And for old time’s sake.
Her bedroom light is on, but I don’t see her in there. I’m just glad it’s been warming up, and it’s not completely freezing out here tonight.
I’m outside your window, I text her. And stick my hands in my pockets for warmth.
You could have come to the front door, she replies.
But I see her walk into her room five seconds later and walk towards me. She unlocks her window and pushes it up.
We look at each other for a second, almost at eye level.
I have to stop myself from reaching through the window opening and kissing her like I used to.
“You coming in or not?” she says. I nod and climb in, ducking my head and pulling in one leg and arm at a time. She’s sitting at her desk chair. I turn around and close the window. I kinda just stand there awkwardly, not knowing what to do. We used to lie down on her bed, but now it doesn’t seem right. It almost feels like I’m a stranger here.
She indicates the bed with a glance, though, and I take a seat on the edge of it. I look her in the eyes, and I realize I haven’t said a word to her yet.
I had been practicing what to say all of today, and now that the moment is here, I can’t remember any of it.
I feel like an idiot staring at her. She has her arms crossed over her chest. I notice the way she pouts her mouth, and it still drives me insane. And her honey brown eyes. I just wish I could lose myself in them all night. But she breaks eye contact with me and looks away instead. And so do I.
“Just say what you want to say, Jimmy.” I know her. She wants to be tough right now, but her voice betrays her. I feel a tiny glimmer of hope in my chest because she just told me, in the way her voice broke at the end, that at least part of her still loves me. That’s all I need.
I open my mouth and then close it. I need to say something, not just keep sitting here like a dummy. “I just…want you to give me another chance.”
“Why should I?” she says, almost cutting me off. She’s licking her lips and taking a deep breath and still not looking me in the eye.
“Because I love you,” I say. I get off the bed and take her hands in mine and sit right in front of her.
“Please don’t do this,” she whispers.
“I love you, and I’m so sorry I made you feel like I didn’t love you anymore, like you weren’t important. I was wrong. You’re not a sacrifice I ever want to make. Ever. Not for basketball, not for anything.” I stop right there to gauge her reaction.
But she stands up, paces for a few seconds, and then sits down on her bed, at the far corner. I follow her and sit down beside her.
“I love basketball,” I begin. “It’s something I want to do for the rest of my life. But I want you more.”
She doesn’t say anything.
“Please let me show you how much you mean to me.”
She finally talks, but she doesn’t turn around to look at me. “You had the chance. And you pushed me away. Instead of talking to me, you ignored me. I know how hard everything must have been for you. To injure your ankle right when you’re going for your dream of playing college basketball, but what you did…” She shakes her head. “You made feel like I wasn’t worth anything to you.”
“Babe, you mean everything to me. I just…I don’t know what was going on. I felt like I had to catch up, that all my hard work had been for nothing. I’m sorry.”
“You could have just told me, talked to me about it, instead of acting like I didn’t exist. How do you think I felt?” She finally turns back to look at me. “Our whole relationship I’ve felt…like you’re too good for me. It was like you finally realized that.”
I feel like a bomb just went off inside of me. Tears are streaming down her face, and the sounds of her cries fill the house. And I can’t push away my own tears anymore.
“Why would you ever think that?” I pull her into a hug, and I finally feel a tiny bit of relief when she hugs me back, hard. I hold her like she might disappear any second.
“You know everything I’ve been through. And you’re just such a good person. Too good for me,” she says.
“If anybody isn’t deserving, it’s me,” I say. “I know I shouldn’t have acted the way I did, but it was never because I thought I was too good for you. You’re too good for me.”
Her face is pressed against my chest, and I can feel my shirt getting wet, but I don’t care at all. I’m just glad I get to hold her again.
“It’s been horrible without you.” Her voice is muffled when she says it, but I gently pull away from her and tilt her chin up towards me. Her cheeks are wet and splotchy from crying, and her eyes and nose are red. Her mouth is bent down in a frown.
She’s beautiful.
Then I close my eyes and kiss her. Tasting her mouth again, feeling her lips against mine, is like finally coming home after years of being lost.
I don’t know how long we hold each other and just sit there, quiet. All we here is the heater coming on now and again.
“What time is your mom getting home?” I finally ask. I shift just a little so I can get my phone out of my back pocket. I look at the time. It’s getting pretty late. Almost midnight.
“I think at one,” she says, without letting go of me.
“I should get going, don’t you think? Don’t want your mom catching us again. I might not get out alive this time around.”
I hear her chuckle, and I can’t help but smile. I love making her laugh.
“Stay a little longer.”
I look down at her, and she looks up at me. “Are you sure?”
She nods and grabs my hand. She pulls up the bed and we lie down. I sigh, but for the first time in a while, it’s out of satisfaction.
There’s a little something still nagging at me, though. I mean I’m glad she’s talking to me again, and it looks like she’s gonna give me another chance, but I don’t want anything left unsaid. And things don’t feel a hundred percent right between us yet.
“What are you thinking about?” I ask her.
She shrugs.
“Come on, you can tell me. I want you tell me. I don’t ever want something like this to happen to us again.”
