by Alison Stone
“Working the land is gut. I feel close to Gott.” Uri rubbed his hands together before picking up a piece of bacon and biting into it.
“Would you like to eat, Professor?”
He smiled at her and nodded. “Thank you.” He filled a plate and took a seat at the head of the table. No one had sat in Willard’s chair since he had left. The sensation that rolled over her was a strange one. She turned toward the counter and collected herself before joining everyone at the table.
They bowed their heads in silent prayer. A few minutes later, Jonas walked through the back door. “Sorry, my chores took a little bit longer this morning.” He washed his hands, then sat to eat, too.
“Where are the little ones?” Jonas asked, curiosity in his eyes.
“They spent the night with their cousins.”
“Oh.”
The empty chairs at the table emphasized her daughters’ absence. She missed her little girls. She hoped the day at the diner went quickly so she could pick up her daughters and bring them home. She felt out of sorts with her family scattered. She looked at Samuel who ate silently, a forlorn expression on his face.
And the one who was here seemed the farthest away.
SIX
“I was hoping I’d see you here.” Hannah Spencer strolled into the diner midafternoon. She had a shopping bag in each hand.
“Nice to see you.” Rebecca always felt a sense of loss when she saw her old friend. They were still friendly, but not like they had been while growing up. How could they be? Rebecca’s husband had killed Hannah’s sister and brother-in-law. No amount of time would allow either of them to forget that.
Hannah sat down at the counter and glanced around. “Place is quiet.”
“Usually is around now. It’s the lull between lunch and dinner.” Rebecca grabbed a mug and poured a cup of coffee for her friend.
Hannah took a long sip. “Ahh...just how I like it.”
Rebecca wiped the counter, mostly for something to do.
Flo grabbed a couple empty mugs from the other side of the counter and lifted them in greeting. “I’m going to take a short break before the dinner crowd starts rolling in.” She turned and pushed open the door into the kitchen with her shoulder. As it swung back, the hinges creaked until the door finally stopped.
Hannah caught Rebecca’s hand and squeezed it. “You seem...tired, sad.” She tilted her head. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
Rebecca glanced over her shoulder, trying to hide her emotions. Hannah was such a dear friend and she really missed her. Had missed her long before she’d left to marry Spencer. Hannah had run away from the Amish as a teenager only to return when her sister Ruth had been killed. By then, Willard had made it nearly impossible for Rebecca to have friends.
“I’ll be okay.” Rebecca fidgeted with the metal napkin holder, grabbing a stack of napkins from under the counter and refilling it.
Would she ever shake this guilt?
Rebecca looked at her friend, who was studying her. “How are things with you? Are you happy?” The question flew out of her mouth before she had a chance to call it back.
Hannah’s brow creased. She tucked a strand of her neatly bobbed hair behind her ear and leaned forward. Probably a throwback to her Amish days, she didn’t wear any makeup, yet she was one of the prettiest women Rebecca knew. Or maybe it was her personality Rebecca had always been drawn to.
“Yes, I’m very happy. I’d worried about the girls adjusting, but they seem to be doing well.”
Rebecca ran her hand along the molded edge of the countertop. “Everyone has been through so much. I feel selfish for only thinking of my own problems.” It wasn’t the Amish way. The Amish considered community and not individuality.
Rebecca noticed a puddle of water on the counter, so she picked up the dishtowel and wiped it up. Then, twisting the towel in her hands, she said, “Maybe I should leave Apple Creek. Take the girls—Samuel if he’ll go—and make a fresh start in another Amish community.” She stared off into the middle distance, not really aware of her surroundings. “I could move closer to Rochester. There are a few Amish church districts that are in fellowship with Apple Creek.”
Hannah reached out and clutched her friend’s hand. “Oh, you can’t run away. We’d miss you too much. Apple Creek is your home.”
Hannah’s voice grew soft. “This is your home.”
Rebecca’s friend’s face grew blurry. “It doesn’t feel like home anymore.”
* * *
Jake smiled as Rebecca approached their table that evening. She handed a menu to him and Samuel. “Are you expecting anyone else?” she asked, all business.
