by Barbara Lohr
Cars lined the road, narrowed by piles of snow deposited by plows. She had to park about a block away and so did Conner. They approached the house from different directions. Head down, Connor seemed to be gathering himself. She knew that stance and the set of his shoulders. In silence she followed him up the walkway.
Connor always enjoyed being with his family. But this couple’s baby shower? He didn’t know what to expect, especially since Amanda had been so touchy lately. Everything he said made her tear up. The days before a long vacation were always hectic for her, even more so this time because of the leave coming up. She’d been working on finalizing grades, fussing about making sure that the substitute had everything. Maybe she was just tired. All kinds of stuff had to be settled before turning over her classes to the substitute teacher.
The walk looked slippery and he took her elbow when they met. “Careful now.”
Of course the path to the door had been cleared and salted. After a storm his dad always got out early. Christmas lights on the front bushes blazed over the snow. Connor smiled to see the big old-fashioned bulbs, probably older than he was. Big Mike always bought enough of everything to last a lifetime. Digital cameras had caught him and his hoard of film by surprise. The heat of the oversize lights melted deep pockets in the heavy snow. Strictly out of habit he jostled a limb. Chunks of snow plopped to the ground and the lights shone even brighter.
“Watch it on the steps.” He tightened his hold on Amanda’s arm.
“Really, Connor. You’d think I was actually pregnant.” She marched ahead in the red coat her parents had sent for Christmas.
He bit back his frustration. Sometimes her independence made him crazy. “A happy wife makes a happy life.” The Kirkpatrick men lived by that motto. They’d spent so much time and money on what should come naturally. Had they lost their relationship along the way?
Before he could even grab the doorknob to his parents’ house, Seth opened the front door, big grin on his face. “Hey, bro.”
Connor did the shoulder bump thing with his younger brother.
“How’s my gorgeous sister-in-law?” When it came to Amanda, Seth had to overdo it, as usual. He kissed her cheek with a hearty smack
“Knock it off, Seth. If you were any other guy, I’d deck you for that.” Connor shrugged out of his jacket.
“And if you were any other guy, I might just steal her from you.”
Connor leveled a look at Seth. “Not a chance, bro.”
From his dark eyes to the cleft in his chin, Seth had been a lady’s man since he first smiled at Miss Lucy, his kindergarten teacher.
Seth looked pointedly at his watch before taking Amanda’s coat. “Glad you could make it. Our guests of honor should be here soon.”
“Smart ass.” Conner shouldered past him. Sure smelled good in here. “We had a snow emergency.”
Seth howled. “The whole city is under a snow emergency. I still made it here in time, and McKenna came all the way from downtown. No excuses. As the oldest in the family, you’ll do anything to annoy us.”
The ribbing never stopped. Same with the firehouse. All the guys gave each other a hard time.
Selena, Seth’s girlfriend, appeared, winding her arms around Seth’s waist. “You boys getting rowdy again?”
“We’re talking about having babies,” Amanda said in a stage whisper, eyes dancing. “They’re taking bets on when you’ll be ready.”
The light in his wife’s eyes pinned him for a second. Connor hadn’t seen this impish side of her for a while and he welcomed it.
“Oh, no. Not me.” Selena’s brown eyes widened. Breaking away, she trotted off toward the kitchen. “Think I hear Maureen calling.”
Seth watched her go and then slung an arm around Connor’s shoulders. “Hey, cut the crap, okay? I’m too young.”
Connor elbowed his brother in the ribs. “Don’t wait too long. That’s all I’m saying.”
“But I’m not even thirty yet.” Seth’s lips pursed in innocence—the look that got the ladies every time.
“Right. Time flies.” Connor buttoned his lips. Like every other guy on the planet, Seth thought babies just came when you wanted them.
Newsflash. Not the way it worked. Hell, Connor should have gotten Amanda pregnant on their honeymoon at Mackinac Island. Back then, having time alone seemed like a smart idea.
