“I don’t want money,” she said sternly.
“Then what do you want?”
“You.”
He removed his arm slowly and looked at her. “You must be deranged.”
“Why? Because I want to be with you?”
“Yes.”
She moved to sit by the bed. “You know, while we were making love, I felt a connection with you. Did you feel it, too?”
“No.”
“I don’t believe you. You were too tender. You held me too close. I might be innocent, but I’m not stupid. I know men don’t treat women that way.”
He gave her a droll stare. “And how do you know that?”
“Zarina told me.”
He grimaced at her. “Oh, jeez. You discussed it with my baby sister?”
“She was very informative.”
“I can imagine.”
“So, are we just going to sit in here all day?”
“No, you’re going to leave.”
“I’ll leave when you do.”
He growled at her. “Do you have any idea how much pain I’m in? It hurts to breathe, so if you don’t mind, I’d like to just lie here in silence.”
“Fine.” She got up and pulled a small holo-cube out of his nightstand. “I just wanted to show this to you.”
Adron frowned as she handed him the cube and turned it on. Static flickered until the image of a brunette woman and a small blond girl appeared.
“Hi, Commander,” the woman said, holding the girl in her arms. “This is my daughter, Alycia. I don’t know if you remember me or not, but I’m the woman you saved from Kyr and this is the daughter I had six weeks later. Say, hi, Alycia.”
“Hi, Commander.” The little girl waved. “Thank you for saving my mommy and me.”
Livia watched the agony play across his face as the woman and child talked to him. Then, he snarled and threw the holo-cube against the wall, shattering it.
“Adron!” she snapped, losing patience with him.
He turned on her then with a vicious snarl. “What? Did you think showing me that would make all this okay? Did you think I’d look at them, then cry and say how grateful I am they are alive while I’m trapped like this? What of the children I wanted to have?”
The bitter misery in his eyes scorched her. “Good God, Livia, I’m only twenty-nine years old and all I have to look forward to is a future where I will slowly, painfully disintegrate into an invalid.”
His words brought tears to her eyes. She had stupidly thought it would make him feel better.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I was just trying to help. But you won’t let anyone help you, will you?” She turned and ran from the room.
Livia didn’t stop until she reached the sitting room. She curled up into a ball on the couch and bit her lip to hold back the tears. She wouldn’t cry.
But inside, she ached for him. Ached for what he’d once been.
Even now she could see him laughing and playing games with his sister and brothers.
How she wished she had known him then.
Suddenly, she felt a hand on her head. Looking up, she found Adron standing beside the couch. His brow was damp and she saw the whiteness of his lips as he struggled with his pain.
“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice tense. “I know you were just trying to help. But I passed the point of help a long time ago.”
He shifted and winced. “Look, I know about your people and customs, and I know you were raised inside a cage. The last thing you need is to be saddled with a man who can barely walk. Why don’t you just go and get your own place and live? I’ll be happy to put you on all my accounts. You’ll never want for anything.”
It was a generous offer he made. But she couldn’t accept it. “I can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“Because I love you.”
Chapter Four
ADRON couldn’t have been more stunned if she had reached up and slapped him.
“How could you? You don’t even know me.”
“Yes, I do. You try and hide what you are, but I see it. It shines through.”
He scowled at her. “And what is that?”
“You have a good heart.”
“I have no heart at all. What I have is a mechanical substitute that pumps blood through a broken body.”
She rose from the couch.
Adron flinched as she touched him. God, how he wanted to kiss her.
She took him by the hand and led him into his viewing room. “Zarina said that it’s painful at times for you to sit, so I thought I’d make a few modifications.”
He stared at the new sofa. It was twice the size of his old one and looked more like a small bed. She’d piled pillows up all over it.
Adron sat down and leaned against the pillows, amazed at just how good it did feel.
Until Livia sat down next to him. His body reacted instantly to her nearness. “You’re killing me,” he whispered.
“I don’t want to kill you.” She leaned forward and captured his lips with hers.
Closing his eyes, he savored the taste of her. Over the last two weeks he’d done little except dream of her kiss. Dream of touching her again.
She ran her hands over his body, making him burn even more.
And when she touched his erection, he cursed. “Livia, stop. I can’t make love to you.”
She smiled patiently at him. “That’s okay. I’m making love to you.”
He frowned as she started unbuttoning his shirt.
Adron opened his mouth to protest, but then she dipped her head to his neck. He hissed as her tongue gently laved his skin. And as she nibbled and licked his flesh, she unbuttoned his pants, slid her hand down, and took his swollen shaft into her hand.
His head light, he couldn’t speak while she caressed him. Couldn’t move.
Adron trembled as she blazed a scorching trail down his chest with her mouth. Slowly, carefully. Her touch blistered him and went so much deeper than his skin.
It touched his soul.
His eyes shuttered, he watched her while she licked and nibbled the flesh of his stomach, and when she took him into her mouth, he thought he’d die from the pleasure of it.
