by Ava Wood
Talia nodded, trying to force down the thoughts of doubt that were creeping in. Damn Mason for making me feel like I will never be good enough. When the back door opened and her sister and Camey came buzzing in, Talia turned her head to business. “We have a morning delivery to the nursing home. The bouquet is on the table in the cooler.” Landon kissed her forehead before he walked away. She stood watching him go, realizing it would take her some time to truly trust in love again.
Chapter 12
All of Me
Talia had struggled most of the day with the last twenty-four hours. One minute Landon was telling her he loved her and the next he was running away. The fear of those three little words was drowning her. They echoed in her mind all day amongst the ominous stares from Reina and the brief encounters with Landon as he came in and out of the shop for deliveries. She wasn’t even sure if she’d spoken two words to Camey and Sara since they arrived for work this morning. They’d been buzzing around the shop filling orders and she was stumbling around like a zombie just going through the motions. Before long, the workday would be over and Talia would be left alone with Landon again, the words she needed to say still escaping her. She wasn’t ready to say she loved him. Those words were used too frivolously. Mason had said those three words to her many times and they were meaningless. Talia knew deep down it wasn’t the same with Landon, but the words still invoked a sense of fear in her that she wasn’t ready to face.
“Talia, are you okay?” Sara stood holding a canister of dahlias, staring at Talia’s hands.
“What?” Seeing Sara’s focus, Talia looked down at her hands, realizing she’d been mindlessly destroying an orchid.
“What’s wrong, Tal? You’ve been out of sorts all day.” Sara slid the orchid away from her. “Did something happen between you and Landon?” Sara’s eyes quickly darted in his direction.
“What? Why would you say that?” Talia’s voice wavered, trying to bury the thoughts of Landon’s I love you that wouldn’t leave her alone.
“You’ve been lethargic all day. Something’s bothering you.”
Quick thinking on Talia’s part provided her response. “I’m fine. I just have a lot on my mind with this wedding coming up. I don’t want to let Marisa down.”
Sara looked skeptically at her sister. “Okay.”
Talia could tell from that one word that Sara didn’t believe her, but she was trying. Talia wished that Marisa’s wedding was what was troubling her, but it was truly the farthest thing from her mind. When Sara walked away, Talia pulled the orchid back in front of her trying to repair the damage, but it was useless. The petals were crushed and the stem was broken just below the blossom. There was no repairing such a delicate flower. Giving up hope, she dropped it in the trash and followed her feet upstairs to her apartment. She was feeling too much like that orchid, fragile and in need of repair, but potentially too broken to ever be fixed. As much as she tried with Landon, she worried that she’d never be able to truly give all of herself again. She’d meandered into the spare bedroom and curled up on the window seat, staring at the traffic below, when she heard Landon’s voice from the living room.
“Tal, you up here?”
Talia tried to compose herself. She didn’t want Landon to see how broken she was. She didn’t want to lose him, as much as trusting him scared her. “I’m in here.” She stood from the window seat and began toying with her collection of hats on the bed.
“Tal?” Landon rounded the corner to the spare bedroom and stopped at the door, staring at the assortment of hats on the bed. “Wow, I wasn’t expecting that.”
She instantly remembered that Landon had yet to come into this room and see just one of her many eccentricities. She’d begun collecting an array of hats after Mason betrayed her and she’d tried to hide them all in this room, but now Landon was seeing just one more piece of evidence pointing to her brokenness. She picked up a black fedora she’d found at a vintage shop just days after her breakup with Mason.
“Petal?” Landon’s voice was cautious.
She took a deep breath and looked up at him, not saying a word.
“Are you okay, baby?”
Baby? Landon had never called her baby. Talia had grown to like that about him, because it was the term of endearment Mason always used with her. She tried to brush off the feelings of hatred that the word evoked before she answered. “I’m fine.” She forced an artificial smile.
“You don’t look fine.” He took a cautious step toward her.
“Gee, thanks.” She set the fedora on the bed and walked toward the door, Landon grasping her arm as she passed.
“What’s going on? You haven’t been yourself today.”
“Just really focused on this wedding coming up, that’s all.”
Landon stared suspiciously. “So you came upstairs?”
She knew she was caught, but she couldn’t tell him the truth, that she felt broken. She couldn’t risk losing him and that was inevitable if he found out how undeserving of his love she really was. She searched for something, anything, to say to keep him from seeing through her facade. “Move in with me.”
“What?” Landon began shaking his head, evidently trying to grasp what Talia had just said.
“Move in here, with me.” What am I doing? Did I really just say that? “You’re here every night anyway.”
“So this is about convenience?” Landon looked baffled.
“No.” Talia looked out of the window. “This is about me wanting you here,” she turned back to face him, “with me.”
Landon ran his hand through his hair, just staring at her.
“Say something.”
“What about the girls?”
“I think the apartment would be a little crowded if they moved in here.”
“No, Talia. You know what I mean. I’m trying to keep the peace here. The girls still haven’t fully come to terms with,” he motioned his hand between them, “us.”
