‘Look, sweetie, they’re going home tomorrow. It’s only for one bloody night.’
Suzie had a towel wrapped around her head but was otherwise naked. Water dripped from her shoulders and ran in rivulets between her breasts. ‘Anyway,’ she continued, rubbing her hair, ‘it’s not as if you have to sleep with him.’
‘Suzie!’
‘Well, that’s what this is about, isn’t it? Christ, Lorna, you haven’t seen him for ages and, well, he’s no doubt forgiven you.’
Lorna removed her hands from her hips and slipped a sundress onto a hanger. She hung it in a wardrobe which was also bulging with Suzie’s clothes. ‘There was nothing to forgive.’
‘You did walk out on him,’ Suzie reminded her.
Lorna snapped shut her empty suitcase and placed it on top of the wardrobe, then went onto the balcony and lit a cigarette. Below, sheets and towels still waved in the drying area. They’d specified a sea view, but the old woman had simply shrugged. It didn’t much matter; the hillside above the town was spectacular enough: olive groves rising to high mountains etched against a darkening sky.
‘You could have asked me first, Suze.’
‘You were in the loo. I had to say something, so I said yes. Look, it’s only for one night,’ she repeated. That was the galling part; Austin and his friend Leo had waited until Lorna had gone to the toilet before springing the question. The loo had been revolting, a ceramic hole in the ground, festooned with flies. When she got back, she was confronted by the prospect of an evening with an ex-boyfriend, who may or may not have forgiven her for abandonment.
‘I’ll feel awkward,’ said Lorna. ‘Maybe he loves me, maybe he hates me. I don’t know, Suzie, and I don’t want to find out.’
‘Maybe he neither hates you nor loves you,’ Suzie suggested, trying to cram another pair of knickers into an overfilled drawer. Lorna had the distinct impression that the whole chest of drawers might explode, showering them in Dolce & Gabbana.
‘He probably knows to the precise second when he last saw me.’
‘Don’t be silly, sweetie.’
‘He did last time, Suze – down to the exact number of days. It was creepy.’
‘I think it’s rather cute. Heartfelt, you could say. ’
‘He doesn’t have a heart,’ said Lorna, realising this sounded a bit stupid.
‘I still think “cute” sums it up.’
Lorna stared angrily at her friend, feeling that she should be showing a little more support. ‘Anyway,’ said Suzie, ‘his pal is quite nice.’
‘Don’t get any ideas,’ warned Lorna. ‘If you go off with Leo, where the hell will Austin sleep?’
Suzie indicated their narrow beds with a tilt of her head, which finally made Lorna laugh. ‘Well, OK, like you say – it’s only for one night.’
‘That’s better!’ said Suzie, finally pulling on underwear and joining her on the balcony which housed a small table, two plastic chairs, and a drying frame on which their swimwear was already folded. On the table was an ouzo bottle, glasses, a bottle of water, and a plate of peanuts, which they’d bought on the way back from the beach. ‘To old friends,’ said Suzie and handed Lorna a glass.
But unlike the ouzo, I’m not going to transform, she thought. The somebody that I am is not about to become a somebody else, however many glasses of ouzo that I drink. Austin is history, end of story. I am also in a beautiful place and am free to do as I choose. ‘To old friends best forgotten,’ she said, tasting aniseed.
* * *
‘Well, this is a coincidence,’ said Austin Bird. Having spent two weeks in the sun, he was lithe and tanned. His hair was shorter, although he still had designer stubble. His friend Leo had fair hair and wore strings of beads around his neck. His hair was much longer and bleached into blonde highlights by the sun and sea. He was taller than Austin and moved with languid purpose, like a wild animal, hair blowing across his face. He had high cheekbones and was tightly muscled; his teeth were very white and rather pointed, as if used to chasing down prey. Lorna thought he was cute.
They’d arranged to meet back in the same beach bar. Remembering the flies and the hole in the ground, Lorna was determined not to use the loo again. She’d replaced ouzo with white wine and soda. She didn’t want to be told anything that she didn’t want to believe.
She wanted to keep her wits about her. Austin had gone from friend to lover back to friend again, maybe. He had already transformed from one thing to another, and she didn’t want any more confusion.
‘So what made you choose here?’ asked Lorna. ‘I mean, out of all the bars in all the places in the whole world, why this place?’
