“We are resting.” I settled myself on the bed and arranged her to lie comfortably against my chest. “I am not here to seek anything but your life. You need to live, and I have come to make sure of that. Tell me. Tell me how you got here, Min.”
Her hand rested on my chest as her head rested on my shoulder. She breathed slowly, her wings trembling, rustling, then settling. And, then she told me.
9
Kenos
He was so very handsome. After so many years of traveling on our ship, seeing the same faces day in, day out, he was new and exciting.
As the war consumed us all, we were warned time and time again, the Humans thought differently. The Humans acted differently. But the Humans had only one species, and didn’t understand the people of Vaimm with their hundreds of branches of life.
The angels and djinn were doubly warned. Triply warned. There were those among the Humans who worshiped the myth that equated with our kind. They were dangerous. They were not to be trusted.
I didn’t listen, and surely Trill was not a cruel man. He was kind. Charming, caring, reliable. He was different. I was enamored by the idea of him.
And so, a year after coming to Seldova, I fell. I read the ancient text on how to turn my very being, and skew myself, dropping back into phase with the rest of the universe. It hurt. Worse than childbirth, which was to come sometime later.
It should have been obvious there and then what Trill was. When he wasn’t there for the most painful sacrifice I would ever make in my life, it was a clue. But I ignored it.
I ignored the one who was there to catch me.
The one who had always been there.
The one I walked away from, over and over.
Trill finally arrived, and we were married in just weeks, according to his traditions. My family was not there. They rejected me and turned away. Even those who fell could still talk to and see their family—if they all still chose to. Mine did not. They could see who Trill was.
Trill wanted a child right away. The grace of being a Meta was that we could control completely when we had or didn’t have children. That I was willing to have a child immediately and didn’t get pregnant for over a year was another sign that this was not a good match.
Still, I ignored it.
Finally, a year and three months after our wedding, I conceived. Trill did not treat me as one who adores their mate ought when carrying their child. He was angry it had taken so long, and was ready to blame me if I lost the child.
Another point of caution ignored: he did not seem to know that angels almost never lost a child after conception. If they did, there was always an obvious reason. My child was a healthy and perfect nephilium girl.
He was delighted when I bore him a little girl, and was even more thrilled when she unfurled her wings after birth. Not all nephilium inherited the wings. My beautiful Bramisamarad Oe had wings.
I dreamed one day of flying with her.
Brami was perfect. She was a good baby, and loved her mother and father. But once I weaned her at just about a year, her father started to take charge of her. I still reached out, desperate to pull my child back to me. I was losing my child and somewhere along the way, I realized, I was losing my husband as well.
Trill started to pull away. He sent me to my own bed, in my own room. He kept Brami in her nursery, but sealed the door to the hall. Sealing her away from me.
I lost love. Love, the one thing angels cannot live without in any plane they might be in. My ludus, my eros, my philia. I was losing agape, philautia, and storge. There was no hope for pragma.
I had only kenos- nothing, empty. What I thought was love was vanity. I had nothing.
Then, Trill took that away.
It was late one night. Sleep had become a struggle, without access to my child, my husband, my life. There were sounds, and I couldn’t identify them. Following the noises, I walked into hell.
There was a bloody knife on the table. There was blood everywhere. And there was a head on the kitchen table. A woman’s head. Hacked off at the neck. Trilland stood in the middle of the mess. Bloody.
He walked me to the door, with nothing, and pushed me out.
I went to the authorities, but by then the War had started and I was persona non grata. I was pulled into a cell, locked up and forgotten in the back of that little hell. No one would listen to me that my husband had killed, and had my daughter with him. The officers fed me and tortured me. They plucked my wings and humiliated me. I was left in such a sorry state that I was grateful for them being afraid of the Metas. It was only that which kept them from assaulting me more than they were.
I was moved from place to place, from jail cell to jail cell as the war peaked and valleyed. They kept me as ransom, but there was no one to pay it. I was kept weak so that any abilities I had were remnants of what they once were.
And there, in the jail on Rexu, I began to die.
I didn’t know the War was over for months. They still moved me around, hoping for ransom. And when finally it was obvious that there was none, the dropped me off at the hospital.
What did I have left? The staff at the hospital tried to find Trill, only to find he’d left the planet taking Brami with him, and they weren’t sure where they’d gone. It was the last straw for me, finding out my daughter wasn’t even on the same planet. I had no money, nowhere to live, no one to turn to.
I gave up. I had nothing.
It was all gone.
Chapter Ten
“Brami is with him.”
I kept my voice quiet. I didn't want to shatter Min’s cocoon. She had wrapped herself tight against me.
“Is she safe?”
“That's why I'm here. We need to get her away from Trill. He’s using her as a pawn—a way to defraud believers and fill his pockets.”
“Why chase me?”
I let out a slow breath. “I already confessed my love. Do I need more reason?”
Her beautiful blue eyes looked up at me. “How long?”
“How long what?”
“How long have you loved me?”
“Since the day I first saw you in school.”