“I don’t care. This isn’t about them. This is about you and me.” Am I really trying to argue my case here? I’m not even sure I want him to move in. If he was here, it would be so much easier for him to see all of my faults. If he was here, I would have nowhere to hide.
“Are you sure?”
She swallowed the lump in her throat and forced out, “Uh-huh.”
Landon stepped within inches of her and placed his hands on either side of her neck, coaxing her eyes to his. “We don’t have to do this if you’re not ready.”
The fact that he could read her so well scared her even more. Looking in his eyes, though, she felt a peace come over her. Transfixed to his gaze she whispered, “I’m ready.” She couldn’t breathe as his thumbs softly brushed up and down her neck.
His forehead fell forward, resting against hers. “I love you, Talia.”
Her eyes fluttered closed when she felt her heart shatter beneath his intense gaze. She could feel that tickle in the back of her throat warning of the tears that were certain to fall and she breathed deep, trying to force them back. She stood silently just listening to the sound of him breathing while the words I love you continued to bounce around in her head. Trying to bury her emotions, she asked again, “So will you move in with me?”
Landon breathed deep. “Yes.”
Talia pressed her lips to his, feeling a few hot tears trickle down her face. When the moisture met her lips, Landon pulled away.
“Are you crying?”
She quickly wiped at her cheeks.
“Talia, what’s wrong?”
She shook her head, procuring a lackluster smile. “I’m just happy.” She stepped back from Landon, needing to get out of this moment. “I should get back to work. We’ve got a very important wedding this weekend.” She stepped around him and headed back downstairs.
When the work day had concluded, Landon made the short trip to his brother’s to pack up his clothes and necessities. He wasn’t sure Talia was truly ready for this move, but after their talk he watched her mo
od brighten and he didn’t want to dampen that so he avoided questioning her again. He wanted this move more than she could ever know, but he sensed fear in her. It was in her eyes every time he said he loved her and it was there when he agreed to move in. He tried to convince himself he was just imagining things, but deep down he knew it was there. There was no denying that something was eating at her. He was envisioning that frightened look in her eyes as he stuffed the last of his clothes into a duffle bag.
“Landon, you here?” his brother’s voice came from the living area.
“In the bedroom.”
Dawson entered the room in his usual teacher attire, a pair of pressed khaki slacks with a plaid button-down shirt and solid tie covered by a sweater vest. Landon had seen this ensemble on his brother many times.
“Where you going?” Dawson eyed the overstuffed bag on Landon’s bed.
“Talia asked me to move in with her.” Landon forced the zipper shut and looked to his brother.
“Are you serious?” Dawson looked stunned.
“Yeah.” Landon stood unyielding.
The lines on Dawson’s face intensified. “Are you sure you’re ready for this? It’s kinda fast.”
“I’m sure.” Landon picked up his bag and ambled toward the living room, hearing his brother following close behind.
“I’m worried about you, bro. You’re getting in over your head. I’m all for changing your life, but so quick?” Dawson stared speculatively at his brother. “It’s just too much too fast. This is your first real relationship and I couldn’t stand to see you broken like Dad is.”
Landon dropped his bag on the couch and turned on Dawson. “Don’t compare me to him. I’m nothing like him.”
“I know you’re not, but damn it, Landon. You’re all I truly have left of our dysfunctional family.”
Landon’s eyes shot wide at his brother’s abruptness. He hadn’t heard his brother swear since high school. “I know.” He fell to the couch, dropping his head to his hands. With his eyes clenched closed, he felt his brother take a seat next to him.
“You don’t have to do this. You don’t have to rush things just to prove you aren’t who you used to be. I know you’ve changed. I know you care about her.”
“I love her, Dawson. She’s everything to me.” As deep as he felt the words, he couldn’t face his brother as he said them.
“You love her.”
Landon could tell Dawson wasn’t questioning his words, but he knew his brother was worried.
“And how does she feel about you?”
“She asked me to move in with her. I think that speaks volumes.” Landon was still trying to convince himself of that. In his heart, he believed she loved him, but his mind wasn’t on the same page.
“Maybe you should give it a few days. Make sure this is what you both really want.”
“No, I’m not waiting. I know this is what we want. I’m doing this.” Landon stood from the couch, trying to get away from his brother.
“Why are you so adamant about this? What are you afraid of?”
“I’m not…” Landon spun around to face his brother. “I love her, Dawson. I just have to help her see that she loves me too.”
“Landon.” Dawson got up to stand face to face with his brother. “You can’t make her love you.”
“Yeah, I think I remember hearing that in a song once.”
Dawson chuckled. “Moving in with her won’t make her love you. It might be the one factor that pushes her away.”
Landon shook his head. “You’re wrong. She needs me there with her. We both need this.” He wasn’t just trying to convince his brother. He knew he was also trying desperately to convince himself.
Dawson’s lips pressed in a thin line as he nodded. “Okay.” He started for the door, but stopped briefly and asked, ““You still coming for dinner tomorrow night?”
“Of course. It’s your birthday.” Landon saw the curve of Dawson’s lip as he formed some mischievous plan in his mind.