Ahead of him, Amanda drifted into the living room. The warmth of the fire curled toward him and he edged into the packed room. Looked like a party shop had exploded in here. Blue booties, storks and crepe paper streamers everywhere. Suddenly he could use a drink. No way did he want one of those sissy mimosas he saw in some hands but a Bloody Mary? He’d go for one right now.
Seth reappeared and shoved one into his hand. “Thought you could use this.”
“Thanks. You read my mind.”
The kids were downstairs with a babysitter and subdued squeals came from the basement. His two married brothers, Mark and Malcolm, circulated with their wives. Connor waved to some of the guys from the firehouse. He’d have to remember to take any leftovers back for the crew working today. Man, the place was packed. His parents had even invited some of his high school friends.
Conner sniffed the air. He loved his mom’s egg casserole and her brown sugar bacon? Made his mouth water.
“Want a Virgin Mary?” he asked Amanda, who was catching up with McKenna.
“Coffee, please?”
“Coffee?”
Head to head with McKenna, Amanda didn’t seem to hear him. So that’s how it was? Another failed procedure? Coffee wasn’t a good idea for a pregnant woman. He took a deep gulp of his drink and coughed at all the celery salt Seth had added to the mix. In his mind, dollar bills took flight. When had they gone through that procedure with Logan? November and December had been so crazy.
Leaving his wife deep in conversation with his sister, he moved deeper into the group. He should be used to the disappointment by now.
“Hey, Connor, I want you to meet Cameron.” Harper blushed as she tugged a tall blond toward him. Clearly this guy from Savannah meant a lot to her.
“Been hearing a lot about you,” Connor said as they shook hands, Cameron’s hold steady and strong. “And most of it’s good.”
Harper playfully socked Connor in the shoulder. “You behave now.”
“Welcome to Chicago, Cameron.”
“Thank you. Think I’m going to like this town.” Cameron’s eyes never left Harper. The drawing card sure wasn’t the city.
Connor liked the guy. Harper had changed a lot since meeting Cameron and all for the good. The Kirkpatricks had chipped together to send her to a prestigious design school in Savannah. Later Connor had wondered if their generosity had been wise. After graduation she’d had trouble finding the right position and she’d ended up a nanny for Cameron’s daughter. Quite a challenge but looked like everything was working out fine.
Harper introduced Amanda to Cameron.
“I hear y’all have a lot to be excited about,” Cameron said.
Amanda flushed. “Well, we hope so.”
That indecision again. Connor jumped right in. “Thanks, Cameron. We’re thrilled and thank you for mentioning it.” Even he heard the flat tone of his own voice.
Coming up behind them, McKenna grabbed Amanda’s elbow and guided her away. “Mom needs some help in the kitchen.”
“Did I say something wrong?” Cameron glanced from Connor to Harper.
Conner blew out a breath. “Not at all. It’s just been a long road, that’s all. Amanda won’t believe this baby is for real until she’s holding it.”
“Cameron has a little girl,” Harper supplied while Cameron beamed. “Bella’s downstairs playing with the other kids.”
Connor wanted to be that guy someday—a proud father. Tests had shown that Angie was having a boy. Amazing how happy Connor had felt about the boy part, but that black and white image Angie showed them? He couldn’t relate to it.
“Harpe
r’s really taken to Bella,” Cameron said.
“She’s a doll.” Harper leaned into him.
Cameron snugged her to his side with a smile. “She was a holy terror until Harper took her in hand.”
Something twisted inside Connor. Felt so strange to see Harper in this mother role. Almost like she was graduating from high school while he was still a sophomore. Maybe Amanda was right. Being the oldest in the family and not having children might be a sore spot with him after all.
Connor’s mother had come to the door of the kitchen, and he waved to her. “Excuse me. I have to say hi to my folks.”
The loops of blue crepe paper nearly got him in the throat as he made his way toward his waiting mother. Baby decorations hung everywhere. Even the manger in the nativity scene held a pair of blue baby booties. Under the tree sat a small mountain of wrapped packages. He vaguely remembered Amanda going shopping and registering for the stuff they’d need. Mark’s wife Janie had gone along to help. After three kids, Janie knew the priorities. Amanda had gone along with it, like she was visiting a foreign country. She’d come home so excited.
