"We're not really seeing each other," I said. "I see him sometimes."
Lane paced for a second before he stood in front of me. He checked me out, but he was reluctant about it as if it almost pained him to do it. "I heard him running his mouth about that necklace," he said.
I instinctually touched it, and Lane reached out and gave a tiny tug to the front of it.
"You need to take that thing off," he said.
I shot him an offended glare for tugging at my necklace.
"It looks like a leash and collar," he said. "He might as well have put some tags on there."
"Oh, that's really nice, thank you," I said sarcastically.
I instantly reached up and began tugging at the necklace to loosen it. It dawned on me, only after Lane said it, that the design of my new necklace was indeed reminiscent of an actual leash and collar—only super fancy and beautiful.
"I can't believe you'd say that."
He stared at it with distaste. "I can't believe you'd wear it."
"He didn't mean it like that," I said defensively. "Half the girls at our table got the lady's number because they wanted one for themselves."
"You still shouldn't wear that."
He was completely serious, and I scowled at him.
"Even if he did mean it like that, which is gross, and he didn’t, what do you care, Lane?"
"I care very much, Zoe. You know how I feel about you."
"I'm not sure that I do Lane. How do you feel?"
"Like I want to beat the living daylights out of that guy for getting you this thing. You need to seriously get it off." He reached out and tugged it gently again, making me narrow my eyes at him. He smiled. "Seriously, I hate it," he said. "Please don't see that guy any more."
I wanted to throw myself into his arms, but for some reason, I did the exact opposite. "You don't get to say who I see or don't see. If you want to stop me from seeing somebody, then you should go ahead and…" I trailed off, realizing I started a sentence that I was too embarrassed to finish.
"I should what?" he asked.
"You can't tell me not to see somebody if you're not gonna… if you're not gonna see me."
"Zoe, you know we can't," he said.
"Then you can't tell me not to date someone else, Lane. It's not like I'm even seeing him anyway, but even still… even if I was, you can't tell me not to."
"How often do you see each other?"
"It's none of your business. Like once a week, if that, but it's none of your business."
"Does he come up to the collective?" he asked, looking confused as if wondering how he missed it.
"No. It doesn't matter. We barely hang out."
Lane leaned against the building, massaging his eyebrows. "Zoe, do you feel anything at all for me?"
I looked at him with an expression that said he was asking a painfully obvious question. Of course I felt something for him. I felt everything for him. I felt things for him and him alone.
"Don't," I said.
"I'm serious," he said. "Do you?"
"You know I do, Lane."
He shifted to stand directly in front of me, staring at me with those blue eyes. "You have no idea what I would give to have you, Zoe. I see you, and I see the work of your hands. I hear the others talking about you." He turned and paced a step or two, shaking his head. "I thought I could do it I thought I could make it through the two years. I thought I was strong enough to do it, but I can't. I can't see you with him. I just can't do it."
"Then I won't go out with him anymore," I said.
I didn't even care what Lane was willing to offer me—just the fact that he was this shaken up about it made me know I didn't want to ever see Rhett again.
"I'll just tell him I'm gonna concentrate on my work. That's pretty much what I do, anyway. He knows I stay really busy up here."
Lane reached out and touched the side of his finger to my cheek, regarding me like he was an archeologist and I was some unknown, precious object that he'd just unearthed. "I have never in my life ached to touch someone the way I do with you, Zoe."
The warmth of his finger on my face and the sincerity in his voice had a wave of relief washing over me. My eyes stung with tears of happiness, and I blinked, holding them closed for several seconds while Lane barely brushed my cheek with his finger. I had an overwhelming sense of being at home when I was with Lane—a warm, fuzzy feeling, like my soul enjoyed being next to his.
He was still touching my face, and I had just reached up to place my hand on top of his when the door opened.
Chapter 15
"There you are," a man's voice said the second the door opened.
I took a step away from Lane before I even realized it was Rhett speaking. Rhett had always been kind and considerate to me, but even as he stepped outside, joining us in the alley, I saw him as the bad guy in the story—the one who gave me dog collars and tried to keep me from Lane. I definitely had a sense of good guy, bad guy when I looked at the two of them, which was odd, since Rhett was a good guy. He had been nothing but a gentleman, and I reminded myself of that when I felt mad that he interrupted us.
Looking at me, he said, "Theo's looking for you." And then he turned to speak to Lane. "You too. I think they want to get a photo with you guys. I told them I'd come see if I could round you up. I saw you come down this way." Rhett paused, waiting for Lane to speak, but Lane just stood there, staring at him in what must have been the most awkward silence ever. Lane's expression was impassive, and Rhett's was cautious.
Finally, after a few seconds of us just standing there not saying anything, Rhett looked at me with a smile as he gestured with a flick of his head toward the building. "You wanna head in? I think Jane wanted to get a picture."
"They can wait a minute," Lane said.
Rhett's expression fell as if he was just realizing he might not be welcome out there. "Is everything okay with my girl?" he asked.
"She's not your girl," Lane said in a matter of fact tone.
"I think Zoe's got a voice and can speak for herself," Rhett said. He looked at me with a smile, glancing at my neck for a split second before turning to Lane.
