by Lazeema Haq
The longer he kept staring at her, the more the ache intensified, and so he feigned a casual smile to maintain the friendly atmosphere between them. Hopefully that would get her talking (she was usually much less guarded around him when he wasn’t openly lusting after her), which would hopefully distract him from picturing what it would be like to fuck on that ridiculous frilly bed of hers. “Is this Latoya?” he asked, pointing to the picture he was holding.
“Yes. Akil told you about her?”
“Yeah.”
“He talks too much when he’s wasted.”
Giving her a genuine smile this time, he set the frame back on the nightstand and eased his hands into the pocket of his jeans. Much to his surprise he caught Vesper blatantly checking him out, her eyes trailing down his chest and the length of his body without even bothering to hide it, and he felt himself getting hard under her excited gaze.
The sight of her full lips parting ever so slightly was incredibly hot, leaving him with an image of Vesper kneeling down in front of him, eyes twinkling up at him, her beautiful mouth wrapped around his cock, teasing him while she sucked him off; he almost couldn’t breathe with how aroused the thought made him. The need to have her, taste her, see her face when he made her come with his hands, mouth, cock, was so strong it was almost painful.
“I have to grab my pyjamas,” she said, pointing to the closet behind him.
“Yeah, sure, whatever.”
Tristan wondered if the spliff he’d shared with Akil earlier had been laced with something because he felt nervous and anxious all of a sudden, not at all like his normal confident, assured self. It was bad, almost like a teenager about to lose his virginity bad, which was absolutely ridiculous. He hated feeling self-conscious, and even though he knew logically it wasn’t her fault a part of him resented Vesper for bringing out his insecurities.
As she started walking towards him, he quickly sat down on the edge of the bed. He was desperate to put some distance between them, but she took her time, her steps slow and languid, and he wondered if she was doing it deliberately to taunt him. When she finally reached the bed and took a seat next to him – surprising the hell out of him – his horrible anxiety grew worse. No longer restricted to the pit of his stomach, it had begun to spread through him like a virus. His heart was pounding in his chest, so furiously he worried it would explode right then and there. What the fuck was wrong with him? What the hell was in that joint? The weed must have been cut with something really strong to make him react like this.
“Are you okay?” Vesper asked, watching him with concern.
“I’m fine,” he snapped, fisting the bed sheets.
“You’re turning red.”
He closed his eyes, taking deep breaths. All of a sudden her fingers were on his face, stroking his cheek, and he almost jumped up in response. Irritated, he pushed her hand away. “Vesper, leave me the fuck alone!” Guilt washed over him upon spotting the hurt look on her face, but it wasn’t enough to make him go after her when she stormed out of the room. It was for the best anyway. He was having a fucking meltdown and the last thing he wanted was to have her around to witness it.
He fell back on the mattress and continued to take slow, deep breaths. Maybe he was suffering from a panic attack again, but quickly disregarded that idea; he had experienced enough of them as a kid to know this wasn’t as paralysing. It had to be the weed; that was the only logical explanation.
The lights were turned off just then, the room dark, and it took a few seconds for his eyes to adjust to the street lights streaming in through the window. Balancing himself on his elbows, he watched as Vesper crossed the room and climbed up on the bed to sit next to him. Expecting her to be angry, he was taken aback by her calm facade. “Planning to seduce me or kill me?”
“Shut up.” Forcing him to lie back down, she placed a towel across his forehead. The sensation of the cold, wet terry-cloth against his heated skin was surprisingly soothing. Despite her presence he found himself relaxing at last, especially when she started running her fingers through his hair.
“I think that’s the last time you’ll be enjoying Akil’s treats,” she murmured.
Tristan smiled, closing his eyes. “Hope he won’t be too disappointed.”
“He won’t. He doesn’t really like sharing.”
He felt her shifting next to him. Worried she was going to leave before he even had the chance to apologise, he turned to look at her and found her lying down on her side, head supported on her elbow. She met his gaze, granted him a smile.
“Feeling better?” she asked.
“I’m sorry I yelled at you.”
“It’s okay.”
She placed her hand on his chest and caressed the spot softly, causing his heart to speed up again – for different reasons this time.
“Thank you,” she said.
“For what?”
“Being sweet to Akil, for not disrespecting him.”
It hurt that she would think him capable of that. “Did you really think I’d do that?”
“I didn’t know what to expect. I’ve seen people treat him horribly, bully him, insult him, provoke him into fights, all because he’s gay. I was worried you’d do the same.” Her face lit up with a wonderful, beaming smile. “You surprised me.”
“Be still my heart. Is that an actual compliment?” Removing the towel from his forehead, he curled up on his side. Face-to-face with Vesper, he studied her with a keen gaze, wondering if she was going to push him away. She didn’t, remaining in place.
“I’m glad you came over tonight.”
“Me too.” Caught under her spell, Tristan raised his fingers to her lips, trailing the shape of her mouth. A sharp breath escaped from her. “You’re so beautiful.”
