Luna let out a deliciously evil laugh that all mean junior high girls had down pat. “Not yet. The guards are having too much fun breaking him down.”
I wanted to rage against the bars, but knew that would only confirm they’d hit a sore spot. I was desperate to get Mason and Von back, but I couldn’t let them know which buttons to press to make me jump.
When Geon was conversing with Luna, I made eye contact with Lang. He lifted his chin and made a gesture with his hand at his side for me to calm down and wait it out. He inched closer to the bars, and I saw in his hand a bit of the baga root I knew I wouldn’t be able to breathe without in a few hours. I snatched it and shoved it in my mouth, chewing and swallowing before Geon turned around. My heart was racing, but I was breathing. Lang just bought me another day.
I didn’t want to be in this cell another minute.
“Langgam, see to it the child gets a drink of water. It won’t do to have her up and die in here. Imagine Ezra’s protest then. I daresay he may even raise his voice.” Geon and Luna laughed as they exited together, leaving Lang with me in the dark.
Lang’s fingers lit up, sending flickers of candlelight over both our faces. He reached through the bars and held onto my hand. “So cold,” he said of my fingers. His eyebrows pulled together in concern. “Stay strong. They won’t hurt you more than a few punches. Sama wants you alive, and at this point, he’s the only voice Father’s listening to.” His other hand reached through the bars so he could sweep his thumb over my cheekbone. “He got you good, didn’t he.”
I couldn’t put words to the pain that still radiated across my face. “Lang, if the big bad baddy’s army is on its way, I shouldn’t be here!”
“You’re in our prison, which is warded against any kind of porting. I would sneak you out, but the hallway is lined with guards. Be patient, hani. I promise I’ll get you out before then.”
“Von and Mason,” I begged. “If you can’t get me out, then at least get them Topside.”
“The guards are working over Von and Mason for information right now. They’ve even fitted Mason with a collar to keep him from turning into a wolf, or from porting Topside.”
I shuddered to think of the medieval torture I could only guess at the brutality of. If I thought I was panicked before, it was nothing to how I felt now. “You have to rescue them! You can’t let them get hurt like this! Go!”
“Ruiz is trying to get himself assigned to Von’s detail. Once he’s in, he’ll have a better way to sneak Von out.”
“Where’s Ezra?”
“Trying the diplomat route with Aranya, my brother. He’s in a state down there. He’s sent word to the other rulers, so hopefully they’ll get here before Sama’s army does. They can demand you better than just Ezra can. Ezra doesn’t have an army. The kings in Terraway have threat of war they can hold over Father’s head.” He pulled my hand out through the bars and blew his warm breath on my icy knuckles. “If Sama’s army gets here before the others, I’ll find a way to sneak you out.”
“Save Mason and Von first!” I begged again, growing frantic. “They don’t deserve this! You have to find them. Please, Lang!”
Lang’s face fell. “It’s too late for Mason. They’d done their damage before I heard you’d been captured. Ruiz can help Von.”
“Too late?” My mouth went dry and my palms started sweating. “You don’t mean…”
“No, but I’m sure he’ll wish for death soon enough.”
“Please, Lang. You have to get them out! Your dad’s cracked!”
“Why do you think I’ve been helping you in secret? I know, hani. Stay strong.” He squeezed my fingers and pressed them to his lips before releasing me. He examined the fear in my face with sadness. “No wife of mine will be put to death in my father’s dungeon. I’ll find a way out soon.”
“Hurry, Lang.” I couldn’t help the pathetic note that snuck through my resolve to stay strong. “I don’t like it in here.”
Lang drew my face to the bars so he could brush a kiss to my unmarked cheek. It was my blip of warmth in the cold, and I was grateful for the kindness. “Be patient, sweet girl.”
Then he left me in the dark where there was nothing for me to do but count.
I knew there were fifty-seven bars on the cell that caged me in like a bird in her pajamas. Fifty-seven was an odd number. I didn’t much care for those. The compulsion to touch the bars was strong, so I counted them, running my knuckle across each one in case my figure was wrong and it was actually the nice even number of fifty-eight. Or sixty. Sixty was divisible by ten – a nice, round number. I liked those.
