by Sam Selvon
It had a fellar call Five Past Twelve. A test look at him and say, ‘Boy, you black like midnight.’ Then the test take a second look and say, ‘No, you more like Five Past Twelve.’
Five come from Barbados. During the war when Yankee was opening up base in Trinidad fellars was making a lot of money and the Five went to take part. One time he was taking out a Trinidad girl and the boys in the district didn’t like it. They tell Five to leave the girl alone but Five ain’t pay them no mind: the next night he was coasting with the girl round Queen’s Park Savannah. The boys get a tin of pitch oil and throw on Five and start to run after him with a box of matches.
Right after the war Five come to England to hustle and the next thing you know he had on RAF uniform doing three years with them. When the three years up Five get a work driving truck across the country.
Five was a fellar, from the time he see you, he out to borrow money. You hardly have time to ask him what happening than he ask you if you could lend him ten shillings till Friday please God. So that all the boys start to take in front: from the time they see Five, they ask him to lend them two and six, that things really brown.
‘Ah,’ Five say, disappointed, ‘you only asking me because you know I was going to ask you.’
‘No Five, I really bawling. Lend me two and six.’
Five have woman all over London, and no sooner he hit the big city than he fly round by Moses to find out what happening, which part have fete and so on. For Five like a fete too bad. The time when the Lord Mayor did driving through London, it had a steel band beating pan all in the Circus, and you should know Five was in the front, jumping up as if is a West Indian carnival.
‘They should have more fete like this, in London,’ Five tell Moses. ‘They too slack in this city the people too quiet. I wonder when the Lord Mayor would take a drive again?’
‘If you in town on Saturday,’ Moses say, ‘Harris giving a dance in St Pancras Hall.’
‘But how you mean!’ Five say. ‘I must go to that, boy.’
Harris is a fellar who like to play ladeda, and he like English customs and thing, he does be polite and say thank you and he does get up in the bus and the tube to let woman sit down, which is a thing even them Englishmen don’t do. And when he dress, you think is some Englishman going to work in the city, bowler and umbrella, and briefcase tuck under the arm, with The Times fold up in the pocket so the name would show, and he walking upright like if is he alone who alive in the world. Only thing, Harris face black.
One time Moses meet Harris by Queensway buying daffodil from a barrow boy.
‘Ah, you going in for horticulture now,’ Moses tone.
The old Harris smile. ‘No, I’m going to have high tea with Lord —’s daughter, and I thought it would be a nice gesture to take some flowers along.’
Man, when Harris start to spout English for you, you realise that you don’t really know the language. Harris moving among the bigshots, because of the work he does do, which is to organise little fetes here and there, like dance and party and so on. And every time Harris worried if Five would turn up, because Five like to make rab and have Harris feeling small, though it does only be fun he making, for he not a malicious fellar at heart.
That fete in St Pancras Hall the Saturday night was big times. Harris had everything under control. He had a steel band to play music, a bar for the boys to drink, and he know already that bags of people coming to the fete from the number of tickets that he sell. So there Harris is, standing up by the door in black suit and bow tie, greeting all English people with a pleasant good evening and how do you do, and a not so pleasant greeting for the boys, for if is one thing he fraid is that the boys make rab and turn the dance into a brawl. That never happen in a big way yet, but still he always have the fear, and he always have a word for the boys as they come: ‘See and behave yourselves like proper gentlemen, there are a lot of English people here tonight so don’t make a disgrace of yourselves.’
Of course, none of the boys paying to go to Harris dance, they only breezing in and saying good evening Mr Harris. Harris can’t do anything about that, and in order to avoid contention by the door he does only shrug his shoulders and allow them to pass. But all the time he keeping an eye open for Five, praying that he would be out of town on business, for Five does make it his business to pick on Harris because he so ladeda.
But Five never fail to appear, with four or five white chicks holding on to him. And from the minute he burst through the door with a long jacket draping across the knees he bawling out: ‘Harris, you old reprobate! What happening?’