“Yes.” Jake held up three fingers. “Three more.”
She set three extra plastic menus at the edge of the table. “I’ll be right back with the silverware and water.”
“Thank you,” both men said in unison.
Rebecca turned and walked away.
Resting his forearms on the edge of the table, Jake leaned toward Samuel and lowered his voice. “You have no reason to feel guilty over Elmer’s death.”
Samuel’s mouth fell open, then his posture sagged. “Of course my mem told you everything.”
“She’s worried about you.”
The young man rolled his eyes.
Jake tapped his fingers on the table, trying to figure out how to broach the subject. Be direct.
“If anyone should feel guilty, it’s me.”
Samuel slowly met Jake’s gaze but didn’t say anything.
“During one of our meetings, I sensed Elmer was high. I confronted him. At first Elmer denied it, but then he finally told me he was just—” Jake lifted his hands to use air quotes “—smoking a little pot. No biggie.”
Jake ran a hand across his face, then glanced over his shoulder to make sure Rebecca wasn’t coming. “I forced him to tell his father.”
Samuel tucked his chin closer to his chest and a deep line furrowed his brow in disbelief. “Why would you do that?”
“I watched my own father die from addiction. Alcohol.” Jake slowly shook his head, reliving every misstep he had taken with Elmer. “I thought I was doing the right thing.” He shrugged, hoping the nonchalant gesture would ease the weight bearing down on his chest. “But as you know, his father kicked him out. He spiraled downward from there.” He studied the palm of his hand, unable to look into Samuel’s eyes. “If anyone’s to blame, it’s me.”
Samuel let out a long breath.
Jake finally lifted his head and pinned the young man across from him with his gaze. “I want you to know that if you need someone to talk to I’m here. Guilt is an unrelenting companion.”
The young man snorted. “You’ll tell my mem.”
Jake shook his head. “Not if you don’t want me to.” He set his clasped hands in front of him on the table. “If you’re caught up in drugs, I want to help you.”
“Wait a minute—” Samuel stopped whatever he was about to say. Jake glanced over his shoulder and saw Rebecca returning with a tray of glasses filled with ice water.
Just then the door opened and Tommy, Jake’s teaching assistant, strolled into the diner and slipped into the seat next to Samuel.
Rebecca smiled. “I’ll give you a few minutes to read the menu.” Jake suspected that no one who frequented the Apple Creek Diner actually needed to consult the menu.
A muscle ticked in Samuel’s jaw and Jake regretted that they hadn’t had a couple more minutes to talk in private.
Fidgeting in his seat as if he had somewhere else to go, Tommy drummed his fingers on the plastic menu. “Uri called me a few minutes ago. He and Jonas can’t make it. They had some chores at home.”
“Maybe we should meet another time.” Samuel suddenly seemed agitated, glancing over his shoulder at the window.
Jake smiled. “You need to eat anyway, right? We’ll meet again when the Yoder brothers are free.”
Samuel slumped back in the booth and crossed his arms over his chest. “Yeah,
I guess.”
Rebecca approached the table, holding a pen and pad in her hands. “Ready to order or are you still waiting for more guests?”
“Change of plans. It’ll be just us.”
The three men placed their orders. Rebecca caught Jake’s eye and he smiled. “Thank you.”
Her pale cheeks flushed before she turned to put the orders in.
Jake took a sip of his water and watched Samuel over the rim of his glass. He wondered if they’d ever get to finish that conversation. Had Samuel been about to open up to him?
At a nearby table, a college student waved his hand eagerly, trying to get Rebecca’s attention. “Um, we’d like to order, like, sometime this week.”
“I hate that my mem has to work here,” Samuel said. “She shouldn’t have to. My father ruined everything.”
“You have to forgive him. Move on,” Jake suggested.
Samuel furrowed his brows. “Maybe it’s time I jumped the fence,” he said, using the term the Amish had for leaving the community. The distant look in his brown eyes suggested he was already envisioning it.
