Doug looked at the floor for a moment and then lifted his eyes to hers. “He just told us…a few minutes ago.” He glanced at the other firefighters, none of whom were paying attention to their conversation. “He told us Tommy was his little guy.”
The bullets hit then.
Ashley slumped as his words ripped their way through her heart and soul. Was she dreaming? Could she be standing here in Landon’s fire station hearing the news that he had a baby? A newborn?
She grabbed two jagged breaths and opened her mouth, but no words came.
“Ashley, follow me.” Doug closed the gap between them and led her by the arm into the next room. There he directed her to a worn sofa, and he sat beside her. “You don’t look too good.”
Heat radiated through her body, but she began to shiver at the same time. A fine layer of wetness broke out across her forehead, and she bit the inside of her lip. “He…he didn’t tell me.”
Doug’s voice was kind, gentle. “Are you his girlfriend?”
The question stumped Ashley. They’d never made any real commitment, had they? Oh, they’d talked about being together at the end of his year, but he’d made her no promises. She hadn’t wanted any.
She blinked and noticed that her eyes were dry. “No.” She was too shocked to cry, as though the news had numbed a part of her. “We…we’re friends. I just thought…”
Suddenly she couldn’t sit with the stranger another moment. She didn’t want his sympathy or anyone else’s. Disappointment had knocked on her door before. Even a disappointment as devastating as this couldn’t change the reason she was in Manhattan. Let Landon live his private life, and she would live hers.
She stood and nodded to Landon’s partner. “Thank you.” Her breathing had been shallow and uneven, but now she exhaled and some of the shock drained away. She brought her fingers to her face and dabbed at her forehead. It was cooler than before. “I have to go. I have an appointment uptown.”
Doug followed her to the front door, mumbling something about waiting for Landon to come back, maybe talking to him herself. To each suggestion she shook her head, and when she was a few feet outside on the sidewalk, she held up her hand. “I don’t want to see him.”
Regret painted the man’s features. “Should I tell him you stopped by?”
“No.” Ashley gave a quick shake of her head. “Don’t tell him a thing.” She picked up her portfolio, walked through the door, and took four long strides toward the curb. “Taxi!” She waved her arm, and a yellow cab pulled over. Without turning around, she slipped her bag into the trunk, laid it carefully on its side, and slid into the backseat.
The cabbie shot her a look in the rearview mirror. “Where to?”
Ashley wanted to give him the location of her hotel, but she couldn’t force out the words. Landon was walking in the park with some girl and a baby—a baby he’d fathered some nine months ago. With the cabdriver waiting, she did the math in her head and realized that he must’ve been with her those first few weeks after September 11, back when he’d rushed to New York City to find Jalen.
After spending the entire summer with her and Cole.
Memories tried to play in her mind, but she wouldn’t let them. Not when she was still trying to make sense of everything she’d just learned. This was supposed to be one of her greatest days ever. The day when she would make her art debut in New York City and be reunited with Landon.
“Lady, where to?” The cabdriver’s voice was short and frustrated.
“Umm…” She didn’t want to be anywhere but here, spying at the front door of the fire station until Landon and his…his girlfriend returned with their baby. She had to see it for herself, had to see him cross the street pushing a baby stroller, had to see the way he looked at this girl, whoever she was.
She leaned forward and met the driver’s impatient eyes. “Could you flip around and park on the other side of the road, maybe twenty feet down from here?”
The driver raised a single eyebrow. “This ain’t a park bench, lady; it’s a cab. Where to?”
“Look—” Ashley held up her hands. They had to get away from the fire-station door before Landon returned. “I’m serious. You can keep the meter running.”
The driver shook his head. “Craziest place in the world.” Then with a quick glance over his shoulder, he worked the cab back into traffic, made a right at the next street, and after a few turns pulled up along the opposite curb, just south of the fire station. “This work for you?” He looked at her in the mirror again.
“Perfect.”