There’s a few seconds of silence, and I’m about to keep nagging her about it, but she speaks up.
“I heard about your offer from Florida.”
Oh yeah. I hadn’t told her yet.
“I was gonna tell you. I just wanted to fix everything fi—”
“Your sister told me,” she says, looking up at me. “I’m happy for you. I was really happy when she told me.”
I stare at her for a few seconds, kinda not believing that despite everything that had happened between us, she was still happy for me. I only wish I had been able to tell her that day.
“She told me the same night you told her. She was surprised that I didn’t know.”
I think about that. “What did you tell her?”
She shrugs. “Nothing. Just that we’d both been pretty busy so you hadn’t told me yet, but I think she knew what was really going on.”
I take a deep breath. Of course my sister knew. Since she wasn’t around as much anymore, I had kinda forgotten that Mayra and Ariana were best friends first. Still are.
“Jimmy, what’s gonna happen when you leave? I can’t go through this again. I just can’t.”
She sits up and looks at me, and I do the same.
Only her lamp is on, and it seems to have gotten darker in here.
I sigh and look at my hands. Then back at her. “I’ll be honest with you. I have no idea what’s gonna happen.”
She bites her lip.
“All I know is I want to play for them. I won’t be able to live with myself if I say no.”
She nods several times. “I wouldn’t be able to live with myself either.”
“But I can’t just leave you either. Not now. We can make this work. I hate to ask you to transfer, but I don’t know yet. I just don’t know.” I stand up and take a
few steps, trying to think. “I don’t even know how all of this is supposed to work. Just give me some time to figure it all out, but I promise you that I won’t shut you out anymore, and I’m not going anywhere without you.”
She stands up and takes my hands in hers. Then she reaches up for my mouth, and I bend my neck to meet her mouth.
“Tell them yes,” she whispers.
We both know what that means.
We kiss long and hard. My entire body wants to give in to her right now. My chest, my thighs are warm, and my arms are around her, pulling her as close as possible.
Then her hands are inside my shirt, and I can’t help but groan as she runs her hand down my abs to my waist. We’re both out of breath. I’m no longer cold but hot.
She pulls back, and I wonder if she wants to stop, but the way her gaze meets my eyes and slides down to my mouth is telling me otherwise.
She takes her hands out from under my shirt, and then she’s taking off her t-shirt and throwing it to the side.
“Are you sure?” I barely get out. But I’m not talking about college basketball anymore.
“I’m sure.”
I quickly take off my shirt and throw it next to hers. Then I wrap my arms around her again, this time touching her soft skin all over. And we lose ourselves in each other.
I’m dozing off when I hear a car pull up in the driveway. I sit straight up, eyes wide open.
I shake Mayra beside me a few times. “Babe, I think your mom’s home.” I whip off the covers as Mayra sits up, and I put my shoes on. Then I grab my phone.
“It’s 1:17,” I whisper shout. “I need to get home.”
I turn around and give her one last kiss. “I love you. See you tomorrow?”
“Love you too. And yeah.”
I give her another kiss, stare at her for one more second, and then run to the window. I hear the front door open and then shut. But I’m already halfway out Mayra’s window. I shut it behind me as quietly as I can and watch her curl back into bed.
A few minutes later, I’m opening my own window and crawling into my own bed. For the first time in a long time, I go to sleep with a smile on my face.
I have no idea what’s next for us, but I know everything’s gonna be okay.
Thirteen
“Why do you have that dumbass smile on your face?” Ryan asks me as I finish texting Mayra.
I laugh and put away my phone.
“So she’s talking to you again?” he asks. I finish hooking up my PlayStation and hand him a remote. I can’t remember the last time we played. I can’t remember the last time I played. “Yep.”
“What about you?” I ask. “Been talking to any girls lately?”
“Eh. There was this one girl, Heather, but I figured out she wasn’t my type.”
“Why?” I ask, sinking down into a big round seat like Ryan’s.
“I heard some other guy got her pregnant.”
“Oh. That sucks.”
“Yep.” He’s staring straight ahead at the TV screen. I’m just glad he finally came over. He finally figured out that I wouldn’t stop nagging him until he did. Not to mention that I bribed him with my mom’s cooking. I glance at him and wonder how long it’s been since he had a home-cooked meal. It doesn’t look like he’s been eating much at all. He’s lost at least ten, fifteen pounds since the last time I saw him. He almost looks thuggish because his worn-out clothes are so big on him.
We start playing the game, but my mind is somewhere else. I wonder what it must be like to be alone. No girlfriend to back you up, no parents making sure you have enough to eat and clean clothes and get to school and all that. No friends. Besides me. But Ryan doesn’t even talk to me sometimes.
“Hey, man, you’re letting me win, aren’t you?” he says. He’s kicking my ass in this game.
“No way, man. I’m just going easy on you right now, but just watch.”
We’re both mashing buttons like crazy, and I end up catching up to him, but he barely beats me.
“Dang,” I mutter several minutes later.
“Want to play again?” he asks. He finally has a smile on his face.