Jake watched Rebecca lift a hold-on-a-minute finger to the college student before tacking their order onto the silver wheel above the window leading into the kitchen of the old-fashioned diner. She then refilled the coffee mug of a gentleman sitting at the counter. She smiled and made small talk with the man before making her way over to the table of college students.
Jake smiled inwardly. She’d handled the rude customer with quiet aplomb.
He turned his attention back to Samuel. “Your mem would be devastated if you left.” Jake hated to heap guilt on this young man, but he needed to know. “Make sure your decisions are for the right reasons. Give it some time. You’re still grieving over your friend.”
“Leaving isn’t always the best answer.” Tommy tore off the wrapper to the straw, leaving the tip in place. “I mean,” he said, then blew the last bit of paper off his straw, “the grass ain’t always greener on the other side. I’ve had to work my butt off to make money to pay for college.”
Jake was ready to quip that he didn’t work Tommy that hard but decided to let it go. He wanted to hear what Tommy had to say as someone who had walked away from the Amish way of life.
Tommy took a sip of his water through the straw, watching Samuel carefully. “You have an eighth-grade education. What kind of job do you think you’re going to get—” he gestured with his chin toward the window “—out there? Do you know how hard it is to get a job? A good paying job?” He stabbed the ice with the straw. The ice clattered against the glass. “Even if you get a job, do you think you can support yourself and a family?” He laughed and shook his head.
“I can work with my hands,” Samuel said. “There are several successful Amish businesses in town.”
“But you won’t be Amish anymore,” Tommy said, twisting his lips. “Once you leave small-town Apple Creek, you’d be surprised at how many businesses require a four-year degree to allow you to work with your hands.”
Samuel groaned.
This was exactly the complaint Jake’s father had had after leaving the Amish. He hadn’t been able to get a decent job and what little money he had managed to make he spent on liquor.
“It was a lot of work for me to get my GED and then get into college. Do you think college is cheap?” Tommy shook his head dramatically. “Nope, now I gotta pay for college. Sure, I’ll be done in June, but it’s been a long road. Now I got loans to pay back. Don’t go thinking running away from home is going to solve your problems.”
Silence settled over the table. Jake was surprised to hear his assistant talk this bluntly. Normally, Tommy talked fondly about his experiences as an Englisher. How he was happy to escape the mind-numbing tedium of life on a farm.
To each his own, Jake supposed. Letting Samuel know the stark reality of leaving was a good idea.
Rebecca returned with their food and left just as quickly. Perhaps she was hoping her son was confiding in Jake so he could help him.
“How long have you been gone?” Samuel asked Tommy, genuine curiosity in his tone.
Tommy squirted ketchup onto his plate, picked up a French fry and swirled it in the red blob. “I left when I was eighteen. Had to work a bunch of meaningless jobs to pay the rent, buy food...” He took a bite out of his French fry “I studied for two years to get my high school GED. Another year to get accepted to Genwego State University. Now I’m a senior.” He exhaled. “It’s been a long road.”
“If you can do it, I can...” Samuel started. The desperation in his voice caught Jake off guard.
Tommy lifted his eyes to Rebecca, who was hustling from table to table in the busy dining room. “Like Professor Burke said, your mem would be devastated. Why don’t you lay low for a while? Really think about it. Like I said, the grass isn’t always greener.”
Samuel slouched into the booth again, seemingly agitated. “I need to get away. To protect my mem. My little sisters.” He lifted his backside off the bench and handed a wadded piece of paper to Jake. “Last night, someone stuck a knife into the front door.”
“Your mem told me,” Jake said.
Samuel nodded, as if this didn’t surprise him.
“This was left under the knife. I didn’t show her.”
Jake met the young man’s gaze, then smoothed out the piece of paper.
Keep your mouth shut.
Samuel bit his lower lip, struggling to contain his emotions.
“Are they referring to you or your mother?”
“I...I think me,” Samuel said. “I believe it was one of the Yoder brothers.”
Jake tugged on the collar of his shirt. “Is that why you were fighting this morning in the barn?”
