• • • •
An hour later, we’re in Pescadero picking up Amanda and her two friends. Travis introduces me to them as they pile into the car. I'm struck with how beautiful Amanda is. I recognize so many features of her mom. I notice that her face, arms, and hands have scarring, but, regardless, she's really quite stunning.
"Hi, Amy," she says, reaching her hand out. Wow, and so polite too.
"It is so nice to meet you, Amanda," I say, taking her hand.
Travis tells her and her friends that we need to make a stop at his house so he can change. He grabs my hand in his, resting it on his leg as he drives off. The girls giggle in the backseat. Travis glances in the rear view mirror and winks at Amanda. It's like they have their own secret language that doesn’t need to be spoken. I squeeze his hand, sending my heart aflutter. He looks at me and smiles. The girls giggle even louder, and he grins.
When we pause at a red light, they’re easily distracted by a boy in the car next to us, quickly bringing them back to their teenage girl ways. "Are they always like this?" I whisper.
He chuckles. "No. But they've also never seen me with a girl, so I really wouldn't know."
"Amanda has never seen you with anyone? Like, no one from your past relationships?" I ask, shocked.
He shakes his head. "Nope. No one's been worthy of bringing around." Amazed by his words, I sit in silence. All these years and he's never brought any woman to his house or around Amanda, but he's been so anxious for us to meet.
We arrive at his house and the girls run in, announcing they need to use the restroom and want something to drink. "I'll only be a minute," he says, kissing my cheek.
Moments later, he emerges from the bedroom in a fitted t-shirt and cargo shorts, and he looks damn hot. I cock an eyebrow and grin. He bites down on his lower lip, knowing what I'm thinking. The girls come out of the kitchen with bottles of water and snacks.
"Would you like a bottle of water?" Amanda asks.
"That would be great. Thanks," Travis replies.
She returns to the kitchen and brings back two bottles, handing one to each of us.
"Thank you," I say, taking it. She smiles in return.
After piling back into the car, we drive for a bit. "Remember this place?" he asks, pulling up to a hiking trail in San Mateo.
"Yes, of course," I say, enthusiastic. This was one of our favorite hiking spots, and the one where Travis gave me my promise ring. Taking my hand in his, he pulls it up to his mouth, kissing my ring. The girls snicker in the back seat.
When we get out of the car, Amanda laces her arm in mine. "Come with us," she says to me. My mouth forms a smile, but my heart smiles bigger. I glance over at Travis who is, by far, smiling the widest.
We start climbing the trail while the girls pause to pick up leaves and rocks. Giggling and talking, they walk a bit in front of us, leaving Travis and I to ourselves. Travis slows down and tells the girls not to go too far ahead without us. Finding a large rock, he directs me to sit. Sitting by my side, he puts his feet up on the rock. The view from here is perfect. We can see into the city above all the trees.
I rest my head on his shoulder and he puts his arm around me. "She's beautiful," I remark, looking at Amanda with her friends.
"Yeah, she is. But she's even more beautiful on the inside. Her kindness amazes me sometimes."
"That's proof that she's been raised well. You should be proud of yourself for that. Her kindness is much like your own." He squeezes me.
"She may have taught me, instead of me teaching her."
"Not possible, you've always been this way.”
Reaching into his pocket, he pulls out his phone. "We need a new picture for the wall at the bar," he says, smiling. He calls for Amanda to take a picture of us. She runs to us, smiling, and grabs his phone. He wraps both arms around me and kisses me while she takes the picture.
"Can you take a picture with my phone, too?" I ask her. She nods excitedly. I hand it to her and we reenact the first picture.
"Thanks," I say when she hands me back the phone.
"You're welcome," she responds, endearingly. "Can we go up to the top of the trail?" she asks Travis.
"Do you have your phone on you?" he asks. She nods. "All right, but be careful."
