by V. R. Knight
“It’s fine,” he said and looked over at me. Something stirred in his eyes and he let a small smile spread to his lips. “I’ve been….a little sick this week…is all.” He said quietly.
I looked at him and searched for anything. Why was he acting this way?
“I’m worried about you.” I whispered almost too low for anyone to hear.
Zane half smiled at me. “Don’t worry about me Taylor.”
I looked down at my gloved hands frowning.
“I’m sorry if I did anything to make you mad.” I said.
He laughed.
“Isn’t that what we do? Piss each other off?” He lifted my chin with his finger and smiled at me. “I think it’s kind of sexy when you’re mad.”
I rolled my eyes and laughed.
“Sure,” I said. He dropped his hand from my chin and sighed.
“I’m not sure Grant and Kendra want us back, Princess.” he said quietly looking down then looked up through his eye lashes. I bit at my lip and nodded.
“When do you want to break up?” he asked trying to cover the sadness in his voice. It still leaked through. The thought of breaking up, the thought of actually not having Zane take me to school or hold my hand as we go up to the school. The thought of not being able to touch Zane or to fight with him made my heart heave in a not beating way. I couldn’t live without his soft rough hands. But why? Why did my heart want this? Why did my body yearn for him? My lungs had almost stopped too, thinking about it. I looked at him and swallowed.
“I don’t know.” I said.
He nodded.
“Well, after this weekend I guess.” he said and shrugged. He winced. I stared at him my eyes a little wide. “Gym practice.” he stated quickly. Too quickly. I nodded not believing him.
“Um, do you want to come in?” I asked hesitantly.
He bit the inside of his jaw thinking, then frowned.
“I can’t….I have to be home when my mom gets home…it’s just she isn’t….never mind.” I frowned.
“Is something wrong with your mom?” I asked concerned.
He shook his head.
“No….she’s ok.”
I nodded slowly.
“I’ll call you later or something.” he said and got out. I did the same slinging my backpack over my shoulder.
“Bye,” I said as he got into his car and drove. I’m so damn sick of this! I thought to myself as I slammed the front door shut throwing off my shoes. What the hell is going on with him?! I know we just made up and stuff but there is something that he isn’t telling me! I want to know the truth. Tomorrow I am going to force it out of him. Mom came in looking worried.
“Olivia, are you ok?” she asked.
I nodded.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
Dad came in behind her and smiled at me. I frowned at the two of them. They looked relaxed for some reason. “What the hell are you guys grinning at?” I muttered.
“Watch your tongue,” dad warned.
I put my hands up in surrender.
Mom sighed.
“Your father and I decided we want our marriage to get better so we are going on a marriage retreat on Monday then coming back next Monday.”
I raised an eyebrow.
“Well….good.” I said not sure. Mom nodded.
“So will you be ok by yourself?” she asked.
I bit my lip so hard I tasted blood in my mouth. “Yeah it’s fine any time you guys leave me alone.” I said coldness seeping into my words. They didn’t notice.
“Ok good. We’ll have enough food and I’ll leave some money so you can order pizza and stuff.” I looked away and crossed my arms. “Something wrong sweetie?” she asked. I grabbed my backpack and avoided their eyes.
“No. I’m going to do my homework.” I went up the stairs passing their stupid faces. I went up into my room and dropped my bag to the ground realizing I had no homework today. I got out one of my books I hadn’t finished, slipped on my reading glasses and started reading; trying to get out of my own world to another.
It was 6 o’clock when my mom called me down for supper. I told her I wasn’t hungry. I didn’t want to eat. I didn’t want to go down stairs. I looked out the window at the dark sky and saw it was clearing off a little. But this close to the city you couldn’t see the stars. I sighed and got back to my book. My phone vibrated on my nightstand but I didn’t feel like looking. It vibrated again and I groaned and picked it up.
“Yes?” I asked.
“Olivia!” Zane said, relief in his voice. I got worried.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” I asked.
He sighed.