Her dark hair was fanned out across his lap and he buried his hand in her soft curls.
Adron ground his teeth as her tongue and mouth massaged him. She was relentless in her tasting.
Never had he felt anything like it. Her actions were so selfless, so kind.
Why would she care?
Why would she do this for him?
I love you.
The words tore through him. No woman had ever said that to him before. Only her.
And for his life, he couldn’t understand what about him she could possibly find lovable. Or even desirable.
The woman was insane.
But she touched him on a level that defied explanation. A level he’d never known before.
Throwing his head back against the pillows, Adron growled as he released himself into her mouth.
Still, she didn’t pull away. Not until he was completely weak and spent.
He stared at her in awe. “I can’t believe you did that for me.”
“I told you, Adron, I love you. I would do anything to make you happy.”
“Then kiss me.”
She did.
Livia moaned as he ran his hand under her shirt and gently squeezed her breast. Bracing her arms on each side of him, she carefully straddled him while making sure not to put any pressure on his chest or abdomen. His doctor’s warnings had been explicit.
Adron cupped her head with one hand while he reached around behind her with the other one and released her corslet.
“I love the way you feel in my arms,” he whispered against her lips. “I love the way you look when your cheeks are flushed and your eyes are bright.”
He skimmed his hand down over her breasts, to her stomach and down to where she ached for him. “And I love the way you look
when you come for me.” He gave her a tender smile. “You make me feel like a man again, Livia. You make me whole.”
Shamelessly, she rubbed herself against him. And when she came, she cried out from it.
Adron smiled at her then, and held her close.
They spent the rest of the day lying naked in each other’s arms, caressing and stroking, and just talking about absolutely nothing important.
It was the best day of Adron’s life, and he kept her up until the wee hours of the morning for fear of it ending.
TH AT day was followed by three more days of bliss.
Adron was constantly amazed by the woman fate had miraculously dumped into his life. She was funny, intelligent, and so incredibly giving that it made him hurt.
How he wished he was the husband she deserved. It pained him to think of her spending the rest of her vivacious life strapped to him.
“Hi.”
He looked up from the book he was reading to see her standing in the doorway. Her hair was still damp from her bath and her eyes glowed mischievously.
“Hi,” he said reservedly, unsure of what that look might herald for him.
She walked slowly toward the bed. “Would you like to go out for a bit today?”
Yes, he would. More than she would ever know. “I can’t.”
“C’mon, Adron. You told me your therapist said you needed more exercise.”
“Not today. My leg is too stiff. Why don’t you call Zarina?”
“Because I’d rather be with you.”
The woman was the biggest fool he’d ever known.
She sat beside him. “Here.” She placed her hands on his knee.
Adron tensed as the warmth seeped into his leg. “How do you do that?” he asked as the pain ebbed.
“My mother taught me. She comes from a long line of great healers.” She gently massaged his knee and leg. “I wish I could get you to her. She’d be able to heal you in an instant.”
“Really?”
She looked askance at him. “You don’t believe me?”
“Let’s just say I have a hefty dose of skepticism. I only believe what I can see and touch.”
She rolled her eyes at him. “Feeling better now?”
“Yes.”
“Then join me.”
How could he say no to that? Besides, he hated being home all the time.
He left the bed, but didn’t go far before she stopped him. “You still have to use your cane. I don’t want you back in the hospital.”
He growled as she handed it to him. “I hate this thing.”
“I know.” She wrapped her arms around his and took him outside for the first time since he’d returned from the hospital.
“So, where are we going?” he asked.
She hailed a transport. “I want to go to the park.”
“Why?”
“Because, and I know this is a new concept for you, we might actually have fun.”
He touched her cheek and watched the way her eyes sparkled with life. “I’ve never allowed anyone to talk to me the way you do.”
“That’s what Zarina said last night. She also said she was amazed I was still alive.”
He laughed at her as the transport pulled up.
Once they reached the park, he allowed Livia to lead him toward the large pond.
“Want to try a paddleboat?” she asked.
“I’m too old for a paddleboat.”
“You’re twenty-nine, Adron. Not an ancient by any stretch of the imagination.”
“I’m too old for a paddleboat,” he reiterated. “And even if I wasn’t, I couldn’t pedal it anyway.”
“I’ll do it.”
“I’m not helpless.”
She glared at him. “I know that. It’s okay to let others help you from time to time, Adron. Why are you so afraid of it?”
He clenched his teeth, and looked away.
She took his chin in her hand and turned his head back to where he met her questing gaze. “Answer me.”
Rage clouded his vision as agony coiled inside him. “You want to know what I’m afraid of? I’m afraid every morning when I wake up that this will be the day when I can no longer move for myself. I know it’s coming. It’s just a matter of time until I have no choice but to have someone else clothe me, feed me. Change my diaper. And I can’t stand it.”
“Then why don’t you kill yourself?”
“Because every time I think of doing that, I can hear my family praying over me while I was in the hospital. I hear my mother weeping, my father begging me not to die.” He swallowed. “I could never intentionally hurt them that way.”
