by Ryan Michele
“How did you even get us in there?”
He smirks. “A favor earns a favor.” That’s all he says before turning and walking from the room. Whatever.
“MOM!” I YELL FOR the tenth time. One would think with supersonic hearing she could hear me from a mile away, but chances are she has earbuds in and she’s listening to one of those raunchy books we both love so much. I step out onto the back deck, eyes landing directly on her.
Sitting in the sunlight, lounging in a chair that is positioned almost all the way flat, is my mother—the most beautiful, outgoing, loving person I know. Her hair is the same color as mine, a deep brown with hints of red if the sun hits it just right. Hers is only an inch shorter than mine and it comes to her mid-back in waves. Everything about my mother screams beautiful.
From the wires hanging out of her ears, I can tell she’s indeed listening to something and my curiosity piques as to what. Her sunglasses cover her eyes but I have no doubt they are open, taking in the beauty of the woods that surround us.
“Sabrea, you need something?” She pulls the buds out of her ears and turns her head to me as I take a seat on the lounge chair next to her.
“I’d like to talk to you about this meeting you and Dad set up for me, Syd, and Savannah.”
My mother takes her glasses off and pulls the chair to a sitting position, fumbling with her phone to turn off her latest book craze. I’ve always loved how she gives me her undivided attention. One of the many things I love about my mom.
“What about it?” She clasps her hands in front of her, intertwining her fingers. It’s kind of weird her elegant, long fingers are one of the things I like about my mom, but that’s me, weird. Oddball. You name it, I’ve been called it. Small things make me happy and my mom’s hands are one of them.
How do I put this so it’s not disrespectful, but gets my point across? “I think it’s a bad idea.” That didn’t sound too bad and Mom’s not scrunching up her nose, so that’s a good sign.
“Why is that?”
Dammit. Duh, dumbass, like she’d let something like this go without an explanation.
I think fast. “I know that Syd and Savannah are set on finding their mates. They’ve been looking nonstop. And it’s fine if they want to go through with this, but I don’t, Mom. I like it here; I’m not ready to go.”
“Sweetheart, I know that you do and I love having you here, but,” and there’s the but, “you need to have your own life. You can’t live in a book, honey.”
“Mom, I like reading, just like you do. It’s exciting, thrilling. I can be anyone I want to be for about three hundred pages, and then someone else in the next. It’s fantastic.” I do love it. I found my first book when I was a pup and the escape was magnificent. Then I never stopped and why would I? It’s the one place where I can find peace and not feel so damn worthless in this existence. None of these wolves understand what it’s like to be trapped.
“I know it is, sweetie, but there is so much more to life than being in a book all the time. If you don’t take a moment to enjoy it, you will miss so many great things.” Her face is etched in concern and though I know she means well, I just don’t like the idea. If I go, I won’t be able to hide that I’ve already sensed him, and the last time I went to Marvin didn’t fare so well.
“That doesn’t explain why you want Syd and Savannah to do it, too. They’re very social.” And that’s saying it in a nice way. They’ve been social with every wolf in our pack, the neighboring pack, and it wouldn’t surprise me if some humans were thrown in there just for fun.
“And that’s the exact reason why I want them to go. You and those two are on totally opposite ends of the spectrum.” She’s got that right. “I just want a balance for all of you.” She drops her head, lost in thought for a moment, then lifts it. “I know you see having only one ear and…,” she drifts off.
“My shifting abnormality.” I offer. She never likes to bring it up and I appreciate that she doesn’t, most of the time, but it’s who I am.
“Yes, sweetheart. Those two things do not make you defective or unable to love. It doesn’t make you wrong. It makes you special.”
I scoff at the word. Special. One word I would never ever call myself. Being a wolf born with a defect, an abnormality, in other words, is something wrong. That’s me. Being born with only one ear would have been hard enough as a human, but as a human I can cover it up with my hair easy enough. As a wolf, there is no hiding its loss. So it’s the only positive about not shifting.