Fifty-seven again, so I started over, touching more times than necessary just because I needed to. I needed to touch things. If I touched the bars, maybe Bev wouldn’t be so unhappy. Maybe she’d look at me and smile, like Judge, Darius and Terence’s mama, who before she passed, hugged her hoodlum boys like they weren’t capable of committing a whole slew of crimes. She positively beamed when her boys came home. Maybe if I touched the bars and came up with sixty this time, Bev would look at me in the same way Mama McCray had lit up for her children.
If I touched the bars, Allie might come back to me. She would decide she’d had enough space from us. I’d wake up and she’d be there, making eggs and pancakes with too much maple syrup. When we’d moved out, one thing she insisted on was only ever buying real 100% maple syrup. She was amazing like that.
If I touched the bars, Von would be okay. He’d smile and finally show me some of his paintings I’d been too shy to ask about. Mason would be fine if only I touched the bars. He’d come bust me out and look at me as if I was the thing that was precious to him, not the ghost of someone else I’d never measure up to.
I clawed at my arms, desperate for some kind of relief from the darkness that gnawed at my insides. I don’t know how long it was until I fell asleep, but my eyelids closed finally, and somehow the darkness I chose felt less oppressive than the one that had been chosen for me.
39
My Beautiful Distraction
My dream life took off like I was being sucked into a vortex, dropping me into my house, which had been freshly polished. I could smell the homemade cleaning solution I’d always been a little proud of. It left everything smelling like lemon, lavender and a touch of vinegar. There were no footprints marring the carpet, but perfect vacuum lines that felt like a red carpet rolled out for yours truly.
I inhaled deeply, collapsing on the couch and picking up a mug of tea that my dream self was nice enough to have ready for me. It was sweetened with honey and lemon, just the way I like it.
“I was hoping to run into you here,” said a deeply masculine voice that warmed me.
I turned to see the white-blond hair and hard body of Philip suddenly sitting on the couch next to me. I was relieved to see the pretend perfect guy I’d conjured up in my dreams to makeout with and chat about stupid stuff. Philip was a great distraction, and boy, did I ever need that now. I smirked at him. “You should’ve said, ‘Come here often?’ That’s a better obvious pickup line.”
Philip chuckled, reaching out to pull me into his side so he could trace the curve of my hip. He gave me a delicious kiss that made us both inhale at the sweetness. I never got swept away by hallucinations in my dream kisses; I got to be me, even if it was with a fake person. “I was worried I wouldn’t be able to find you. Where are you?”
“In the living room.” I waved my hand at the television, the coffee table and lamp on the end table. “Nice, right?”
“Any place can be a palace if you’re with the right person.”
“I missed you,” I confessed, gazing over at him contentedly. I needed something beautiful to distract from the pain. Philip was my beautiful distraction.
He examined my face, looking almost like he was moved on an emotional level to see me. “That look. I don’t get much of that.”
“What look?”
“Unfettered admiration.”
It was like h
e was overloaded by the burdens of the world, and had been waiting his whole life for me to relax him. Like I was his Puller. I laughed through my nose, loving the way he smiled for me. “Oh, yeah. You’re a real ugly duckling. I’m sure I’m the first girl to pay you any attention.”
“I get more fearful deference followed by resentment. Not this. You’re practically glowing just to see me. It’s… It’s heady and quite addictive.”
I traced the outline of his grand pectoral muscle beneath his white tunic. His shoulders were slightly broader than Von’s, but not as inhumanly thick as Mason’s. “Now that was a good line. Got me right here.” I tapped my heart with two fingers.
Philip’s fingers replaced mine, flirting on the edge of danger that thrilled me enough to encourage him with a flirty sweep of my thumb across his abdomen under his shirt. “Tell me where you are really. Not in this place. In reality. Don’t you want me to be with you for real?”
