Toby eased his shirt up and gingerly pulled it over his head. He’d iced it and had taken his anti-inflammatories earlier that morning, but the pain still sliced through him.
The doctor examined him, pushing and prodding. “Raise your right arm for me.”
Toby did his best, but he couldn’t pull it up past chin level without a throbbing in the joint. “What about opening out to the side?” He did it, but he had to fight a grimace the whole way.
“There seems to be a lot of inflammation and bruising.” The doctor backed up and sat on a stool in front of the small desk where a computer sat. “I’ll put an order in for an MRI to check things out and make sure you didn’t damage the repair.” The man sounded doubtful.
“How soon can they get me in for the MRI?” How long would he have to wonder whether he’d be headed for another surgery?
“I’d guess you could come back down on Monday.” The doctor typed something into the computer and turned back to him. “But I don’t have to tell you, this is a serious injury you’ve been dealing with. Some people never fully recover.”
Here we go again. He’d heard this speech before. “I’ve come a long way since the surgery. I’ve done all my rehab and regained a lot of strength.” He wasn’t even thirty yet. He couldn’t be washed up already.
“You’ve recovered faster than most of my patients,” the doctor acknowledged. “But many people with that kind of injury are never the same. I’m only telling you this because I want you to be prepared. You know I wouldn’t say this to anyone else, but you’re like family.” The doctor waited until Toby looked at him. “Maybe it’s time for you to consider what your future holds. Even if you didn’t tear it again, you’re not going to be able to do this to yourself forever.”
“I’ve still got a few years in me.” He pulled his shirt back on, ignoring the ache. He’d managed to ignore all kinds of pain since he’d started riding, he could do it a few years longer. He had to.
Tanner was always out there in the arena with him. That was where their bond came back to life. He couldn’t give that up.
“I understand how you feel,” the doctor said sternly. “But there’s a chance you won’t regain full strength and range of motion. Especially if this turns out to be a major setback after a minor fall. Think of what a fall from a real bull could do.”
“I never think about it.” He only focused on the next competition. That’s what he had to do now. He had to focus. He had to force his body to do what he needed it to do. “It won’t be a major setback.” He refused to even consider this a minor setback. He’d be fine. He’d work extra hard on the range-of-motion exercises his PT had given him. He’d get back to full strength, and he’d get back on a bull.
“Go get the MRI and make another appointment with me in a week or so.” Dr. Petrie seemed to have given up on talking sense into him. “Then we can reevaluate based on the images. Depending on what I see, I may have to send you back to physical therapy. Hopefully we won’t end up in the operating room again.”
“We won’t.” He’d do everything he could to avoid that scenario. He stood and walked out of the room. “Thanks, doc. I’ll see you soon.”
“In the meantime, don’t get on any more mechanical bulls,” the man called behind him.
Dr. Petrie wouldn’t have to worry about that. Showing off for the crowd hadn’t exactly given him the thrill it once did. When Jane had walked past the mechanical bull, she’d seemed upset, and he’d realized then he didn’t care what everyone else thought nearly as much as he cared what she thought.
* * *
Jane made a mad dash into the library, doing her best to smooth down her hair and straighten the clothes she’d thrown on before she left the lodge. She’d spent the last three days locked in her room writing and had forgotten all about her meeting with Bernadette.
“There you are!” Beth came running from a table near the romance section to meet her. “Oh, thank God. I thought you weren’t going to show, and I’ve been looking forward to this for two days.”
Jane laughed. “Looking forward to me babysitting your grandmother?”
“Yes.” Her friend’s eyes widened. “I’ve had to bring her to the café and all she does is search for grease and grime and messes in the kitchen. Well, either that, or she goes around the dining room calling out customers on their bad manners.”
“Hopefully she spent some time reading too.” That had been the point of their little two-person book club. If she hadn’t read anything they could discuss, Jane had no idea what they were going to do.
