A Right to Remain

by Beth Rinyu

  We said our goodbyes, and I was on my way home. I cranked up the radio and ironically came across Everybody Hurts by REM. I couldn’t think of a more appropriate song to sum up life. Everybody did hurt in their own way. I tried to think maybe my therapist was right and maybe we were only given what we could handle, but there were days when I felt like my shoulders were going to explode from the weight I had been carrying around. Then there was Quinn. I barely even knew him, but after hearing Julia spew about his troubles, I felt sorry for him.

  I pulled into the driveway and wasted no time hopping out of my Jeep. I knew poor Gus’ bladder was probably about to burst after being left inside for longer than usual. When I opened the door and he came charging out, I knew I was right. I looked around at the empty driveway, wondering if Quinn was finishing up what we had interrupted. I stood staring up at the star-filled sky once again before finally breaking my thoughts. “Gus!” I called, taking a step off the porch. When I didn’t see any sign of him, I walked down farther into the patch of woods where he normally did his business. “Gus!” I yelled once again. A deep burn invaded my stomach as my mind immediately began to think the worst. “Gus!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, walking farther and farther into the woods. The headlights from Quinn’s truck shone in the distance.

  “Hey, you okay?” he shouted as he hopped out of his truck.

  “I-I can’t find Gus.” My voice cracked with emotion.

  He walked over to me and began to call his name as well. The rustle of leaves was like music to my ears as Gus ran straight to Quinn, placing his two front paws on his waist with the most pungent aroma I had ever smelled emitting from him.

  “Oh, I think someone got sprayed by a skunk.” Quinn chuckled.

  “Oh no! I don’t even have any dog shampoo to bathe him with.”

  “Wouldn’t do any good anyway. He needs some tomato juice.”

  I creased my eyebrows in confusion. “Well, I don’t have any of that on hand either.”

  “I do. Take him around the back where the hose is, and I’ll be right down.”

  I did as he said, holding my breath and keeping Gus at a safe distance. Quinn came around back with a bottle of tomato juice, dishwashing liquid, and baking soda. “What the heck is all that for?”

  “It will do for now. My grandfather’s dogs used to get sprayed all the time and this always helped to lessen the smell. But you still may want to take him to the groomer tomorrow to get a real bath.”

  I nodded and did my best to help Quinn out while he went straight to work. After hosing Gus down and covering him in tomato juice, we scrubbed him with the soap and baking soda mixture. We both moved out of the way when Gus shook like a crazy beast to dry off. He still smelled a little ripe, but it was much better than he was before. He began to roll around on the ground, trying to remove the excess water from his fur, and I couldn’t help but laugh.

  “Thanks so much for your help. You were a lifesaver tonight.”

  “No problem.” A genuine smile fell upon his face. “I can give you Denise’s number.”

  “Who?”

  “She’s one of the dog groomers in town.”

  “Oh, yeah, sure. That would be great.”

  “I have her number upstairs somewhere.”

  “Oh, okay. If you can text it to me, that would be fine.” He pulled out his phone, and I rattled off my number as he stored it in his contacts. I looked down at Gus now all covered in pieces of leaves. A grooming appointment was very much in order tomorrow. “Come on, Gus. You had enough adventures for one day.”

  Quinn smiled and let out a light chuckle.

  “Well, good night…and thanks again.”

  “You’re welcome. Stay out of trouble, Gus.” He laughed once again.

  I entered the house with Gus right behind me, still emitting the faint remnants of skunk. I went into the bathroom, brushed my teeth, and washed my face. My feet dragged on the floor from exhaustion, so thankful tomorrow was Friday. When I opened the bathroom door, Gus was right on the other side, staring up at me. “Sorry, mister, but you are not sleeping in my bedroom tonight.” He let out a slight whine as if he knew what I said. I pulled his dog bed from my bedroom and placed it in the hallway. “Lie down.” He looked up at me with his expressive amber eyes. “Sorry, but you need to get cleaned up first.” He circled around and finally lay down, staring up at me again with his head on his paws. “Good night, stinky.” I laughed as I closed my bedroom door behind me.