I snorted, which I’m guessing wasn’t the sexiest thing I could’ve done, but whatever. Dream Philip wouldn’t leave me. He was fake, so there was no chance of him up and sleeping with Jessica, or comparing me to his saint of a former wife. It was my little world, and stoic though I wanted to be about love, in my dreams, Philip was devoted to me. “I wish you were real.”
“Tell me. Let me send someone to come get you.”
“I wouldn’t tell you even if you were real. I wouldn’t want you to be where I’m at. It’s unpleasant, and our time shouldn’t be crappy here. I want unicorns and candy hearts.” The fear I tried not to feel crept into my voice as memories of the cell plagued me. I pressed my forehead to his and whispered a desperate, “I’m in the dark, and I don’t like it.”
He kissed my lips, his eyes closing to savor the flavor of me. “Let me come rescue you. Tell me what darkness has you so scared.”
I slowly turned my head from side to side, our foreheads still joined so I could feel his breath on my nose. He felt so real. I wanted Philip to be real. “It’s getting harder to hold on. I feel like I’m losing myself. Some days I’m all I have, and I’m afraid this time it’s not enough.”
He traced the outer edge of my breast over my shirt, and I couldn’t help the quickening of my breath or the slight lean in that made his goal closer to his firm but gentle grasp. “Tell me, lovely thing. Tell me where to find you.”
I shook my head, not wanting to think about where I was or the state I was deteriorating to. “It’s cold there.”
“Show me,” he insisted, his voice turning firm.
I sighed, pulling away and staring out into my living room. I waved my hand as if brushing dust off a chalkboard. In the next breath, Philip was in the cell with me, plunged into darkness that was palpable. “I’m in Geon’s dungeon, locked in a cell in Sakuna. He’s going to keep me until Sama’s army gets here, and he can turn me over to him.” I started scraping my nails down the sides of my arms. I hated when I hurt myself in my dreams. “I don’t like it here.”
Philip was angry, pushing against the bars and mumbling things in a language I didn’t understand. It was sweet he was trying to bust me out – my very own dragon-slaying prince. But it was futile. He was a dream, and even if he managed to slay all the dragons and bust down all the walls in my dream, when I awoke, the world would still be filled with monsters. As I suspected, I would die alone.
After much heated effort, Philip sank down next to me, leaning against the concrete wall the cell was bolted to. “I’m sorry. I’ve failed you completely. I want to get you out, but it appears I’m limited.”
I nodded. “Hey, you’re pretend. It’s alright. If I die, I die. Is what it is.”
Philip let out an angry hiss. “Don’t say things like that.”
“I can say whatever I want; it’s my dream. I can only live so long without food and water, Philip.” Sadness engulfed me, and I let out an unbidden sob as my emotions swung loose from my control. “I’ll disappear forever, and Ollie won’t know what happened. He already lost Allie, and now he’ll lose me. I can’t… I can’t stand it when Ollie’s in pain. I can’t leave him alone. He needs me!”
Philip’s arm found its way around my form, pulling me to his side. “I’ll return you to Ollie. Don’t lose hope on me now. I’ll get you out of here, and punish the man who did this to you.”
“I’m going to die alone,” I confessed, my heart breaking at my worst fear coming to fruition.
“You’re not alone,” he assured me. “I’m here. I’ll never leave you.”
“Bev doesn’t love me!” I wailed, not caring anymore how childish I sounded. “Allie doesn’t want me anymore. She… Allie left me, and I don’t understand why! What did I do?”
“Nothing, sweet girl. You did nothing to make Allie leave. Some things are beyond your control.”
“I love Allie, and she left! I try to love Bev, but it makes no difference. I love Judge, but he’s still horrible! My love is useless! What a total waste.”
Philip held me while I cried, not judging me or trying to talk me out of my feelings. “I’m here, Gracie.”
“Geon’s hurting Von and Mason!” I couldn’t stick on one thought for more than a few seconds; everything was crashing down on me. I tapped my chest. “They’re scared, and I can feel it. Something’s very wrong, and I can’t get out of here to help them!” I gulped down a breath between sobs. “There are only fifty-seven bars in the cell! I need there to be sixty!”