“Mom, I’m different. I get it. I’ve gotten it for years. There is nothing I can do about it. I can’t shift on demand like you guys. Hell, I can’t shift at all. I get it. I do. It sucks, but I deal.”
When I couldn’t shift that fourth day, it was such a conundrum that my parents got me in to see Marvin. He had no answers. Instead, he proceeded to tell me that my future was blank. Blank. Nothing. Not there. I do not want to go back to this wizard and be told the same thing. You’re blank. You just walk the earth for eternity with nothing. What male wolf would want that shit on their plate? I wish that on no one. Well, maybe my sisters, just for a short time so they could feel what it’s like. But I have no doubt the wizard will see my mate this time, especially since I can’t get his scent out of my nostrils.
“When we went before it was a very long time ago.” How in the hell does my mother always read my thoughts? “I know that it wasn’t nice, but I’m hoping that since you are older we’ll be able to find some things out. Maybe he won’t tell you about your mate, but how you can be able to shift again or something?”
Heavens love my mother. She is and always has been my number one cheerleader, even cutting my sisters down anytime she heard them putting me down. She doesn’t know of all the other times, but it’s fine. I can take it, but it helps that she’s always had my back.
“Mom, don’t get your hopes up. The chances of him seeing my future or even my mate are slim. I know you want me to be happy. I do. I just don’t think it’s worth anything for me to go. Send Syd and Savannah. I’m sure he’ll get a shit ton from them. But nothing will happen with me. It just won’t.” I pause. “Mom. Seriously. No male is going to want a female that doesn’t shift. I could get away with the ear, but the non-shifting would be a deal-breaker.” I look directly into my mother’s eyes, hoping she gets it. “No male can get past that and it’s not fair for me to ask them to. If I don’t find him,” I lie a bit, “then I can’t put him through it.”
Mom grips my hands and holds them tightly. “The male that is your mate will not care you cannot shift. He will care about you. The female that you are. Everything that you have to offer.” Tears clog my throat and I fight them back. Shit, I love her. “You know just as well as I do that the Heavens would not pair you with someone that you were not a match to. Whoever your mate is, he will be by your side unconditionally without regret or pause. He will care for you as you care for him. There is no stopping it when it happens. It will be an explosion that neither of you will be able to resist.”
Little does she know that I have resisted him. Mom doesn’t need to know any of that, but I’m sure as shit this wizard will see it. Unfortunately, my breath is wasted. Mom isn’t going to change her mind. Dad was right. I won’t tell him that, though.
“All right Mom, I’ll go. Just please don’t be disappointed with whatever he says.” I should just tell her that I smelled him, but the thought of being a disappointment to my future mate and the hope Marvin won’t see it, holds me back.
“Same goes for you, Sabrea.” Mom rises from her chair and she wraps her arms around me as I follow, hugging me tight. “Now, want to tell me why your shirt’s ripped?” she asks, pulling away with a knowing smile on her face.
“Syd opened her mouth.” I shrug. “You know.”
Mom shakes her head knowingly. “That girl will never learn.”
She’s not wrong about that.
Sabrea
“WILL YOU STOP bouncing your leg?�
�� Syd snaps at me,
I can’t help the gosh darn bouncing. My nerves are shot to hell and this is my way of coping. My father behind the wheel of the SUV, we’re on our way to see Marvin. I’ve been dreading it all day. You know those days where the time just flies by and the next thing you know, you have to face whatever you were hoping wouldn’t come to pass. I’ve felt that all day.
“I will if you stop breathing.” I respond, tone clipped. My mother turns around, her mother-eye smoking both of us.
“You two knock it off.” I give my mom the she’s-a-bitch stare. A small smirk on her lips tells me she gets it. “We’re almost there.”
“This is so exciting!” Savannah squeals from the very back seat, sending a shard of pain through my eardrum. Damn her voice. It’s a shrill that I can do without for the rest of my life. Yes, please, Marvin, if anything tell us how to get rid of these two.