Deciding that I want our new picture to be my wallpaper on my phone, I attempt to figure out how to save it. In doing so, my finger slides over the screen accidentally and I immediately feel nauseated. "Oh no!" I exclaim.
"What's the matter?" Travis asks with concern.
"Can you delete a picture from my phone for me? I can't look at it enough to remove it."
Narrowing his eyes, he takes my phone. "Okay.”
"You'll know which one it is when you see it.”
He slides his finger on the screen, and the look of shock floods his face. He stares down at it and then over to me. "This is the picture you took when you caught them together?" I nod in disgust. "Um, is this the kind of stuff you’re into as well?"
I gasp. "Hell no. Oh goodness, no." I let out a snort.
"Good. I don't think I have it in me to do that."
"Please delete it. I don't want that on my phone. I don't even know why I took it in the first place."
He presses a few things and tells me that it's gone, passing the phone back to me. "Are you sure that's not what you like?" he asks hesitantly.
I slap his arm. "Trav, please. No. No way. I had no idea that he was even into that."
"All right. Good," he says, trying to sound convinced. "So why didn't you guys ever get married?"
"Hmm…well, neither one of us ever wanted to do the whole marriage and kid thing."
He shakes his head. "That's not really true. You can't say you never did. I remember you and I talking about getting married and having three kids someday. You know, the whole house and white picket fence thing." I think. Yeah, I guess I did want that at one point in my life, with Travis. I had forgotten about that until this moment.
"Yeah, I guess you're right. But after going through what we did all those years ago, I had sworn off all guys. I wanted nothing to do with them because I convinced myself that they were all lying, cheating bastards. I never even dated for so many years. I had no interest. Then I met Rich at one of my dad's functions and I wasn't into him at first, I actually thought he was arrogant and annoying. He kept coming around, and he grew on me. We started spending more time together. I'm not sure how or when it came up, but he stressed that he wasn't the marrying type. I don't know if that’s what made me feel the same way, or maybe I felt he wasn't the right one, but either way I never wanted marriage and kids with him," I say, shrugging. "How about you? Did you ever find someone you wanted to marry?"
He presses his lips in a tight line and shakes his head. "No. I had a few relationships,but they never lasted long. I always held out hope that I'd find someone who I felt was the one for me—someone I didn't get tired of or find flaws in after three or so months—but I never did. I've had six short relationships―if you even want to call it that―over the years. None came close to making me feel fulfilled and satisfied. Not even close. I'm convinced that everyone has one true love―one soul mate―in life, and I met mine at the age of fifteen."
"I love you," I say, kissing him.
The girls return from their hike, announcing that they’re done gathering what they need. We walk back down to the car. I hold Travis' hand and Amanda hangs onto his other arm. The smile on his face couldn't be brighter.
We drive back to Pescadero and drop them off at Amanda's friend's house. "It was nice to finally meet you," Amanda says, getting out of the car.
"It was so nice to meet you too," I reply, fixating on one word that she spoke―finally.
She leans in and kisses Travis' cheek, and then tells him that she’ll see him after school tomorrow.
After she walks into the house I turn to Travis. "When did you tell her about me?" He looks at me with knowing eyes.
"She's known about
you for some time, at least a year, since your mom contacted me. She saw your picture at the bar years ago, though. I had to tell her about us, it's my favorite thing to talk about," he says, squeezing my hand and then backing out of the driveway.
• • • •
We get to San Francisco and pull into my mom's driveway. "Do you want to come in and we can make some dinner?" I ask, not wanting him to go.
"Sure," he says quickly.
We head inside and check in on my mom. Drew made her dinner and she's eating. My sister is in the kitchen putting together some pizzas, so I help her out. Drew offers Travis a beer, and they return to my mom's room. "I know I haven't told you yet, but I love that you guys are back together," Marla says.
"Thanks. I do too."
"You guys are just right for each other. I've always thought that."
We eat and watch a movie with my mom. Drew leaves and my mom settles in for the night. I tell Marla to stay and relax with her, and I'll get the dishes and kitchen cleaned up. Travis helps.
