Envisioning Hope

by Tracy Lee

  "Okay, I'm coming…I'm coming." I laughed as I counted the steps down into the finely decorated entry. I could smell the pine of the tree that sat so majestically across from the fireplace. Just as I stepped down onto the main floor, Ollie reached out his hand and took mine, pulling me gently into him. At that very moment, the doorbell rang.

  "You're just like a kid…I swear." I giggled as I laid a kiss on his lips. Ollie turned toward me, wrapping my arms around him as he deepened the kiss. Pulling away slightly, he smiled. "It's Christmas, babe. I'm supposed to act like a kid so remember that tonight when it's time for me to unwrap my present," he joked as he nuzzled against my neck playfully. I broke out into laughter when I heard the front door open.

  "Merry Christmas!" The group exclaimed all at once.

  One by one, each of them walked up, greeting me by hugging me tight. First was mom, I could smell her signature perfume that she had worn since she was sixteen. Her vibrant laugh died down to an almost silent cry as I felt her back vibrate. I pulled back and put my hand to her face, feeling the wetness that had made a thin sheet on her cheek. "Mom, I love you," I reassured her with an honest smile across my face. Her hand came up against my cheek and I finally heard her speak. "God has given me a miracle, Hope. I have my daughter back."

  I stopped breathing so that the tears had no choice but to stay away. This was a happy occasion, I wasn't about to ruin it with tears. I leaned down and placed a kiss to her cheek with a heartfelt, "I have you, Mom," as I pulled away.

  Faith followed along with her husband, Rick. I had met him not long after I left the hospital. It was hard for me when they got married, but I wouldn't have missed my own sister's wedding for anything. I let my hand fall to Faith's bulging belly and I felt my niece kick against my hand.

  "Love you, Hope," Faith said through a shaky voice. I knew that tears were being shed because of what mom and I had just experienced, plus the out of whack hormones weren't helping the situation. "Love you, Faith," I said as I squeezed her hand slightly, allowing her to see that I meant each word as I felt my cheek become slightly damp.

  I didn't want to do this today.

  Dad was next and he wrapped his arms so tight around me, I wasn't sure if I would be able to take in another breath. As he pushed me back a bit, I could hear him take a deep breath but I never heard him release it. "Best Christmas present I could ask for, standing right here in front of me, darlin'," Dad confessed and I couldn't hold back anymore. I wrapped my arms back around him as I whispered just loud enough for him to hear, "I'm so sorry I pushed you away, Dad."

  My dad ran his hand over the back of my head as he spoke with demand in his voice. "We won't be having any of that today…tis the season!" he yelled as he held up a bottle of wine.

  I still had issues with the way I had treated them, but I knew I had to listen to all of them when they spoke as a way of healing…our family's healing. "I love you, Dad!" I said through tears that now wouldn't stop flowing.

  This was supposed to be a happy day!

  It was because I was here with my loved ones, old and new, having the opportunity to share another Christmas together.

  Libby followed with her son, Jacob, hanging onto the bottom of her dress along with Bobby who carried their newly adopted son, Joshua, in his arms. I immediately grabbed Joshua away and made sure he got plenty of sugars from Auntie Hope. I ran my fingers through his soft hair thinking about Sawyer and how I used to do the same thing to him. Joshua's laugh broke me from my thought and I giggled back a small childish laugh as I touched my finger to the tip of his nose.

  Then came Ollie's parents. His mom wrapped me up in her arms as she did every time I saw her and it never got old. She was such a loving and caring woman who welcomed me into her family the first time I saw her. Ollie's dad handed Ollie a bottle of wine as he shook his other hand and started their one word greeting that always brought a smile to my face. "Son," Milo would say in his deep toned southern accent. Ollie would follow with his response, "Dad." It always made me laugh on the inside. One by one, each family member greeted one another and continued down the line as they made their way into the kitchen where all of the food was laid out.

  * * *

  We had eventually moved back into my home and I had, with the help of Libby, turned it into a place that would be a new home for Ollie and I, but still held the reminiscence of Charlie and Sawyer. I wasn't about to take them out of here, I needed to have them around me still, even if they really weren't.

  I was still healing and I think I would be for the rest of my life but I had never been happier. Ollie had come into my life as a gift from Charlie to replace what had been ripped away from me and if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have been able to go on.

  "Who wants ham?" Oliver's voice resonated within me and the thought of him brought a smile to my face. I loved him so much and I made sure he knew it every day.

  "Life has a sense of humor. Don't let it catch you in a practical joke."

  A wise man once taught me this valuable lesson. Unfortunately, I learned the hard way about life's so called personality, so I made sure that the people I loved knew exactly how I felt about them.

  I had gone back to work. It was difficult at first, and I have complications still, but I get through them with determination and a wonderful man helping me.

  Speaking of a wonderful man… I turned my head around the room as to see if I could pick up that distinctive voice. He wasn't here yet. I begin to walk into the kitchen when the doorbell rang.

  I smiled a large smile because I knew exactly who it was. I walked over to the door to let him in.

  "I was just thinking about you," I said as I leaned against the door.

  "Oh yeah? Hope it was good," Glenn replied as I fell into his arms. "You're late," I whispered in his ear as his arms wrapped tightly around me. "You know my husband and being on time," I joked with him as I heard his groan. "I got a good excuse…had to pick me up somethin' sweet at the airport."