“You’re saying that because you’re high.”
“Yeah, maybe.” As she attempted to give him a playful punch across the shoulder, he captured her hand. “How do you do that?” he whispered, pressing kisses on her fingertips.
Her voice was breathless. “What?”
“Make me forget all the shitty things in my life.”
“Do I really do that?” Removing her hand from his grip she leaned closer, and started caressing his lips with her thumb.
Aroused and enthralled by the desire in her eyes, he drew her thumb into his mouth, sucking on the digit gently. His teeth nipped her skin, his tongue stroking her, and she quivered next to him.
“Tristan,” she whispered, her voice husky with desire.
A second later, she pulled her hand away. This is what they did with each other, the game they played. Any moment now she would start an argument with him, forcing him to leave. He angled back, watching her warily, prepared for the inevitable fight that was sure to follow.
She leaned in and closed her mouth over his.
Chapter Ten
Vesper didn’t know what compelled her to kiss Tristan. It was as if she was spellbound, powerless to control her own actions – that was the only justification for wanting him as badly as she did. Her lips lingered over his, gentle and tentative, peppering him with innocent kisses in between suckling his bottom lip. When he still remained frozen, she deepened the kiss, her tongue probing for more as she continued to explore his mouth.
One second she was the one urging him to engage, the next, Tristan was in charge. He pulled off her glasses, throwing them aside before cradling her face with one hand, the other clenching the back of her hair. He drew her close until she was on top of him, all the while intensifying the kiss, stroking her tongue, playing with her, taunting her, drifting between tender and aggressive and at times even hesitant, leaving her yearning for more. Her fingers wrapped around his neck, her nails digging into his skin.
She couldn’t remember the last time she wanted someone this much. While there had been a few guys
here and there, the attraction was never this strong and definitely never to the point where her body physically ached for sexual release. At least she wasn’t the only one caught up in it if the guttural moans coming from Tristan were any indication. He felt the same urgency she did.
As if reading her mind he flipped her over and covered her body with his own, his heavy weight pressing down on her. He fit perfectly against her yet the close proximity still wasn’t enough, the layers of clothing between them proving to be too much of a barrier for what they both needed. He exhaled a frustrated growl, the sound raw and predatory, and instinctively she curved her legs around his thighs, arching up against him. His naked chest brushed against the fabric of her top, making her nipples stiff against his touch, and the sensation was as tantalising as it was deliciously painful.
He studied her intently, his breath ragged, his deep blue eyes piercing into the very heart of her. There was a storm brewing in the blue pools of his gaze, ready to destroy her entire world; a small part of her was ready and eager for him to do it. Ignoring the seed of fear that was starting to develop in the pit of her stomach, she caressed his bottom lip with her thumb.
“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he whispered.
She remained quiet, heart thundering in her chest. She didn’t want to talk. Talking would lead to thinking, and thinking would inevitably lead to doubt, and she didn’t want to dwell on hesitations and fears when she could immerse herself in pleasure instead.
“Say something,” he urged.
“Something.”
“Tease,” he grinned, grinding his erection down against her.
Fingers trembling, he attempted to undo the buttons of her top and that’s when the reality of what was about to happen sunk in. Excitement turned to apprehension. She pushed his hand away and closed her eyes, desperately waiting for this dreadful panic to subside. Except it didn’t. Fuck.
“Vesper?”
Eyes shut, she released her grip around his shoulders, hoping he would take that as a hint to move away. He did, but not before dropping a delicate kiss on her forehead. He didn’t shift far, just off of her body so he wasn’t weighing her down anymore. Tension hung in the air between them, almost to the point of suffocation. She couldn’t see him yet the sensation of his searing gaze upon her was still potent. His breath hummed against her skin, surprisingly comforting, while his fingers slipped under the neckline of her top to smooth along her clavicle. Shortly after he slid his arm over her chest, just below her breasts, and gave her a peck on the cheek.
Finally, she opened her eyes; he was watching her with concern.
“You alright?” he asked.
“I’m sorry. Things were moving too fast.”
“It’s okay. I get it. You’re not the only one freaked out by this.”
She curled up on her side to face him, their legs intertwined, and reached out to brush her hand over the crinkle of soft hair on his chest. “I have to tell you something.”
“You’re madly in love with me?”
Finding it difficult to meet his direct stare, she fixed her gaze on his lips.
“What is it?” he prodded, cradling her face.
“I’ve… I’ve never had sex with anyone before.”
His hand stilled on her. After several seconds of silence, she finally gathered enough courage to look into his eyes but there was only a blank expression on his face. She had no idea what he was thinking. “It’s not a big deal,” she added, trying to reassure him. “I’m not waiting for Mr. Right or any of that bullshit. I just… you know how I am, I’m not exactly the friendliest person. Between working and school, I never got around to dating much.” There was so much more she wanted to tell him, but it was too soon; she didn’t trust him to fully reveal her past.