‘Connie McGregor mentioned it,’ said Austin. ‘She came here last year. Raved about it.’ Connie had been in their year at school, now finishing a course in art and design in Leeds.
‘In which case, coincidence solved,’ said Suzie who, being arty, had kept up with Connie. ‘It was her who recommended it to me.’
Austin raised his glass. ‘It’s a small world,’ he said.
‘It certainly is,’ said Lorna, not meeting his eye.
Leo and Austin were at that stage of their holiday when, given half a chance, they could easily have decamped to Greece permanently. Austin said he wouldn’t mind working in a bar; Leo’s idea of heaven was to start a jet-ski business, then laze about in the winter. Perhaps go travelling, he said, maybe do nothing. It’s what the Greeks do, he said. They make all their money in the summer and spend all winter in bed watching films.
Under a setting Greek sun, dreary British skies didn’t hold much appeal, nor did the thought of another year of studying. Austin, who had always liked bridges, wasn’t so sure about them now.
‘It’s all about lifestyle, isn’t it?’ he said, suddenly serious and knotting his fingers. ‘It’s about deciding on careers we might have to do for the rest of our lives. And then, twenty years from now, realising that we’ve made a bollocks decision.’
‘You’ve always wanted to be an engineer,’ said Lorna. ‘You were born with a spanner in your mouth. Don’t tell me you’ve got cold feet?’
‘No, of course not,’ he conceded. ‘It’s what I’ve trained for and it’s what I’ll be. But just look around you, Lorna. Now, tell me honestly. Where would you rather be?’
In front of them was a sheltered bay, around which lights had begun to appear and become captured just below the surface of the still water. Behind, the towering buttress of a mountain range. In between, white sand and the shimmer of falling waves. ‘Here isn’t home,’ said Lorna. ‘You wouldn’t really belong here.’
‘I would if I learned Greek.’
‘Not so easy’ she countered. ‘For a start, they’ve got a different alphabet.’
Austin held up a hand and, counting off fingers, offered a few Greek phrases. ‘Kalimera, I am reliably informed, means good morning. The same reliable source, who happens to be the old crone who cleans our room, tells me kalispera means good evening and that kalinichta is good night. Efharisto is thank you. See, I’m almost a native.’
‘A very polite native,’ said Suzie. ‘But, there again, the old crone who cleans your room is probably a very polite Greek lady.’
‘A ghamesou,’ said Leo.
Austin laughed. ‘He’s just told me to fuck off,’ he explained. ‘Well, OK. I may not belong here, but I would like to stay a bit longer. The sun’s hot, the beer’s cold, and the sea’s warm. Right at the moment, reality seems like a bit of a bore. That’s the trouble with holidays,’ he said, picking up his beer bottle and realising it was empty. ‘Just when you start to chill out, it’s time to go home. Anyone fancy another?’
Leo and Austin knew all the bars to go to and the tavernas to avoid. They knew the affordable places and the pricey clubs that catered for the rich set. Nick the Greek’s in Ag Nik was the place to go to, although it got crowded. Right on the beach, said Leo, and most of the action takes place on the beach, if you follow me.
Leo pointed to the headland. �
�There’s a taverna over there. Just follow the path, you can’t miss it. A bit ramshackle, but nice and quiet. It’s also on the beach,’ he added, looking at Lorna with a question mark in his eye. She wondered just how much Austin had told him, perhaps explaining bitterly how she hadn’t even had the decency to properly break up with him. Dumped by a two-word phone message, the cold-hearted bitch. ‘But the very best place to eat in the whole of Crete is, by strange coincidence, right here. Well, me and Austin like it, so we thought we’d treat you.’ He pointed backwards to the small town. ‘In any case, after all the beer I’ve had, it’s probably not a good idea to get caught short in this dive.’
A bit later, walking back to their hotels, Leo said: ‘Sorry, but I couldn’t help but notice your face. Much earlier, I mean, when you came back from the loo. It wasn’t a pretty sight.’
‘My face or the loo?’ asked Lorna.
Leo grinned and tossed his mane of hair. He had blue eyes that sparkled. He was smiling. ‘The appropriate phrase, Lorna, is pou eena ee twaleta, parakalo. Remember that and you’ll always be able to find a toilet. However, any country that invents democracy and taramasalata can’t be that bad.’