“Pili, that's three hundred years…”
I merely nodded.
“I'm a fool.” A tear tracked down her cheek.
I brushed it away. “You're not. We were on that ship for three hundred years, through one thousand stars to find our home. It was amazing we all made it out the other side.”
“Only to fight a war against a people who didn’t even try to understand us, who used us.”
The shake of my head was slow. “No, Min. The Humans aren't all like Trill. They just want to live their lives. There are con-men and liars in all races. The Humans that led me here were kind, caring, and tired of fighting. The Complex is proving that we can get along.”
She put her head back on my shoulder. “So you've found a Human then?”
“I've found no one.” I laughed lightly. “How could I find someone who could compare to an angel?”
“A fallen angel.”
I tucked a hand under her chin. “My angel. Is there nothing that will help you believe that there's plenty to love? Plenty reason to go on living our lives?”
Her blinks were slow and the silence was thoughtful. “You love me?”
“Arahambramina…”
She gasped and looked at me. “My name never sounded as beautiful as it just did from your lips.”
“Min, I don't care if you don't or can't love me. But—”
She put a finger on her lips. “I have been a fool for three hundred years, djinn. I have passed a thousand stars. If I do not find and believe the love offered, I will die under the pale yellow star of this world. I am at peace with that. I will die.” She gazed up at me and stared straight into my soul. “I need to be convinced. I gave my heart to someone who smashed it a thousand times—once for each star we sought. I saw him take the life of another woman. He escorted me out of his life. I have no child,
I have no family. No friends. No reasons. How can you possibly…?”
“Pragma, Min. Everything I feel for you is solid, carved in the walls of my heart. It's ancient by Human standards. It might be naive by Meta standard. But for all this time, and all these stars, nothing and no one has ever changed my feelings for you. They are steadfast.”
“But you are not alone…You have someone you love.”
“I do love her. But it's not pragma or eros. It's philia, with heaped helping of a good fuck.”
Min trembled in my arms at that word. I didn't like that at all, and I lifted her chin again. “What did he do, Min?”
“That word… he would never call our...relations anything but that. It was never simply sex. It was never making love. He always...fucked. I…”
I knew exactly what she was going to say. “He took. He fucked. He never gave. I was always there as a repository for his cum and nothing more…”
She sucked in another breath. “So crude…”
“Filth has its place. It can be very erotic.”
“Nothing with Trill was erotic. Nothing with him was tender or caring. He was a gentleman, then a pig. There was nothing in between.”
“Did he hurt you?”
She stared at me. “He's killed me, Pili. Murdered me. Just as sure as that head sat on my counter.”
I sighed. “Min, I have never asked anything of you. I would've gone through life without you ever knowing I love you. I will still go on with that love unrequited. But for your daughter… for the beautiful creature I wish was my own, let me save you. Let me show you she's all you need. Let me lead you back to love.”
My heart broke as she shook her head, no. “I will not let you lead me back. My daughter cannot be my only reason.” Her pale lashes, just an iota darker than her hair, fluttered. “P’ilitkus, I have forgotten what love is.”
Stroking her cheek, I was lost. “How do you remind a creature who is made of love what it is to love?”
Her cheek, damp with tears, rested on my shoulder again. I stared at her beautiful hair, and stroked a hand over the silk strands. I did not want to leave without her. She was my ending and my beginning.
My stars.
All of my wishes.
“I would give you everything if I could.”
Her chest heaved. There was no way to tell if it was a sigh or sob. I knew what my next question had to be.
“Arahambramina, do you want to die?”
Her whole body trembled, and a flood of tears ripped out of her. “I didn’t want any of this, Pili. Not one bit of it. I wish I could go back and tell myself not to fall. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to exist in isolation. I don’t want to die alone. I don’t know what to do…” She lifted her big blue eyes to me, and there was such sorrow in them, so much pain. “You love me?”
“I always have.”
“Why did you come here?”
“Your daughter—Well. No. That's the reason I've been trying to tell myself. The truth is I couldn't imagine letting you die. I don't want to think of a world without you. I don't need you to love me back. I just need to know you're alive and happy.”
“You've always loved me.”
“Yes.”
“Help me live. Help find the love I can't see anymore.” She put a finger on my lips as I was about to protest. “I am dying, Pili. Show me I have reason to live.”
It hit me what she was asking.
“Min…”
She pressed her lips to my cheek. “Pili. I don’t want to die.”
“Min, you can’t ask me to do this.”
“Give me a chance to live. Give me a chance to love.”
I swallowed, hard. “I…”
“Please. Give me a chance to love you.”
My heart, which had been racing out of control, stopped. My breath froze in my lungs. “Min, if I give you what you're asking, and you reject me, I will die.”
Her eyes grew wide. “I didn't know your love was that big.”
“I saw you the first time when you walked into our classroom. I remember the teacher explaining what kind of Meta you were, and how we had to be a little careful around you so we didn’t accidently make you fall. I was shy and scared, and you were oh so lovely. Your wings were still small, and couldn’t carry you. You always had a dreamy haze around you, making you seem even more ethereal.