“I know. Once he sees my mate, I’m heading straight toward him,” Syd exclaims, turning around to Savannah. “I’m not waiting any longer.” When I spot her eyes on me in my peripheral vision, I know it’s coming. I clench my fists. “Unlike some people, I’m positive my mate will want me.”
I breathe in deep as my mother snaps. “Knock it off, Sydney. You’re a grown ass woman. This needs to stop.”
“I can’t help it if no one will want her.” Unfortunately, she just poured salt in a wound that will never heal, but I will not give her the satisfaction of seeing it affect me. I brush that old wound off and pull up my big wolf panties.
“And it’s a shame that now you’ll have to give up all those other wolves that wanted you. No more playtime for you.” My tone drips with sarcasm. Wolves are very sexual creatures, but Syd and Savannah take it to a whole other level. Three, sometimes four, different wolves in one night is a bit much. “Hope whoever gets you is prepared.”
“What the hell does that mean? Prepared?”
I roll my eyes. “For you, moron.”
“You’re such a bitch. No honorable male is going to want you for a mate. You’re defective, tarnished, ruined.” The car grinds to a halt, our seatbelts catching as our bodies bounce forward from the momentum of us stopping harshly. Damn. What the—
Dad turns around, fury in his eyes. “Sydney. One more fucking word. Just one more. And you’ll not like the consequences. Sabrea is your sister and for you to disrespect her like this, especially in your mother’s and my presence, is unacceptable. I will not tolerate it. Not one more second of it. If at any time another derogatory thing comes out of your mouth, I’ll make sure to have Marvin put a spell on you to keep it shut. Are we understood?”
Syd lets out a breath that I’m pretty sure she didn’t know she was holding. “Sorry, Dad. Not another word.”
“Apologize.”
Heavens, Dad, seriously?
Slowly Syd turns to me and the line etched in her perfect face leads me to believe this is one of the hardest things she’s ever had to do. “Sorry,” she bites out through gritted teeth.
I nod and turn to the window, awaiting my fate.
AS WE WALK INTO Marvin’s home, I stay in the back, allowing all of my family to go ahead of me. I know I’m putting off the inevitable, but even a second is worth it. Right? Grow the hell up, Sabrea!
Marvin’s eyes meet mine and he tilts his head, his eyes alight. What?
“Please sit.” He sweeps his arm toward the empty chairs. “We will start with you.” He points to Savannah who lets out a giddy cry. I sit back and watch him at work. Ten minutes later, we learn nothing. Marvin can’t get a reading on either of them. He states, “Your outlook is fuzzy.” Sucks for them, but hope springs inside of me that maybe Marvin won’t be able to read me, either.
“Now, you,” he says, and I blow out a breath and move in front of him, gliding my chair close. Here it goes. I look at no one but the man in front of me. In all these years he hasn’t changed, the same mossy brown hair and mustache to match. “Give me your hands.” Shakily, I place them in his warm ones.
As he closes his eyes, the lights in the room begin to flicker. I look around in shock, seeing it register on my parents’ faces as well. I try to pull my hands out of his grasp, but it’s like they are fused with his. Which is strange because I know my strength outdoes his by a long shot.
A cool breeze surges through the room and papers fly in every direction, my hair whipping around. What is going on?
Marvin opens his eyes and everything stops, but I’m in too much shock to focus just on him as I scan the disaster of a room.
“You’ve met him,” he says, matter-of-factly, and my heart skips. Crap. My mother gasps behind me and as much as I want to hang my head, I don’t. Instead, I look directly at the man. “Or I should say smelled him. Correct?”
“Yes,” I say softly and my sisters scoff in the background.
“Why did you not meet him?” I don’t answer, just stare. He knows why so there is no reason to say the damn words. He couldn’t help me all those years ago. “Ah, the shifting issue,” he continues, talking to himself. “Dear one, you are the light that he needs.”
“What?” That one got me to talk. Light he needs?
“Only time will tell, but it is crucial for you to meet with your mate. He’s not far, but you already knew that.” He shakes his head, staring straight in my eyes. “You, my child, are destined for great things. Powerful things. Life-changing, life-altering things. And time is of the essence.”