“She’s a very fast reader,” Beth said sadly. “I think this time you’re going to have to load her up with a whole series or something.”
“I have a few that I can recommend.” Jane peered past Beth to the table where her grandmother sat impatiently waiting. “You go and don’t worry about us at all. We’ll have a fabulous time.” Even with the woman’s uppity attitude, Jane liked her. There was something almost endearing lurking beneath all those stuffy layers.
“Thank you!” Beth threw her arms around Jane’s neck. “Feel free to keep her as long as you want. You can drop her off at the house later.”
“Will do. Maybe after we finish up here, I’ll drive her back to the ranch and we can have lunch with Louise.” She could keep her out of Beth’s hair all day if that was what her friend needed.
“Yes, keep her for lunch. That would be great!” Her friend slipped on a pair of bedazzled cat-eye sunglasses. “Thanks again! See you soon!” She practically skipped out the door.
Still flustered from her mad rush to the library, Jane made her way to the table. Bernadette had chosen a seat by the window. Sunlight poured in, warming Jane the second she sat down. “Sorry I’m late. I’ve been working on a project and I totally lost track of time.” A sense of relief allowed her to relax. She was over halfway done with the book, and all the emotions Toby had stirred up in her seemed to work themselves right onto the page.
It had been so hard for her to walk out of his cabin the night he’d told her about his brother, but she’d managed to distract herself with writing ever since, which was just as well. She wasn’t sure she could trust herself alone with Toby now.
“What kind of project are you working on over the summer?” the older woman demanded. “Don’t professors get summers off too?”
“For the most part.” She reached into her purse and pulled out the book they were going to discuss: Sandra Brown’s Hello, Darkness. “But you still plan and research and work on curriculum.” She didn’t feel like explaining she wouldn’t have a contract come fall, and she couldn’t tell her about her predicament with the book she’d turned in either. She didn’t want to think about the fuss Bernadette would make if she knew Jane wrote those “inappropriate” books. “So, what did you think about the book?”
“It was…interesting.” The woman’s chin tipped up slightly and her gaze darted around like she wanted to make sure no one was listening in on their conversation.
“Interesting in a good way?” Jane loved every one of Sandra Brown’s books—the mystery, the suspense, the intrigue, the sexy romance.
“It was a bit racy,” Beth’s grandmother whispered. Like they’d get in trouble for discussing a sexy book at the library.
“That’s one of the best things about it,” Jane replied, not caring who heard. “It’s not a bad thing to get swept away by a compelling love story. Right?” There was something so hopeful about it. She supposed that’s why she read romance. She may have given up on love, but she still wanted to believe it was possible.
“It’s been a long time since I’ve gotten swept away in a love story, missy.” Bernadette leaned into the table. “But I will admit, the book did give me certain…feelings.” Her voice reduced to a whisper again. “I haven’t had any feelings for quite a while. Not since my Henry passed twenty years ago.”
“I’m sorry.” Maybe loneliness drove Bernadette to nitpicking and overstepping. Jane could certain
ly understand that. “That’s one of the reasons I love to read. Even when things aren’t going so well in your life, even when you’re lonely or missing someone you love, you can surround yourself with characters you come to know and love and root for.”
When she’d written her first novel, she’d given herself a place to belong. Maybe it wasn’t healthy to spend so much time with her made-up friends, but it had gotten her through a lot of lonely years. Last week, she likely wouldn’t have even called those years lonely, but now she realized that’s exactly how her life in California felt. Lonely. Safe but also empty…
“I haven’t thought of reading like that. Like surrounding yourself with friends.” Bernadette ran her hand over the book’s cover. “It has been awfully lonely since I buried my husband. We were married for over thirty years, and I’m not sure where my place in the world is without him.”
“Your place will always be with the people you love. The people who love you. Although fictional characters can be much easier to spend time with than real people.” She tried for lightness, but she could feel her smile wobble. Real people took so much energy. Real people could die or leave you or simply decide they didn’t love you anymore.