  I fluffed out my pillow and lay down in my bed. I knew it wouldn’t be long before I was asleep, hoping to get a few hours in before being awoken by my own inner turmoil. I turned on my side to read the text that had just come through. Even though I didn’t recognize the number, I knew it was from Quinn with the groomer’s phone number. I skimmed my thumb over the screen, wondering if I should text him back, and decided a simple thanks would do. I sent the message and turned on my side only to hear the beeping of my phone once again. I rolled back over to find another text.

  Quinn: Welcome. Besides, I owed you one for saving me from bleeding to death.

  A small smile tugged at my lips, and I put my phone back on the nightstand. Gus let out another whine from the other side of the door. “Good night, Gus!” I closed my eyes to the sound of Quinn’s footsteps overhead and whispered, “Good night, Quinn.”

  Chapter 7

  Quinn

  My body was worn out after getting called into work at two a.m. and working for fifteen hours straight, but my mind was going a mile a minute. I had two missed calls earlier in the day from Sara and still hadn’t called her back. I hadn’t talked to her since that day in the restaurant and it actually felt freeing. When I saw her name flash across my phone once again, I decided to bite the bullet and get it over with.

  “Yeah?” I answered.

  “Hey, how have you been?” she asked.

  “What do you need?” I cut to the chase, not much in the mood for making small talk with her.

  “My parents are coming to visit next week. I still haven’t told them about us, and I really don’t feel like dealing with that yet.”

  Unbelievable. Of course she didn’t want her parents to know we were separated and her affair was a big cause of it. “Well, it looks like you don’t have much of a choice in the matter.”

  “Quinn, please, can you be a little reasonable with this? You know my father has been having heart problems. He doesn’t need to be hearing this right now.”

  “Well, I’m sorry, Sara, I’m not going to play the happy couple just to spare your parents’ feelings. If it makes you feel better, blame it on me. Tell them I was the one who cheated and is now living miles away to be closer to my lover.”

  “Quinn! Stop it! Why do you always have to act so childish?”

  I threw my truck in park and hopped out. “I’m being childish? I’m not the one who’s afraid to face the truth. It’s time for you to grow up and face Mommy and Daddy. I’m sure your father will handle it fine. Who knows, he may even be happy. He never thought I was good enough for you anyway.”

  I walked up the stairs and into my apartment, throwing my keys on the table. “How and when did you become so heartless?” I could tell she was crying, but I didn’t care.

  “I learned everything about it from you,” I retorted.

  “God, Quinn, sometimes I really hate you.” She let out a sob before disconnecting.

  “Yeah, and sometimes I really hate you too,” I said to myself, throwing my phone down on my bed.

  My mind raced even faster after that phone call, and I needed to do something to calm myself down. I changed into my shorts and T-shirt and decided to go out and chop some wood. I went to grab a beer from the fridge and decided on a bottle of water instead, remembering the last time I used a sharp object while drinking.

  By my fourth swing of the axe my frustrations were subsiding ever so slightly. I lifted my head to the sound of rocks kicking up in the driveway to find Lacey pulling in. Wiping the
sweat from my forehead, I took a chug of water and watched as Lacey opened the back door. An immaculate, happy Gus jumped out of the back, running over to greet me with a blue bandanna around his neck.

  “Wow, what a difference a day makes,” I said, petting him behind his ears.

  A rare smile was plastered on Lacey’s face as she approached us with a bag of groceries in her hand. “The groomer was wonderful! I called her first thing this morning, and she allowed me to drop him off before work and kept him all day. Thank you again so much for everything.”

  “I told you before, not a problem.” She stared at me a little longer before summoning Gus. But he wasn’t having any part of it, lying down under the tree I was working by and soaking in the late afternoon sun. “He can stay out here. I’ll watch him and make sure he stays away from any skunks.”

  She hesitated, shifting from one foot to another. “Are you...are you sure?”