I shake my head. “Of course it would be life-changing. I’d have to leave my family, but as far as powerful, how is that possible when I can’t shift?”
“Sabrea, in time you’ll quickly learn what your purpose in this life is. I was unable to see it before, but with the bright lights shining around you, I can see your importance…,” Marvin says, not finishing.
“Care to tell me more?” I mean, come on.
He sighs. “I cannot.”
What the hell. “Why not?” I prod.
“It is not written yet. Once you meet your mate, most things will fall into place quickly, but your journey will just be beginning. You will have much to learn and will have to do it quickly.”
Why do I feel like he’s running me around in circles? Oh wait, he is.
“So, you want me to believe that I have to get with my mate right away because I’m his light?” He’s got so many screws loose, he’s falling apart. “Have you been drinking too much of one of your potions, Marvin?”
He releases my hands and chuckles. “One would think I’ve lost it, but I have not. You have a heavy weight on your shoulders and others are counting on you. You mustn’t let them or yourself down.”
“Pfft.” Syd says, “What kind of power is a wolf that can’t shift going to have? Nothing. You’re feeding her a line.”
“My dear,” he says, inching around me to focus on Syd, “if I were you, I’d watch your mouth. You never know when it will come back to bite you.” She huffs but says nothing.
“Marvin, this is a lot for me to take in.” He nods. “How? When?”
“Those are other things I cannot answer.” This sounds like the beginning of one of the horror movies I watch, only this time I seem to be one of its stars. How in the hell did this happen? He levels his gaze at me. “And you need to keep practicing. It is of the utmost importance.”
“My shifting?” I ask, hesitantly.
“That and the other.”
The ability to move things with my mind. It really is my power. Holy shit. I swallow, my throat suddenly feeling like the desert, and my stomach plummets farther. Not only do I have to find my mate immediately, I also have to hone in my power and learn to shift. How am I supposed to do that?
THE RIDE HOME IS quiet. Almost too quiet in an eerie way. Hell, even my sisters are quietly fuming and that’s a miracle. My mother keeps turning and stealing glances at me, but says nothing. And I haven’t missed my father’s looks of surprise in the rearview mirror. They are both irritated with me and I knew they would be, but
there is also concern written on their faces. The unspoken questions I see in them only make my decision to keep it from them harder and guilt rises. But I’m having a shit time dealing with this, too—going from knowing nothing and my life being blank to needing to find my mate, learn my power, shift, and helping be someone’s light. I need some time and I really don’t want to discuss why I defied the pull of my mate right now to my parents.
Jumping out of the SUV, I shut the door behind me. “I’m going to go for a run. I’ll be back in a bit.” My words come out in a rush as I move, not wanting to give them the opportunity to stop me.
“Why don’t you come in for a while? What you just learned is a lot to take in,” Mom says, and she is not wrong, but I keep moving.
“I just need to run for a while to clear my head.” Even though I can’t shift, I still find running in the woods is one of my favorite things to do, and I love the peacefulness it brings. Our pack is on the outskirts of town with lush woods all around us. We’ve never had any issues with humans, or anyone for that matter. We keep to ourselves and others stay away.
“Be careful, sweetheart.” This comes from my father.
I give my parents a small smile and take off through the dense brush. It’s still dusk, allowing the sunlight to peer through the limbs of the trees. It is a beautiful sight and any other time I’d enjoy it, but right now I need to run.
How in the world is all of this going to work? How am I going to be able to do whatever it is that I have to do? How is someone like me supposed to help? Not to mention, I have to find my mate. The weight of that is heavy. It’s not really a choice at this point. Why? Why me? What do I have that is special? Nothing. I’ve moved something twice. Twice. And haven’t been able to do so again.
My feet pound through the leaves as I rush past the trees with ease.
What if my mate hates the fact that I can’t shift? I know what my mother said and I hope to the Heavens that she’s right, but what if she’s not? What if he feels burdened or my lack of shifting wears badly on him? Then what? I’d love some answers, some real answers.