by Amy Marie
I can feel his head shake above me. “That’s not it, Hadley. I wouldn’t mind if you got pregnant but I would hate if we had to go through something like that again. I don’t ever want to see you hurt. Never again.”
At this moment I realize that I know. He wants nothing more in this world than to make me happy. It’s always been that way. If I were to erase the day under the bleachers and think about how he treated me I would have seen it before. Ryder lives to make me happy and he doesn’t want me hurt. I feel the same for him. I know now that I love him.
Valentine’s Day has never meant that much to me in the past. By the time it rolled around during Braden’s and my relationship we had already been dating for a while and had been on plenty of normal, casual ones. But today is different. Today I’m going on my first official date with Ryder.
Sure we’ve been out, gone places, and done things with other people but this is the first time he asked me out on an official date and I’m over the moon with excitement.
Since he gave me my wall last week, which I have yet to paint, I’ve been walking on cloud nine. There have been a couple of times where I have wanted to tell him that I love him over the phone or when we have lunch together but I’ve been waiting for this day, Valentine’s Day, to tell him.
I’ve been stressing all week about what to wear and Noelle decided to take me to Macy’s to pick something extra special out. It’s not really in my budget but I pulled some extra cash out of my savings account to splurge a little bit.
As we walk through the women’s section I grab things that I think might look good on me or things that I think Ryder would like.
“Don’t look at the price tags, Hadley.” Noe chastises when I take a glance at a soft pink dress that would fall just above my knees. I automatically put it down when I find it costs more than what I make in a week.
“I can’t help it.” I sigh, picking up another dress trying not to look. “I’ve always been conscious of what I’m spending.”
She smiles devilishly as she grabs an emerald green colored number and shows it to me.
My mouth drops open at how stunning it is. It is much shorter than the pink dress I was just looking at and has a deep neckline that plunges so far down I’m sure I will be showing ample cleavage. The material scrunches at the waist on one side and flows freely down.
“I think this would look amazing with your eye color, Had. You have to try it on.” She throws the dress into my hands.
Holding it up to my body I pull here and there making sure I don’t take it into the dressing room and find it doesn’t fit. When I’m sure it will, I lay it over my arm and continue my search.
“Ugh.” Noelle moans. I look over and find her hunched over.
I quickly make it to her side and bend down. “Are you okay?”
Shaking her head side to side she waves me off. “Yea, just not feeling well lately. I’m hoping this isn’t a stomach bug coming on.”
After a moment she stands up. “You sure you’re okay?” I ask.
“Yes.” She stares at me annoyed. “Can you try the damn dress on?”
I laugh off her abrasiveness and look around for a dressing room. Finding one in the back corner I let the lady know I have one item to try on. I hope it fits because I don’t feel like looking for more. I already know the bra and panty set I’ll wear underneath and imagine him using his teeth to pull them off. I’ve been craving him inside me all week.
She hands me my number and Noelle says she needs to use the restroom for the third time today, so I walk towards one of the many open rooms.
Immediately I hear commotion coming from the first one on the right. I blush as I listen to the female who is obviously talking to a male. “I’ve missed this.” She breathes out, desperation in her voice, and I start to feel like I’m intruding on a private moment. I jump back when the door flies open and a red faced Ryder steps out. His shirt wrinkled and lipstick on the side of his face.
When he sees me his eyes grow wide with surprise. We both look as the girl comes out from the room and I instantly feel sick as Wendy steps out wiping the smears of lipstick off of her mouth. I drop the dress in my hand and start running trying to keep the tears at bay. I can hear him screaming my name but I run as fast as I can. When I find a bathroom on the bottom level I go into the handicap stall and slam the door shut, locking it behind me.
I listen, hoping Ryder doesn’t come in and find me but when a few minutes pass and he never enters I slump down onto the floor and let the tears fall.
I can feel my phone ringing in my purse but I refuse to look. I don’t want to talk to him.
How could he do this to me? And with Wendy of all people.
I feel sick to my stomach as I recall all the times that he’s told me they hung out. It’s like a knife is twisting in my gut and I can’t breathe.
Then everything that has happened over the past couple of months starts to flash before me. The persistence. Ryder trying to win me back. The party. The indoor skydiving. My fucking wall he bought me.
Why would he do all that? I can feel my heart shattering all over again but this time it’s much easier to break because I guess it was never really mended.
As I sit on the bathroom floor in a department store I realize what the hell I’m doing. I’m crying over someone who never really cared about me.
No.
Fuck this.
I’m a strong person and I refuse to let hurt define me. Not anymore.
Fuck him.
Fuck Wendy.
I’m free now and I won’t let this bring me down.
I pull myself together and take my phone out of my purse. I see eighteen missed calls from Ryder as well as five texts from him. I delete them all without looking and hit the missed call from Noelle and dial her up.
“Where the hell are you?” she yells into the phone. “I need to go home. I threw up and I feel like shit.”
I wipe a renegade tear from my eye and fix the smudged mascara in the mirror. “I’m ready to go. I’ll meet you at the car.”
With my shoulders straight and my head held high I walk back into the store and make my way to the exit not giving a shit if Ryder sees me.
