“I am your bloody husband.”
“I know that!”
“And I told you before, you don’t control my feelings.”
“Why in the world would you fall for someone you’re going to divorce in the next couple of years?” I demand. “Why would you do that? We’re not supposed to fall in love with each other.”
“Are you saying you’ve fallen in love with me?” he asks.
“No,” I lie, raising my chin in the air. “That’s not what I’m saying.”
“Well, I’ve fallen in love with you.”
We’re breathing heavily, yelling at each other, soaked to the bone.
I’m seething.
“How dare you?” I step to him, and before I can stop myself, I slap him right across the face. “How fucking dare you?”
I can’t stay here another second. I turn and run down the beach, running away as fast as my feet will carry me through the sand and surf. I can’t see well through my tears and the darkness, but I don’t care.
I need to get away.
I don’t hear anything but the rush of the water and the blood in my ears. I glance back to see that Nick’s running after me.
Not Sebastian.
Nick.
Jesus, what have I done? Why do I always ruin good things?
My lungs are burning now, but I don’t care. I don’t want to stop.
But I trip on something in the sand, and I fall hard, banging my chin on a piece of driftwood.
I see stars when Nick catches up with me.
“Nina?” he demands as he falls to his knees beside me and takes my shoulders in his hands. “Talk to me, are you hurt?”
I can’t answer him. I can hardly see him through my tears. I manage to nod my head, but I don’t know what hurts worse.
My chin, or my heart.
“Did you trip?”
I nod again. Jesus, Nina, get it together.
I feel like I’ve broken apart and I can’t put myself back together again.
“Come here,” Nick says, pulling me up into his arms, cradling me and carrying me across the beach. He starts to walk back to where I left Sebastian standing on the sand. “There, there, princess. It’s going to be okay.”
Chapter Eighteen
Sebastian
THE STING ON my cheek is nothing compared to the bruise on my heart.
I move to run after Nina, but Nick takes off like a shot. “I’ve got this,” he calls over his shoulder.
“Let him go,” Liam says as he joins me. “You need a minute, and I can’t let you out of my sight.”
“She wanted a fight,” I say, propping my hands on my hips and watching as she sprints out of sight. The rain is falling harder now, hiding the moon, making it difficult to see. “I’ve been trying to keep her calm, to help her feel better.”
“She’s angry,” Liam agrees. “Which I think is normal when you’re grieving. She just needs some time. We always cut those we love the deepest.”
I nod, but inside, I’m torn apart. I’m hurt. I’ve never had my love tossed back in my face before as if it doesn’t matter at all. As if she doesn’t give a bloody damn.
But I could see the turmoil in her eyes. She’s absolutely in love with me.
She’s just too stubborn to admit it.
“Here they come,” Liam says, and I look up. Rather than walking back, Nick is carrying her, cradling her like a child.
I don’t like it.
Seeing her in another man’s arms makes me want to tear Nick apart with my hands.
But she’s crying, and her chin is bleeding.
“Do you need a hospital?” I ask as they approach.
“No,” she says softly, still not looking at me. I move to take her from Nick, but she tightens her arms around his neck.
I’ve been rejected by my wife twice in the same evening.
I turn on my heel and, with the help of Liam’s flashlight, make my way back to the car. Nick sets Nina in the backseat next to me, but rather than lean into me, she cowers in the corner, her arms wrapped around herself.
“Nina—”
She shakes her head, cutting off the words, so I look out my window and leave her be for the drive back to Christian’s home. I don’t offer to hold her hand as we walk through the house to the guest suite. I don’t look her way as she moves to the bed, and I veer off to the bathroom.
I need a hot shower to chase away the cold emptiness in the pit of my stomach, and a few moments to gather my thoughts.
Being an arsehole to her now won’t do either of us any good. She’s hurting, and instead of coming to me for comfort the way she has over the past couple of days, she lashed out at me.
I know I shouldn’t let it bother me. She didn’t mean to hurt me. Not really.
Or, maybe she did because she’s hurting, too.
I don’t want to lash out at her. I just don’t know how to approach her right now. Maybe we both just need to sleep it off and revisit it in the morning.
Once I’ve toweled off, I walk into the bedroom, crawl into bed, and find it empty.
With a scowl, I roll over and turn on the sidelight. She’s not in bed. She’s not sitting in the chair by the window. I know she’s not in the loo.
Where the hell is she?
I pull on my shorts and walk into the hall. If it weren’t the dead of night, I’d yell for her, but I’ve had the men up enough for one evening. They need to sleep.
I pad into the kitchen. Perhaps she wanted a cuppa? There’s a light on over the gas range, but no Nina.
She loves to sit out by the pool, so I walk out there, expecting to see her curled up in a chair, watching the moon on the water, now that the rain has passed.
But she’s not there either.
Panic starts to set in. Where in the bloody hell could she be? I make a quick turn through the living area, and when I’ve still not found her, I decide to wake Liam and Nick.
As I walk down the hallway, it occurs to me that there’s another guest room next to ours that’s not being used. I open the door and breathe a sigh of relief when I see her curled up on the bed, on top of the covers, hugging her knees to her chest.