“Vesper, you don’t need to explain yourself to me.”
Despite the calm facade, his body felt stiff and her instincts screamed he was still troubled. “I want to sleep with you, but I just need a little bit of time.”
“Okay.”
His response was automatic, almost a little too earnest. “I know guys freak out about being a girl’s first but I don’t have any expectations from you. As far as I’m concerned, it’s not a big deal.”
“You already said that.”
The awkwardness between them was bordering on stifling, and the way he was peering at her wasn’t exactly helping things. Then out of nowhere, he flashed a genuine smile and manoeuvred himself closer so that he was now lying on top of her. She breathed a sigh of relief when he rested his head in the crook of her neck.
“You were so stubborn about keeping things platonic. What made you change your mind?”
“I don’t know. I just did.”
“I get it. I’m irresistible.”
“Shut up,” she chuckled, playing with his hair.
They spent the next hour talking, laughing, teasing each other until she fell asleep in his arms.
*****
Tristan was too troubled to sleep, his mind spinning. When the sun finally rose he dropped a light kiss on Vesper’s lips and slid off the bed quietly. If she was awake, there was no way he could walk away from her, and that was something he absolutely needed to do for himself. Even though a part of him wanted her desperately – fuck the consequences – there was that always constant fear lurking deep within him that refused to be ignored. The scars from his parent’s relationship were etched into his brain; he didn’t want to be involved with anyone who could provoke similar reactions in him. With Lily it had been easy, their relationship effortless, but Vesper was stubborn, headstrong and a lot like him, which meant they clashed repeatedly. Although fun, it required too much out of him and could easily prove to be exhausting in the long run. No relationship was worth that much heartache.
He wished he could just fuck her out of his system; however, she meant too much to him to do that. And there was no way they could be friends, that was impossible. Ultimately, there was no place for Vesper in his life.
It was easier to get out now before his feelings grew stronger, hers too for that matter, and so he picked up his sweater from the chair and crept out of the room as silently as possible, his resolve giving him the strength needed not to look back.
Chapter Eleven
After a long night Vesper was finally getting ready to go home when Jessica waltzed into the staff room, looking her usual stunning and carefree self. How the redhead looked so good after working a busy shift Vesper had no idea. If anything Jessica seemed more energized whereas Vesper could barely keep her eyes open. Ah, to be that young again. “Thanks for taking my shifts this week. I was supposed to book them off earlier but I totally forgot. I owe you big.”
“No prob.” Jessica flashed a smile. “Want to go for coffee?”
“Can’t. Have to go home and study.”
“When’s your exam?”
“Friday.”
“I’m sure you’ll ace it.”
Vesper grimaced at the thought of all the chapters she still had to go through. “I wish.”
“So you’re free next weekend?”
“Yup. Wanna do something?”
Jessica looked like the cat who had swallowed a canary. “You have a date next Saturday.”
“What?”
“My stepbrother’s coming here from England and my mom wants me to take him out but I can’t stand the dude. So you’re gonna have to do it.”
“Yeah, I don’t think so.”
“I just picked up your shifts. You owe me, remember?”
Vesper sat down on the bench. “You’re really going to make me do this?”
“Yeah, I am. I hate him. He’s a stuck-up, pretentious old fuck.”
“Gee. Now I really can’t wait to go out with him.”
“It’s not gonna be fun
and you’ll probably want to shoot him afterwards but whatever. As long as it’s not me.”
“Sometimes I really hate you, Jess.”
“No, you don’t. You love me.” Jessica grinned. “Besides, you might like him.”
“After your glowing recommendation? How could I not?”
“Maybe he won’t be a condescending prick with you.”
“I won’t hold my breath.”
“I mean, he’s not ugly. He’s hot in a pretty-boy type of way.”
“Yeah, well. Not interested. I’m done with pretty-boys.”
“Because of Tristan? You still hung up on that guy?”
“I’m not hung up on him!” Vesper bit out.
His name alone pissed her off. It was almost a month since she’d seen or heard from him and yet the anger and humiliation was still fresh in her mind. At first she had hoped there was a reason for him sneaking out the way he did, maybe he had to be somewhere early in the morning, but after leaving him a message and never hearing back she’d realized the truth: he ran. Whether it was because he was only looking to get laid or because the thought of her being a virgin had scared him off, she didn’t know, and, frankly, it didn’t matter. He was an asshole, and she didn’t want to have anything to do with him. She’d always prided herself on being able to see through people’s bullshit but Tristan had managed to make her believe he was different and she had foolishly allowed him to slip past her defenses because of it. Well, she wasn’t going to be that stupid again.
“You still haven’t told me what happened with you guys,” Jessica said.
“Nothing happened.”
“Sure. That’s why you look like you’re ready to explode.”
“Jess, don’t. I don’t want to waste anymore of my time on him. He’s not worth it.”
“It was that bad?”
“Can we please drop it now?”
“Okay, whatever. But you’re still going out with Stephen.”