“Isn’t that the truth.” The woman harrumphed. “Real people leave you eventually. You can’t be with them forever. But I suppose it’s worth it. Loving someone. Even in the loneliness afterward.” She caught Jane in a perceptive gaze. “I noticed you left the shower with a certain gentleman the other night.”
Bernadette didn’t even have to say Toby’s name for Jane’s stomach to get that light fluttery feeling.
“He seems like a nice young man.” Coming from Bernadette, that was a colossal compliment. “A bit showy, maybe. But what cowboy isn’t?”
Jane picked up her book. That’s what they were supposed to be discussing. Not Toby. She spent enough time thinking about him. About the depth she’d never given him credit for as well as the reckless, impulsive side of him. “Let’s talk about the romance between Paris and Dean.”
A rare, slow smile replaced Bernadette’s frown. “You like him. Toby Garrett. Don’t you?”
“I’ve known Toby for a long time.” Jane squirmed. “But we’re not a good match.” She could kiss him all she wanted, but it didn’t change the fact that their lives were headed in opposite directions. It didn’t change the fact that he charmed women but had never had a serious relationship. Although if Aubrey had anything to say about it, that would change soon.
“He likes you as well,” Beth’s grandmother told her as though it was a fact. “I can tell. When I mentioned to him earlier that we were meeting here today, his eyes lit right up. He said he had a book to return so he might see me at the library.”
Jane’s shoulders got heavier. She started to look around, but she didn’t have to look far. There was Toby settled into an easy chair near the reference desk. The cover of a very familiar book hid his face.
“That’s him, isn’t it?” Bernadette clapped her hands. “I told you he liked you.” A knowing expression pursed her lips. “Maybe it’s time for you to stop spending your days with fictional characters and let a real man sweep you away.”
“We’re not here to talk about me,” Jane gently scolded. Clearly, she was a bad influence on Beth’s grandma. Girlish smiles had replaced the woman’s disapproving glares. Begrudgingly though, Jane had to admit “swept away” would be a good way to describe her heart at the moment. And she’d only caught a glimpse of Toby.
“What?” The older woman seemed to pout. “It might be too late for me, darlin’ but it’s definitely not for you. Go talk to him! At least say hello.”
Well, she had to now, if only to show Bernadette—and herself—they could simply be friends without any awkwardness between them. “Sure. Toby and I are friends. I can go say hello. Be right back.” Jane stood and casually wandered over to where Toby sat. No big deal. She’d say hello, ask how his doctor appointment went, and then they could quickly discuss the upcoming welcome events for Beth’s family, all while ignoring the fact that he was reading her book. “Hi there,” she said a little too brightly as she sat down next to him.
“Hey.” He lowered the book and turned up her internal thermostat with one of his signature smiles. “How’s it going?”
“Good.” She tried to relax her shoulders, but her heart had decided to go rogue on her and skip a couple beats. “How’s the book?” she asked, keeping her expression even.
“It’s good. I’m surprised you didn’t like it.” His eyes lingered on her face.
“Oh. Well. I liked it. Sure, I liked it,” she sputtered. “I mean, it was really good.” If she did say so herself. “What’d the doctor say about your shoulder?” If that wasn’t an obvious change of subject, she didn’t know what was.
“No news yet.” Toby’s eyes seemed to dull. “I’m having an MRI next week. We’ll know more after that.” He didn’t smile or joke around or make light of the situation like he normally would have. In fact, his jaw tightened with what looked a lot like worry.
Jane reached for him without thinking, grazing her fingers over his arm. “I’m sorry. Waiting is hard.” It seemed to be torturing him.
He studied her for a few silent seconds, his eyes drawing out another rise of emotion in her.
“Thanks,” he finally said. “I know you’re hanging out with Grandma B, but maybe we should talk about the welcome events with Beth’s family. Sorry I haven’t had much time to help.”
