by Karen Ball
She hid her face in Mark’s chest, and he looked at Dan over her head. “Do you think he’ll come after Amberly again?”
Would he tell them what they suspected? That this whole thing wasn’t about Amberly at all? That whoever took Amberly had done so to torment Annie?
“I don’t think so.” Dan spoke with slow care. “I can’t explain why, because it involves an ongoing investigation of another case, but I think Amberly just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. She presented an opportunity for this person, and he took it. I seriously doubt he’ll bother you or your family again.”
“Just get him, Deputy.” Mark’s tone was hard and angry “That’s all I ask. Just … get him. And make him pay for what he did.”
Dan’s gaze drifted to Annie. “That, Mr. Heller, you can count on.”
The sun was just dipping behind the mountains when Jed went to find Annie. He wasn’t sure what he would say to her, but he had to say something. They couldn’t go on the way they had since they’d returned with the child.
In silence.
Other than asking him to take Amberly to see Kodi, Annie hadn’t spoken two words to him since they got back to camp. He’d hoped, after what she said about him saving her life, she’d forgiven him for his deception. But there had been hints in her actions, in the way she looked at him—or, to be accurate, didn’t look at him—that said otherwise.
Ah. There she was. At the edge of camp, leaning against a tree, staring up at the sky Happily, she was alone.
He made sure she heard his approach. Last thing he wanted to do after all she’d been through was startle her. Sure enough, she turned her head. He watched for any sign of change in her expression when she saw him approaching.
Nothing.
No frown. But no smile either.
Jed swallowed. This did not bode well.
He stopped next to her, standing there in the early evening stillness, enjoying just being near her.
The silence ended all too soon.
“You ready to leave?”
He glanced back to where Andy waited by the car. “Yeah. We’re ready.”
She didn’t say anything. Just stared up at the sky, where the moon had just become visible. The blanket of stars would be next. He’d never seen as many stars as dotted the night sky out here.
Say something.
He shifted. What do I say?
Tell her how you feel.
He almost laughed out loud at that. When I don’t know what she’ll say? You know what kind of risk that would be?
“It’s worth it, you know.”
He stared at her. “I—what?”
“The work, the frustration … it’s all worth it when we bring someone home.”
Ah. Right. “You made it happen, Annie. They would have given up too soon if you hadn’t pushed things.”
She turned to face him. “I guess, when it comes right down to it, we all do what we have to.”
He couldn’t bear the raw pain in her eyes. “I’m sorry, Annie. So sorry … ”
She looked down and wrapped her arms around herself. “It’s getting late. You’d better go.”
His gut churned. His heart pounded. His hands shook …
So this was love.
Frankly, he didn’t care for it one bit. He’d be better off without it.
And Annie? Would you be better off without her?
The ache inside threatened to choke him. No. Not in a million years.
“Annie—”
She stopped him with a glance. The merest shake of her head. Their gazes caught, held, and he read in those magnificent eyes the depth of his betrayal.
Without another word, she turned and walked away, the only sound around him the soft crunch of her steps in the snow.
Jed wasn’t sure how long he stood there, but it was dark when he finally walked back to the car. Andy got inside, and Jed was grateful that his friend didn’t ask. Didn’t talk.
The car backed out, turned, and Jed drove it toward the road. But he couldn’t stop himself from taking one last look in the rearview mirror. He saw Annie’s tent and a shadowed form standing beside it. And the words poured forth, giving voice to his regret.
“‘Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs,
Being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers’ eyes,
Being vexed, a sea nourished with lovers’ tears—’”
His voice caught, but he forced himself to continue.
“‘What is it else? A madness most discreet,
A choking gall and a preserving sweet.’”
Andy leaned his head back against the headrest, pursing his lips. “You know what, bud?”
Jed stared at the road ahead. “What?”
“Shakespeare knew what he was talkin’ about.”
“That he did, my friend.” Jed’s sigh was deep and heavy. “That he did.”
FORTY-FIVE
“Show me a man who knows his own
heart and to him I shall belong.”
JEWEL KILCHER
“And I can’t stop!
If I say I’ll never mention [him] or speak his name,
[it] burns in my heart like a fire.
It’s like afire in my bones! I am weary of holding it in!”
JEREMIAH 20:9
NOVEMBER 24—A BLOODSTONE DAY (GREEN AND ROSE)
1:00 p.m.
“Kyla, you don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Annie put on her best angry face, but her sister wasn’t fazed. “I’m just saying, it can’t hurt to watch the show.”
She wished with all her heart that her sister would drop it. She’d had a hard enough time these last few weeks holding on to her anger. Thankfully, sheer determination to never let Jed make a fool of her again won out.
Maybe distraction was the key Annie wiped her hands on her apron and went to pick up a large envelope off her desk. “Dan, this is for you. From Brianna Heller.”
“Oh, no you don’t.” Kyla propped her fists on her hips. “No changing the subject.”
Annie ignored her, handing the envelope to Dan.
He took it. “What is it?”
“Something from Bree. I took Kodi in for a follow-up on her leg, and Bree asked me to pass this on to you.” Annie went back to cutting up the turkey.
