Contents
Title Page
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Glossary of Scots words and phrases
Glossary of German phrases
Author’s note
Acknowledgements
Historical notes
Sources
About the Author
Copyright
1
My mother said I was like jam in a bad year, sweet but with too many pips, and when I asked her what she meant, she said that some of the things I said got stuck in people’s teeth and worried them. I didn’t think that was a kind thing to say, so when Jeff asked me to marry him I said yes. Once I was a fine Edinburgh lady I wouldn’t need to think about the things Mother said, or chickens and sheep and muck. After the wedding, when she saw the size of our braw flat in Morningside, she said there was no limit to the doors a bonny face would open. I didn’t expect to miss her when she left for the farm, but I did. I was seventeen and it was 1942.
Jeff was good-looking, and my aunties said he was a catch, tall like my brothers but a bit of a skinny-malinkie, and he had a sort of dreamy look in his eyes that made them dark when really they were blue. It made me feel funny inside when he looked straight at me, and when he carried me over the threshold after the wedding, he said he was the happiest man alive. I was happy, too, despite the war. Germany seemed very far away and I thought Hitler wouldn’t be interested in a wee place like Scotland. Jeff used to have a German neighbour called Professor Schramml but he moved out just before the fighting started and went to Geneva or somewhere. They used to walk to the university together in the morning and have a blether.
It was lonely Monday to Friday when Jeff went to give his lectures, or write his book, or whatever it was he did at work. He said he was saving the Scots language for future generations. He had come to Galloway to collect words but collected me instead, saying it saved him searching all over the country when all the old words could be found right on the tip of my tongue.
I tried to keep the house spick and span. There were no beasts needing feeding, or coos to milk, so I hoovered the flat every day, although I was afraid the dust bag would explode, the fabric swelled up so tight. I did one other big chore, too: beat the rugs, or cleaned the bathroom, and that kept it all nice. Once a week we took it in turns to clean the common stair. It was a gloomy place in our tenement with spiral steps and black railings. The sun never reached all the way down from the skylight and I missed the fresh air blowing across the fields. Once I walked up to the top but there was nothing there, just another two landings the same as ours. I asked my neighbour Mrs MacDougall why we couldn’t pay someone to clean it, and she looked at me in yon thrawn way she has and said perhaps I hadn’t noticed that there was a war on, and not everyone had a husband bringing in a good wage. She said we all had to pull our weight. Then she flicked a glance at my stomach to see if I was expecting, and kind of sniffed as if to say, ‘I didn’t think so’. What she said was it would be nice to have some bairns about the stair again. That was when I started leaving the stour under her mat, just to annoy her.
I was cooking herring with orange sauce from my War-Time Cookery book when Jeff got back from work. He crept up behind me and put his arms round my waist. I screamed because I hadn’t heard him come in, but his Old Spice aftershave smelt so good that I leant against him, feeling how strong and cosy he was. ‘How is my girl?’ he asked. ‘Pip, Pip?’
His pet name always took the sting out of what Mother had said, and made me laugh.
He was tired after his day at the university, and put his feet up on the range while I finished cooking. For once, he didn’t complain about the smell. I never really paid much mind to the things he read out of The Scotsman, but when he shouted, ‘Hell’s teeth, Hitler has invaded Egypt,’ it was so unexpected it made me jump half out of my skin. I told him I didn’t really care. I was getting tired of the war and ration cards. I didn’t like seeing the Anderson shelter in the back garden and I told him I wasn’t gaun in any hole with Mrs MacDougall, even if the Luftwaffe were right overhead. He said I should care because the Germans were in Norway, too, and that was just across the North Sea.
‘You can coorie up wi’ her, then,’ I said, ‘and I will stay here and finish your best malt so it doesn’t fall into the hands of the Germans.’
He said I wouldn’t dare, and I told him it was for the war effort, so he had better get used to the idea of real sacrifice.