Harris naturally feel bad that in front of all the English people Five getting on so. He pull Five to one side while the girls go inside.
‘Listen man,’ Harris plead with Five, ‘I want you to make an effort to behave and comport yourself properly tonight. I have a distinguished gentleman and his wife here tonight. Try to get on decently just for once.’
But nothing could rouse Five more than to approach him like this.
‘But Harris man, you looking prosperous, things going good with you. I hear you did make bags of money out of that fete you had in Kilburn last Saturday. You think you will make a lot tonight? I hear you have steel band – oh God, fete like stupidness!’
‘I am warning you Five,’ Harris say. ‘If you behave disgracefully I shall have to put you out.’
Five stand back and look at Harris. ‘You know you wouldn’t do that to your good friend,’ he say. ‘Man, sometimes you get on like if we didn’t grow up together, don’t mind you born in Jamaica and spent time there before you come to Trinidad. You remember them lime we used to coast by Gilda Club in Charlotte Street in Port of Spain? You remember the night when Mavis make you buy ten rum for she, and then she went behind the rumshop and tell you to come.’
Harris look around desperately. ‘Don’t talk so loudly, man,’ he tell Five. ‘It seems you are drunk already. I hope you haven’t brought any weed here tonight.’
‘How you mean, I must hit a weed before I get high,’ Five say. ‘Later on when you finish come and see me and we will go in the back and have a puff.’
‘I won’t touch that disgusting drug,’ Harris say, ‘and you had better not smoke it here. I am warning you, Five. I really have distinguished people here –’
‘Ah, you does say so every time I come to any of your fete,’ Five say. ‘You think you could fool me? You forget I know you from back home. Is only since you hit Brit’n that you getting on so English.’
And with that Five push past Harris and float into the ballroom looking for the cats he bring with him.
By the door poor Harris wipe his face with a white handkerchief.
‘Moses,’ he say, when Moses appear with a frauline, ‘please keep an eye on Five for me tonight. I don’t want any trouble.’
Moses say, ‘Sure, Harris. Let me introduce you to my girl.’
‘Pleased to meet you,’ Harris say quickly, for plenty people coming in.
Behind Moses Tolroy appear with a English chick, and behind him Ma and Tanty, and behind them Lewis with a little thing that he pick up to help him live bachelor life.
Tolroy and his girl go in quiet, followed by Lewis and his girl, but Tanty tug Ma and make her stand up.
‘Harris!’ Tanty scream out. ‘You don’t know me? You don’t remember neighbour who used to live behind you in George Street?’
‘I’m afraid –’ Harris start to stammer.
‘But look how big the boy get!’ Tanty bawl. ‘I didn’t believe Tolroy when he tell me. Tolroy say how you living in London for a long time, and that you doing well for yourself. I tell Tolroy: “Not little Harris what used to run about the barrack-yard in shirttail!” And Tolroy say yes, is you self. I tell him I don’t believe, so he say come tonight to the dance and you will see for yourself. Well, to tell you the truth, I don’t go anywhere at all, you could ask Ma here, but when I hear that is you who giving this fete I say I must come and see you. Ma, look at litt
le Harris how big he get! But the years pass quickly!’
‘Yes, yes, I remember you,’ Harris say quickly, giving Tanty a push.
But Tanty didn’t budge. ‘Don’t push,’ she say, ‘have some respect for your elders. I not going to dance until you come inside. I want the first set with you. It still have some life in the old hen. But bless my eyesight!’ she begin again as if she just come in. ‘Look at little Harris what used to thief fowl egg under the house!’ And she went inside with Ma shaking her head from side to side.
Inside the hall was a real jam session. The girls stand up in groups here and there, and the boys liming out by the bar, some of them with their girls. Like Marble Arch in the summer, any of Harris fete is a get-together of all the boys, wherever it happen to be. Big City, Galahad, Daniel, Cap, Bart, all of them leave the night work they have to hit this fete, and Moses as usual like a minor master of ceremonies with the boys, giving them all the latest lowdown and ballad as they coast a drink.