“Annot, I will not be ignored!”
Wanna bet?
“Annie, have you looked at these?”
She looked at her brother, who was holding the papers he’d pulled from the envelope. “Nope. They were for you, not me.”
“All right, you two.” Shelby nudged Dan in the side. “Pay attention to your sister.”
“Thank you.” Kyla sniffed her indignance. “At least someone here has a modicum of manners.”
Annie sliced a piece of white meat and set it on the platter. “I’m happy to listen to you, Kylie, when you make sense.”
“What’s not making sense? This show is about you and Kodi. The least you can do is watch it.”
Annie looked to her brother and his wife for help. “Dan, explain to your sister why that’s such a bad idea.”
He held his hands up. “Sorry, kiddo, no can do.”
“What?” Had everyone gone looney?
“I agree with Kyla. You’ve been moping around for a month, ever since Jed went back to LA.”
“Now listen—” Annie squared off with her brother—“I don’t push you to talk about things you don’t want to talk about.”
“Such as?”
“Such as the fact that you still don’t have a clue who wrote those terrible notes to me and took Amberly Heller.”
His features darkened. “Nice, sis. You know we’ve been doing everything we can in that case. We just keep hitting dead ends.”
She waved a hand in the air. “Exactly And because I know that, I don’t push.”
“Yes, but—” Shelby joined the chorus—“as frustrated as Dan has been about that case, he hasn’t been pathetic.”
Annie’s brows lifted. “Are you saying I have?”
“As pathetic as it gets.”
She skewered Shelby with a glare. “You’re not helping.”
“Actually, Auntie A, we are, if you’d just let us.”
Great. Even Jayce was in on the conspiracy. Annie hacked at the turkey carcass with the carving knife. Leave it to her family to turn Thanksgiving into Let’s-Fix-Annie Day.
But Jayce wasn’t finished. “I mean, you’re as miserable as Kodi was when she couldn’t go outside. Remember how she moped around after the search while her leg was healing? Whining, looking like we were doing something terrible to her when we were just trying to take care of her?”
Annie pulled a leg loose. “And your point is?”
“That you’re just like your dog. You’re enjoying being miserable too much to let anyone help you.”
Annie turned to give her nephew a piece of her mind when a gentle hand closed around her wrist. “Please, Annot.”
She refused to meet Kyla’s eyes, but her sister didn’t give up.
“Just come watch the show. I taped it when it ran last week.” She looked at the others in the room. “None of us have watched it. We wanted to watch it together. With you.” She tugged at Annie’s sleeve. “You have to watch it.”
“I don’t have to do any such thing.”
“Yeah.” This from Dan. “You do.”
“We can buzz through the commercials.”
Annie’s lips twitched. Her older sister knew how much she detested commercials. Annie stood for a moment, thinking, then set the knife down and turned to her family “If I do this, will you all let the subject of Jed Curry go?” She narrowed her eyes. “I mean it. No more hints that it’s time to forgive him, no more not-so-subtle suggestions to call him. Nothing.”
Four heads bobbed up and down.
“Fine.” Annie started for the living room. “Let’s watch the stupid show.”
As Annie sank onto the couch, Kyla popped the tape into the player and grabbed the remote before Annie could. She just smiled sweetly when Annie glowered at her. The theme song for Everyday Heroes came on, and it took all of Annie’s self-control to stay seated on the couch.
Annie sank back, then stiffened when Jed’s voice came over the speakers. Kodi, who’d been lying at her feet, sat up like a shot, big ears perked. She looked around the room, then got up and looked behind the couch.
“She’s looking for Jed, isn’t she?”
Jayce was right, but Annie refused to admit it. She called Kodi, patting the couch. The dog hesitated, giving one last glance around the room, then hopped on the couch. Annie draped her arm over Kodi’s neck and forced herself to listen. To focus on the action on the screen.
Within minutes, she was in tears.
It was … beautiful. The scenes and Jed’s commentary captured the heart of their work in search and rescue.
No, more than that. He captured Annie. Her heart. Her passions. Her longings. It was as though she was seeing herself for the first time.
She didn’t recall sharing her struggles as a kid, with the synesthesia, with perceiving things in ways others couldn’t, but it was there. In her voice, in her own words. As was her love for her family, her passion for her art, her desire to help through SAR.
Every word, every scene was a glimpse into her spirit.
She’d been so afraid the show would turn them into some kind of circus act. She couldn’t have been more wrong. The overarching tone was one of respect.
And something more.
Something that tore at Annie’s heart as she watched the footage of the search for Amberly Saw the rock slide. Heard her own voice crying out as she ran to find Kodi. Something nagged at her as the show ended, with a still of the main subjects—her and Kodi.
Annie lifted a hand to brush away the tears on her face, then froze.
What was this? This was different …
The other episode she’d watched went to black after the still of the main subjects. But this time Jed stepped in front of the camera and sat down. He looked right into the lens, and it was as though he were there, looking at her, piercing her with those eyes.
“Hi, I’m E J Curry. But you can call me Jed.”