As a treat that night, we went to the Dominion Cinema on Newbattle Terrace to see a Betty Grable film. He put his arm round me as we walked. It was five minutes away; a grand, white building with wide steps and a balcony on the front. I was enjoying myself until the programme started, when the newsreel showed Hitler’s armies marching through the streets of Berlin. They were all pressed together in tight rows like the letters in Jeff’s paper. Jeff took my hand but I couldn’t concentrate on the film because I felt scared and couldn’t help thinking that if a bomb fell on the cinema, we wouldn’t be able to get out over all the seats. There was an injured soldier sitting a few rows in front of us with a bandaged head, but it kept lolling on his shoulder and his wife propped a jumper round his neck so he could keep upright. She was no older than me.
On the way home I asked Jeff if he had thought about signing up to fight, but he said he had more important work to do and I wasn’t to ask him that again. I told him I only brought it up because I had seen the men enlisting at the Assembly Rooms in George Street, but he dropped my hand and told me to haud my wheesht. He walked ahead of me all the way home and I had to run to keep up with him because I didn’t like the auld trees in the park at night. The sound of my heels tapping on the pavement echoed on the walls of the blacked-out flats, but he never looked round once and said he didn’t want any cocoa when we got in. The cauld air got in between us under the quilt when he came to bed, but I didn’t say anything.
2
I woke up before him in the morning. I was always an early bird, and I liked to look at him when he was dreaming. I would pull back the curls of his brown hair, which was almost black, and lean as close as I could to the hollow in his neck to smell the sweetness of him without waking him. He was brown from playing golf, my sleeping man. He kissed me when I opened the blinds to let the sun in, and the light seemed to cheer him up. I think, looking back, that perhaps it was the last time things were right between us.
I took extra care getting dressed, just to please him, and I picked out my navy blue, polka-dot dress. He smacked my bottom on his way past to the bathroom to shave, and said, ‘How about it, Dotty?’ but I said a real academic would have his mind on higher things, and picked up my basket to go to the butcher’s.
It was bright outside and the milkman let me pat his horse as he went past on his round. He swore the wee soul went mair slowly up our street looking for me. Flash reminded me of my dad’s horses and I gave him a sugar lump, although I did keep most of the ration for Jeff, who hadn’t noticed I had stopped taking sugar in my tea. I liked the feel of Flash’s soft lips on my hand. There was pink blossom flying in the air as I doddled along Canaan Lane for my messages. The old houses st
ood behind stone walls with crumbly mortar, twisted shrubs hanging over them, full of flowers. I picked a piece of honeysuckle for my hair and the smell reminded me of our honeymoon. At the end of the lane, Morningside Road was like a canyon with sandstone tenements on either side. We were registered halfway up the hill, at Black’s the Butchers, for beef dripping and meat. His sign read, ‘Purveyors of Finest Quality’, but he didn’t have much in his window. There was a new, handwritten notice pinned to his door saying to remember to send something nice to our brave boys.
‘Good morning, Mr Black,’ I said when I went in, but he didn’t reply, which was not like him. One of the women in the queue whispered that Mr Black’s son had been injured at the Front and was in hospital in England. ‘They’re not sure if he’ll walk again,’ she added. Mr Black looked up when he heard that and said it was time for all the men to get a hand to the wheel and get us out of this mess. He was staring straight at me. I think he knew Jeff hadn’t signed up, so I said, ‘I agree with you, Mr Black.’ Everyone’s head swivelled round to look at me and they stopped talking. Then the woman from the hairdresser’s said, ‘Perhaps you could give that husband of yours a nudge, eh, Mrs McCaffrey?’
I said my man was doing very important work at the university, collecting words for a Scottish dictionary, but Mr Black said, ‘Well, it will be a German dictionary if he doesn’t get his finger out.’
They all laughed and I felt my cheeks go beetroot. I could have shrivelled up and died, but it was my turn to be served. He gave me an older bit of bacon than the rest of the ladies and it seemed a bit less than the usual ration, as if he had kept his finger on the scale when he was weighing it. Just thinking about it made me cry on the way home, although I tried not to show it in case someone I knew passed me and told Jeff they had seen me greetin’ in the street like a bairn.
