by Cooper, DJ
In the midst of my thoughts, the doctor returned with his briefcase and without a word proceeded straight to the table. He pulled out papers and a notepad first. He moved the bed table between us and for a second thought he might want to play cards or something. While my mind conjured up funny thoughts, I found I was shaking from the terror of it all. Silently he organized himself and sat across from me. He looked at me like he was studying an ant, his face seemed cold and expressionless. The silence was deafening as we sat staring at one another. I felt like lab rat waiting to be sent to its death.
His voice was loud after the long silence, filling the air with ominous dread as each word was spoken. It was then; I knew I was in trouble. “Where is Rich?” I thought. “I need him.” Hearing the man speaking, but not hearing a word he said, my mind swam with my own thoughts. They were so loud, screaming in my head and drowning out his words. Worries for Matty, questions about what happened to Rich, how would I escape this camp? They all invaded my mind and betrayed me in my eyes each expression giving away my thoughts.
It took a minute for the silence to register when it did I looked at him. Doctor Hostin narrowed his eyes as he looked at me. I hadn’t noticed he’d stopped speaking and was watching me so intently. Fearful that he might know I was hiding something I looked up to the roof of the tent and asked him,
“Do you think it’s gonna rain?”
Startled, he said, “I don’t know, why do you ask?”
“I don’t know,” I said, “Sometimes things like that pop into my head.”
Looking back to his pad as he wrote he continued, “What else just popped into your head?”
Looking about the room for a quick thought I caught sight of yesterday’s bowl from my oatmeal and said, “That I’m hungry, no one seems to want to feed me now that Sergeant Davidson left. Where did he go anyway?”
Looking up he started to say, “I am not…”
I cut him off, “At least a girl could get a meal when it was his time to escort me around. I’m not sure I like this new guy, he’s boring.”
With a look of exasperation, he tried to continue, “Well, why do you….”
Again cutting him off, “And what is with this tent? I’m not sick or anything. Can you get me in with the others who have their own tents?”
Standing he shouted, “Be quiet!”
Wide-eyed I looked at him, and then the floor, saying nothing I just picked at my fingernail.
He began the questions, “How did you get here?”
I responded with a shrug of the shoulders and nothing more.
Sighing he asked, “Do you know what happened to your head?”
I nodded “NO.”
He continued like this, question after question that I responded to non-verbally. “How old are you? What is your mother’s name? Do you have any family?”
Eventually frustrated he said, “Who is Roger? And do you know Ray?”
I knew who they were but still just shrugged. He grabbed my shoulders, shaking me and screaming, “I know you remember things, I can see it in your eyes.”
Becoming angry I looked right in his face and screamed back, “Then why don’t you just tell me?”
He sat down on the chair and looked small and defeated for a moment and then whispered, “They have my family.”
I felt bad but feared it was a ploy to get me to talk. I put on my best look of concern saying, “At least you have a family. I don’t even know if I have a cat for God’s sake.”
Walking to the table where the bowl sat, I swiped at it, knocking it to the floor and said, “And I bet they at least let you eat.”
I continued my angry tirade as I paced in a circle in the small tent, “I’m sorry you’re having an issue but it’s not my problem, and what the hell is a black suit?”
Looking up at me, anger in his eyes he stood and said, “You’re gonna find out, and I can guarantee you, missy, that you aren’t going to like it. I was trying to help you remember to keep you from facing them.”
I stopped in my tracks and glared at him, “As I said before, who the hell are They?”
He walked to the door of the tent and said something inaudible to the Sargent, who promptly nodded and left. Walking back to me, he quickly whispered, “Listen, I’m not your enemy. We are all prisoners here. Don’t you understand? They are going to hurt you if you don’t cooperate. I can tell by the look on your face and your body language you can remember things and they are far better than I am at detecting it. You have to control this or else you will die trying to keep this secret.”
I glared at him hissing, “You don’t know anything about me.”
Glancing toward the door, he whispered so close I could feel his breath on my cheek, “Oh contraire, Momani, I know your name is Rita, you have a son, and you were traveling with a group out of Auburn, Massachusetts. They don’t want you or your son, only the two guardsmen who helped you leave.”
My eyes flared with anger, and I turned away from him, the tears welling up in my eyes, threatening to give me away. I couldn’t speak, the fear strangled my voice. I could not help but wonder, “what will they do to me?”
He reached out and touched my arm saying, “I don’t have much time left before the Sergeant returns. I need you to help me help you. I’m going to get frustrated with you, yell at you and even strike you. This is all to keep them off guard. I’ve sent for Rich so that you can verify what I’ve said is true. Once he explains, you must lose your temper with him. They need to believe you despise him and I mean really loathe him. He is a good man and would never hurt you, but there are others here who would. They need to believe that the thought of him in the same room with you is enough to make you want to scream.”
I was off in another world, thinking to myself. “What is going on? Hate Rich? How would I be able to pull that off? I love him… Oh Shit! I love him, how can I hide that?”
Grabbing my arm the Doctor spun me around, glaring at me he asked, “Do you understand me?”
I was confused and asked him, “But why must I hate Rich?”