When I walk outside into the crisp air I find Noelle waiting at my car, shivering. “Hurry the fuck up, bitch. I’m cold and I feel like shit.”
I jog over unlocking her door and sliding into my side. When the heat is turned on she pivots in her seat to face me. “I’m assuming the dress didn’t fit?”
All thoughts of being strong disintegrate with that one question and the tears start to stream down my face once again. Noelle pulls me into her and I relay what happened. Besides her few choice words for Ryder she just comforts me and tells me everything is going to be okay.
“I was going to tell him I loved him today!” I yell hitting the steering wheel.
She rubs my arm up and down gently. “You love him, huh?”
I look at her square in the face. “No. I fucking hate him, Noelle. I hate him.”
After I got home, I showered and crawled into bed. I’ve spent the entire night avoiding Ryder’s calls and texts and hiding in my room reading while he bangs on the door. He hasn’t once tried to use the key he never gave back to Noelle but even if he did the chain on the door will deter him.
When midnight hits he seems to give up and I attempt to fall asleep.
A few days later, hundreds of declined calls from Ryder and just as many unread texts, I am on my way to Erin’s house for her daughter’s first birthday party. I was invited by Noelle so I could get out of my house. Working from home Thursday and Friday I was able to avoid any run-ins with Ryder and today I need to see something besides the four walls inside my house.
I don’t know why going to a one year olds birthday party is a great idea right now but it seems to be taking my mind off of my situation. Besides us all celebrating Savannah’s birthday both Erin and Noelle told everyone they were pregnant. Well Erin told everyone for Noe as well
. She hadn’t even told Trent yet.
I smile as I watch Trent and Walker’s excitement over having new babies in the house and I feel a brief moment of sadness wondering if I will ever have that. I’m trying to remain strong despite the roller coaster that is my life but it’s becoming increasingly hard.
When I can’t take all the happy couples anymore I decide to get some fresh air outside.
I instantly regret it when I find Ryder leaning up against my car outside.
“I knew you had to come out eventually,” he says, his arms crossed over one another. “I’m just glad I didn’t have to wait too long.”
Any other time I would think he looked sexy but right now all I can see is red. Just like the lipstick he had on him the other day.
“Leave, Ryder,” I turn to the house, “and don’t come back.”
My words come out harsh but all I feel is a pull to him. A draw so strong that even in my deepest sadness and anger, I still want to be near him. My heart is elated that he is here but my head is angry.
In a flash he is on me, grabbing my wrists in his hands.
“What you saw...” He growls and even though I’m pissed, his aggression is turning me on. “It wasn’t at all what you think. I was trying to be nice and help her shop while I was trying to pick something out for you and she attacked me. She’s having a hard time with AJ. I threw a couple of nice words her way and she tried to get me to give her something I wasn’t willing to give her.”
I laugh mockingly. “Sure, Ryder. You couldn’t push her off of you?”
His forehead falls to mine. “I did. That’s what you saw. She pushed herself on me and I pushed her away. I got ambushed!”
“Yea, just like Bridgette in high school, huh?” I spit out. “I bet I misunderstood that too! That wasn’t what it looked like either”
“You disappeared, Hadley! You didn’t give me a chance to explain. To tell you it wasn’t what you thought,” Ryder says, his lips so close they brush against mine with his words.
“Bullshit, Ryder. You promised you would never hurt me. I was seventeen for Christ’s sake!” I yell back. “I loved you!”
Without warning his lips are on mine as he pushes me into the garage door. I writhe against him letting all the hurt I feel supply my strength but it’s no match for his.
I give in, letting my hormones take over. My body craves his, and I can feel his craving mine. This kiss is explosive, and it tells me everything I needed to know.
He’s here.
He’s fighting for me.
He’s telling the truth.
I know he is.
We’re startled when we hear someone approach.
Both of us look over and find Trent, Noelle’s husband, watching us.
“I’m so sorry,” he says. “I thought someone got hurt. Looks like you’re just fine.”
He leaves us there, breathless, and I find Ryder’s eyes.
I shove off of him. “I have to go,” I say and run to my car, leaving a stunned Ryder in the driveway.
I believe him. I know I believe him but I just need to clear my head.
It’s finally five o’clock on Monday and after a long day I can finally go home. This past weekend has drained me and after leaving Ryder at Walker and Erin’s house I feel too embarrassed to call him back.
I saw it in his eyes. It’s what I would have seen if I stayed to confront him back in high school. Genuine honesty and the upmost love for me and I probably blew it. I’ve been racking my brain unsure how to go about fixing this.
My gaze watches my feet take each step, bringing me closer to my car parked on the street.
“Hadley,” a seemingly familiar voice calls my name and I lift my head up surprised at who I find.
Wendy.
I pull my keys out of my purse. “Go away, Wendy.”
She steps in my way, blocking me from the driver’s side door. “No.”
My eyes lift to hers and she falters for a brief moment at the threatening stare I give her. “Move.”
Both hands come up in surrender. “One minute. Just one minute and I will leave you alone. I promise.”