  “Positive.”

  She nodded and turned around to walk inside. I had just lifted the axe when she turned back around to face me again. “Umm…I was wondering. Did you have plans for dinner? I bought way too much and…oh, never mind, I’m sure you have better things to do on a Friday night.”

  “I don’t, and I’m actually pretty hungry.”

  “Oh, okay,” she replied, pushing her hair from her face with her free hand and taking a step back. “It should be done in about an hour.”

  “All right.”

  She forced a smile and headed into the house. I stood there for a moment, staring into space, hoping she’d loosen up and become more talkative over dinner than she had been in the past. I spliced through a few more pieces of wood before deciding to go upstairs and clean up. A noise drew my attention. I’d forgotten all about Gus, who was now following me up the stairs. I continued onward with Gus right on my heels and walked into my apartment.

  Gus examined the place before hopping up on the sofa. “Make yourself comfortable, Gus.” I laughed as I approached the bathroom and jumped in the shower.

  ***

  I knocked on Lacey’s door and couldn’t help but notice how cute she looked when she opened it. She was now changed from the dress I had seen her in earlier and was wearing sweats and a T-shirt. Her hair was thrown up in a ponytail and she had removed all of her makeup. Was it possible she was even more beautiful without it?

  “Hey,” she greeted, opening the door wider to let Gus and me in.

  I stepped inside and scanned the area, surprised at the improvements she made to the place in such a short time just by hanging a few pictures and some curtains.

  “I hope you like chicken. I should have asked you that before.”

  “Chicken is fine.” I wasn’t sure if it was because I hadn’t eaten anything since the stale donut I had this morning, but the aroma coming from the kitchen smelled delicious.

  “Good.” She did her best to manage a smile. Something that came so natural to most people was so difficult for her, and a small part of me wanted to know why.

  “You did a lot with the place,” I remarked as I looked around.

  “Oh umm…just a few pictures. I hope that’s okay. I promise I’ll patch up the nail holes when I move out.” Her voice carried a panicked tone.

  “That’s perfectly fine, and you don’t have to worry about patching up anything.”

  She led me into the kitchen and over to the perfectly set table with a vase full of sunflowers in the middle. “I don’t have any beer, but would you like some wine?”

  “Nah, water is fine.” She nodded and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. I noticed her hands trembling as she handed it to me.

  “So, Gus approves of my couch.” I figured I would talk about her dog to break up the awkwardness. That was the only topic of conversation she seemed at ease with.

  “Oh my God! I’m so sorry!” She blushed.

  “It’s fine!” I reassured her. “I like Gus. He can hang out on my couch anytime.” I reached down and patted him on the head.

  She gave Gus a scolding gaze before shaking her head and cracking a small smile.

  “Ha-have a seat,” she stuttered.

  I pulled out the chair and sat down while she placed the food on the table and took a seat opposite me.

  It took me a while to get her to open up, but after a few minutes and some questions on my part, she told me all about her job and even asked questions about mine. I tried to stay mainly on that subject after noticing her apprehension when I asked her about where she used to live. I was learning quickly that Gus and her job were safe topics to stick to for now. I added Star Wars to the list when I found out we shared that common interest as well and the rest of dinner was filled with talk of the upcoming movie.

  Sara and I never talked about these things. She always rolled her eyes over my Star Wars fixation, calling me immature. She hardly took any of my interests seriously unless it involved something she was interested in as well. So sitting there with Lacey talking about something I enjoyed and not being chastised for it was comforting. I could tell in addition to being an excellent cook she was also a genuinely good person who was obviously hurt by someone or something in the past.

  I offered to help her with the dishes once dinner was over, but she dismissed it, telling me she would get to them later. We got up and walked into the living room when she stopped dead in her tracks, deep in thought.

  “I actually have all of the Star Wars DVDs if you’d like to borrow them,” she finally spoke.

  “That would be cool.” I had told her over dinner that I needed to re-watch all of the movies on Netflix before the new one came out.