Glancing at the door again he whispered, “Be quiet, because he would never hurt you. Just try to understand, and he knows you will need to do this. It was his idea.”
Picking my gaze up from the floor I asked him, “You’ve spoken to him?”
“Yes,” he said, “And he has been talking about you like you were the biggest bitch on earth for two days.”
Tears welled in my eyes as he continued, “But, don’t you listen. He had to make them think he despised having to deal with you, and even more so, would not feel bad about hurting you.”
I nodded as the tears flowed freely and the Doctor said one final thing, “No tears, be strong…He loves you Miss Rita, have no doubts about that. You only have to hold on two days and then the black suits will be here, and we will set the plan in motion.”
Just then the flap from the tent flung open, and Rich sauntered through the door like an attitude walking. I wanted to run to him and grab hold never letting go but did as the doctor admonished me to do. Picking at my fingernails like he didn’t interest me in the slightest, I flopped onto the bed and sighed loudly for the attention.
Looking up from the table he said, “What now?”
I saw in the eye that was away from the entrance where the Sergeant stood and out of sight, a wink. He winked at me! I knew that what the doctor told me was true and that I had to play along.
Rolling my eyes, I replied, “What’s a girl gotta do to get a meal around this dump?”
He nodded to the Sergeant who promptly left. I started to say something and an almost imperceptible shaking of his head, no, stopped me. His eyes darted for the door and then back to his paper. He looked sad, not just sad but afraid too.
I couldn’t understand what had happened literally overnight. We were walking and talking, good food and even coffee time and suddenly no one is talking to me, and I haven’t eaten going on two days. He said that it would be rough, but I don�
��t understand what they even want with me. If they know who I am then what do they need from me? All of it and the lack of food was making my head spin. I felt so tired and just wanted to sleep. Curling up on the bed I began to cry, I missed Matty and worried I would never get out of here.
Rich came over and in no gentle way sat me upright saying, “Oh no you don’t, there is no time for that. Sit up.”
“But, I’m tired,” I said.
He replied, “You and the doctor have some chatting to do. He is going to help you remember.”
Looking at him quizzically, I wondered what the doctor had said, was he telling me they knew, or that he knew? Rich gave a slow shake of his head, looking at me like I’d done something wrong. While placing a small bit of toilet paper in my hand, he raised his eyebrows with a slight nod.
“What the heck should I do with this? It’s not even big enough to …“ I understood what he wanted me to do.
I waited for the Sergeant to return and then demanded to go to the bathroom.
Rich said, “No.”
But the look said to pursue it, so I did, “Fine; I’ll just go right here on the bed.”
He looked at me shocked, let out a loud sigh and shouted, “Sergeant, take her to the latrine.”
Once I got into the port-a-potty I fished around inside the toilet paper roll, and there it was, a note that said, “My darling, I need you to know that I love you. We only need two days to prepare; please be strong. There is a camera, and you’re being watched so, I will be mean to you and even strike you…or worse. Understand it is the only way I can protect you, others would truly try to hurt you. Please be the obstinate, disagreeable person you showed the Lieutenant; this will help you as well. Just hold on, we are working on getting us all out of here. Keep checking the roll each day. One last thing, eat this note it can’t be found, or you will end up far worse off.”
I quickly ate the note and exited, shoving the door open, hitting the Sergeant so hard, in fact, it momentarily knocked him off balance. Noting how easily he’d been caught off guard, I thought, “Well now, that, was interesting.”
Returning to the tent, I found that there was a tray on the bed. Looking at it, I realized it was nothing more than some water and something that looked like oatmeal. It wasn’t but looked kind of like it.
Rich turned to me and said, “Eat.”
I looked back to the food and then at Rich again, his eyes said something different. I flung the tray to the floor yelling, “What the hell is this? Gross!”
I scoffed and slumped on the bed. The timing could not have been more perfect as the Lieutenant entered the tent just as Rich flung me to the floor demanding I clean it up.
The effect for the Lieutenant was exactly what Rich was hoping for. He looked at Rich and then to me, walked past me and spoke to Rich quietly. I strained to hear what was said but it was inaudible. Leaving the tent he walked past me, kicking the bowl in my direction.
Glancing back to Rich he said, “They will be here today, try not to damage her too much before then.”
Rich scoffed and said, “I’m so sick of babysitting this bitch, you owe me big time for this.”
The Lieutenant smiled a crooked smile and said, “Don’t worry you’ll get even in the end.”
Chapter 6
“Torture”
“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.
-Eleanor Roosevelt
Sitting on the floor picking up the dishes, it almost felt like Rich meant it. I looked up at the lieutenant in what I’d hoped was a submissive glance, then quickly looked back to the mess on the floor. Once I’d picked up the mess and placed it on the bedside table, I took a seat on the bed. Rich approached and looked pained as he raised his hand and slapped me hard. The shock of it made me recoil and curl onto the bed, the tears began to flow, and I sobbed. My chest heaving in the kind of sob that caught your breath, I had no idea what I was in for if he would strike me as such. And this was protecting me? The fear I felt was paralyzing, as he reached for my arm I shuddered and withdrew. Looking at him I could see the pain in his eyes and a tear forming on the lower ledge of his eye, caught just before falling by his long bottom lashes. He quickly swiped at it and pretended to cough. I knew then he truly feared for my safety and was trying to be chosen as the one to inflict the torture so he could save me from the worst of it. He whispered to use the latrine at dusk and quickly left the tent.