The love in her eyes scorched him. “You are the strongest man I have ever known.”
“Weakest fool, you mean.”
She shook her head and gave him a tender smile. “Come, husband.” She led him to the paddleboats.
Reluctantly, he got inside one and let her take them out to the center of the pond.
“It’s a beautiful day, isn’t it?” she asked.
Adron leaned back and stared at the sky. The light blue was covered in soft white clouds and the warmth of the sun felt good on his skin. “It’s okay.”
She rolled her eyes at him. “You’re such a pessimist.”
In spite of himself, Adron ran a hand down her bare arm that was exposed by her sleeveless tunic. He touched the faint scar on her shoulder and frowned. “Who beat you?”
A hint of sadness flashed on her face, but she quickly recovered. “My father.”
“Why?”
She leaned forward and whispered as if imparting a great secret to him. “I tend not to do what other people want me to do.”
“I noticed.” He laced his hand through her hair. “But I think I like that about you.”
She smiled, and instantly the day was brighter.
Livia watched the way Adron leaned back on his elbows as he stared at her. His white shirt was pulled taut over the muscles of his stomach and chest. His broad shoulders were thrown back and his biceps were flexed with the promise of strength and power. The wind teased the white-blond queue.
Goodness, he was gorgeous even with the scar on his cheek.
“Tell me something,” she asked as she paused in her pedaling. “Why was a royal heir in the League?”
He sighed. “I wasn’t the heir at the time I enlisted.”
The knowledge surprised her. “No?”
“I used to have an older sister.” The pain on his face was profound and went deeper than the one he wore when his body hurt him.
“I’m sorry. What happened to her?”
“She and my father fought over Thia’s choice of a husband. In a fit of anger, she stormed out of the palace and vanished. My father’s been trying to find her for years, but we’ve had no word of her.”
Now it all made sense to her. That was the real reason he hadn’t killed himself. His family had already lost one child, and he had seen their grief firsthand.
Had felt it himself.
“You miss her,” she said, noting the agony in his eyes.
“A lot. She used to arm-wrestle me to the ground.”
She smiled at the teasing in his voice.
He sighed. “She was the best confidant I had growing up. I could tell her anything and know it would never reach the ears of my parents.”
She reached out and took his hand into hers. “Tell me something, Adron. Something you’ve never shared with anyone else. Not even Thia.”
“I’m the one who glued Zarina to the toilet seat when she was seven.”
Livia burst out laughing. “I was serious.”
“I am, too. I’d meant to get Jayce, but she made a mad dash for the room and ran into it before he did. Poor Taryn ended up taking the blame for it.”
“And you never confessed?”
“If you’d ever seen my father truly angry, you’d know the answer to that. I was only thirteen and my father was a giant to me back then.”
“So wh
at happened to Taryn?”
“He was restricted from playing ball for the whole summer season.”
Livia frowned. “That doesn’t seem so bad a punishment. Why were you afraid to own up to it?”
“Because I knew my father would punish me twice as severely since I not only did it, but I let someone else pay for it. My father is a firm believer in justice.” He squeezed her hand. “It was a cowardly thing, I know, and I spent the whole summer staying home with Taryn to make it up to him.”
“Did he know you were the one who did it?”
He shook his head. “No. It’s always been my guilty secret.”
And now it was hers, too.
“What of you?” he asked. “Tell me who you were running from at the Golden Crona.”
Her face flamed. “It was horrible. My father was going to marry me to Clypper Thoran.”
“The Giradonal governor?”
“Yes.”
Adron frowned as he stared at her. “Good Lord, he’s what? A hundred and fifty?”
“Eighty-two.”
His jaw dropped as he shuddered. “Your father was going to marry you to an eighty-two-year-old man?”
She nodded. “He wants a trade agreement with them, and Clypper wanted a young wife.”
“No wonder you didn’t mind me,” Adron said with a snort. “One way or another, you were bound to end up as some man’s nursemaid.”
She lost her temper at him then. “You know, I’m tired of your self-pity, Adron. Instead of thinking of all the things you no longer have, you should concentrate on what you do have.”
“And what is that?”
“A family who loves you. And though your body is damaged, at least your mind isn’t.”
“Yeah, well, trapped in an invalid body happens to be my worst nightmare.”
Livia glared at him. “I would rather be crippled than mindless. My worst fear is ending up as a vegetable trapped in a whole, sound body. So, from where I’m sitting, you have nothing to complain about.”
His frown deepened. “Why would you fear something like that?”
“I saw my grandmother die that way. It was terrible. She lay in a hospital bed, hooked to monitors and machines, for almost a year before they finally let her die.”
“Why did they do that?”
“Because they couldn’t let her go.” Her look intensified. “If your mind was gone, Adron, you couldn’t be here with me now. You wouldn’t be able to see the sky above us, hear the children laughing or anything else. You would be trapped in cold, awful darkness.”
Man of My Dreams Page 5