* * *
For starters they had stuffed vine leaves, bread, squid in tomato sauce, and – Leo’s choice – taramasalata. Lorna took only a small bite of the squid because she’d never tasted it before, and didn’t like it very much. Once bitten, she wouldn’t be tasting it again. It had also been Leo’s choice; he liked the taste of the sea. The seats were on a low rooftop, a bar and kitchen immediately below; it overlooked a scrubby patch of grass through which thin cats stalked. The taverna was set towards the back of the town and, from their rooftop table, they had a view across white roofs to the beach and dark sea. Cicadas chattered from olive trees set in the burnt grass. Austin and Leo drank bottles of beer, Lorna and Suze drank ice-cold white wine that came in a metal jug. The waiter said it came from Sitia, an area on Crete. Lorna thought back to their coach trip from the airport and the moonscapes in the hills. She’d never much thought of Greece as a wine-producing country.
With this night being their last, both boys were determined to enjoy themselves. Although they were leaving the next day, neither had packed. That final act could be put off until the very last moment. In any case, said Leo, I travel light. Just a rucksack. I can carry it onto the plane as hand luggage.
Lorna raised her eyebrows at Suzie, whose wardrobe now encompassed every square inch of their room, dresses hanging on doors and the curtain rail. Leo was also looking at Suzie – trying, and mostly failing, Lorna thought, to look at her face and not down her cleavage.
‘So what is it you do?’ he asked.
‘Drama school,’ said Suzie. ‘Actually, just finished.’
‘So you’re an actress?’
‘Technically, I’m unemployed.’
Leo persisted. ‘But it’s what you want to do, right?’ With amusement, Lorna saw that Leo had instinctively leaned closer to Suzie; the moth attracted to her light. ‘I mean, does that mean you’re going to be a film star?’
‘I certainly hope so,’ said Suzie and, for effect, swept back luxuriant hair with one hand. It was a gesture she was forever doing; it drew attention to her face, made people look at her. ‘Actually, I’ve just had my first audition.’
‘Wow!’
‘I doubt anything will come of it,’ said Suzie, ‘so I’m not getting my hopes up.’ Lorna knew precisely how much it meant to her. Suzie had been to London twice to see producers and casting directors. ‘It’s a film called School’s Out! Basically it’s a load of crap, but it does have Hugh Grant.’ Suzie shrugged theatrically. ‘I also do a bit of modelling. If you look in the right mail-order catalogues you’ll find me showing off this year’s beachwear specials. Apparently,’ said Suzie, ‘my bum is the perfect size.’
At this, Leo looked down, but the tablecloth was in the way. ‘For what?’ he asked rather stupidly, not knowing what else to say. Lorna had to stifle a grin.
‘There are models,’ said Suzie, ‘who only use their hands. You see them on telly advertising hand cream or washing-up liquid. The ad people only use them because they have long fingers, perfect nails, and, importantly, they don’t get the shakes when they’re nervous. On the other hand, my bum is perfect for swimwear. But no, Leo, I haven’t a clue why.’
Lorna expected Leo to lean closer, drawn still further towards Suzie’s glamorous light. Instead he leaned back and looked out over the rooftops. ‘Austin tells me you’re going to be a lawyer,’ he said to Lorna, signalling the waiter for more wine and beers. They were now onto their second metal jug, and the main courses hadn’t yet arrived. Lorna’s resolution not to drink too much had gone out the window.
‘Hopefully,’ she said. ‘Unlike Suze, I have no ambition to be the next Julia Roberts and my bum is only perfect for sitting on.’
Leo and Austin laughed; Suzie merely pouted.
‘It’s also what I’m doing,’ said Leo and, to her surprise, leaned towards her. ‘So, tell me, what made you want to do law?’
* * *
Afterwards, they sat on the beachfront drinking more beers and white wine. A trip to Ag Nik had been suggested, to show them the best places, but even Suzie was beginning to flag. It had been a long day for them, what with lugging Suzie’s suitcase across Europe. Sitting in the late evening warmth and watching the world go by seemed a better ending. Woozy and sleepy, Lorna kicked off her shoes and kneaded her toes in the sand. They were sitting on plastic seats around a rickety table. Lorna lit a cigarette and blew smoke at the stars.