Afterward, he hesitantly announces that he should leave since both of us need to be up early in the morning. I sulk and hang onto him, not wanting him to go, but knowing that he has to. We walk to the front door, passing by my mom's room. The television is turned off and Marla is reading by the bedside light. She waves good-bye to Travis.
Strolling to the front door, I'm still pouting. He pulls me in for a kiss and I don't want to let go, I don't want to stop. I wrap myself around him and enjoy the feel of him up against me. "Call me when you get out of court tomorrow?" he asks. I nod, still sad that I have to let him go.
"I love you so much, baby," I say pulling him in for another kiss. "Thank you for a wonderful day."
"This was such a great day. I'm so glad that Amanda got to meet the love of my life," he responds. "I love you, Sweets.”
Opening the front door, we notice that it's raining—quite hard. He looks at me with a playful, terrified look on his face. I laugh. "Good luck," I joke. He smiles.
"Good night, Sweets," he says, pulling his hand from mine while stepping onto the porch. I watch him as he slowly walks backwards down the stairs, keeping his gaze on mine. The rain starts to slather him, but he doesn't react, he keeps walking while looking at me. He extends both arms straight out to his sides with his hands up, and he spins around in the rain. He looks like he's enjoying it. Seeing him soaked from the rain makes him look so irresistible.
Unable to contain myself, I run onto the porch and down the stairs, right into his arms. I jump up and wrap my legs around his waist, and he holds me up as I put my mouth on his. The feel of the rain and his mouth consume me. I’m convinced that I don't want him to go. I lean in. "Stay with me tonight?"
"I’d like that," he says, pulling me in for another kiss. I attempt to wiggle down out of his hold, but he tightens his grip on me and walks back in the direction of the house. He carries me through the front door and closes it behind us. He carries me upstairs to my room, with our mouths still locked on each other's. He lowers me down onto the bed, and then returns to the door to close and lock it. Returning to me, I pull on his shirt to get him to lower down on top of me, drawing his lips to mine again. He pulls away slightly. "Are you sure you want to do this?" he asks, through panted breaths.
"I've never been so sure of anything," I say, drawing him back in. "Are you okay?"
"I'm so much more than okay," he says with so much desire in every word.
His tongue searches for mine while clasping his hands with mine on either side of my head. He trails kisses along my jaw line, to my ear, and down my neck, setting off the fireworks inside my body once again. He continues kissing my neck and down lower on my chest.
Wanting him to remove his clothing, I free my hands from his and tug on the bottom of his shirt. He leans back on his legs and allows me to pull it off. He grabs my shirt and I raise myself off of the bed enough for him to remove it. I lower myself back down, bringing him with me. He hovers his body over mine, pressing just enough into me. He kisses my chest and the center between my breasts, then down to my stomach, and a spark fires within me.
I reach down, wanting to remove all the layers of clothing that remain between us. I need to feel the warmth of his skin to mine, all of it. He pulls away enough to remove his shorts and underwear. He then unfastens the button on my shorts, and slides them down my legs while he kisses my stomach and down to my thighs. He throws my shorts onto the floor and then places his fingers under the elastic of my underwear, pausing slightly before pulling them down and off me. He trails kisses back up my body and reaches behind me, unclasping my bra. He removes it, flinging it to the floor.
When he leans off the bed, he stretches down to the floor and I instantly realize what he’s searching for. "You don't need that. I'm―I'm on the―" but before I can finish, he's back on top of me, filling my mouth with his. I'm completely intoxicated by him. I've lost all ability to move or think. When I feel like I'm going to completely lose it, he raises himself back on top of me and finds my mouth again. "I love you," he whispers.
After we spend a while longer losing ourselves in each other, he lowers himself down next to me, and I feel the rapid beat of his heart and it’s in sync with mine. "You’re incredible, Sweets. You are perfect—absolutely perfect for me," he says, breathing heavily.