Samuel nodded. “Uri denied he left the note. Told me I was crazy.”
Tommy’s expression remained placid.
“Why would the Yoder brothers want you to keep your mouth shut?” Jake watched Samuel carefully.
“They’re...” Samuel’s voice wavered as if he was having second thoughts. “...They’re growing marijuana on our farm.”
A loud crash made Jake spin around.
* * *
Rebecca’s scalp tingled as she stared down at the white shards of what had once been ceramic plates, mingled with French fries, buns and hamburger patties.
She bent over and scrambled to pick up the mess, her thoughts all jumbled. “I’m sorry. So, sorry,” she muttered to the patrons at the booth next to her son’s. The voices and sounds of the diner swirled around her, growing more distant and fuzzy. Blinking did nothing to tamp down the dizziness.
She glanced toward the kitchen, waiting for her boss to storm out in full rant mode. She had never dropped a platter of dishes before.
Had she misheard? Uri and Jonas were growing marijuana on her farm?
The few French fries she had snacked on earlier revolted in her stomach.
A solid hand cupped her elbow. Rebecca looked up into the professor’s warm brown eyes. “Come on.” He eased her to a standing position. “Come over here. Sit down.”
“I can’t. I have to clean up this mess.” She stared at the broken plate in one hand and the leaf of lettuce in the other. A throbbing pain started behind her eyes.
The professor took the piece of ceramic out of her hand. “It can wait.” He guided her to the seat he had vacated. She dropped the lettuce on a napkin and lifted her gaze to her son.
Rebecca threaded her fingers, leaned forward and whispered. “What did you say?” She fought the hysteria welling up inside her, unwilling to make more of a spectacle of herself. She was tired of being a spectacle.
Samuel leaned across the table, desperation in his voice. “Uri and Jonas are growing marijuana plants on our land.” He lowered his head and furtively glanced around the diner.
Rebecca did the same. Several diners were staring at their table. A busboy was cleaning up the mess she had made. Rebecca leaned past the professor and touched the young
man’s shoulder. “Thank you, Jason. I was clumsy.”
The young man smiled. “No problem, Mrs. Fisher. I got it.” He put the last remnant of the ruined dinner in a large gray bus tub. “I’ll sweep up the rest.”
Rebecca looked up, confusion swirling around her head. “Oh, I need to apologize to the table for dropping their food. I need—”
He touched her hand. “Hold on.”
She stared at him, but couldn’t really see him. Her mind was reeling.
Flo strolled over and smiled. “I’ll take care of the table. Don’t worry.”
Tears stung the back of Rebecca’s nose. “Thank you.”
As the other diners seemed to go back to their meals and the din in the diner returned to its normal level, Rebecca kept her voice low, confident no one would overhear her. “Why did you let them?” she asked Samuel.
Hurt lingered in her son’s eyes. “I didn’t. I only figured out what they were doing a few months ago. Shortly before Elmer’s accident.” He bowed his head, then looked back up. “That’s why I felt bad about Elmer. It wasn’t simply because I knew he was doing drugs. It was because I didn’t stop Uri and Jonas for providing him with drugs.”
All the color seemed to have drained out of Samuel’s face. “I’m sorry I wasn’t completely honest with you, Mem.”
“How did you figure out they were growing marijuana?” Tommy spoke for the first time.
“Elmer was living in our barn and he asked me for drugs.”
Rebecca pressed her fingers into her temples.
“I had no idea what he was talking about. Elmer told me the plants weren’t ready yet, but Uri had some drugs on him to sell,” Samuel continued. “I don’t know where he got them. Maybe they used someone else’s land before ours.”
“I don’t understand any of this.”
“I should have told someone. Maybe Elmer wouldn’t have died.”
“And you saw the plants?” Tommy asked.
Samuel scrubbed a hand across his face and frowned. “Elmer showed me. He led me through the cornfields. In the far back corner of the field, I found them. There were these plants, plants like I had never seen.”
“How did you know what they were?” Tommy asked, pushing his empty plate to the center of the table.