“You’re on.”
I decide I’ll wait until after we have dinner to talk to him, not right now when we’re on empty stomachs. Never underestimate the danger of a hungry guy. I learned that one a long time ago.
About twenty minutes later, we hear my mom call out that dinner’s ready. We pause the game and walk into the kitchen.
My dad’s already seated at his usual spot at the head of the table, and my mom is getting our plates ready.
“What’d you make for dinner?” I ask, giving her a hug.
“Entomatadas,” she replies, sprinkling some cheese over a plate of entomatadas and a side salad. My mouth is already watering, and I grab some drinks from the fridge and run back to my seat. I don’t know how my sister lives without my mom’s cooking. She always brags about the food at UGA, but I don’t care who you are. Nothing, nothing, compares to my mom’s cooking. In fact, my dad says it’s the main reason he decided to marry her.
I place the sodas on the table and take a seat next to Ryan. He and my dad are making small talk. Ryan looks like a little kid in a new place without his mom even though he’s been coming over for years. It must be because he hasn’t been here in a few months. Like several months.
He must feel like the prodigal son or whatever that story is from the Bible.
My dad’s asking him about what he’s been up to the past few months. I had mentioned to my mom that Ryan had dropped out of school. My dad must know, but Ryan doesn’t know that.
“I’m trying to find a job, maybe move out and be on my own soon.”
“That’s good. For you to be independence,” my dad says. His English isn’t perfect, but Ryan gets the gist and nods.
My mom walks and sets down a plate for my dad and one for Ryan. “How is your mom and dad, Ryan?” she asks in Spanish. “Mama y papa,” she repeats.
I see Ryan freeze up a little but answer his question as he picks at his food. “They’re okay, I guess. Same old, same old.”
My mom comes back with a plate for me and another for her. She sits down across from Ryan and me, and we dig in.
Ryan waits until everyone else starts eating, and then he takes a bite.
“Ryan must have Mexican blood in his veins because he likes all of my food,” my mom says in Spanish as Ryan eats bite after bite. He looks at me and I tell him what she just said. He gives her a smile and nods.
We make small talk as we eat, and pretty soon, like not even five minutes later, I’m ready for another helping. I look at Ryan’s plate. He’s finishing up too. He looks five pounds healthier already.
My mom notices our empty plates and quickly picks them up and disappears into the kitchen. I look at my dad’s plate and chuckle when I see he’s not even halfway done. I think he actually takes the time to fully enjoy the flavor of each and every bite.
My mom’s back with our plates full of food in no time.
“Gracias,” Ryan says.
“I love you, ma,” I say with the fork of entomatada already halfway to my mouth. So much saucy cheesy beany goodness. And then the cool tomato and lettuce soaked with lime and salt to balance it out. Yumm.
At the end of dinner, I stand up and start gathering plates to take them to the dishwasher. Ryan helps me out while my mom puts the leftovers away and my dad heads to the couch to put on a movie.
He thanks my mom again as we’re about to head about, but not before she comes over with a smile and a plate full of food wrapped in aluminum foil. That’s my mom, making sure my best friend has food to eat later.
Ryan stutters a little before taking the plate and thanking her. She pats him on the back and tells us to stick around for the movie.
I’d rather keep playing video games in my room, but I follow Ryan to the couch anyway. My dad’s in his recliner and adjusting the volume. I just hope it’s not one of those old-time M
exican shootout movies he likes to watch. Talk about embarrassing.
He mutes the TV as we sit down. He must be waiting for my mom. But when she walks in, he doesn’t hit play. I just look back and forth between them and Ryan does too, and I wonder if Ryan has the same feeling that I’m having right now in the pit of my stomach.
There’s a lecture coming.
But why would they give me a lecture in front of Ryan? I haven’t even done anything wrong.
I’m already sorry Ryan is gonna have to sit through this. He’s probably gonna laugh at me so hard later.
“Ryan, I know we’re not your parents,” my mom says. “But we love you and want the best for you, just like Jimmy.”
Wait, what?
I look at Ryan, and he looks frozen, his mouth hanging open.
My dad puts his hands together and scoots closer to my mom, who’s in the sofa right next to him. “Jimmy told us you’re no go to school anymore?”
“No,” is all Ryan says.
My mom speaks up. “Is none our business what you do, but just like Jimmy, we want to give you some advice. Un consejo. We know that your parents are not there for you. And we want you to know that you are always welcome here. If you need anything, we want to help you. You are good boy. And you have always been a good friend to our son.”
Ryan looks at me. I think he understood what my mom just said.
“Thank you.”
I give my mom a small smile. What she just said is freakin’ awesome.
“Ryan, we don’t know about your life, but we know it is not easy,” my mom says. “But school will help you. College.”
Ryan nods but doesn’t look at them. He must feel so awkward right now. I feel kinda bad for him, but I have to say, my parents are right, and maybe he’ll actually take in what they’re saying to him.
“Thank you,” he says. “I just don’t think school is a good option for me. And I can’t afford to go to college.”
All In (Changing Hearts Book 2) Page 15