I felt so awkward and caught-off-guard that I didn't have it in my heart to be rude to Rhett. So, rather than tell him with my own voice that I wasn't his girl, which was obviously what I should have done, I said, "I'm sorry, I can't date anyone."
Rhett looked at me, and to my own dismay, I gestured back and fourth between Lane and myself with a regretful expression. My body language indicated that Lane had just been out there telling me that very thing in an official S&S business type of way. I had no idea why I did that, but it's just what I chose to do out of nervousness.
Rhett stared at Lane with confusion. "Were you out here telling her she can't go out with me?" Rhett asked.
I felt blood rush to my cheeks the instant Rhett got defensive. I knew I had to say something. "No, it's just that… You know, with the documentary and everything, I think it's like in the contract that I can't…" I was a terrible liar, so I tripped over my words. Why was I lying anyway? I had no desire to see Rhett anymore. So, why did I feel the need to tiptoe around it? All of these thoughts were going through my mind as I stared at Rhett, who was utterly confused.
"Did they make you sign a contract saying you wouldn't date?"
"Not, no, it's, he's, I'm—"
"What Zoe's trying to say is that she's not going to be able to see you anymore."
Rhett puffed up his chest before staring at Lane. "Yeah, but Zoe didn't say that, did she?"
Lane looked at me, which caused Rhett to do the same. "I really should just pay attention to my art right now. That's why I'm here."
"That's why she's here," Lane said. "Not to be propositioned by one of our customers."
"Is that what this is?" Rhett asked. "Because what Zoe and I do on our own time is really none of the gallery's concern."
"What this is, Rhett, is Zoe telling you that she no longer wants to
see you."
"Well, Lane, you can't make her do that," Rhett said, with a confident smile.
"He's not making me," I said, causing both of the men to look at me. "I'm saying it."
Rhett shook his head. "Let's just go in and take your picture, and we can talk about everything later."
"You heard the lady," Lane said. "There's nothing to talk about later."
"If I didn't know any better, Mr. Alexander, I'd say you had some personal agenda in all this."
"My agenda is none of your business."
"It looks like Zoe might need protection from you," Rhett said with eyebrows raised.
"I don't need protecting," I announced.
Both of them looked at me and I smiled and flexed my muscles even though I had on a sweater and they couldn’t see my arms. "See?" I said. "I got me covered. Now, shall we go in and take a picture?"
I led the way, reaching out to open the door first since I was too nervous and in a hurry to let one of them do it before me. I held the door for them, not caring that we had just ended a strange conversation in a most strange manner with me flexing and then playing the part of the gentleman by holding the door.
Rhett walked in first, followed by Lane, who gave me the hint of a sideways smile as he walked inside. He was so adorable that I couldn’t stop myself from reaching out to him. As he walked past me, I grabbed his hand, giving it a little squeeze before letting go again. He didn't have time to squeeze me back, but he glanced at me when I did it, and we shared a small smile.
That trek from the alleyway back into the gallery was filled with quiet tension. The leather choker I was wearing seemed all of a sudden too tight, and I put a finger between it and my neck, tugging on it to stretch it out. It was looped around my neck three times, but it did feel a little better after I pulled on it. I knew I shouldn't have accepted it from Rhett, and I was already dreading giving it back to him. I felt like I wanted to take it off and do it right then, but we were now in the crowded gallery, making our way back to the front where Theo and the producers were standing. Some of the other artists were up there, too, and everyone smiled and waved at us as we approached.
Rhett sat down at the table, letting Lane and me go up to meet everyone since we were the ones holding up the picture. They were already set up to take the photo, and the girls urged me toward the front while the guys urged Lane toward the back.
There were a few seconds of chaos followed by big smiles and camera flashes. Someone had the presence of mind to recommend that we do one with silly faces, and we did, causing a second round of camera flashes.
I had my own things going on with Rhett still in the room while my heart ached for Lane, but I wasn't so distracted by my man-woes that I couldn't take in what a great group of friends I had. I was proud to be a part of S&S, and honored that I was chosen to do the documentary. I couldn't wait until it premiered.
We all began to hug each other and say our goodbyes to the crew from the documentary, and during the madness of all that, I found Lane and whispered to him that I would talk to Rhett and straighten things out.
He put his hand around my waist when I got close enough to whisper to him. It had been over a year since I felt Lane's hand on my body, and my whole body felt like it wanted to turn into a pile of mushy goo. All I could think of was how I'd been lying through my teeth earlier when I flexed my muscles and said I didn't need anyone to protect me. Maybe I didn't need it, but oh, how I wanted Lane to protect me. I wanted to just curl up in that man's arms and live there.
I pulled away from him before I had the chance to melt right there on the hardwood. I smiled at Lane as I reluctantly broke away from him and went on with telling everyone else goodbye.
Rhett was waiting for me to finish, and even though I had the chance to think about it, I still had no idea what I was going to tell him. I asked him if he would take a walk with me, and he agreed, but we only made it one block before I found a bench and sat down with a reluctant sigh.
