I glance at the clock and wince. “I hate to say it, we’re out of time. I’d be happy to keep going, but I have someone coming in fifteen minutes, and I need a little time to prepare. Besides, after an hour or so, it’s often good to pause a little and reflect.”
Yes. Pause and reflect. God knows I need to clear my head.
She nods, not exactly confidently, but I think she’s feeling just a little bit more secure than when she came in. I hope so.
“Listen, let’s set up a new time soon. Kent out front will be happy to help you with that. He knows my schedule better than I do.” I smile crookedly. “Assuming you’d like to come back, but I hope so. I think we can do good things together.”
She chews her lip nervously again, but the look she gives me is definitely a good sign. “Okay. I’ll do that. Thank you.”
“No, thank you for coming. I’m looking forward to working with you.”
The smile she throws me as she looks over her shoulder on her way out is adorable. As I close my door with a last glance at Miranda’s gorgeous ass, I’m praying Kent finds her a time slot ASAP.
4
Miranda
“My God, he’s so freaking good-looking. I was too shy to even speak most of the time.”
Amber laughs at me. Leaning against the back wall of the playroom at the club, we’re waiting for the stage show to start. She’s wearing a tiny leather dress, paired with heels bordering on stilt height. She’s got better balance than me, that’s for sure.
My dress is more vanilla, covering all the way to my knees, and my heels are sensible rather than attempting any height records. Amber keeps telling me I need to dress more sexy, more ‘scene’, whatever that means, but even that feels like I’m giving in too much, and then I spend the whole evening uncomfortable and just a little ashamed.
She pokes my shoulder.
“Huh?”
“I said, if you could try paying attention this time, that it must be difficult to get any coaching from a guy like that. I mean, if you can’t even talk to him, how are you going to get anything out of your sessions, even if he is into the scene? On the other hand, maybe that’s something else to explore? Maybe personal coaching of a different kind is what you need to open up a little, huh?” She grins, as wickedly and naughtily as only she can.
“Oh, come on, you know I can’t do that. That’s why I’m trying this coaching thing to begin with.”
“I don’t understand why this is so difficult for you, but I hope he can help you. If you want, I’ll even let you borrow Eric to tie you up sometime. Just no hanky panky.” She winks. “He is a married man after all.”
I won’t claim that the offer isn’t appealing. Eric’s a handsome man, but it’d feel weird, even if I could let myself get to that point, so I shake my head with a faint smile. “Thank you, but he’s yours.”
Cocking her head to the side, she smiles sympathetically. “Will you ever tell me? I mean, I understand that you’re really conflicted about this, and it’s not like we’ve been lifelong friends, but in the time I’ve known you, you’ve seemed so interested and invested in learning about life on the kink side of things. But the moment I suggest you join in, it’s like a wall drops down. No pressure, but I think it’s bothering you, and I hate seeing my friends bothered.” She winks. “Unless it’s hot and bothered, of course.”
That brings out a laugh from me. She’s got a point. Somehow, I started opening up to Dr. York—Keegan, maybe—yesterday, but I’m unable to do the same with someone who’s been my friend for almost a year. Caution is great and all, but she’s never given me any reason to suspect that she’s anything but genuine. Both her and her husband.
I try to phrase it gently. “I guess I’m not quite ready to talk about it yet. But even if we haven’t been friends that long, I really appreciate it. It’s totally not you, I promise.”
She doesn’t look offended, which makes me glad. I’d hate for things to get weird between us. She’s the only one I’ve really gotten to know around here, and definitely the only one I can talk to about kinky stuff. Well, other than my new therapist, I guess. That’s a strange thought.
“Oh wow, check that guy out. Phew.” Amber fans herself with her hand while her eyes follow someone in the crowd like a hawk tracking a chicken. “There’re a lot of good looking guys around here, but you don’t see many of his caliber.”
Following her gaze, I crane my neck while looking for him. And then I spot who she’s talking about, and literally feel the heat radiating from my face as I flush. “Um… that’s my therapist.”