“Nina.”
She doesn’t answer so I step inside, shut the door, and cross to her. She looks so small, so fragile lying there.
“Hey, why are you in here?”
I crawl onto the bed and nudge her onto her back to look at me.
“I didn’t think you wanted to talk to me.” Her voice is a hoarse whisper. Her eyes are even more swollen from crying, and her hair is a mess from the rain and all of the events of the past hour.
“You’re having a hell of a night, love.” I kiss her forehead and then breathe a sigh of relief when she burrows her face into my chest and clings to me. “It’s okay to be angry, Nina. And it’s even okay to take it out on me.”
“No, it’s not,” she wails. “None of this is okay.”
“You’re torturing yourself, and I won’t have that, darling.”
“I’m a horrible human being,” she cries. “Because I can’t love you. I’m incapable of loving you, and you’re so wonderful to me. You should leave me now before it gets any worse, and I just end up ruining you.”
“Okay, now you’re getting a bit dramatic.”
Her head pops up, and she glares at me.
“If you were incapable of love, you wouldn’t be this upset.”
Doesn’t she see it? Doesn’t she understand that she loves deeply?
“This wasn’t supposed to be how it went,” she murmurs. “There wasn’t supposed to be any love.”
“You can’t control it any more than you can control the weather. Even if you set the rules.”
“I just want you to be with someone who can reciprocate your feelings.”
“Nina, you love more fiercely than most people I know. Look at how loyal you are to your brother.”
“Well, of course, I love my brother. He’s my brother.”
“And
your friends. Jenna, Grace, and Willa. And Fallon. You’re incredibly loyal to all of them. You care deeply about all of them.”
She doesn’t say anything, she just watches my lips as I speak.
“And my sister. Darling, you and Ellie became friends faster than I could blink. You adore her.
“The only person in this world I thought incapable of love is my father, and you proved that theory wrong, too.”
“I care about all of them,” she says slowly. “But it doesn’t mean that I love them.”
I lick my lips, doing my best not to lose my temper. Is she seriously this stubborn? Afraid?
“Maybe we need to go back to basics here. Why don’t you define love for me?”
She scowls and turns onto her back, gazing up at the ceiling. I can see the wheels turning in her head.
“It’s simple, isn’t it?”
“Obviously not,” I reply with a grin. “How do you define love?”
She bites her lip. “Love is when you can depend on someone to stay.”
I blink, taken aback a bit by her answer. But knowing what I do about her, I shouldn’t be surprised at all. Everyone in her life, aside from Christian, has left her.
She never really knew her father.
Her mother emotionally abandoned her years ago.
Her friends backed out on her regarding their business, and as far as I can tell, haven’t been in touch with her since.
The friends she found in Cunningham Falls are new ones. And while I have no doubt they’ll be around for the long haul, Nina has no way of knowing that for sure.
“You can’t love me,” she continues before I can reply, “because this is temporary. You’ll eventually divorce me when an acceptable amount of time has passed, and then you’ll move on with your life.”
“And now it’s my turn to be hacked off.”
Her gaze flies to mine. “Why? It’s true.”
“We never said this was temporary. I never said I planned to divorce you.”
“Why would you marry a woman you don’t love if you plan to be with her forever?”
“Why would you marry a man you don’t love?”
She rolls her eyes, but I keep going.
“I’m putting that whole theory to rest right now. I’m not divorcing you. Not in two years, or ten, or fifty.
“If the definition of love is someone who stays, I’m here, Nina. I’m here for all of my days. I’ve fallen in love with you, and I don’t say those words blithely. It’s not something to just toss around.”
I move over her and cup her cheek. “This relationship may have started as a business arrangement, but it hasn’t been that for me for a long time. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“I think so,” she whispers. “I also think you’re crazy.”
I laugh and rest my forehead on hers. I take my time shifting out of my shorts, and sliding her clothes from her body. Her eyes are on mine as I move between her legs and gently push inside of her. Her eyes darken, but they don’t leave mine.
“You’re mine, Princess Nina. Mine. Whether you’re happy or sad or bloody angry on a beach and want to take a slap at me.”
“I’m sorry for that.”
“You’re mine,” I repeat and press my lips to hers. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
I pull up so I can stare down at her, shocked down to my toes. “What did you say?”
“You heard me. I’m still getting used to it.” She brushes her fingers through my hair. “And you’re mine, too. No running off to screw ladies-in-waiting or maids or any of the other girls royalty used to bone back in the day.”
“No, darling. You’re the only one I want to bone.”
She laughs and hitches her legs up around my hips, and then there are only sighs as I remind us both that we belong to each other, now and always.
***
Nina is still worn out, and I don’t have the heart to wake her. Even if it is after ten in the morning. She needs her rest.
So, I gingerly untangle myself from her, slip on some swim shorts and a T-shirt, and sneak out of the bedroom, headed for the pool.
I’d like to get a dozen or so laps in before we have anything else to do today.
But when I reach the pool, Christian’s sitting alone, having a quiet cup of coffee.