“I got into a fight with my mom and her….boyfriend. I’m out driving around and I can’t go home…..could I stay with you tonight?” I was stunned. “I mean I can go someplace—“ he said, after I didn’t answer.
“No! No, no you can come over I was just thinking about you. Yeah, my parents are home so you’ll have to sneak in my window but they are leaving early tomorrow morning for work. So yeah come over.” I said quickly.
“OK, which window is yours?” he asked.
I looked out the window and saw the road.
“It’s two windows from the front door. The porch is a wrap around so you can jump up there. There’s a stool by the side where I used to….” I trailed off.
He gasped.
“You sneaked out before?”
I was quiet.
“No comment.”
He laughed.
It rang like bells and I smiled.
He was ok.
“I’ll park my car down the street. Have your window open and the heat up. I’m freezing my ass off.”
I laughed.
“Ok.” I hung up and jumped out of bed and started to pick up my clothes and pilled them on my dresser and in my dresser draws. I went to the window and opened it up only to realize I was wearing shorts and an old t shirt. I grabbed my school sweat shirt and pulled it over me. I went to my mirror and fixed what was left of my makeup and nodded to myself. Good enough. I heard the noisy car down the road then slowed then went down the road. Whatever he was hiding I was going to force it out of him tonight. But just the thought of having Zane in my room, at night, sleeping made my head think crazy thoughts.
Chapter 26
I turned the dial up on the heaters and heat blazed from it. Zane came from Mr. Rogers’s yard and saw me. He sighed as he looked up at the house. He had a brown backpack over his shoulders. He climbed the porch and looked in at me through the window.
“Princess,” he said and cracked a smile.
I rolled my eyes.
He came in his snow boots pulling the puffy white in on my floor and on my toes.
“Aw man, Zane!” I whispered in a yell. I tip toed to the window and shut it shaking. “Take off your boots.” I said and he did. He put them in the corner then peeled off his jacket.
“Damn its cold.” he muttered and put his hands over the heater dunk. I went over to my closet and grabbed the old mattress that my friend’s would sleep on and pulled it out.
“Yeah, it’s winter,” I said sarcastically.
He smirked. He helped put the mattress on the other side of my bed so if my parents would come in they wouldn’t see him, at first. I went back in and grabbed a pillow and a Barbie comforter. I came back out and threw them on his bed. He looked up at me under his bangs.
“You’re kidding?” I gave him a smug look.
“Nope,” he sighed. Then I heard someone walking up the stairs.
“Olivia?” my mom called.
“Shit!” I said and grabbed Zane’s hand running toward my open closet door. He laughed and I turned and clamped a hand over his mouth. He winced. I frowned. The steps got closer. I pulled my hand away from his mouth and saw it; the cut on his lip. My mouth hung a little, then I looked up into those blue eyes and glared.
“Olivia…I think we should talk…” mom said knocking on my door. Zane’s eyes were sad. I shove
d him in the closet and shut the door just as my door peeked open. I smiled as mom entered the room. She smiled at me. “Something wrong honey?” she asked. I shook my head and headed over to my bed where my book lay open. “Olivia, are you ok? You seem different.” Mom said as she sat down on the bed. I gritted my teeth together. I sighed.
“Mom, I’m fine. I’ve just been busy with school and stuff.”
She frowned.
“Is everything ok with you and Zane? Are you on the pill, honey? I don’t want you getting pregnant.” My eyes bulged from my eyes and I heard a faint laugh. I coughed.
“Oh my gosh mom,” I said. “I’m not having sex!” I yelled.
She shrugged.
“OK honey,” she said doubtfully.
“You know mom…” I trailed off and looked away.
“Please don’t get mad at me. I’m only worried. Why don’t we do something tomorrow after I get back from work? Since your father and me have been fighting, it’s been hard for us to do anything besides me sleeping in your room.” she smiled and laughed.
I didn’t.
“Yeah fine,” I said quickly.
She sighed and patted my knee.