“Sixty? I don’t understand. Will that help you better escape?”
“No, I just need there to be sixty bars!”
Philip clutched me tight and waved his hand to the dungeon, morphing three additional bars to evenly disperse through the periphery of the cell. “There. Does that help?”
I heaved out a gust of relief that at least one problem was fixable. I collapsed in Philip’s arms, exhaling a little of my internal madness that polluted my mind. “Thank you. I just… Sixty. That’s much better.” The relief over something that shouldn’t have had that much a hold on me pushed down on my psyche with a crushing weight.
Philip was frozen for a few beats, but eventually started to rub my back to soothe us both. We said nothing of my obvious crazy. All I knew was that through my fog of psychosis, Philip didn’t let go, and I didn’t push him away.
40
Friggin’ Ready
When my dream was cut short by the creak of the heavy door, I wished for Mason. I wished for Von. I wished for anybody at all except for the voice that greeted me. “Have you decided to tell me where you’ve hidden the sagrado stone yet, child?” Geon’s voice was light on the surface, but there was a menace to it that scared me afresh.
I maintained my resolve for silence, especially since I couldn’t tell him where the stone was if I wanted to, which I didn’t.
“Very well. I know you’re worried about the other kingdoms, so I brought in one of Sama’s spies.” Geon clicked his fingers, and I heard another set of footsteps. “Andy, tell Lady October that Lady Mariang is holding up her mantle just fine.”
I covered my mouth in horror when Andy, one of the men Ezra had sent to guard me, answered through the dark. I could almost picture his goatee while he talked. He’d been the one who tried to keep me in the mansion by sucking my will from me, pulling so hard that I blissed out. I didn’t much like Andy.
“Lady October, the quota’s being met. Lady Mariang’s upset, but she knows what’s expected of her. She’s adding to the number of souls you stockpiled.”
I said nothing. I knew the only things that would fling out of me would be a perpetual catapult of insults, most of which would be lost on him. He’d guarded me. He’d pulled stress from me, or tried to, anyway.
Geon’s voice was calm with a hint of a tease to it. “Andy’s here to get you to talk. You’re familiar with excessive pulling? Makes a person so relaxed and suggestible, they’d do or say just about anything you ask. Even a spitfire like you might become downright pleasant with the right persuasion. We could torture yo
u to find out what you know about the stone, but see, if we send you back to Ezra with marks on you, that could start a war. This is the more civilized way to get information, don’t you think? Andy.” Geon unlocked the cell door and directed the spy toward me. “Get her to tell us where the stone is.”
I wanted to rage against the bars in the cell like a gorilla, but knew that wouldn’t get me anywhere. Instead I drew back, readying myself to fend off Andy and his stupid chin beard.
“I thought you’d cooperate,” Andy chided me. “I thought you understood what was at stake here. I don’t understand why you, of all people, would resist the help Sama’s rations will bring. With them, you wouldn’t have to work so hard. Mariang could live longer if she didn’t have to reap so much.”
“Bite me,” I spat, inching away from him when I heard his footsteps in the dark. “You don’t give a crap about Mariang. You’re working her ragged by keeping me down here. Spare me your utopian worldview.”
“Fine. Have it your way.” His voice turned playful. “They always have so much fight in the beginning. It’s almost sweet.”
Geon clicked his fingers, giving light to the cell. I could only see by the faint glow coming from Geon’s hand, but it was just enough. This wasn’t the time for pulling punches or biding my time. It was strike to incapacitate.
I was starved.
I was scared.
I was friggin’ ready.
He took the first step toward me, and I was already pouncing. My leg flung out as it had so many times in the self-defense training I’d had to go through for the prison job, landing square in Andy’s gut. He doubled over as I predicted he would, and I took my opportunity to cup the back of his head, shoving his cranium hard into the metal bars. I knew every chance he had to touch me, I would lose myself more and more, so each punch was quick and delivered force I didn’t bother tampering in warning.
Tremble (Terraway Book 2) Page 24