“Good morning,” he says. “Everyone in the house is still asleep. Well, not your security guys. They’ve been up and about for a while.”
“Are they bothering you?”
“Not at all. They don’t make any noise. And I know it’s important to you that they’re here. I’m all for safety.”
“Thank you.”
I sit across from him and make my own cup of coffee. I prefer tea, but it doesn’t seem to be as much of a staple in American routine as coffee is.
“Did I hear you leave in the middle of the night?” Christian asks.
“You did.” I sip the hot liquid and then tell him about Nina’s regret at the beach yesterday, then about me taking her back and everything that unfolded after.
When I reach the end of the story, leaving it where she finally admitted that she loves me too, he shakes his head and offers me a smile.
“That all sounds like classic Nina. She can be moody, dramatic, a bit over-the-top. She should have gone into acting with me.”
“So this isn’t just because she’s grieving?”
“Oh, that’s a big part of it, yes. She’s not always like this. But her first defense is always a hard one. She’ll say mean things and turn the bitch level up to about a twelve, especially if she’s afraid of being hurt.”
“I know that’s what she was doing last night. I just haven’t seen it quite like this.”
“She’s a lot to handle,” Christian admits. “She can piss me off faster than anyone else, and she can make me go all gooey inside with just a sweet smile. At the end of the day, her heart is in the right place. She just has a hard time showing emotion. And, as you’ve seen, love is the hardest for her. Our mom wasn’t a loving person. I guess we’re lucky we didn’t end up as serial killers.”
“My father isn’t super loving either,” I confide. “But I had my mum, who is, and plenty of others around me who showed me affection. Nina didn’t have that.”
“Aside from me? No. And then you add the fact that her brother’s famous, and she always has to wonder if people want to be with her for her, or because of what she can do for them.”
“It seems we have that in common, as well,” I reply. “Despite it being an emotionally charged night, I think it was good for us. We cleared the air and finally truly expressed how we feel about each other.”
“Well, since you’re married and all, I’d say it’s about time you did that.”
I smile at him. “We did it all backwards. But it’s straightened out now, and she understands that I’m not going anywhere. She’s mine.”
He raises a brow. “I’m glad to hear that. I was concerned that you’d worked out some sort of stupid timeline for this arrangement.”
“That was never my intention.”
“Since we rarely get to have a conversation in private,” he says, pouring another cup of coffee from the silver carafe, “I’d like to take this time to remind you that even with all of her quirks, she’s my sister and I love her. So, if you hurt her—”
“Oh, I’m going to hurt her.”
He stops and narrows his eyes at me.
“I’m a human being, and I’m going to fuck it up. Probably more than I want to admit, but I can tell you this: no one will ever love her the way I do. I will protect her, I will make her feel wanted and safe, and I’ll love her the best I can. I’ll never raise a hand to her in anger, and I’ll ruin anyone who does. I’m not a perfect man, Christian. Neither are you. But I’d say she’s lucky to have both of us in her corner.”
He blinks, clearly unsure how to respond.
Finally, he sips his coffee and smiles. “I guess that’s all I can ask fo
r then, isn’t it?”
“I’m sure there will be other things you think of. But for now, are we good?”
“We’re good.”
“Excellent. What are the plans for today?”
“We’re headed home.” He rubs his eyes. Fatigue is heavy there. “I wanted to leave earlier, but everyone’s exhausted. There’s no harm in letting them sleep. Montana isn’t going anywhere.”
“No, but I’m ready to go.”
We turn at Nina’s voice. She’s padding out, rubbing her still-swollen eyes. Rather than sitting in her own chair, she climbs onto my lap and buries her face in my neck.
“Good morning, darling. Do you want some coffee?”
“Yeah. This is good for now. When are we leaving?”
“Whenever we want,” Christian replies. “I think Jenna’s still sleeping.”
“Jenna went to get donuts,” she announces as she walks through the door. “I saw you guys out here having a heart to heart and didn’t want to intrude. So, I ran out for sweets.”
She sets the box of baked goods on the table, opens it, and sinks her teeth into a glazed.
“We’re all up now,” Nina says, leaning over for a donut of her own. “And after I’ve eaten all of these, we can go.”
“You’re quite bossy, darling.”
She grins. “I know.”
Chapter Nineteen
Nina
“WE DON’T HAVE enough space for everyone,” I say frantically as I bustle about the kitchen, putting together a charcuterie board full of cheese, veggies and meats, crackers, fruit. Snacks.
I need to have plenty of snacks on hand.
“Only Ellie and Callum are coming,” Sebastian says and steals a green olive.
“No, not only Ellie and Callum. They bring a whole hoard of security with them, remember? Where is everyone going to sleep? I don’t have enough groceries. I don’t know—”
“Whoa, calm down, love. Security will work things out with Liam. I told him to use your old place for overflow.”
“Oh, right. Good thinking.”
“Jenna said she’d stock the fridge over there, and here, so there’s plenty for everyone to snack on. You won’t tell me what’s happening tomorrow night, so I assume you have that under control.”
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