I sigh, looking up to the heavens for peace and the patience not to slap this woman. When I take three calming breaths I lower my head. “You have one minute.”
“AJ has a girlfriend or at least I think he does,” she starts quickly, rushing out every word. “A pretty one at that and it’s tearing me up. It was Valentine’s Day and I was feeling sorry for myself and I just did the wrong thing.”
I snort. “No fucking kidding.”
“You have to know how sorry I am.” She pleads. “And Ryder pushed me away. It was stupid and inconsiderate. I didn’t care about anyone else’s feelings, only my own. I had to make this right, though. I had to come here and tell you so you would believe him.”
She stops talking for a moment, allowing me to think about her words.
“I already believe him, Wendy, I didn’t need you to come and seek me out.” I cross my hands over my chest. “Now move please.”
“He won’t talk to me anymore, Hadley. I don’t blame him but before I met Ryder I was flying through life, sleeping my way around and I had no friends. He’s all I had until he introduced me to AJ, Jace, and Valerie. I felt like maybe I didn’t have to be lonely anymore. Now he won’t talk to me. I’ve lost them all.”
I shake my head side to side in disgust. “Is that why you’re here? So I can fix things for you?”
Her eyes fill with tears that threaten to fall down her cheeks at any moment. “No, of course not. I came because I know how much he loves you and I know you love him too. I needed to fix this.”
The tears fall and I can’t help but feel bad for her. “Do yourself a favor, Wendy. Get off of your ass and tell AJ how you feel before it’s too late.”
She nods and turns to walk away but I grab her and pull her in for a hug. “Thank you,” she mumbles into my shoulder.
“No problem but just so you know,” I step away from her, “don’t you ever touch my man again or I’ll make sure you won’t be able to use your hands for weeks.”
She nods quickly. “Never again. I promise.”
I watch as Wendy walks down the sidewalk but call her back before she is out of earshot. “Wendy! You need to tell AJ.”
She smiles and continues to walk away.
~~
I speed down the street ready to get home and take a nice long hot bath but my thoughts drift. I don’t know how I’m going to go crawling back on my hands and knees to Ryder. The image has my body tingling.
I must have been too distracted because as I get through the last red light I find flashing ones behind me. I hit the steering wheel, upset that I’m about to get a ticket and pull over into a neighborhood.
When I’ve parked, I lean over and grab my insurance cards out of the glove compartment and wait for the officer to come to my now open window.
It takes a few minutes before he is leaning down asking for my license. I hand it over and wait, tapping my thighs nervously. He hasn’t told me why he pulled me over but I know I couldn’t have been going that much over the speed limit.
“Ma’am,” he calls into the window. “I’m going to need your keys.”
Confused I turn the car off, pull them out of the ignition, doing as he says, and place them into his waiting hand.
He jingles them in his hands before saying. “She’s all yours.”
My body fuels with rage as I hear the next words come from that all too familiar voice. “Thanks, man. I’ll take her from here.”
I jump out of the car, ready to give the officer a piece of my mind for pulling me over just for Ryder’s benefit but I’m met with a chest of steel. His hands come out to steady me.
“Where you going, Spark?” His menacing voice shoots shockwaves through my body as his grip tightens around my arms.
My back hits the car as I pull out of his grasp. “You have some nerve doing what you just did.”
; The blue of his eyes darkens to black and in an instant I’m spun around and my hands are trapped behind my back. Cold, hard, steel circles my wrists as he places handcuffs around them.
“Now these aren’t my police issued handcuffs but they do the job. So don’t struggle too much,” he warns and it’s so fucking hot.
The past couple of months have been nothing but loving to hate him and right now I would love to bow down on my knees.
I am most certainly not thinking with my head right now.
~~
I’m gently placed onto Ryder’s bed, my hands still secured behind me.
“I would have taken you to your house but I like home field advantage,” he tells me as he places his watch down onto his dresser. His slow, methodical walk back towards me sending shivers down my spine. “Now, let’s start.”
Feeling around I try to find a latch that will free me. “Isn’t this kidnapping, Ryder?”
He stands in front of me, his jean covered pelvis just six inches from my face, and he looks down, grabbing my chin up towards him. “I’m tired of you running, Hadley. You’re not leaving until I’ve convinced you that my heart only beats for you and then once I’ve done that I’m going to fuck you until I’ve fully satisfied your body.” His fingers lower to my cleavage. “I can tell, even mad, how turned on I’m making you.”
He’s right. My tight nipples poking through my shirt are giving me away.
“You want to be free, correct?” he asks me, leaning down to kiss the side of my mouth.
I can only shake my head yes because I’m afraid to talk.
He leans down on the carpet, settling himself between my legs, allowing the hem of my skirt to push up and the moisture in my panties to accelerate.
“Stand up,” he commands and without hesitation I comply.
My knees go weak as his mouth is now mere inches from my core. There are just two layers of material preventing them from colliding.
His eyes pierce mine as he stands up slowly and wraps his arms around me to fidget with the cuffs. One of my hands breaks free but he grasps both of my wrists firmly before I have a chance to move them. With a slow menacing growl he says, “Don’t fight me, Had.”