by Jen McConnel
I gulped the rest of my tea greedily, and realized that he was right.
“I’ll get us some more.” He took my cup and walked back to the counter, and I eyed the rest of the food, wondering if it was all as spicy as the red dish. It was hard to tell what everything was; the food on the platter sort of reminded me of baby food, but I would never have served anything so hot to a kid like Bailey.
When Carson handed me my tea refill, he gestured to the food. “Don’t you like it?”
“It’s different.” Tentatively, I reached for more bread and tried a bite of a brown and green pile. “What is all this?”
“Spiced lentils, split peas, potato salad, and brown lentils,” he rattled off, scooping up another mouthful. “A vegetarian’s dream meal.”
“Are you a vegetarian?”
He nodded, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. “Have been for nigh on five years.”
“So you went vegetarian when you were . . . fifteen?” I hazarded a guess at his age. He looked like he might be twenty.
“Sixteen, but close.” He eyed me. “And you’re what, eighteen?”
“Almost nineteen. My birthday is next week.”
Carson lifted his cup of tea in salute. “Happy early birthday!”
I clinked glasses with him and grinned. “Thanks. I hope it’s a better year than eighteen!”
“Bound to be. After all,” he smiled mischievously, “I’m in your life now.”
Chapter Nine
After we left the restaurant, Carson and I walked aimlessly through the streets of London. Occasionally, he’d point out a store or pub that he liked, but mostly, we just wandered.
“You know, Sarah, I’d really like to draw you.”
I stopped walking and looked at him. “What?”
Carson’s head was tipped back toward the blue sky overhead. “I still think you’d make a great model, and I’d love to draw you sometime.”
My heart started pounding. Was he talking about, like, posing nude? “I don’t know.”
“Think about it. Maybe I could sketch you by the river or something.”
Okay. Not talking about a nude drawing. Inexplicably, my heart fell, and I gave myself a mental shake. “Maybe. I guess.”
He grinned. “You’ll be my Titian inspiration!”
My pulse started racing again. Hadn’t Titian mostly painted nudes? “I don’t know how inspiring I am.”
Carson took a step closer and ran his thumb along my chin. I shivered, but I didn’t pull away. “You have no idea how beautiful you are, do you?”
His eyes locked with mine, and for one breathless moment, I thought he was about to kiss me. I leaned closer to him, closing my eyes.
“Sarah!” A high-pitched voice shattered the moment, and my eyes flew open. Gracie was running down the sidewalk toward me, trailed by an older woman in a floral skirt and blue jacket pushing Bailey in the stroller.
I bent down and caught her just as Gracie barreled into my arms, almost knocking me over. “Hi, you!” I laughed, giving her a big hug.
“Why are you here? Didn’t you go home?”
I tapped her nose with my finger, and she giggled. “I decided to stay and see a little bit of London first.”
“Oh.” Gracie looked confused. “But Mommy said you were leaving us because you were homesick.”
Shit. That’s what Mrs. Johnson had said? I forced myself to smile brightly. “I am, but how many times do you think I’ve been to London before? I needed to see how cool the city was so I could tell my mom all about it when I get home.”
Gracie seemed to accept my lie, and she turned her bright green eyes toward Carson. “Is this your boyfriend?”
I flushed, and Carson chuckled. “I’m Carson.” He stuck out his hand, and Gracie eyed him for a minute.
Finally, she shook his hand solemnly. “I’m Grace.”
“Gracie, stop bothering those strangers!” The new nanny had finally caught up to us, and she looked a little panicked.
Gracie grinned at her. “They aren’t strangers! Sarah used to be our nanny.”
The older woman relaxed slightly, but her mouth still puckered as if she’d swallowed a lemon. “Oh. Well, still, we shouldn’t bother them.”
I bent down and gave Gracie another hug. “You better do what she says. Be a good girl.”
“She’s mean,” Gracie whispered. “We miss you.”
“I miss you, too, sweetie, but like your mom said, I need to go home.”