Ashley pressed her fists into her stomach and watched the stream of people heading toward them. Her heart beat faster than before, and she wondered at her sanity. What if he didn’t come back for an hour? And how would she feel if somehow he saw her—watching him from the backseat of a cab?
She slid lower in the seat and narrowed her gaze. Lord, how could this happen? I thought he was…I thought the two of us… Her silent questions were too raw, too fresh, for her to consider hearing an answer. If Landon could lie to her about this, then how could they share even a friendship? She pulled her sunglasses from her bag and slipped them onto her face. She couldn’t be his friend; it was that simple. Friendship was based on trust, and obviously whatever Landon had gone through after coming to New York, he hadn’t been willing to share it with her.
Had he thought she’d never find out? Never learn that he’d fathered a child in his shock and grief after September 11? And what about Cole? How careless had she been letting her son grow close to Landon without knowing everything about him, without guessing that maybe he’d found someone else in Manhattan?
Come on, Landon, show your face. Let me see what you’ve done.
Another minute passed, and then she saw him. The girl beside him was tall and blonde, a scarf around her hair and dark glasses perched on her face. The sight of them together cut off her oxygen and made it impossible to inhale. Landon was pushing the stroller, smiling at the girl, looking every bit the proud father. Just like Doug had said.
“How much longer, lady?” The driver tapped on the meter. “Time’s money.”
“Wait!” She hissed the word and waved her hand at the driver.
Landon and his friend moved with the flow of traffic toward the crosswalk. As they did, Ashley got a better look at the woman. Her face held something familiar, something in her cheekbones and tall stature. The closer they came, the more certain she was that she’d seen the girl before.
Then, in a rush of recognition, Ashley’s hand flew to her mouth.
It was impossible. Landon never would have…
The young woman looked like Reagan Decker—Luke’s girlfriend.
Ashley lowered her glasses and stared at the girl, the way she held her head and smiled at Landon, the swish of her long blonde hair and the graceful way she kept pace with him.
No question about it, the woman was Reagan.
And as Reagan and Landon pushed the baby stroller across the street and headed into the fire station, a truckload of details landed squarely on Ashley’s shoulders. The last time she’d seen Reagan had been at the bus station in Bloomington, the place where Luke had bid Reagan good-bye.
At that point they knew Reagan’s father was missing, trapped in the rubble, and as a way of helping her get home, Luke had taken her to the station. The same place she herself had taken Landon.
Her head ached, and the cabdriver was tapping his steering wheel. “How much longer, lady?”
Ashley summoned all her strength and rattled off the intersection for her hotel. The driver sighed hard and jerked the cab into traffic once more. Ashley barely noticed. She was too busy putting together puzzle pieces that finally formed a complete picture.
Reagan and Landon had ridden the same bus to Manhattan that terrible day. In fact, they must’ve spent the night together either on the road or at one of the dozen bus stops between Indiana and New York. The two of them had probably sat together, sharing their pain and comforting each oth
er.
Who could better understand what the two of them were going through than each other? Ashley stared out the cab window and tried to remember a single time when Landon had mentioned Reagan. There had been none. Surely after the long bus ride the two of them would have made a plan to stay in touch. So why hadn’t Landon talked about it with Ashley? What reason did he have to hide the fact, unless…
Her mind sped around a blind corner and ran square into another set of facts, facts that until that moment had never had anything to do with Landon. After saying good-bye to Reagan at the bus stop, Luke had tried every day to contact her. Twice a day, sometimes three times a day.
But not once had she taken his call. Not one single time.
Ashley had seen Reagan and Luke together. They seemed made for each other. In fact before September 11, the Baxter girls had agreed that sometime in the next few years they would marry. So why—in the wake of her most devastating loss—would Reagan cut Luke out of her life?
And what about Landon? He hadn’t called her from Ground Zero, had he? Not once. And when he came back, he’d been most excited that she’d been to church. What was it they’d said that last afternoon before he left for New York again? That there would be no promises; wasn’t that it?