"And so are you, Mr. Cashman. I love you," I say, wrapping my hands behind his neck. He props himself up on an elbow next to me, and trails his fingers on my stomach. I can see his face in the moonlight that shines through the window and he looks amazing. "Thank you, God, for leading my man back to me," I say, looking up at the ceiling. He chuckles. I'm reminded that no other guy has ever been in this bed. "You've been the only one," I confess. He looks down at me puzzled. "The last time a guy's been in this bed, it was you."
He raises an eyebrow. "I like that," he says, amused. He shakes his head. "Wow, do I ever love you. Wow."
I snuggle up against him while thanking God―and my mom too―for bringing him back to me. Lowering himself down next to me, he stretches his arm behind my head. I lay my head down on his chest and he wraps his arms around me, holding me close, while we drift off to blissful sleep.
Chapter Fifteen
Wednesday
May 8, 2013
1:08pm
"Congratulations," I say to Matthew, hugging him.
"Thanks, Amy."
Matthew just won his first case as lead council. He presented his closing arguments this morning. The jury took less than thirty minutes to deliberate, before coming back with a not guilty verdict. There was no question in anyone's mind―including the jury's―that this was a self-defense case. I'm glad that it's over. Not only has this case affected me unexpectedly, but my mom has gotten so much worse the past couple of days. She's no longer able to walk and she's been coughing up a lot of blood. I simply want to spend more time with her. I've decided not to take on any new cases so that I can devote my days to be with her since there are few left. Both Drew and Marla have been spending a lot of time with her as well, and so has Travis. He's been over every day for the past week or so now. He's even been there while I'm in court―to be by her side and help out any way that he can. It's been so endearing, and it makes me fall in love with him more and more with each passing day―if that's even possible.
Today marks the one year anniversary of my dad's passing, and I've been struggling with the thought of paying him a visit. A part of me still feels like his baby girl, but another big part of me is angry with him. What could visiting his grave positively do for my emotions at this point? I don't see getting any closure from it.
I drive to my house to gather more clothes, and to check on things since I haven't been there in a week. I pull into the driveway and my new Lamborghini stares me in the face. It's been sitting here for many weeks now, unused. I don't see it the same way I did when I first got it. I feel disgusted simply looking at it.
I get out of the car and go inside the house. It feel
s empty and cold, despite every room being filled with furniture. It doesn't even feel like home. I don't think it ever really did. While it's a beautiful house―an excessively large house that is furnished with over-priced furniture―it doesn't feel right. I once thought that all of the grand and pricey materialistic things were what made me happy. I sure got slapped back into reality. I lived in this lavish home with a man who had no love for me, and I'd happily live in a straw hut with Travis for the rest of my life instead.
While gathering clothes from the bedroom, I decide to take my box of memories with me as well. This house isn't worthy of it. Not wanting to be there a moment longer, I walk out and close the front door behind me. Standing on the porch, looking at my new car, I know exactly what I want to do with it. After loading the clothes and the memory box into my Cadillac, I grab my cell phone and dial the Lamborghini dealership. I make arrangements to have it resold. They agree to come by to get it tomorrow. Relief and contentment set in at once.
After pulling out of the driveway, I decide to stop by the cemetery on my way to my mom’s house. I have some things I need to get off my chest.
While I sit in front of my dad's grave in silence, I pick the weeds from the ground, contemplating what I want to say. "You know, I considered not even coming today.I've been so angry with you. I have so much I want to say—so much I'd want to ask if you were still here on earth with us, but I learned over the past month that none of the answers would matter. It's ironic that the one guy you pushed out of my life, is the same one who’s been by mom's side not only through her illness, but over the past year while she's been mourning and missing you. And the guy you practically forced to stay with me is the one who hasn't cared to be part of the family at all since you left. He hasn't even wanted anything to do with mom at all. It makes me think that you'd rethink your plan had you known. I'd like to think so anyway."
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