The door to the stair felt heavier than usual. It banged shut with such a thump that Mrs MacDougall opened her door as I passed and asked in her snippy, wee voice if I could please keep the noise down. Our hall was no brighter than the stair. Wool rugs that Jeff’s dad had bought in Persia were laid on the black, painted floors to cheer them up, but I could hardly make out the birds and flowers in the patterns he claimed were so rare.
As I took off my hat, I noticed there was a letter on the mat. It was in a brown envelope with a black crown printed on it and I put it on the silver tray on the dresser, just the way Jeff liked. He shouted, ‘Where’s my Pip?’ when he got in that night and I ran into the hall to tell him about my trip to the butcher’s. It had been going round in my head all day, like a dog chasing its tail, but before I could hug him, Jeff picked up the letter and took it into his study. I heard him open it and the sound of the paper tearing under the knife seemed very loud. Through the open door I could see him rubbing his eyes, and when I asked if everything was all right, he said it was fine and could I please put the kettle on.
He looked a bit wabbit when he came into the kitchen and he pushed away his new copy of the Scots Independent, which I had put out beside his tea, thinking it would cheer him up. Although I never dared say, I thought the subscription was too much. He got out his bottle of Talisker and poured himself a dram, saying, ‘Time for a little of the strong stuff.’ He poured me a glass, too. ‘Agnes,’ he said, and I knew it was serious because he usually called me Pip, ‘Douglas Grant is coming tomorrow. We will have some important matters to discuss.’
And that was the first time I heard his name. It didn’t mean anything to me then. I asked Jeff if he would be staying for tea because I wasn’t sure what I could feed him. I had dug over part of the back garden, and put in some early cropping tatties, but they weren’t ready just yet. Jeff said a scone would do, and then he took his whisky into his study and shut the door. He called it his ‘sanctuary’ and insisted he would clean it, but he never did. I put on the wireless in the drawing room, but it was all about the war and some German plane which had come down in the Pentlands, so I put it off and darned some of Jeff’s socks instead. I didn’t want to think about men falling from the sky.
3
Mr Grant arrived at exactly two o’clock, just as Jeff had said he would, and when I took tea through to the drawing room, Mr Grant stood up to be introduced. Jeff said, ‘May I introduce my wife, Agnes Thorne? As sweet a martyrdom as any man could wish.’ I couldn’t hit him as I usually did when he said that, so I just smiled at our visitor. Jeff liked his jokes. Mr Grant’s head was as high as the top of the press, nearly at the picture rail, and I said to him, ‘I hope you can’t see any stour up there, Mr Grant?’
‘I can assure you it is spotless, Mrs McCaffrey,’ he replied, shaking my hand. His grip felt like a bear’s. He had black hair, which he had to keep pushing out of his eyes, and a muckle great beard. He said Jeff was doing a good job helping him with his current trouble and I asked, ‘What trouble would that be, Mr Grant?’ and passed him a scone. Jeff gave him a look and sort of shook his head. It made me feel cross but I didn’t want to be rude to a visitor, so I just poured the tea and sat down with my sewing. I remember Mr Grant said my jam was delicious, and I was able to tell him that the Roslyn Glen was a great place to pick rasps and brambles, even in a war. I cycled out there with Jeff last summer and that was when he asked me to marry him.
Mr Grant put down his cup with his great bear paw and said, ‘Perhaps you can advise me, Mrs McCaffrey? I am trying to grow some soya beans and Jeff told me you are a farmer’s daughter.’
I had never heard of them. Dad grew neeps and barley, but Mr Grant seemed very excited about what he called the high protein-value of beans and how well they cropped. He was trying to grow some. ‘I think you might be better to raise hens, Mr Grant,’ I said, ‘although feed is in short supply. I am planning to get some for the back green. I thought I might start with four.’
‘Mrs MacDougall will love that,’ laughed Jeff, but Mr Grant looked at me kindly and said that anything was better than powdered egg. He expected that even the wrath of the legendary Mrs MacDougall would be worth tholing for fresh eggs.