  “I’ll be right back. They’re in the bedroom closet.”

  I waited while she darted off to the bedroom. I certainly couldn’t ask for a better renter. She kept this place as neat as a pin. I fixated my eyes to the lone photograph on the mantle. As I examined it closer, there was no denying it was Lacey and her husband on their wedding day. What the hell was her deal? They were obviously together if she was still displaying their wedding picture and wearing her wedding ring. I hurriedly averted my gaze from it when I heard her footsteps coming down the hallway.

  “Okay, this is all of them. I’ll get you a bag to carry—” She froze and became visibly shaken when the set of headlights shone through the living room window.

  “Lacey, are you okay?” I asked as she stood there in a trance-like state, unable to render words. I moved closer to her and placed my hand on her arm. “Hey, Lacey.”

  She swallowed hard and finally snapped out of it. “Umm yeah…sorry. I-I was going to get you a bag.”

  “Shit!” I muttered when I looked out the window and into the darkness. The moon provided just enough light to see it was Sara getting out of her car.

  “Here you go.” Lacey returned with the bag of DVDs, still rattled.

  “Thanks. I, umm…have to get going. Thanks so much for dinner. It was really good.”

  She nodded much like the same shy girl as when I first arrived.

  I gave her a reassuring smile and headed out to face another round in the ring with Sara.

  ***

  “What’s the matter? Haven’t we fought enough for one day? You had to come in person for more?” I muttered as I headed up the steps to find her at the top, preparing to knock on the door.

  “Where were you?” she asked in an accusatory tone.

  “Don’t worry about it. What’s up?”

  “Can we at least go inside?”

  I opened the door and let her in. She looked around and stuck up her nose. “Well, I see this place hasn’t changed much!” She hated this property. She had been on me to sell ever since my grandfather died, but I refused. I loved the seclusion of it, and it held great memories of me and my grandfather. “So are you going to tell me why Eva just called me to tell me she saw you leaving Bobby’s last night with that slut Liza?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe because I did.”

  Her jaw dropped, and she let o
ut a loud gasp. “Oh, that’s nice, get back at me. Thanks, Quinn.”

  “That was my intention, but I couldn’t.” She wiped the tear rolling down her face. “I’ll admit. I wanted to. I wanted to more than anything.” I looked away and then back into her eyes. “How could you have done that to me, Sara, and then still say you love me?”

  “Because I do.” She began to cry harder.

  “Well, I don’t get it. Because right now I don’t like you at all, and I want to rip your heart out the same way you did mine, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it because even though I don’t like you, I still love you. So how can you truly love someone and fuck someone else without blinking an eye?” I raised my voice in anger.

  “We’ve been through this a hundred times, Quinn! I was in a bad place.”

  “Yeah, so was I, and I still fuckin’ am, but you don’t see me doing the shit you did and probably continue to do!”

  She closed her eyes tightly. “Well, then maybe we should call it a day and stop trying to salvage this marriage.”

  “Is that what you want?”

  “I don’t know what I want.”

  “Answer me honestly, are you still seeing him, Sara?” She looked down at the ground. “Guess you’re still in a bad place? You are fuckin’ unbelievable! You come over here ready to lay into me for something I didn’t do while you’re still doing the same damn thing! But it’s okay for you because you’re in a bad fuckin’ place!”

  “No, it’s not okay. I don’t love him, Quinn. I still love you! I’m just so mixed up.” She let out a sob and went to hug me.

  “Get the fuck off me!” I pushed her away. “Just go, Sara!”

  “Quinn, please,” she cried.

  “Leave!” I shouted, turning around, not wanting to look at her.

  I waited until I heard the door close before I let out the breath I was holding. I raked my hand through my hair and bit my lip while I tried to get my anger under control. Why did I keep doing this to myself? Our marriage was beyond repair. Why couldn’t I come to terms with that and move on? I thought back to the day she had given birth to our son, a symbol of the love we had for one another. A love that was buried on the same day we buried him.