I began to fiddle with the necklace the instant I sat down, and I cursed the fact that it was wrapped around three times because that meant it wasn't the most discreet garment to remove.
"I shouldn't have taken it," I said.
"Zoe, don't. It looks so beautiful on you."
"I know, it is beautiful," I said. "I just can't keep it."
Rhett sat next to me, and I held the folded leather in the air between us, but he didn't take it, he just stared at me with a sad smile.
"Just hang on to it," he said. "I know you're busy up here, but I want you to have it."
"I really shouldn't," I said, and then because I knew he was going to try to say something to force me to keep it, I added, "You didn't think it was symbolic or anything, did you?" I had been thinking about that ever since Lane made that dog collar comment.
"What do you mean?"
"Nothing," I said. "I was just making sure you didn't—"
Rhett cut me off by saying, "It's symbolic if you want it to be." He gave me such a confident grin that I actually had no idea how to take his statement.
I gave him a questioning glance, but I didn't want to make him clarify what he was saying. I didn't want to hear that he thought of me in a possessive way, so I just avoided asking. I leaned forward and put the long strip of leather onto his leg.
"I'm sorry," I said. "I have the packaging and the little card that came with it."
"What am I supposed to do with this?" he asked. "It's a six thousand dollar necklace, and it's for you. It was made for you. I sent the lady pictures of you and your art, and she made it specifically for you."
I gave him a narrow-eyed glance as if what he was saying was suspicious. "I thought you bought this for me when I asked you to come to this banquet."
"It happened to come in when you asked me to the banquet," he said. "But I ordered it weeks ago."
"Well, I'm sorry you went through all that trouble. I didn't ask you to order it. I didn't want you to do that. I really didn't think you and I had made each other any promises or anything."
My heart was beating a thousand miles an hour. I was not used to confrontation of any sort, but Rhett was starting to freak me out a little bit, and I felt like I needed to end it.
"I just need to end it, Rhett," I said, when the thought crossed my mind. "I need to concentrate on my work."
"I want to help you do that, Zoe," he said in a calm, cooing tone. "I believe in you. I'm one of the first people to discover you. S&S isn't going to last forever, and I'm offering you my protection, both physically and monetarily. You'll need that when you are done with this chapter in your life. It's going to be here before you know it. You're already halfway done with your term."
I stared at him with a confused, concerned expression, and he smiled at me.
"Listen Zoe, I know you're delicate. I know what I said just now was a lot for you to take in, but think about it. We could help each other. I can provide for you, and you can provide for me. I've always wanted to be someone's muse."
"I don't need a muse," I said. "I don't even know what a muse is."
He let out a chuckle and shook his head. "So unpretentious," he said. "That's exactly what I love about you."
"Rhett, I'm in love," I said, since, apparently, nothing else I said seemed to discourage him.
"With Lane?" he asked, wearing a look of disgust.
"Yes," I said. Then I got nervous and added, "But he doesn't love me back, I mean, we're not dating, there's nothing going on with us. I just love him in my heart, and it's not fair to you or anyone else."
At that point, Rhett mumbled a sentence that was littered with cuss words that described his feelings about Lane.
"He's not breaking my heart," I said, defending Lane. "We're not together, but I also can't be with anyone else right now."
I thought some other moments of that night had been extremely awkward, but this one took the cake. I stared at Rhett, wondering how in the world things had come to this. I couldn't see how we were
going to get off this bench and go our separate ways.
"I hope you don't change your mind when your term is up," he said.
I was already in the process of standing up when he said it, so he did the same, getting to his feet next to me. "I am honored and humbled that you would even offer to help me out when I'm done at S&S," I said. "It really does mean a lot that you believe in my art."
"I don't just believe in your art, Zoe, I believe in you. It's you that I want."
I remained motionless with a dazed smile on my face even though I felt like I wanted to bend over and yack all over his shoes.
"Thanks Rhett," I said with a pat to his shoulder. "I'm glad we had the chance to hang out."
"So, that's it?" he asked, looking perturbed.
I smiled regretfully. "That's it."
Chapter 16
How in the world did this feel like a breakup when I wasn't even with Rhett in the first place? I hated that Rhett thought he had more of a place in my life than he did—that was the most frustrating part of the whole thing.
I so regretted ever taking that necklace from him. I clinched my fists as I remembered him saying I would change my mind about whatever he was offering when my time at S&S was up. I clinched them even harder when he said the necklace could be symbolic if I wanted it to be. I felt as though I'd been tricked, and I wish I hadn't taken the necklace at all.
I was only a block or so from the collective when I had that conversation with Rhett, but it felt more like a mile. I pretended he got in a cab and left without even a glance in my direction or a second thought about me. Then I changed my mind and was convinced he was standing there, watching me walk with a stalker-like agenda. I didn't look back because I didn't want to know either way.
I walked into the gallery, feeling sad to find that while some people were still in there, Lane was not one of them. I talked to a few people when I came inside, but I didn't feel quite so chatty once I saw that Lane was no longer downstairs.
I felt like something was out of place in my chest—a hard yearning, like my torso was crying even though my eyes weren't.
So Much for Boundaries (Shower & Shelter Artist Collective Book 3) Page 11