“Goodnight honey. I’m going to be bed early because of work and your father will be too.”
I nodded. She kissed my head and left the room. I put my hands to my head and sighed. I stood up and went to my closet. I opened the door and found Zane looking at a picture of someone. He looked up at me and put the picture down on a pile of clothes. Heat rose in me at the look of him. “Your mom—“ I ran over to him and grabbed his shirt. He looked stunned.
“I want to know the truth,” I whispered fiercely. He frowned. I dropped his shirt and picked it up. There was another bruise forming and the one of his hip yellowing. He looked away teeth clenched.
“I don’t—“
“If you don’t give me an answer I swear to God….” I warned my hands almost shaking. He looked at me his eyes sad.
“I think I should leave,” he said and moved around me. I shook my head tasting blood in my mouth again. I ran back out of the closet and grabbed him by the shoulder turning him around. “Zane,” I breathed. “I want to know now.” With that, I pulled him in and mashed my lips against his. He reacted a little late but slowly put his arms around me pulling me tighter against him. But somehow it wasn’t tight enough. I kissed him putting ever once of everything I felt about this. Finally I pulled back both of us panting. His lip was bleeding a little bit but he didn’t seem to notice. He was frowning; his blue eyes dull.
“Olivia,” he said his voice sad and miserable.
I shook my head.
He looked away then nodded. “OK,” he breathed. “I’ll tell you.” he whispered.
Chapter 27
I turned off the light and turned the one on at my night stand. Zane sat on my bed with his legs stretched out leaning on the post. I sat leaning on the head rest. Zane sighed and looked away from me.
“My mom met a guy at a bar a couple months ago, Scott. When he first started coming over he was nice and mom loved him. I even thought he was cool. He started living with us a 2 weeks after they met.” He bit the inside of his jaw trying to find the right words. “One night, he and my mom came back to the house and he was drunk. My mom was trying to get him into bed when he told her to get him another beer. She wouldn’t. He hit her.”
My mouth fell. Zane looked tense and about to hit something. A view bulged in his neck. He wouldn’t look me in the eyes. “My mom was so shocked. Then as he went to swing at her again I told him to stop…..he hit me. As I started to yell and get my mom out of there he got up and started hitting me.” I looked down at his hands clenched tightly into fist in the sheets. My heart pounded. “The next day I told my mom she needed to kick him out. She wouldn’t. She said it was one night and that it wouldn’t happen again. Luckily she didn’t get hurt as bad as me. I stayed home that day and when Scott woke up, he said he was sorry. He came in and told me he was drunk and it wouldn’t happen again. It did. The next week. He came back drunk and falling over. The next time he wasn’t drunk. He hit my mom again for nothing. When I saw, I was so mad I wanted to kill him. He was stronger.”
His voice was barely heard but I listened intently. “I can’t stop him. Almost every weekend he hits me. I rather it be me than my mom.”
“Won’t she kick him out?!” I, all but nothing, yelled.
He shook his head.
“He threatened her. He said that if she kicks him out he will kill her and me.” Tears were stinging my eyes fiercely. I was clenching the blanket now. “He beat me this last weekend for not taking out the trash,” he said raising his shirt to see the bruise I had seen before. My lungs didn’t have any air in them.
“Why don’t you call the cops?! He’s abusing you!” I said beating my hand against the bed.
He shook his head.
“We can’t. If we do, they don’t have any proof that he’s beating me. They know my criminal record and think I got into a fight with a kid from school.”
He shrugged.
“Zane….” I said almost crying.
He looked at me.
“He’s never somber much but I try to stay out of the house. I try to get my mom out too but she doesn’t want to make him mad by not being home when he is. I wanted to leave. Just move back home. Her and I. She wouldn’t. She says she ‘loves him’.” He rolled his eyes but you could see the sad eyes. The anger. I looked down at his chest, where the bruise was that his mom’s boyfriend gave him. How could he let this happen? Suddenly I was mad at him. Why can’t he fight back?! Why can’t he take his mom and just leave! Instead of staying and getting beat up! Then I was mad at Jane for letting this happen to her son. For letting her son get beat up by her boyfriend.