Gracie thought for a moment, but then she brightened. “I’ll tell Mommy you say hi!”
“You don’t have to do that!” I called, but she was already running in the other direction. The new nanny shot me a dirty look and turned the stroller around, panting to catch up with Gracie. I waved at Bailey as they went, but he didn’t notice me.
“Cute kid,” Carson commented.
“Yeah. She’s a real charmer.” My stomach clenched. It had been hard enough to say good-bye to Gracie and Bailey once; seeing them had made me realize how much I actually missed them. Carson tapped my shoulder.
“Where were we? Before the cherub interrupted us.”
I shook my head. The butterflies I’d been feeling moments ago were replaced by a feeling of lead in my stomach. “I should probably go.”
“Go where?”
He had a point. I shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t want to bother you.”
Carson stepped closer to me, and his hands encircled my waist. “You aren’t any bother.” Gently, he gathered me to him, holding me tight.
I clung to him for a moment, relishing the surprising sense of safety I felt in his arms. It was as if nothing else in the world existed right then but him and me. For a skinny guy, he’s got long arms, I thought with a ridiculous urge to giggle, but the sound caught in my throat, and I pulled back. There was actually a chance that I’d burst into tears; seeing Gracie had upset me that much, and no matter how wonderful Carson seemed, there was no reason to cry on him.
I stepped out of his embrace and risked a glance up at his face.
He was staring vacantly into the distance, but he grinned as he looked down at me. “Better?”
“Yeah.” I gulped. “I didn’t think I’d see those kids again.”
He nodded. “Leaving them must have been hard.”
“I don’t really want to talk about it.”
“Okay.” He picked a strand of my hair off my shoulder. “What do you want to talk about?”
I hesitated. “I don’t know. Maybe I just don’t want to talk.” A hint of flirtation crept into my voice, and I flushed. God, was I doing this right?
Carson’s eyes sparkled. “I like your fire, Red.” Interlacing his fingers through mine, he tugged on my hand. “Let’s walk some more.”
I was a little disappointed that he hadn’t tried to kiss me; I’d never really been kissed before, not unless you counted the guy at the football game sophomore year who pressed his tongue down my throat on a dare and then spat out the taste afterward, and despite being wound up from seeing Gracie and Bailey, I’d been ready to find out what it was like to kiss someone I really liked. Still, I liked the way my hand fit in Carson’s, and despite my disappointment, I let him pull me along as we strolled around London. It was nice just to feel comfortable, and I wasn’t sure if it would be as easy to hang out with Carson if we kissed. Wouldn’t that change everything?
Things have already changed, I reminded myself, tightening my grip on his hand.
The old Sarah had never felt like this before.
~
I couldn’t float around in a bliss bubble with Carson all day; he had to be at work by five, and as soon as we parted ways, I felt my familiar insecurity creeping back in. Gloomy, I trudged through the streets, wondering why a guy like Carson would be interested in a girl like me. Was he just using me? Maybe he had some sick, twisted bet with his buddies to see who could seduce a stupid tourist the fastest.
I was in a pretty foul mood by the time
I got back to the hostel, and I just wanted to be alone, but Rachel and a couple of other girls were standing in the dormitory, chatting animatedly. I slunk passed them, trying not to make eye contact, but then Rachel stopped me.
“Hey, Sarah, you missed a fun party last night.”
I shrugged. “I should have gone out with you. It was impossible to sleep!”
A brunette beside Rachel laughed. “Tell me about it; this hostel sure wasn’t built for creature comforts.”
Rachel grinned at me. “Since you couldn’t sleep, there’s nothing to keep you from going out with us tonight.”
I hesitated. Her smile seemed kind, but I eyed the other girls distrustfully. Why would a group of would-be models want to hang out with me? I started to say no, but the dark haired girl grabbed my hand. I looked incredibly pale next to her cinnamon skin.
“It’ll be fun!” Her eyes lit up when she smiled, and against my will, I found myself smiling back.
“Okay,” I finally said. “But I don’t really know what to wear.”