“Get out.” She says it almost automatically, her eyes never leaving him as he weaves his way through the crowd. Not this way, luckily.
“For real.”
“Forget about therapy, babe. You need to land that guy before someone else does.” Then she cuts a quick look in my direction, long enough to ask a machine gun barrage of questions before turning to find him in the crowd again. “He is free, right? Was he wearing a ring? Pictures on his desk? Mention a wife? Girlfriend?”
“No,” I reply, maybe just a bit too emphatically. “And you’re saying that like there’s a world somewhere where that would work. He’s my therapist. And looks like a model. Seriously. My odds are like zero, even if I were going for it.”
“Don’t you dare sell yourself short. You’re super cute. I’d kill for straight, blonde locks like yours.”
“It doesn’t matter. Either he’s my therapist helping me with my problems, or he’s not and I still have all my hangups and there’s no way it’d work out. Doomed either way.” I blow a few strands of hair out of my face. “I bet he has all sorts of rules preventing him from getting too personal with his clients.”
“Well, we’re about to find out.”
“Huh?”
“He’s coming this way.”
Oh my God. He is. And he’s looking at me, and smiling that ridiculously handsome smile of his. What do you say to someone that sexy? Like I wasn’t tongue tied enough yesterday.
“Quick, let me hide behind you.” I move in her direction, but she just laughs and steps away, leaving me looking very obvious and awkward.
“Nuh uh. This is your chance.”
“I’m telling you, there is no chance.”
“No chance of what?” That last voice is unmistakably his, deep and a little rough around the edges. His smile beams in my direction, and I’m standing here like a deer in headlights. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t butt in on a private conversation, but I saw you there, and wanted to say hi.”
“Hi,” I reply meekly. My face is turning the club playroom into a red light district all on its own.
Amber nudges me. “Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend?”
I send a killing glare her way, but she just grins at me, knowing exactly what she’s doing. Since she refuses to drop over dead, I do the only thing I can do. “Amber, this is Dr. York. I just met him yesterday. Dr. York, this is my friend Amber. Despite appearances, she can be really nice once you get to know her.”
They shake hands, and something ugly rises inside me. Really? I’m jealous of her touching him first? Maybe I need more help than I thought.
“Just Keegan’s fine,” he says. Given our relationship right now, I’m not sure whether that goes for me too, or not. “Nice to meet you, Amber.” And then he turns to me, and I don’t see anything else in the club. Just him.
“Hi,” I say again, hopefully with a bit more conviction this time.
“Enjoying yourself?” he asks. “After yesterday, I was surprised I’d never run into you here, and then what do you know? Here you are.”
“Yeah.” I giggle inanely. “Go figure.”
He scratches the back of his head. “I mean, I suppose I might’ve kept an extra eye open, just to see how you’re doing. All things considered.”
“Sure. Yeah. All things considered.” I can’t tell if he’s putting moves on me or if this is just plain awkward. “You have an extra eye?”
For a moment, he stops, looking at me like I’m crazy, then laughs before leaning in conspiratorially. Up close, he smells really good. He puts his hand on my shoulder, and while the touch shouldn’t feel anything but casual, I can feel each finger burn my skin. He stage whispers, “Yeah, but you have to keep quiet about it. It’s a secret.”
Amber pipes up, completely forgotten by both of us. “Oh hey, that’s my husband over there. I think I’ll just… walk away and leave you two to talk. Obviously, you’ve got a lot to—”
“Wait, don’t leave me.” Faster than I’d think I was capable, I reach out to grab her wrist. No way is she leaving me alone with him in an atmosphere this charged.
Keegan takes a step backwards, though he’s still got that sexy smile on. “It’s all right. I’ve got some things going on tonight anyway. I’ll leave you two to it.” He speaks to both of us, but his eyes never leave mine. “And I’ll see you on… Thursday, was it?”
I nod. “Yeah.”