Still, she never would have guessed that he’d…he’d been with another woman. And Reagan Decker?
The past was as clear as if she were seeing it played on a movie screen. Landon and Reagan must have gotten close on the bus trip to New York. Then, once there, they’d found comfort with each other and somehow…one thing had led to another.
Landon had just come from Ashley, so he must’ve been confused, but clearly after being intimate with Reagan he’d been unwilling to call Ashley. The two of them were probably together several times a week—whenever he wasn’t working at Ground Zero. And naturally Reagan wouldn’t take Luke’s calls. How could she, when she was sleeping with another man?
Again Ashley’s stomach hurt. When Landon came back to Bloomington after finding Jalen’s body, he must’ve been unsure if what he’d found with Reagan was real or part of the sorrow and tragedy of September 11. Maybe he didn’t know until he got back to New York that Reagan was pregnant. In fact, he mustn’t have known. Wasn’t that what his partner said? He didn’t know about the baby until Reagan’s emergency delivery.
The two must’ve had a falling-out before he returned home to Indiana.
Ashley’s defenses fell like scales from her eyes. Landon was in love with someone else, with Luke’s old girlfriend. The whole picture was sharp enough to pierce her heart, and for the first time since learning about Landon’s baby, she felt the burning of tears in her eyes. No wonder he hadn’t promised her anything before he returned to Manhattan.
She was barely aware of her actions as the cab pulled up in front of her hotel and she paid the driver. She grabbed her art case, found her way to the room, and dropped into a chair that faced the window. The hotel was boxed in by buildings, the kind that killed her creativity.
Gone were the energy and excitement, the thrill of being a part of the life and culture of New York City. She would meet with the gallery director, sign over her paintings, and fly home. Cole needed her, and she needed him. Him and her parents and the rest of her family.
She remembered a time when those very people had been her enemies, the ones who thought her strange and different and determined to live life on her own terms. But in the past year they’d become her greatest support. She dug her elbows into her thighs and let her head fall into her hands. What would they say now? When she told them that Landon was with Reagan Decker? And what about Luke?
A shiver ran down her spine.
Her brother had been through so much this past year. First realizing that prayers weren’t always answered with a yes. And then losing Reagan, and walking away from all he’d believed in. What would this blow do to him? Ashley couldn’t think about it.
All her mind would allow were thoughts of Landon and Reagan and the stroller they were pushing. Their smiles and casual way of looking so much like a couple.
And how very much she was going to miss him.
CHAPTER TWELVE
THEY WERE GATHERED AROUND the Baxter table, and Kari had positioned Jessie’s high chair between herself and Ryan. Cole ate across from them, seated beside his grandmother. At four years old he handled his own dinner quite well.
They’d made progress on several aspects of the coming wedding, and now they were at a bridge in the conversation.
“I feel out of touch.” Kari set her fork down and pushed her plate back. “The wedding’s taken up so much time, I’ve barely kept up with everyone else.”
“Ashley’s in New York; you know that, right?” Her mother smiled from across the table. She’d made a Spanish casserole tonight, and the entire house smelled like melted cheese and tamale sauce.
“New York?” Ryan was cutting a chunk of chicken for Jessie. He looked at Kari, eyes wide. “You didn’t tell me.”
“I just found out this morning.” Kari grinned. “A gallery wanted three of her pieces. They’re going to put them up on consignment and see how they do.”
“Mommy’s gonna be famous!” Cole raised his fork in the air. “Right, Grandma?”
“Right, buddy.” She tousled his hair. “And one day we’ll see her paintings in a museum. Just like we’ve always said.”
“Right!” Cole nodded and returned to his dinner.
“I had no idea she’d gotten a break.” Ryan looked from the elder Baxters back to Kari. “You’re serious?”
“Yep.” Kari dabbed a napkin at Jessie’s chin. “She has the appointment Monday morning.”