  My curiosity was clearly written on my face. I didn't realize someone was with him.

  "And, who might this someone be?" I asked as I looked around at nothing. "My name's Lenore. Thank you for having me. Dad, here, has told me so much about you. I feel like I already know you."

  Dad…Glenn, it was his daughter. Her voice was so feminine and beautiful. Suddenly, my manners came back in a flash.

  "Oh lord, please come in. I'm so sorry," I apologized as I moved out of their way. I heard them stomp the snow off their feet before they stepped into the house right as I felt Ollie step up behind me.

  "Glenn… ‘bout time you made it. And what did I tell you about picking up hitchhikers?" Ollie joked and Lenore laughed a shy giggle as we stood in the entry. "Please, take your coats off…stay a while," I said as I reached my hand out.

  As soon as they handed me their coats, I flung them over to Ollie and went in to hug Lenore. I could smell her shampoo as I laid my head over her shoulder. "I'm so glad you're here," I whispered in her ear. "Your daddy cannot stop talking about you." I pulled back but she grabbed my hand and gave it a light squeeze. I knew she couldn't talk because the tears would fall, so I gave a squeeze back and welcomed her into our home.

  "So…who's ready for pie?" I asked to break the silence. I didn't want anyone feeling uncomfortable on such a joyous occasion.

  "Pie!" Oliver laughed. "Honey, we haven't even ate dinner yet," he continued as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and led me into the kitchen where deep voices and laughing could be heard.

  The sounds of family filled my ears. I didn't need eyes to know that this was what life was all about.

  Prologue

  Five Years Later

  "Mommy, can you see me?"

  I listened for that voice. Everywhere I went and heard that voice, I was filled with overwhelming emotion.

  "Yes, honey…I see you!" I yelled back to my four year old son, Jackson, who was running around not far from us. "I see you and you've got ice cream on the
end of your nose!" I joked with him. He loved when I played along. I held on tight as Ollie walked me across the fresh blanket of snow that lay quietly over the frozen ground.

  I followed his footsteps and when he stopped, I knew what was in front of me. I let go of his arm and bent down, sliding the bouquet of fall colored flowers into the pewter vase that was attached to the large headstone.

  "They're beautiful," Oliver whispered in my ear from behind me as I quickly stood back up. "The scent made them seem like they were," I told him as I put my hand over the top of his, running my finger over the wide band that surrounded his ring finger. I stepped out of his hold and approached the gravestone slowly. My hand reached out, touching the top of it and I knelt down so I was able to be on eye level with what was left of my other life. A life that still remained so dear to me. I ran my hand over Charlie's name feeling the letters reveal to me the reality that this was all I had left of him.

  I didn't get to attend their funerals so Ollie made sure that I got to say my goodbyes by bringing me out here. It was hard… the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life, but I knew they were both happy and they knew the same about me. I reached out to the other side and ran my fingers over the letters that made Sawyer's name known to me and I smiled.

  "Miss you every day, my little man." Slowly tracing over the W in his name was usually when it would hit me that this never got any easier. "He knows, Hope." Ollie's voice came up behind me as he placed his hand on my shoulder. And there was my answer on why I loved this man so much. It didn't matter how many times I would come here in my lifetime, he knew each time was still as hard as the first, and yet, there he stood, reassuring and comforting me, knowing I absorbed every bit of it.

  Sitting here in this cold cemetery with nothing but blackness surrounding me, I realized that I had found something I had lost so long ago. Something that I just knew, deep down, I would never be able to find again.

  But, I did.

  Hope.

  Purpose.

  "Tell me what you see, Hope."

  Ollie's words brought a shiver to my skin when I thought back to the first time he asked me that question. I had trouble answering it then. Now, I stood up, turned to him, and wrapped his big warm arms around me, allowing him to give me what I was in need of. Running my hand over the soft hair that covered his jaw, I pictured his gorgeous face looking at me, eyes burning with love for me, and knew I didn't even have to think about the answer.

  "I see life again, Ollie…only because you give me the sight to see it."

  The End

  About the Author

  Tracy Lee

  “I am a lover of chocolate, an outspoken dreamer who cannot survive without chaos! Those who truly know me can attest that I am obsessed with chocolate peanut butter anything. I write about hot, alpha men and the women who love them and the only way that I can get anything accomplished is in a crisis. I am no good in math; as a matter of fact, I suck in math. My true love is the English language and everything about it. My children are my world and will always be babies to me.

  Tracy lives with her husband and 4 children in a small town just outside Tulsa, Ok. Originally from Brandon, Florida she was a city girl at heart. Growing tired of living in the concrete jungle she wanted a change of scenery and pace; she packed her kids up and moved to Oklahoma where she met her husband. Now she’s seen snow, touched pigs and has cows and chickens in her back yard.

  Being a stay at home mom she became an avid reader and part-time blogger, she decided to put the three of them together and try her hand at writing and fell in love. In between running kids from band practice to PTO meetings, she enjoys her “me time” working on her next book. She thoroughly enjoys head-banging heavy metal and a kickass game of Black Ops and will be your slave if you offer her chocolate.

  Be sure to add her to keep updated on her upcoming books:

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