He gives a little wave, then walks off, disappearing into the crowd, leaving me wondering what exactly that was about. As a therapist, would it make sense for him to come over and talk to me in a casual setting like that? Was he here looking for me? If so, why?
Amber clutches my upper arm with both hands, bubbling over with excitement. “Oh my God, oh my God, you have to get with him.” She’s yelling so loud, I try to bring her back down on the ground, half afraid that even over the noise of the club, he’s going to hear her.
“Shh. Jeez, Amber. The last time I saw you this excited was when Eric came by with glow-in-the-dark ropes.”
“He’s totally got the hots for you.”
“What? No way. A guy like him? He was just being friendly. Just saw someone he knew.”
Amber laughs right in my face. “God, Miranda, I swear you’re blind as a bat. Didn’t you see how he looked at you? How he completely ignored these curves?” She takes a step back and wiggles her butt while gesturing at herself. She grins. “They always at least look, especially when I wear this dress. That’s part of the fun.”
I’m not sure if I can deal with Amber like this, right now. “Listen, he can’t, and we won’t, because that’s not the relationship we have.” I say it as convincingly as I can, hoping that’ll quiet my own thoughts as well.
She leans in close, closer even than Keegan when he whispered, and says a single word.
“Yet.”
“Oh stop it.” I shake my head, but I can’t help laughing at the conspiratorial look on her face. She’s so set on getting me hooked up and into the lifestyle, it’s a little scary sometimes. “I don’t even know what he’s into. Even if I somehow decide to make the leap, what if he’s into, I don’t know… something really gross.”
She glances at the crowd, obviously looking for him. “With a face like that? I’d take the chance. But I bet he’ll tie you up, give you a solid spanking and then make you beg for more. That’s what I think, anyway.”
“You’re crazy.” I say that, but the tingle that rushes right through my gut to between my legs is so very, very real.
“And you’re letting life pass you by.” Her lighthearted teasing takes an exasperated turn. “Really, there’s this wonderful world in here, and you obviously want to be part of it. I don’t understand what’s holding you back, but imagine this: you, in twenty years, looking back. Which you will it be? The one who wishes she’d dared to take a chance all those years ago, or the one waking up next to her sexy husband, eager to know what kinky and fun tortures he’s going to put her through that day?” She crosses her arms and quirks an eyebrow. “I know what I’d choose. What I chose.”
I’m a little taken aback by how strongly she’s coming on. Amber’s bubbly and not afraid to speak her mind, but even from her, that was pretty over the top. A part of me agrees with her, but the rest is feeling an anxiety attack coming on, like I’m slowly sinking into deep water and it’s about to close over my head. I want to do what she says, but I can’t, and I know it’s not going to make any sense to her.
I shake my head. “I think I need to go.”
“What?” She stares at me in confusion.
“I need to… think.” Find myself some quiet, some solitude. Suddenly everything about the club, and the people and knowing that Keegan is out there, all feels too oppressive. “I’m sorry, Amber. I’ll see you later.”
“Wait.” But she doesn’t stop me, even if her eyes burn holes in my back as I rush out of the play area. I nudge my way through the packed dance floor in the main hall and get my coat from the coat check. The doorman, a huge guy in a black T-shirt stretched across his broad chest and with a clean-shaven head, steps aside with a smile to let me leave, then waves in a couple who’re waiting in line.
It’s not far to my beat-up Toyota that’s stuck with me since high school. I slide into the driver’s seat before locking all the doors. Then I sit there for a while, both dreading the next session with Keegan, and thinking it can’t come quickly enough.
And if that isn’t just a little scary, I don’t know what is.
5
Miranda
When I arrive at Keegan’s office, he’s speaking with his receptionist in the front room. At the sound of the door, he turns and locks his jade eyes on me in a gaze of molten green. His smile makes my stomach flip and my knees all wobbly.
“Miranda.” Keegan’s deep voice is sex for the ears, but then his expression turns serious. “Are you all right? You look…”
“Tired? Yeah, I didn’t sleep well. If you find me snoring during our session, just kick me.”