“Right. No. That’s okay.” Jane blinked hard, trying to order her thoughts. What she really wanted to do was pull him into her arms and ease his worry the way she’d comforted him the other night, but instead she jumped into the details. “It’ll be pretty simple. I figured we could start with a huge cowboy welcome breakfast before their mountain trail ride. Maybe have a picnic at the Lookout.”
The tension that had been engrained in his expression softened. “Lookout?”
Oh, right. Not many people knew about the special spot her father had always taken her to. “Yeah, I used to go up there with my dad. There’s a trail on the west side of the lake. It leads up to a ridge with a gorgeous view of the valley.”
“Sounds amazing.” He said it with a gentleness that prompted the threat of tears. Jane blinked them away. “Then we can ride back to the lodge and have full use of the beach and lake until dinner. I mean, that’s what I was thinking, but if you have other ideas, we can discuss them.” It was just that Beth had been talking nonstop about the wedding shower and how much fun she’d had. Jane felt compelled to make the next event even more memorable for her.
“That all sounds fine to me.” He studied her for a long minute. “I’m assuming you remember how to get up to the Lookout then?”
“Oh.” She would never forget that route, but… “I wasn’t planning to go on the ride.” She hadn’t been on a horse in years. Not since her dad had taken her. She looked away from Toby. “I can tell you how to get up there. And Pete should know.” The wrangler had been happy to lead the ride when she’d asked him.
Toby sat up straighter. “Really? You’re not coming?” He seemed to hesitate, but then continued. “You sure you don’t want to? Sounds like the Lookout is a pretty special place.”
“It is.” The prospect of going to a place she’d shared with her father felt like too much. “I’m not sure I can do that.”
He nodded as though he understood. “If you decide you want to, I’ll be there. You won’t have to face anything alone.”
She wasn’t sure that offered much consolation. Something happened when Toby looked at her. Her heart melted and her joints softened, and the practical logic that had always served her so well seemed almost out of reach. “I’ll think about it,” she managed.
Chapter Fifteen
Toby pulled up in front of Aubrey’s parents’ house, grateful that only her BMW SUV sat in the driveway. He parked along the curb and climbed out of the truck. This conversation would be much better without an aud
ience.
Based on what had happened at the shower, it was pretty clear Aubrey had misread his intentions when he’d met with her those few times in Denver. There’d been a time he might’ve been okay with that, but that time had passed. He didn’t intend to start up a relationship with the woman and she needed to know that.
Toby walked up the front porch steps and heard a dog barking somewhere inside. He rang the bell, ready to get this over with even though he wasn’t sure exactly what to say.
Aubrey peeked out the window before she opened the door with a happy smile. “Toby! What a great surprise. I was just thinking about you.”
He didn’t know how to respond to that, so he simply said, “Hey, do you think we could talk for a minute?”
“Sure.” She stepped aside as though she wanted him to come in. “Your timing couldn’t be better. My parents are both at work.”
He stayed where he was. Somehow it didn’t feel right going in the house. “We should talk out here.”
“Okay.” Her smile fell away. “How’s your shoulder?” she asked, leading him to a bench in front of the window.
“It’s better.” Thankfully. “The doc should call with the MRI results anytime.” And he was torn between wanting to know where he stood and wanting the radiologist to take as much time as she wanted to read the results in case they weren’t in their favor. But he hadn’t come to talk about his shoulder. “Listen, Aubrey.” He sat next to her. “I feel like maybe I gave you the wrong impression when we met for dinner after my surgery.”
She turned to face him, moving closer. “What’d you mean?”
Toby moved to the end of the bench and made himself look at her. “I mean, I didn’t intend to give you the idea I was looking for a relationship.” But he could see how she would’ve misunderstood. He liked to be friendly. Sometimes he came across as too friendly. “The thing is, I don’t think of you like that. You’re a great friend, but I’m not looking for anything more than that.”
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