The girls laughed and in a flurry, they were all rummaging around in their suitcases and backpacks. The girl with dark hair eyed me critically and then pulled out a white halter top printed with strawberries.
“I don’t have the boobs for that, but I think it would look awesome on you!”
Embarrassed, I took the shirt from her. “Really?”
“Totally.” She paused. “Maybe you should put your hair up, too.”
I reached for the long hair at the back of my neck, eyeing her long, dark hair. It looked flawless, whereas I’m sure mine was a thick red mess. “Maybe. I’m not very good with my hair.”
“I’ll help you. I’m Joelle, by the way.”
I grinned at her. “I’m Sarah.”
Chapter Ten
Rachel, Joelle, and the other girls spent the evening primping and preening, and I was amazed at how many beauty products they were able to gather collectively. “Your bags must weigh a ton,” I joked, as Rachel handed Joelle a straightener.
Joelle smiled. “Not really. I think we each just have one or two things, but pooling resources helps. It’s one of the reasons I like staying at hostels instead of hotels.”
“Have you been traveling for a while?” I flinched when she applied the straightener to my hair, but aside from a faint puff of smoke, nothing seemed to happen.
She shook her head, smoothing my unruly hair with a practiced hand. “Nope. Flew into London last week, but this is the third hostel I’ve stayed at. I want to see different parts of the city, you know?” She pulled another chunk of hair through the straightener. “You?”
“I just started traveling, I guess. I mean, I got to London three months ago for work, but I wasn’t sightseeing.”
“What kind of work?”
I swallowed, remembering my encounter with Gracie in the park. “I was an au pair.”
Joelle wrinkled her nose. “Gagh. That must have been awful.”
I shook my head, but she put her hand on top of my skull, holding me still. “Not really. I loved the kids.”
“I don’t really like kids. So, why’d you quit?”
“I was fired.”
“Oh.” We dropped into an awkward silence while she finished straightening my hair, and then she started experimenting with various ways to put it up. Finally, she dragged me over to the mirror on the back of the door. “How’s that?”
I stared at my reflection, transfixed. The girl in the strawberry print halter top and tight jeans looked older and sexier than I’d ever imagined I could look. I ran my hands along my waist, stopping at the curve of my hips. “Wow!”
Joelle laughed. “You look ready to take on the town!”
“I wish Carson could see me,” the words slipped out, but then I flushed.
Joelle cocked an eyebrow. “Who’s Carson?”
I shrugged, my face hot. “Just a guy I met here in London.”
I waited for Joelle to tell me I was being stupid, but she just looked thoughtful. “Want him to come with us tonight?”
I shook my head hurriedly. “No, he’s at work.”
“He won’t work all night, will he?”
I hesitated. “True. Do you think the other girls would mind?”
Joelle grinned. “We can always ask them.”
Before I could stop her, she’d called out, “Ladies, any objections to Sarah bringing a man?”
I tried to shush her, but she was laughing. Rachel looked up from curling her eyelashes. “Sure,” she said with a smile, “ask him if he has any friends!”
Oh God, this was getting out of control. “I don’t really know—”
“Do you have his number?”
Mutely, I shook my head. Joelle eyed me critically.
“But you said he has to work. Do you know where he works?”
“The bookstore in Piccadilly Circus,” I answered automatically, and Rachel grinned in triumph.
“Oh, ladies,” she said loudly, “who wants to hit the books before we go out?”
~
I gave up trying to talk them out of it once we were on the Underground, but when we got to Piccadilly Circus, I tried one more time.
“What if he’s busy?”
Rachel gave me a playful shove. “The least you can do is ask.”
We headed to the bookstore, but when I tried to linger on the sidewalk, Joelle grabbed my arm and led me forward. “Don’t chicken out now!”
The girls were giggling as we entered the store, and I realized that the customers were staring at us with interest. Horrified, I suddenly remembered that we were all dressed for the club. No wonder everyone was staring; I didn’t think halter tops and glitter were customary bookstore apparel.