He laughs softly, but his eyes are soft with concern. “Insomnia? Bad dreams?”
“Yeah, something like that.” I hold my hand out in greeting instead of running away, warmed by a flash of pride for my daring.
Bad dreams? Try the worst nightmares I’ve had in a long time. I was still living at home, Dad was chasing me around the kitchen table with a belt, bellowing that he was going to give me exactly what a bad girl like me deserved. It never actually happened, at least not just like that, but he chased me around my dreams all night. When I finally rolled out of bed, it was as if I hadn’t slept at all.
It’s probably something good to discuss with a therapist, but I’m totally not ready for that.
Keegan takes my hand, then pulls me gently closer, putting his other one at the small of my back. He exerts a slight pressure, guiding me. “Well, let’s go talk in my office. Maybe a cup of hot chocolate will make you feel better.”
“That sounds nice.” With a nod and a faint smile, I let him steer me into his office. Even through my coat, his touch is warm and insistent. A shiver tracks down my spine, making the rest of me shudder for one thrilling moment.
He takes my coat, his footsteps muffled by the soft carpet as he goes to hang it up on a rack in the corner. “I’m glad you came back. I was afraid you might change your mind after our last session.”
“No, no, it was good. I was—” Scared out of my mind. “It was… enlightening. I think, maybe I learned some things about myself?” I’m not exactly the voice of confidence these days. Or any days, if I’m honest.
His left eyebrow arches and his grin goes crooked, giving him a skeptical look. “Really? Good to hear. That already has me looking forward to today’s session. Why don’t you have a seat?” He gestures towards the leather chair I used last time. “Ready for that hot chocolate?”
I smile gratefully. “Please.”
He punches a button on a very professional-looking, burnished chrome coffee machine. It whirs, hisses and then fires a mixture of cocoa brown and milky white from two small spouts into a deep coffee mug. He sets a second mug up and punches another button, leaving the machine grinding while he carries the first one over to me. “Here you go. Remember, it’s hot.”
Nodding my thanks, I take a careful sip.
Ouch.
“You know, I should know better by now,” I say around my burnt tongue. “I’m
always too eager. I must be a glutton for punishment.”
He laughs as he pours a glass of water and hands it to me. “Well, perhaps that comes with the territory.”
I blush at the implication while sipping the cool water. It soothes my tongue, at least for the moment. I’ll be feeling the burn all day, most likely.
He goes back to the machine for his coffee, giving me a couple of seconds to admire him from behind. He’s wearing a suit, though the jacket is hung over the back of his chair. His white shirt is rolled up to his elbows, exposing powerful forearms, and his slacks hug his ass in a way that makes me jealous of them.
I would be the one to end up with the sexiest therapist on record. I blow over my hot chocolate to cool it, while trying to ignore the tingle at the tip of my tongue.
He returns with his coffee and eases into the chair opposite. Cradling the cup in his hands, he looks me over, and this gaze feels just a little more predatory than would seem appropriate in a typical doctor-client relationship. I shiver a bit, even though it’s not cold at all. It’s not a bad shiver, exactly. Excited, maybe? Anticipatory?
“So.” He tastes the word briefly before continuing. “How should I take care of you today?”
“I… shouldn’t you be the one deciding that?” Glancing over the top of my cup at him, I hope it hides what I imagine is the deep blush on my cheeks. He didn’t mean that like it sounded—at least I don’t think so—but that doesn’t mean that my mind isn’t going places very quickly. Sexy, scary places.
He wets his lips while he thinks, and I can’t not follow his tongue as it moves. “I have some ideas, but I’m here for you. It’s important that you tell me if there’s something on your mind, or something you’d like us to talk about. Or do.”
My mind quickly spins towards things I’d like him to do, immediately followed by a surge of guilt. He’s my therapist. We’re in a professional relationship, and I really should treat it that way. Those things I imagine him doing… I could never do that anyway.
Trust Me: A BDSM Romance Page 3