surface. To make it across you have to jump from the gap in the train track to the edge of the gorge where we just landed securing our ticket to safety. I look down and see a stick being rapidly pulled down the river before finding its way into a spinning whirlpool and disappearing underneath the foam that sets on top of the brown, murky river below it.
Looking back what we just did was sheer lunacy. Not only for a group of young boys, but the fact that we allowed an even younger girl to tag along. And we just expected her to keep up with us like she was as big and strong as we were.
I stand next to her and feel my heart pumping. The rush of adrenaline from making the jump again is shooting through my veins. Jumping from the bridge to the edge was difficult enough. Jumping back and sticking the landing was damn near a miracle.
It starts to rain, making the splintered Douglas fir railway ties even slicker.
“Come on, chicken,” Vic yells. He’s teasing her as older siblings due, but it’s not going to make my job any easier.
And then it gets really tough.
I hear a locomotive in the distance and turn to see a train is approaching the bridge on the far side.
“We’ve got to jump, Violet.”
“I don’t know if I can, Chance.”
“You can do it. Just take my hand and we’ll do it together.”
“Promise you won’t let go.”
“I won’t let go,” I say. “I promise.”
I offer my hand and she looks at it. She reaches for it but stops just short. She’s still focused on the water below, which is very intimidating and very visible due to the eighteen-inch gap between railroad ties.
“Don’t look down Violet. It only makes it harder.”
“But I’m scared.”
“Just look to where you want to go and your body will follow. It’s just like riding a bike. You look down you crash. We’re not crashing. Not now. Not here. Not ever.”
I see her hand shaking almost as uncontrollably as her legs are wobbling.
She moves it toward mine and I wait for it. I don’t want to reach for her too quickly and spook her. I want her to come to me and be comfortable, but we’re running out of time.
The conductor blows the horn in rapid succession.
I feel Violet’s fingertips find my palm and I slide my hand to meet hers squarely. I grab ahold tightly, interlocking her fingers in mine.
“See that rock over there on the bank?”
She slowly looks up. I can feel the bridge starting to shake.
“Y…e…s.”
“We’re going to look at that. We’re not going to take our eyes off it.”
She’s focused on it. Progress.
The tracks start wobbling even more than before and even I feel a bit shaky.
“We’re going to swing our arms back together on each number and jump on three. Ready?”
She says nothing.
The damn bridge is wobbling six inches left to right and I’m trying my best to stay calm.
I look across and see the guys. Their eyes are open as big as dinner plates and their mouths even wider.
“One…” The shaking goes to eight inches. Fuck I’m going to lose my balance.
“Two…” I can barely stand. “Put your heal against the track like it’s a sprinter’s block!”
I feel her heel slide back at the same time as mine, steadying us slightly.
I guide our arms back a final time. The instant our hands reach their apex and begin their descent forward I yell “three!”
We leap forward toward the edge feeling the gust of the train whip across our backs and hear the sound of screeching brakes.
The gust throws us off just enough and we barely make it, landing right on the very edge of the gorge.
I shoot my hand out toward the rock and grab ahold. Violet’s sneakers slip on the wet grass and she slides, her body suspended above the water below.
“I got you. Don’t let go!”
“Chance! Help me!”
I flex my forearm harder than I’ve ever flexed it before. My bicep strains and I dig the fingernails of my other and hand into the rock. I will not let her be harmed. I yell as I exert every ounce of strength I have as I drag her entire body up and over the grassy bank and to the rock.
“Grab ahold of the rock. You’re okay. We’re okay.”
But she doesn’t reach for the rock. She reaches for me.
Just like I reached for her hand today.
It was lost in time, but now that moment is back. How quickly our lives move. A year is gone in a blink, a decade in sneeze.
Unless you seize the moment.
“We can order from either side,” I say. “Let’s go around to the back.”
I guide us around the other side of the drink cart and stop. We’re blocked from the view of our friends and siblings.
I put my hands on her hips and turn her so her back’s against the cart.
“It’s almost midnight on New Year’s Eve. In a few minutes millions of people around the world will kiss someone they really want to kiss, but wake up tomorrow with a convenient excuse for their behavior. It denies both of them the chance at what could have been, and more importantly what they both truly wanted. They make an excuse to the other person for what they did, but the excuse they’re really making isn’t said out loud. It’s the unheard excuse to themselves that neither one had the courage to go for the one person in their life that could have mattered the most.”
I look into those eyes of hers and know this is exactly what I want. As sure as I’m standing here she’s what matters most.
“I have that courage. I don’t want there to be a convenient excuse to fall back on. That’s why I’m going to kiss you now and then continue kissing you until the apple falls. I want this to be real and I want you to know.”
I take her beautiful head in my hands and look at her one last time as my best friend’s little sister. She’ll never be that again. We grew that day together on the bridge. I found my calling helping her to safety, and she found a man who would protect her.
We just didn’t know it then.
And we’ve both grown since that day. She’s grown stronger in her desire for me as I’ve recently found out. And I’ve grown as a person through loss, struggle, and fatherhood.
But for this one moment I want us to be those same two kids again. I want to save this damsel in distress and in doing so save myself.
I lean in and can’t help but stop just short of her mouth. I feel the heat from her face, the tenderness of her cheeks in my hands, and something indescribable within me.
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