Feeling naked, I crossed my arms as my eyes darted around the cash registers, searching for Carson, just as a familiar voice called my name. I swiveled around to find him standing behind us, carrying a pile of books.
His eyes traveled up and down my body, and I felt my skin heating up. Casually, Carson set his books down on the counter and stepped forward.
“To what do I owe this pleasure?” His eyes were dancing, and suddenly, I didn’t feel so self-conscious.
“My friends and I are going out tonight,” I began. I coughed, clearing my throat. “They wanted me to ask you, um, if you wanted to come along.”
“And bring your friends!” Rachel added loudly.
Carson glanced at her with a grin and then brought his eyes back to me. “Sounds like a good idea.” He took a step closer and whispered in my ear, “If I weren’t at work right now, I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off you.”
I swallowed, my heart fluttering, and took a step back. “So we’ll see you when you’re done?”
He nodded. “Where are you ladies headed?”
Rachel told him the name of the club, and Carson smiled.
“I’ll see if I can scrounge up any of my mates and meet you down there.” He paused, his eyes lingering on me again. “Don’t have too much fun until I get there.”
I smiled at him, but as soon as he turned away, I grabbed Joelle’s arm and fled. The other girls followed, laughing and talking as we spilled out into the street.
“God, that was mortifying!” I buried my face in my hands, and Joelle laughed.
“He thinks you’re hot stuff!”
Rachel caught up to us, walking on my other side. “Good deal, Sarah. I hope he brings his friends.”
I smiled at her shyly. “What did you think of him?”
Rachel grinned. “Such a cutie! How did you guys meet?”
“At the bookstore. Every nerd’s dream!” I tried to joke, feeling totally awkward; I’d never really had girlfriends before, and I didn’t know how to talk to them. I didn’t elaborate on me and Carson, and the conversation shifted, leaving me content to listen quietly as the girls laughed and joked. The club Rachel had picked was on the outskirts of London, but luckily the Underground ran out there. We bought sandwiches from a stre
et vendor, and as we ate our dinner on the train, I started to feel excited about the evening.
~
When we emerged from the Underground, we were in a run-down-looking warehouse district, and I held onto my purse a little tighter. Joelle noticed, and she smiled.
“It looks skanky, but it’s a pretty cool area. We went to this club last night, too; you’ll be fine.”
I relaxed my grip on my purse strap slightly, and smiled. “Sorry. I guess I’m just nervous.”
She cocked her head to one side, her dark eyes studying me. “I get the feeling that you haven’t done this before.”
I shrugged. “Something like that.”
“Rule number one of clubbing: stick with your girls. Rule number two: don’t set your drink down.”
I hadn’t even thought about drinking; I’d never really drunk before. “Okay,” I smiled, “what’s rule number three?”
“Have fun!”
A short line of people snaked along the sidewalk into one of the old warehouse buildings, but Rachel bypassed the line and headed straight for the burly bouncer. He looked like an African version of Mr. Clean, right down to his muscles and earring, and I stifled a laugh at the thought. He grinned at Rachel, clearly recognizing her from last night, and he waved us inside. I hesitated. “Should we tell him to watch out for Carson and his friends?”
Rachel shook her head. “No need. Clubs like this are always short on guys; usually the only way to line jump is to be sporting a dick.” She grinned wickedly. “But I made friends with Trevor last night, so we’re all good.”
I glanced back at the bouncer—Trevor—and he winked at me. Hurrying along after the girls, I followed them into a crowded room. The ceiling was way above us, sort of like a barn, and rafters and pipes were visible over our heads. The people were packed so tight that I felt a weird rush of claustrophobia, but before I could comment on how crowded it was, Joelle grabbed my arm.
“Glad we got here early; it’ll be packed later!”
I let her tow me toward the bar, wondering how two people could have such different definitions of the term “packed.” We elbowed our way through the crowd, and finally we made it to the bar where the other girls were already clustered. Five pretty pink shots were lined up in front of them, and Rachel handed one to me.