“I always knew she’d make it. Her work is amazing.” Ryan gave a few thoughtful nods. “Good for her. And let me guess—” he winked—“she’ll see Landon while she’s there.”
“Landon’s my friend!” Cole chewed a mouthful of food. “Mommy said she’d tell him hi for me. She took a picture of him.”
“A picture?” Ryan looked from Cole to Kari’s parents.
“A painting.” Kari’s mother smiled at Cole and patted his hand. “It’s one of her latest pieces. Landon at Ground Zero, sitting on a park bench. It’s—” she paused and shook her head—“it’s breathtaking.”
“So I take it they’ll see each other.” Kari’s heart lifted like a kite on a spring day. How long had Ashley and Landon cared for each other without admitting it?
Her parents exchanged a knowing look, one that spoke volumes. John anchored his elbows on the table. “I’d be shocked if she didn’t.”
“Hey, how’s Maddie doing?” Kari angled her head. She hadn’t gotten an update on her niece in weeks.
“Brooke says she seems okay. No fevers for a while now.” Kari’s father took another bite.
“What about Erin? We stopped our counseling meetings, but everything seems fine.” Kari sat back in her chair and watched Ryan feed little Jessie. Her daughter was nineteen months old now, walking everywhere, and looking less like a baby. Without question, Ryan loved her as much as if she were his own.
Her mother stood and cleared her plate. She looked back at Kari from the kitchen. “She and Sam have finalized their moving plans. They’ll set out the morning after Labor Day so they won’t miss our annual picnic at the lake.”
Kari had known her sister would be moving. They’d made the plans almost a year ago, but with the terrorist attacks, the economy took a hit, and the company that wanted Sam in Austin, Texas, delayed their plans. Kari bit her lip. Erin still didn’t want to move, but the last time they’d talked she was at least committed to making her marriage work. Whether in Bloomington or Austin.
“That soon, huh?” Ryan reached for Jessie’s sippy cup and handed it to her. She took it, popped it in her mouth, and held it to one side, her eyes glued on Ryan. Kari grinned at her daughter’s trademark sideways-drinking. They liked to say it was because she didn’t want to miss anything.
Kari’s father help
ed himself to another spoonful of the casserole. “Erin’s Realtor found them a house in a good neighborhood.”
“What about our wedding?” Kari cleared the other plates and joined her mother in the kitchen.
“They’ll fly back for the weekend.” Her mother motioned to the sink. “Set them there, dear. I’ll clean up later.”
Kari did as her mom said, and they returned to the table. “It’ll be strange, having them so far away.”
“The way it feels with Luke.” Her mother lowered her gaze to the table for a moment, and when she looked up, weariness seemed suddenly etched in her expression. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
Kari wanted to add something, but her throat was too thick. She might’ve been out of touch because of her approaching wedding, but things were worse with Luke. They all knew it.
“It’s okay.” Ryan set Jessie’s sippy cup back on the table and took her from the high chair. She reached her arms around his neck and rested her head on his shoulder. “I think about Luke all the time. How is he?”
Kari caught her father’s expression, and it cut her heart like a knife. “Not good, right? That’s what Ashley said before she left.”
Her father curled his fingers into fists and held his breath for a few seconds. “The last time I saw him he told me to stay out of his life.” He exhaled hard and gave a shake of his head. “He’s made some…very poor choices.”
“Poor, meaning…?” Kari looked from him to her mother and back again.
“It’s not something I can talk about.” Her father gritted his teeth and relaxed his hands. His shoulders slumped some as he took hold of her mother’s fingers. “He needs as many prayers as you can send his way.”
“He’s still living with the girl from school?” Ryan soothed his hand over the back of Jessie’s head, running his fingers through the mist of auburn curls near the nape of her neck.
“Yes.” Her father looked at Kari. “I don’t think he’ll be at the wedding.”
The news landed like a rock in Kari’s gut. “He’ll be there.”
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