‘All you see that?’ Moses say. ‘Look Tolroy bring the whole family to Harris fete. Oh God, what it coming to now? It look like Saltfish Hall in London!’
Saltfish Hall was the name of a place in one of the small islands where it have a sign, Wash Your Foot And Jump In, and it have two bucket of water near the door, and all them old geezers come in from the fields and wash their foot and join the fete in the hall.
‘Tolroy have a sharp thing with him,’ the old Galahad observe.
‘You did see him dancing with the old lady?’ Big City say, ‘Oh lord, what it is happening in this London! This fete like a real bacchanal in the Princes Building in Port of Spain! Who having a drink on me?’
‘Tolroy!’ Moses shout, and when Tolroy come all the boys begin to give him tone.
‘What happen, you couldn’t leave the old lady home?’
‘You think this is Jamaica? You bringing old hen to dance?’
‘Who is that woman with you, Tolroy? Give me an intro, man.’
‘Bring she over here to have a drink.’
All this time the steel band blasting some hot numbers and the old Five, whenever he see Harris watching him, starting to jock waist for so, and fanning with his jacket, and jumping up like if is a real carnival slackness, only to make Harris get vex. Harris moving about the crowd saying hello to everybody and hoping they are having a good time. It really look like he have some ladeda there for it have three or four of them sitting at a table in the corner drinking, but none of them dancing, though is two man and two woman.
‘Harris, who is them people who sitting down there and not dancing?’ Moses ask.
‘Those are my personal guests,’ Harris say. ‘Moses, are you keeping an eye on Five for me? I am sure he has some weed on him - look, you could see from his behaviour that he is not normal. Do you think I should have him put out?’
‘Take it easy,’ Moses say, ‘the old Five out of this world, but he ain’t misbehaving yet.’
‘I must go over to my guests,’ Harris say.
‘Have one before you go,’ Moses say, but Harris was in the crowd by this time, making his way to the table in the corner.
‘How are you getting on?’ Harris ask one of the young women at the table, like an attendant when you trying on a new pair of shoes.
‘Fine,’ she say, looking up at Harris. ‘The steel band music just fascinates me. How do they manage to get such melody from the oil drums?’
‘Oh, they practise a lot,’ Harris say. ‘Is this the first time you’ve heard them?’
‘No, I heard a band on the BBC the other evening – I don’t know if it was this one.’
Harris feel it was up to him to ask the thing to dance, seeing like they look shy to take the floor, so he ask the girl and she hem a little then she get up.
Now all this time Tanty was looking for Harris, and when he take the floor with this sharp thing she spot him dancing. Tanty get up and push away dancers as she advance to Harris.
‘My boy!’ she say, putting she hand on his shoulder, ‘I been looking for you all over. What happening, you avoiding the old lady, eh? Too much young girl here to bother with Tanty, eh?’
Harris get so vex, but he know that if he talk rough to Tanty she might get on ignorant. Lucky for him he was dancing near the outside of the crowd, so he stop and draw aside.
‘Listen,’ he say to Tanty, ‘can’t you see I am dancing with this young lady?’
‘What happen for that?’ Tanty say, eyeing the white girl who look so embarrass. ‘You think I can’t dance too? I had a set already with Tolroy, ask him.’
‘Well,’ Harris say, trying hard to keep his temper, ‘will you kindly wait until I am finished? We shall dance the next set.’
‘You too smart, when the next set come I wouldn’t find you,’ Tanty say, taking a firm hold of Harris. ‘Tell this girl to unlace you: you know what they playing? “Fan Me Saga Boy Fan Me”, and that is my favourite calypso. These English girls don’t know how to dance calypso, man. Lady, excuse him,’ and before Harris know what happening Tanty swing him on the floor, pushing up she fat self against him. The poor fellar can’t do anything, in two-twos Tanty had him in the centre of the floor while she swinging she fat bottom left and right.