“Why don’t you bring your girlfriend along? Let me meet her.” He scratched at the thin layer of stubble on his jaw.
“I know what you’re thinking. You think if she doesn’t gel with the family I’ll rethink the move. I don’t need you to micromanage my life.”
“I’m just trying to watch out for you. I don’t want you…” Dawson stopped short.
“I know, I know. You don’t want me to end up like Dad. I get it.” Landon rolled his eyes.
“So I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Yeah, I’ll be there.”
Landon didn’t say a word as he watched his brother walk out of the apartment. Dawson made perfect sense, but Landon couldn’t stand to listen to reason, because he needed to be near Talia. He needed to prove to both of them that he was exactly what she needed. She was his saving grace. He grabbed his things and headed back to his motorcycle, putting a stamp of finality on this next step.
Talia woke to the sound of Landon’s motorcycle whirring in the alley. She must have dozed off shortly after she fell into her dad’s old recliner, because the television remote was still in her hand but the TV sat blank. She set the remote down, listening to Landon’s bike idling below. He left it running longer than usual and Talia got the sinking feeling that he was getting ready to run away. Fear swept over her, forcing in the thought that he’d finally realized she wasn’t good enough. She knew she didn’t measure up. It was only a matter of time before Landon found out the same thing.
When silence rose from below, Talia tried to suppress her feelings of inferiority, listening to Landon’s footfalls coming up the stairs. She sat staring at the door as he knocked before coming inside. When he closed the door behind him, he stood just inside staring back at her. For a moment, neither of them moved. Their eyes simply held each other while their words failed them. Suffocating in the silence, Talia finally said, “Is that it?” while gesturing to the bag in Landon’s hand.
Landon shrugged. “All my essentials in one single bag.”
A pang of sadness washed over her. Did he really have so little before she came along? “I cleared out my chest of drawers for you and there’s a little space in the closet.”
Landon nodded and walked to the bedroom. She watched him go and when the silence grew overwhelming, she followed him. He was standing over his bag, the zipper open, but all of its contents still sat inside.
“Can I help you with anything?”
Landon looked up at her, his piercing blue eyes burning bright. “Is this what you really want?”
She moved to him, placing her palm on his cheek. “I want you.” As unsure as she was about having him here, she knew that wanting him was the purest truth she felt.
Just those few words changed the mood in the room. In a space that was once quiet and distant, now a sexual charge blossomed. His hand snaked around her neck, sending her head back moments before his mouth crashed onto hers. His tongue greedily swept into her, teasing her tongue, then stroking against the roof of her mouth. She felt him slowly pull away and a whimper escaped as her eyes flickered open to look at him.
There was a feral look in his eyes as he growled, “What do you want, Talia?”
“I want you!” she cried.
“How do you want me?” His hand was still possessively on her neck, his thumb stroking the pulse there.
She bit her lip, looking at the desire in his eyes. There was just a small rim of sapphire there, slowly being devoured by his hungry pupils. “I want you just like this.”
His teeth grazed along her shoulder before he commanded, “Tell me what you want, Petal.”
She gulped, looking up at him, hesitant to answer. “I want your hands on me.”
“Mmmhmm.” His hands moved down her back and his tongue traced a line up her neck to the lobe of her ear, where he sucked softly.
Her cheeks flushed thinking of all the ways he’d driven her wild and what she wanted him to do to her now. “I want you to touch me.”
His hands crept under her shirt, brushing against the skin beneath. “Where?”
“Oh God.” Talia’s knees trembled as Landon nipped at her collarbone and her eyes fell closed, his hot breath blowing across her skin. “Everywhere.” She couldn’t think anymore. She was spellbound by his touch.
His hand moved up her sides, just inches from her heaving breasts. “Do you want me to touch you here?”
Talia couldn’t form the words. She moaned in his grasp, trying to stay upright.
His hands moved around to her back and his fingers slipped beneath the straps of her bra, slowly stroking up and down. “How about here?”
She held onto him, trying not to fall as he teased her with just his touch.
“Tell me, Talia,” he growled. “Tell me what you want.”
“I want you inside me, making me scream your name.”
He groaned in her ear before he wrapped her legs around him and lowered her to the bed. “Here?”
“Yes.” Talia panted, looking up at him. “Please.”
Landon moved away from her, kneeling at the foot of the bed. “Take off your pants.”
Her eyes never left his as she arched her back to slip her pants down her legs.
“Panties too.”
A soft cry escaped her lips, but she did as he asked, feeling extremely vulnerable as he watched her timidly undress herself. When they were off, he took them from her and dropped them to the floor.
“Now your shirt.”
Talia scooted back on the bed, sitting up and pulling her shirt over her head. The weight of his eyes on her had her feeling exposed.
“Your bra.”
She eased her hands behind her back and opened the clasp before dropping it off of her shoulders and tossing it to the floor below. With labored breaths, she stared at him, waiting.
Landon sat frozen at the end of the bed, his eyes moving up and down her body, but never speaking.
“Please say something.”