‘Now tell me,’ he said, ‘how do you get your scones so light in these difficult times of rationing?’ And I told him the secret was buttermilk, but perhaps his mother had already told him that?
‘Unfortunately my mother is sorely disappointed in me at the moment and only communicates with me by letter,’ he replied. ‘The temperature at home in Fife is currently ten degrees colder than in Glasgow, so I am obliged to spend much of my time at the Scottish Home Rule Association, just to keep warm.’
‘How so, Douglas?’ asked Jeff, and Mr Grant said that his mother’s minister had put ideas into her head that he should buckle on the armour like a good Scotsman for the sake of puir, old Scotland.
‘That old dunderhead can’t see it is Scotland’s interests I am fighting for,’ he added. ‘Independence of body and soul, Agnes. That’s what matters.’
I wasn’t sure what he meant, and then he said to Jeff that MacCaig’s exam hadn’t gone well in Glasgow. I asked what he was studying. Mr Grant laughed and said the triumph of hope over experience, and Jeff joined in. I was tired of people having a laugh at my expense, so I got up to go and put more water on to refresh the tea. Jeff never even noticed I was upset although I banged the teapot down on the tray as I went out. He said they would be in the study if I wouldn’t mind just leaving the tea at the door when I came back. Mr Grant smiled apologetically at me and shrugged.
I was watching the kettle boil on the range when I decided to go out. It got on my wick that Jeff made me feel like a skivvy in front of our visitor, so I put on my wellies to walk up the Blackford Hill. It was just a stone’s throw from our flat and I felt a lot better in the fresh air. Being inside so much confused my mind. As I walked past the pond and up the path to the Observatory, I calmed down. Perhaps I had been a bit daft to leave the men without their tea?
From the ridge, I could see the whole city lying round Arthur’s Seat, and the castle looked like a toy on its blac
k rock above the Forth. The Pentland Hills lay just behind me in a long, blue line to the south and I could see almost as far as Stirling in the west. It was too windy to sit on the bench at the top and, although it wasn’t the most sheltered, I decided to go home down the steep side. I had hidden a snare in the gorse and, sure enough, there was a rabbit in it, stone dead. I wondered if Mr Black would buy some from me if I could catch more, but I didn’t think he liked me now. Anyway, Jeff wouldn’t have thought it was ladylike to make snares out of old garden wire from the foot of the stair. The rabbit felt soft and heavy when I put it in my bag and I hoped it wouldn’t bleed all over the steps, because Mrs MacDougall would no doubt have got right back on her high horse about that, too.
The men were still talking when I came in. I stood very quietly in the hall. I didn’t even breathe and I could hear Mr Grant saying something about the Act of Union being no better than the Anschluss. Jeff said that seemed a bit strong.
‘Komm der Tag,’ replied Mr Grant. I think it was German, and then the door opened and Jeff said, ‘Oh, there you are, Agnes. I thought it had gone very quiet. Why didn’t you tell me you were going out?’ His eye fell on my hand. ‘What on earth have you got there?’
Mr Grant laughed when I held up the rabbit by its back feet. ‘I think this will taste better than your magic beans, Mr Grant.’
He looked less fierce, then. ‘You have married a warrior woman, Jeff, not just an Ayrshire lass.’
Mr Grant helped me to skin my catch at the kitchen table. Jeff looked a bit haunless and disappeared behind his paper. It was when Mr Grant was standing there with his hands all bloody that he said I should call him Douglas, and I jokingly suggested Red Douglas instead. But he replied he was too true-blue a private school boy to be red. Jeff didn’t join in the banter but read us bits from his paper, adding, ‘Your appeal is mentioned in here, Douglas. The ninth of July.’
‘Aye,’ he said, wiping his hands, ‘the shades of Barlinnie prison are not yet to close about me, as far as I can gather, but no doubt I shall end up in the Bastille sooner or later.’ He looked at me. ‘Don’t worry, Agnes. I have got Jeff and others to rescue me.’
Capital Union, A Page 1