“We grew. I always wanted to play with you, learn more about the angels. I wanted to be near you, around you. Just your presence made my soul leap and jump in joy. I hoped that you would notice me one day, but all the other males grew tall while I stayed, well...short. They had big and strong going for them. I just tagged along so I could see you. You never seemed to see me.
“Chastan told us that you were his girlfriend. I knew it was an exaggeration at best—touching you could have dire consequences. So, when he said he kissed you, I laughed.
“You knew I was there, but I don’t know if you ever saw me. The ships were only so big. and there were only so many of us on them. You were one of the only people who said anything to me the day I came back to school after my mother died.
“When we met the Humans I couldn’t believe you were charmed by one of them. I guess it was the exotic nature of someone not a Meta. He was handsome, and you were tired of hearing the same crap from the angels you knew. I think you were tired of all of us and this was new and different.
“So when you said you were going to fall for him, I knew I had to be there to support you. Your mother let me read the texts so I could help you. I think she hoped I would stop you from falling.”
Shuddering, she shook her head. “No one could have.”
“You are right. No one could have. So instead, I chose to be there for you. No one else stayed with you. Your parents, your brother and sister, your cousins—they all left you. Only I stayed.
“And when Trilland held his hand out for you…”
“I went.” There was no mistaking the note of remorse in her voice. “I don’t know why I left. I knew it was you that caught me, and I did nothing more than kiss you on the cheek and skip away to Trill like it was some damned fairytale. How did you know where to find me, Pili?”
“I always knew where you lived when you left Pinao with Trill. John followed to make sure we could find you if we had to.”
“And you risk your life to come here.”
“To find you and save you and bring you back to your daughter.”
“I am more than just an angel to you…”
“You are Min. Arahambramina. I may have loved others, but there is no one who compares to you in my heart.”
“Show me.”
I inhaled, slowly. “You will kill me if you turn me away.”
Her hand was soft and gentle on my cheek. “I have always seen you Pili. I have always known you were there. I didn’t realize why you were, but you caught me. Show me. Save me. Make me yours.”
11
Eros
There was no holding me back anymore. This angel was offering herself to me. I would die if she ever chose another. My heart had been hidden behind a wall, and she was now tearing it down.
I laid her back on the pillows, and came over to her. My lips found hers and our kiss was both tender and electric. At first, our lips brushed and danced against each other, but it wasn’t enough. The kisses deepened. I tasted her lips, stroking her tongue, savoring her flavor.
The smallest of sighs escaped her and shot through my whole body. I devoured her—her breath, her flesh. I would have taken her soul into me. I didn’t want to ravish or frighten her. This was a moment for worship, to show her what love could be, should be.
With careful intent, I moved my kiss down her throat, feathering my touch along the column of her porcelain neck. I pulled back her shirt to expose her collar and continued along that tender ridge.
I found the buttons on the front and carefully pull each open, as I continue to enjoy the feel of her satin skin. Her shirt fell away, and my hand sou
ght the smooth plane of her stomach, working slowly up to the edge of her breast. She didn’t have a bra on. Her breasts, full and perfect, seemed to defy gravity itself.
As my hand moved up, my lips moved down to the peak of the dusky nipples that had awoken. They were hard, and begged me to suckle there. How could I resist? Pearled tight, I captured them between my teeth and teased softly with my tongue.
Min’s soft, mewling moans were shocks to my system. She was soft, pliable—and if I hadn’t known she’d had a child, I would have called her virginal. It was almost painful to me that she had never known a tender touch, a kiss that wanted nothing more than pleasure. Her body was ready for flight or fight because this was not how ‘love’ had been in her world.
Licking softly, I moved from one peak to the next, and drew that nipple into my mouth. I laved her and enjoyed the softness of her skin on my cheek.
Her breath escaped. “This feels so right and wrong at the same time.”
I peered at her, and nipped at the pearl. “It’s right. It should never feel wrong.”
“Dirty, maybe.”
“Human concept,” I answered. I blew a stream of cool air over the nipple and Min’s whole body twitched. “Angels may not be overtly sexual, but it’s not dirty. Never dirty.”
My fingers stroked one breast while my mouth was full of her other. I watched her face—her jaw hung slack as her head tipped back. Her breathing was labored. She strained up from the bed. Gods and stars, could I make her come like this?
“Let go, Min.” The words brushed over her sensitive skin. “Trust me.”
“Gods, Pili...what are you doing to me?”
“Your breasts are amazing. So sensitive.”
“Pili! Oh! I—”
Throwing her head back, she let out a soft cry of pleasure. Her body arched up, hands fisting the sheets. It was a sight to behold, my beautiful angel’s climax beneath me, from simple worship of her perfect breasts. I splayed my hand wide on her trembling stomach, feeling the muscles there quivering
One Thousand Wishes, One Thousand Stars (The Complex Book 0) Page 7