“Connor!” His mother smelled like bacon when she hugged him. “Amanda left your container of cabbage here last night. Don’t worry. I hid it away in the basement refrigerator.”
“Thanks, Mom. Knew I could count on you.” He kissed her cheek before turning toward his dad.
“Son.” His father clapped him on the back. “Just want you to know how happy we are, well, about all this.”
“We appreciate you throwing this party for us.”
Dad snorted. “You think your mother would have it any other way?” His father glanced around the room as if he had no clue how this had all happened. “Say, I want you to come downstairs with me later and see the fishing lures I wangled at the swap meet last weekend over in Palatine. Guy had this Yamah Moto worm. Swears by it. Got him to bundle it along with a tricky new fly rod.”
“Can’t wait to see it.” After his father retired, swap meets and bundling became a new passion. He’d taught them all to fish up in Michigan.
Big Mike sized up the crowd, like he was tempted to take Connor downstairs right now. His mother caught his dad’s eye. “Connor has to make the rounds and meet all the guests, Michael. Besides, the children are down there. I don’t want you playing with anything that has sharp hooks around the kids.”
They’d have to wait, and his father’s expression told him just what he thought of that. His mom went back to tending the hash browns sizzling in her enormous skillet.
“Catch you later, Dad.” Connor circulated, making his way out to the family room his father had added to the four-bedroom house when the family kept expanding. His mother wanted the kids where she could see them while she cooked dinner. Wasn’t easy to fit seven children, five of them strapping boys, into this brick bungalow.
“Hey, Connor.” McKenna sidled up to him, giving him a big hug “Ready for the big day?”
He scratched his head. “Guess so. I had no idea a baby needed so much. Some of those presents are almost bigger than the tree.”
“Everything going all right?”
“I guess. Amanda’s a little nervous. Worried that Angie might change her mind.”
“Why? What has Angie said?” McKenna frowned.
“Nothing that I’ve heard. Tomorrow we meet with her again. Maybe Amanda’s just nervous. Two weeks and counting.” He jiggled the melting ice cubes in his empty glass.
“I can understand Amanda’s reservations, I guess, but I’ve seen Angie in the childbirth classes. Doesn’t seem like she’s changed her mind.”
“Let’s hope it stays that way.” At first, he’d been more than a little put off by the skinny girl who would never look him in the eye. Angie looked more like a waif than a young woman you’d want to have your child. But the more time he spent with her, the better he felt. Connor didn’t know if it was her new job or her apartment, but she looked better every time they met—more settled. She’d made some bad choices. That’s all. And now she was trying to change her life. McKenna was behind Angie all the way. He’d always trusted his sister.
“Brunch is served,” his mother announced, coming out into the family room where the guys were watching some game. “Time to turn the TV off.”
Connor exchanged a grin with Seth. They’d heard this since they were kids. No TV during dinner. Their dad was the worst offender.
Picking up a plate, Connor joined the buffet line. What rules would he have for his own family? Had his brothers considered stuff like this? Mark and Malcolm were so young when they started having babies. Hardly any time to think about it.
Maybe Connor had waited too long. Thirty-two and he had no clue how to do all this. His grip on his plate loosened and it slipped from his hands.
Luckily, Malcolm scooped it up before it hit the carpet. “Hey, watch it, buddy. Mom’ll kill you if you break one of her plates. You daydreaming?”
“Guess so. Those twenty-four hours on duty can do that to you.” Connor avoided his brother’s eyes and began scooping up the egg casserole.
Bing Crosby’s Christmas carols were playing—his mother’s favorites. Connor had to dig deep for Christmas spirit this season. He didn’t feel it. While he piled hash browns, eggs and bacon onto his plate, his mind wasn’t on food. Something huge loomed in their future. He couldn’t remember ever feeling this excited and worried at the same time.
Across the room, Amanda stood talking to McKenna. Had his wife always been so pale? She was starting to worry him.