Kodi pawed at the couch, crawling closer to the edge—and the TV—her whine utterly pathetic.
Annie flicked the dog’s ear. “Knock it off, you traitor.” But her words lacked conviction, even to her own ears.
“Many of you know I created Everyday Heroes. I told myself it was to honor people who helped others, who risked their own lives to save others. But something happened while I was working on the episode you just saw.”
This time it was Annie who scooted to the edge of the couch, listening, her mouth open, as Jed told the world what he’d done, how he lied to Annie, trying to trick her into being on the show. “But the trick was on me.” His smile was so gentle.
So sad.
“As you’ve just seen, Annie Justice is the most genuine, authentic person I’ve ever met. She showed me what life should really be. Because of her, I found my family again.” He stopped, cleared his throat. “And my God. But here’s the kicker. She took something from me too.”
Annie wasn’t sure when Kyla moved to the couch to sit beside her, but suddenly she was there. Annie gripped her sister’s hand.
“Annie Justice took my heart. I’ve never been in love. Had no idea what it was like. But friends, this is as real as it gets. I love this woman. Will love her all my life.” His laugh was broken. “And I lied to her. Tricked her. Betrayed her. I don’t know if she can ever forgive me.” He looked down at the ground, then back up into the lens. “Annie, please forgive me.”
The impact of him speaking directly to her stole the breath from her lungs.
“I know I don’t deserve it. Don’t deserve you. But I’m asking anyway. Forgive me. You know how to reach me. To tell me if there’s a chance for us.” He hesitated. “I pray you’ll call. But if you don’t, I’ll understand. Either way, I want to thank you. For my family For giving me back a part of life that I didn’t even know I was missing.”
Jed’s smile was like sunshine through dark clouds. “Thank you, Annie, for helping me see God again. With new eyes. Your beautiful kaleidoscope eyes. I love you.”
The screen went black. The room was silent.
Annie stared at the TV, but her focus was on the inside.
Something was missing. Had been missing for weeks, but she wouldn’t admit it. Her anger at Jed was gone. And in its place was a deep, empty ache.
Yes, he’d hurt her. But that’s what happened when you let someone in, when you gave your heart away People were human. They made mistakes. They hurt each other. And with God’s help, they forgave. Then built new trust on the foundation of His grace.
Annie absorbed that truth, and the one that came right after it. For sitting there, staring at that blank TV screen, Annie finally understood. She’d rather have Jed in her life—would rather have all the joy and pain of loving him—than live another peaceful, empty day without him.
God, what should I do? Annie closed her eyes. Please, tell me what to do …
“If you don’t find that man right now and marry him,” Kyla finally muttered from beside her, “I will.”
Annie was on her feet, Kodi in her wake, running for the phone.
FORTY-SIX
“When the world says, ‘Give up,’ Hope whispers,
Try it one more time.’”
UNKNOWN
“But if we look forward to something we don’t have yet,
we must wait patiently and confidently”
ROMANS 8:25
I’m sorry, ma’am, but Mr. Curry doesn’t work here any longer.”
Annie wanted to pound the phone on the countertop, but the tiny, rational part of her brain told her that wouldn’t help.
“When did he leave?”
“He resigned on Monday”
“Well … can you give me his home phone?
This is Annie Justice—”
“I’m sorry, ma’am. But I can’t.”
“Look, I was on his show. He knows me. He loves me!”
“I’m sure he does, just like he loves the twenty other Annie Justices who’ve called in the last three days looking for his home phone number. Good-bye, ma’am.”
She set the phone on the counter. Okay Annie, think
“No luck?” Kyla propped her elbows on the counter.
“He resigned. Can you believe that?”
Her sister’s nod was slow, thoughtful. “Yes, actually I can.”
“Me too.” Dan plopped down in the chair next to Kyla. “So call him at home.”
“I don’t have the number.”
Kyla’s face lit up. “I know, what about his mom? She lives in the valley, right?”
“Right.” Annie felt like weeping. “But she remarried, and I don’t know her married name.”
“Hey!” Dan jumped up. “What about Andy? He gave you his card, right?”
Of course! Annie ran to her purse, upending it on the desk and sorting through the contents until she found the card. “Got it!”
Andy answered on the first ring. “Hello?”
“Andy! Oh, thank God.”
There was laughter in his tone. “I’ve always wanted a woman to react that way. Too bad you’re not looking for me. I mean, I’m guessing you’re looking for Jed?”
“I am.”
“You saw the show.”
“Just now. My sister taped it.”
“I knew it! I told him you probably wouldn’t watch it when it aired, to give you some time. Knowing your brother, I figured he’d hog-tie you if he had to so you’d watch it.”
Annie raised her eyes to her brother. “You’re almost right. My whole family ganged up on me.”
“Perfect. So—” she could tell he was grinning—“you want to know where the man is?”
“You said if I needed anything … ”
“That I did. He’s at his mom’s. He had a flight set up in case you didn’t call him after the show aired.”
“You know he resigned from his job.”
“Yup. He needed to.”
“What about you? I mean, you guys are such a great team.”