“That’s why you didn’t want me to come over this Saturday.” I whispered. He looked up and nodded. How could I have not seen this? Why didn’t I see? I could have helped him. I could have let him stay here with me. “Why is your mom letting this happen?” I finally asked. He shrugged. “Don’t get me wrong she hates seeing me get the ass knocked out of me it’s just she is afraid. I got into a fight with her tonight about moving again. That’s why I asked to come over here.” I nodded. “Plus Mr. Fuck Pants threatened if I don’t leave the house tonight he was going to give me a punch in the face.”
My jaw clenched. I hated this Scott guy more then I have hated anyone in my life. I almost imagine myself killing him. He put Zane through all of this! He hurt him.
Zane gasped. “I’ve slept in my car a couple times because of him. I mean I love my car but those seats are uncomfortable. It’s better than getting another bruise, though.”
“How long has this been going on?” I asked.
He looked at his hands his jaw still tense.
“A month and a couple weeks.”
I swallowed staring at him, as he looked away avoiding my eyes.
“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” I whispered. He looked up angry.
“Like you would even care!” he growled and stood up turning his back to me. “It’s humiliating. Not being able to fight back.” He whispered.
I stood up my legs shaky.
“Zane,” I said coming up to his back. I pulled at his forearm pulling him around to me. I looked him in the eyes. “We might not be together for real and may not be the best of friends, but I care about something like that.” just tell him Olivia! No! Yes! No I can’t. He looked at me. I could feel him almost looking into my soul again. Knowing me, for who I am. “You can always stay here if you need to. I am always here for you.” I said and gave his arm a squeeze.
“Thanks,” he said quietly almost in a daze. I put my arms around his waist and hugged him. He was a little shocked at first but put his arms around me and hugged me tightly back. “I think we count ourselves as friends,” he mumbled close to my ear as he put his head down to my hair.
I laughed a little. I didn’t want to let go. His smell w
as so familiar and I wanted him. No I didn’t! Yes you do. No I don’t! I argued with myself. His warm body felt good against mine and I stuffed my face into his shoulder as much as possible. I wanted his bittersweet smell to rub off on me. Finally we pulled back and we stood awkwardly. I laughed.
“Well, um, thanks for telling me.”
“You can’t tell anyone Olivia.” he said panic in his voice. I wanted to call the cops. I wanted to tell someone so they could take Scott away but Zane would hate me. I nodded.
“OK,” I looked down. “Wait,” I said looking up. “Will he hurt me on Saturday?” I asked feeling scared. His eyes blazed.
“No. I won’t let him. I will kill him before he touches you.” he sounded so serious it almost scared me.
“What should I do? I mean what if he finds out that I know.” I said. Zane shook his head.
“He won’t hurt you, and if he finds out…” he trailed off and swallowed.
“Oh Zane,” I said feeling tears again. “He can’t hurt you!” Zane smirked down at me which surprised me. “What?” I asked. He shook his head and laughed.
“This is not a laughing matter!” I yelled. He put his hand over my mouth and I stopped.
“You sound like a really freaked out girlfriend afraid her boyfriend is going to die.” I raised an eyebrow then he pulled his hand back. I shrugged and looked down.
“I am.” I whispered.
“Just don’t say anything about it and stay close to me.” I nodded. “And my mom said he might not even come. Depends.”
Relief filled me. I don’t want Zane to get beat up because of me. It wasn’t right. I would call the cops if he did.
“OK,” I said and looked at the clock. “It’s midnight already.” I said with a sigh. He nodded.
“We should probably go to bed.” I went back to my bed and put away my books. “You read?” he asked surprised. I looked at him and showed him the book. He raised an eyebrow. “Lord of the Flies, a little gory for a bed time story?” he asked amused. I laughed but then stopped and looked at him.
“You read it before?”