That afternoon was agony; no one came to see me. Not the doctor nor Rich, only the Sergeant stood vigilant at the door. I wondered, “Does this man ever sleep?” I peered through the crack in the flap. The light was changing, and I knew it was coming upon dusk and time for my trip to the latrine. I really had to go, and for a while now, but waited as he instructed. I again peered through the flap and began to speak. Before I could even say a word, the Sergeant reached out and shoved me. He hit my shoulder so hard it spun me to the left, and I landed face down on the floor. I could not understand why they had suddenly become so hostile. They never even asked me about anything, only asking if I remembered.
Feeling furious I shouted, “Fine, I’ll just piss right here on the desk ass hole.”
The flap to the tent flung open, and the Sergeant grabbed my arm and practically dragged me to the latrine. Once inside, I fumbled with the toilet paper, seeking a note. There was none. I was both bewildered and disappointed. Finishing, I barged through the door and marched for the tent without waiting for the Sergeant. Once inside, I climbed up on the bed buried my face in the pillow and cried. I was tired, sore, and hungry. Confusion took the place of anything rational in my mind, and I began to drift off to sleep. Reaching under the pillow to draw it close, yearning for arms to hold me, I discovered his note.
Fearful of the unknown camera. He mentioned it, but I didn’t know from where. I knew it was watching but couldn’t see it anywhere. I carefully peeked at it. On the outside of the neatly folded note, it said, “Go to the corner farthest from the desk next to the cabinet in the back, the camera can’t see there.”
I wanted to dart to the corner but knew it would look suspicious. Wondering to myself how to not make it look obvious I suddenly realized. A fit of anger, I was getting good at these. I picked up the pillow and heaved it in the direction of the cabinet and threw myself back to the bed. Flipping from side to side showing my discomfort, I sat up and put my face in my hands. Almost laughing at the show I must have been putting on, I had to cover my face. Regaining my composure, I rose from the bed and stomped over to where the pillow lay and flopped to the floor.
Facing away from the center of the tent, pillow tucked to my chest I hesitantly opened the note. The first thing it said, “Behind the cabinet, a present for you.” Before reading on I tilted my head to see what was there, a small hole had been cut into the seam at the floor, and a cloth wrapped object lay in the space. I reached for it and opened it finding a sandwich. It was peanut butter; and it even had jelly, not my favorite, but I heartily ate it. Continuing with the note, it said, “There will be food here, a scratch on the tent will tell you it’s arrived. Try to wait at least half hour to approach. Tomorrow will be bad; please be strong. I know why they hurt you but can’t share yet. I love you.” It was signed with only an R.
I ate the note as I’d been instructed to do with the other, and placed the cloth back in the space behind the cabinet. Lingering a few moments and listening for anyone who might be nearby, I rose and in an animated fashion slapped the pillow onto the bed. Climbing onto the bed, I grasped the pillow again wishing for arms to hold me. I was scared for what tomorrow offered and entranced in the note, “I love you” he wrote.
I didn’t remember drifting off to sleep, but morning came too soon. A loud bang woke me. It was the doctor, eyeing me like I was a science experiment. Sitting up on the bed, still groggy and confused. I thought the doctor was a good guy or was he? I couldn�
�t be sure of anything right now.
The doctor approached and sat in the chair beside the bed. He glanced at his notes and said, “Tell me what you remember about how you got here.”
By now I was not about to try and argue and began, “I remember a log, and I was floating in the river…”
He cut me off, “Before then.”
I put the tips of the fingers on my left hand to my forehead, as though I were trying to recall something, and gasped. “I can’t; I’m not sure. There are flashes of things, but I don’t know if they are real.”
Without looking up, he said, “Go on.”
Glaring at him I said through gritted teeth, “I think some little doctor man pushed me into the river.”
He stopped writing and looked up. He had the slightest grin and nodded affirmation saying, “You don’t say.”
Nodding I said, “Yea, a little like you as a matter of fact. Are you trying to push me off a bridge?”
He glared at me and rose, leaning in he whispered, “Great job, please forgive us all for your suffering. You, my dear, are what is making it possible for ALL of us to get out.”
After withdrawing, he slapped me hard across my left cheek. It stung, I glared at him, a show for the camera.”
Sitting for a few minutes to gather myself, I then shouted, “Hey you; bellboy…I gotta piss.”
The flap opened, and another man entered. I guessed the Sergeant did indeed sleep. Again, being practically dragged to the latrine, only this one was far rougher than the Sergeant had been. My arm was already showing the beginning of a bruise where he grabbed it. Fishing around with the toilet paper, I didn’t even look for a note, I really did have to go. As I was about to leave the latrine, I caught sight of a small corner of paper slipping out of the roller.