Suzie and Leo were on the dance floor, being shown how to do a Greek dance. They were in a long line of other tourists and bar staff, their arms around one another. In time to the music, they shuffled left and right and kicked out with their legs. Suzie was shrieking with laughter and flicking back her hair. Lorna watched the slope of the bar staff’s eyes. As always, Suzie was the centre of attention.
Lorna had been too tired to take to the dance floor; she hadn’t wanted to make a fool of herself – and Austin’s moves were all confined to the rugby field. He could feign and dummy, he could side-step, but he couldn’t dance. He was now playing for the university and scouts from the local professional side had been to watch him.
‘So you might yet play for Scotland?’ She was pleased for him. It’s what he had always dreamed about; now he was making it happen.
‘I doubt it, but who knows.’
She had noticed how he had filled out since the last time she’d seen him. His shoulders were broader, his arms more muscled.
Lorna smiled. ‘You really didn’t mean that crap about chucking it all in and moving here, did you?’
He shook his head. ‘End of holiday angst, that’s all.’ He sighed, at a loss for words. Suzie was still shrieking from the dance floor. ‘But I’d much rather not be going home,’ he said.
He looked up, met her eye. Lorna didn’t know what to say. Instead she looked out to sea; a cruise liner was passing on the horizon. She couldn’t see it, only its lights.
‘I’m sorry about that rugby match,’ said Austin. ‘I’m sorry I was so incredibly stupid.’
He had every right to be angry. Instead he was being apologetic. ‘I’m sorry too, Austin. I shouldn’t have gone off like that. Time of the month, or something.’ Out to sea, the liner was disappearing behind the headland.
‘Meeting you here was just ridiculous,’ he said. On his face was a crooked grin. He was handsome and hunky and she’d always liked that about him. He was solid, dependable. But there was still that something else about him, that hint of someone else. She looked away; a twinkle of fairy lights was caught in her wine glass. ‘It’s just that, well ... I still feel the same’, he said.
Now he too looked away. Back in the bar, a new bouzouki tune had started; plucked strings over which a man was softly crooning. Lorna turned to look; Suzie was still dancing, although with less enthusiasm. Leo still had one arm around her
shoulders and was kicking out of time.
‘That’s silly.’
‘I know.’ He made no attempt to justify how he felt. ‘I also know it’s not what you want to hear.’
‘I’m flattered, Austin, really I am.’ Distracted, she lit a cigarette, then realised that an unfinished one was still burning in the ashtray, ‘and you don’t have to apologise about the rugby. Anyway,’ she said more brightly, ‘that was then and here is now.’
‘And yet I still feel the same way, Lorna. Silly, I know, but there it is. I’d prefer it if I didn’t, but I do. Don’t get me wrong,’ said Austin quickly, holding up a hand, ‘because it’s not as if I haven’t been with other girls. I haven’t exactly been pining away.’ Lorna drew smoke into her lungs. She didn’t want to be listening to this; she wanted Leo and Suzie to come back and an unwanted spell to be broken. ‘It’s just that I keep comparing them with you and they never quite match up.’
‘We were kids when we went out, Austin. What you’re saying doesn’t make sense.’
He too had kicked off his flip-flops and was sitting legs extended, feet dug into the sand. ‘Because something is nonsensical doesn’t make it untrue. Anyway, why does anything have to make sense?’ he asked.
* * *
Soon afterwards, to her intense relief, Suzie and Leo flopped into chairs. Applause followed from the dance floor. Leo ran a hand over his perspiring brow. Suzie demurely dabbed at hers with a handkerchief. Austin smiled ruefully, knowing a moment of truth had come and gone.
‘If that’s dancing,’ said Suzie, ‘then it’s all Greek to me. Christ, I’m knackered.’ She was clutching a bottle of chilled beer and tilted it to her lips. Lorna watched it glug down her throat. She set the bottle on the table, where it frothed. ‘Oh, and thanks, guys, for supper. Much appreciated, wasn’t it, Lorna?’
‘Except for the squid,’ agreed Lorna.
‘Well, thanks for coming,’ said Austin, not quite looking at her. ‘I suppose we’ve got an early start,’ he added, not wanting to leave but knowing his evening had come to a close.
‘Yeah, me too,’ said Suzie and also rose. ‘Unlike you lot, I need my beauty sleep. It pays the bills,’ she added, smoothing down her dress. ‘You coming, babe?’
The Things We Learn When We're Dead Page 21