Chapter Three
“You’re letting yourself get stressed out,” McKenna told Amanda as they stood so close to the tree that the pine smell tickled her throat.
The room felt warm and Amanda wished she hadn’t worn this stupid red sweater with the snowman on it. “What if Angie changes her mind at that last minute?”
“Any signs that might happen?”
“A birth mother can always back out, right? She wants to see the baby once it’s born. Made a point of it.” A red flag in Amanda’s mind.
“Not unusual. Since she chose water birth, of course she’ll see him. You want your baby to be held right away.” McKenna nudged her into the buffet line and picked up a serving spoon. “But that doesn’t mean she’ll change her mind. How about some eggs?”
“I don’t think so. So many kids are sick at school and I think I’m getting the bug.” McKenna would give her a hard time if Amanda even mentioned ulcers. Usually, she loved the crisp brown sugared bacon. Not today. She took an English muffin.
“You have to chill out.” McKenna heaped eggs and hash browns on her plate. “School will be off soon and your maternity leave will begin.”
“Maybe I should go back to work after Christmas break. Angie isn’t due for two weeks. I don’t want any time on my hands,” Amanda fretted. But what would she do in the house alone all day, waiting for Angie to deliver? Sit in the nursery and worry? “Aren’t first babies usually late?”
“Sometimes, but not always. You need some rest, Amanda. Use those free days to read and take long naps. You won’t get much sleep once the baby comes.”
If the baby comes.
Amanda wanted to work as long as she could. McKenna didn’t understand. She was single and able to pay for her flashy orange jeep. Christmas had made a dent in their budget. They’d agreed not to spend much on gifts this year. The family understood, and they’d all been so generous anyway with this shower. The presents heaped under the tree would probably take care of a lot of the baby’s basic needs. Her dad didn’t expect any payments for a while, if ever. But Connor was proud. He wanted to repay her parents, sooner rather than later. Payments of any size were bound to stress their finances further, but Connor could be headstrong.
“Thank you for organizing this party,” she whispered to McKenna when the two of them found seats in the dining room where Maureen had added extra card tables.
McKenna’s green eyes sparkled. “Harper and I h
ad so much fun planning this. A baby for Christmas? Can’t beat that.”
“But no stupid games?”
“As much as we wanted to gross Connor out, we aren’t having any games.”
“Where’s Logan today?”
“He’s on call. I think he ended up delivering a baby.”
Amanda’s heart leapt right into her throat. “It’s not…”
McKenna gave a shake of her head and led the way to one of the long tables set up in a hallway. “Oh, no. Besides, I’ll be delivering her baby. And you and Connor will be in the waiting room.”
They sat down and Amanda began to nibble her English muffin.
“Have you decided what your relationship will be with Angie once the baby comes?” A hearty eater, McKenna was having no trouble with her appetite today.
“Since this is an open adoption, I don’t have any problem with Angie having visitation rights. Of course, I wouldn’t even try to explain the relationship until he…Sean…is much older.” Amanda felt a glow just saying the name. They’d been holding back on telling the family.
Saying the name made it seen real.
Made it seem possible.
Suddenly hope glimmered.
“Sean.” McKenna seemed to turn the name over on her tongue. “Perfect. We need a Sean in this family.”
Amanda hadn’t mentioned the name to Angie. Sometimes she wanted more boundaries. Angie’s baby but their son. Her mind circled back to visitation. “Do you think the open adoption might create problems? If we let Angie see the baby whenever she wants, maybe she’ll want him back someday. That could happen, right?”
“Chill out.” McKenna patted her hand. “My bet is that Angie is going to move her life along. She has plans to become a legal secretary. Someday she’s going to meet the right man and have her own family.”
The words calmed Amanda. “You have so much common sense McKenna. One of the reasons I love you so much. You can talk me off the ledge.”
McKenna gave Amanda’s shoulder a soft squeeze. “Right. Just remember that when I’m the one on the ledge.”
Settling back, Amanda began to chat with Janie who’d sat down on her other side.