by S. E. Lund
INDIA: Right now, I can't even think about it and what it means that we've decided to give this thing a try. Just give me some time, okay? We were supposed to take a week.
JON: We didn’t need a week. Don't change your mind.
INDIA: I won't. I want this, but let's take it slow. Wait at least until my mother's better for God's sake.
JON: Whatever you want. You let me know.
Then I feel bad. I don't want to hurt Jon, but right now, I can't be trying to deal with my mother and him.
INDIA: Just give me a few days, okay? When I know my mom's in the clear, I'll be happy to take up where we left off. Believe me.
JON: Like I say, you're in the driver's seat until I take over.
INDIA: You are so bad…
JON: You love it. Confess.
INDIA: I'll need much more experience before I know that for sure. Hours and hours more of experience…
JON:
JON: Call or text me at any time of day or night if you need me, or if you just feel like talking, okay?
INDIA: Okay. Thanks. I appreciate it. But please, do not let anyone know we're giving this a try. I don't want it to be public just yet.
JON: Why? Everyone already thinks we're fucking.
INDIA: I don't want it to get in the way of our business relationship, so I think it's best to keep it quiet until we're both sure.
JON: I'm sure so I guess that means you're not. Okay. I can handle that. My lips are sealed.
INDIA: Thanks for understanding. Talk later.
Jon doesn't reply. I know he's upset that I want to keep things quiet for now about our decision to try it as a couple, but I just feel strange if everyone is looking at us, wondering.
I want to fly under everyone's radar.
Most of all, Marina's.
The very last thing I need is Marina on my case, reminding me why Jon is the worst possible match for me.
No one needs that kind of shit.
The day wears on, with my dad and I taking shifts beside my mom or spending time in the family room watching television.
Finally, they scoot my dad out of the room while they bring my mom off the drugs keeping her sedated and she wakes up. Their tests show she's still in there and can move all her limbs. There’s no permanent damage, so they withdraw her breathing tube and she's breathing on her own.
She sleeps because of the injury and the drugs, so we don't get to talk to her, but we know she's better.
Dad is so relived, he cries and I hold him in my arms, patting him on the back.
He loves her so much.
"You go home now," he says to me, stroking my hair when he recovers a bit. "The doctor says she's over the worst of it, and now she just needs to heal. They'll move her to the neurology ward soon."
"Okay," I say and I'm honestly glad to get home so I can crash on my own bed. I need a shower badly and am sick of the cafeteria food. "When she wakes up, tell her I love her and I'll be up to see her later. Call me if anything changes."
"I will."
Then I go to my apartment and sleep for eight hours straight.
Jon shows up at my door early in the morning, his SUV pulling into my driveway while I'm standing at the kitchen sink, washing a few dishes.
Damn. I just woke up and haven't had a shower. I'm still wearing a little silky nightgown and have no underwear on.
I rub my eyes and stand at the door, not letting him in because I don’t want to get into anything. He's wearing his shorts and a t-shirt and has been out for a run.
He holds up two cups of coffee.
"I come bearing gifts."
"I'm not presentable right now." I hold the door almost closed.
He peers at me, his eyebrows raising.
"You look very presentable to me." He hands me a cup of coffee. "You're not going to invite me in? I drove all the way out here just to bring you this."
"I'll come in to work later this afternoon, after I've visited my mom. I'll see you then."
I try to close the door but he puts his foot in between the door and the jamb.
"You're really not going to invite me in? Do you think I'm going to ravish you or something?"
I smile at his cheeky grin, unable to resist. "Yes."
"Damn," he says, smiling more widely now. "Busted."
He laughs and then nods at me. "Okay. I'll see you this afternoon. This is me getting the big hint."
"See you later," I say and then stick my head out of the door when he turns to leave. "And thanks for understanding."
"Oh, I don't understand," he says, walking backwards. "But I'm willing to cooperate anyway."
Then he turns back and hops in his vehicle. He drives off, giving me one last smile before he disappears onto the street.
I feel like a real bitch, and I really do appreciate his thoughtfulness in bringing me my favorite coffee, which I have every morning before work, but I need my distance now.
When my mom is fine and I can stop worrying about her, I'll let myself fall.
Not until then.
In the meantime, I'll have to work on Marina, convince her that becoming involved with Jon is not a terrible idea.
That's going to be a real challenge.
I visit my mom at the hospital and spell my dad for a couple of hours while he goes home and showers. Then I head back to work for the first time since I left with Jon for our meeting at the Pentagon.
My staff welcome me back and offer their words of comfort for my mother's health and recovery, and I finally make it back into my office after about fifteen minutes of it. I’m just getting settled back behind my desk and opening my laptop when Jon comes in.
He plops down on the chair across from me, a thermos of coffee in his hand.
"How's your mom?"
"Better," I say and describe how she's improving and will be moved to the neurology ward later in the day. "I'll probably go up after six and spend a few hours up there, so no working late for me tonight, I'm afraid."
Jon nods. "Take whatever time you need. We're managing without you – barely."
He smiles. I realize he means that as a compliment and wants me to know that I'm an indispensable part of the executive team. My staff can hold up my end for a few days.
"Thanks." I turn back to my laptop and the reports I have to review. "Maybe we should meet in an hour and go over what I've missed. Right now, I need to check my email and go over a few things."
He nods. "Okay," he says, and leaves me, closing the door behind him.
I sigh and turn my attention, such as it is, towards my email. I've read some of them from my external access, but haven't really answered any. Now I have work to do, and it's a welcome relief from worries about my mother.
After about an hour of work, I get a fresh cup of coffee from the staff room. Liza, one of our employees, comes up to me and offers her personal well-wishes for my mother.
"Jon told us all about it, how he wished he could have come back with you on the plane but he missed it. That must have been so nerve-wracking for you, not to have him with you. You must have been beside yourself."
"I was, but I was glad to get home as fast as possible."
"I think it's so sweet that you two are finally getting together."
I frown. "Who told you that?"
She shrugs. "I thought it was common knowledge. I hope you're not mad at me for mentioning it."
"Did Jon say something?"
She shakes her head. "No, but he really didn’t have to. We already know."
"What do you think you know?"
"I'm sorry." She blanches, and now I think she's worried that I'll get mad at her for talking about something personal. "I didn’t realize you didn’t want people to know…"
"You all assumed that we were a couple?"
She nods and stirs her coffee. "Yeah. We all assumed you were together but wanted to keep it quiet at work. Then Grant said—" She bites her lip and I realize that Grant has spilled the beans and demanded they all
keep it secret.
"Grant told you we're together."
She steps away. "Don't tell Jon I told you or he'll get in so much trouble. He said Jon would fire him if he knew."
"Don't worry," I say with a sigh. "I won't say anything to Jon. But please, don't make a big deal about this. We're not together, okay? The business is the most important thing and we don't want to risk that."
She nods and leaves the coffee room. I stand there and fume a bit.
I return to my office and pass Jon's office. His door is open and he's busy on the phone. When he sees me, he smiles and waves.
I nod and close the damn door.
I don't want to give him any ideas.
Chapter 12
JON
The next couple of days, I let India keep her distance.
She has a lot on her mind, with her mom recovering in the hospital and the specs she has to review on the new satellite. She'll come to me when she's ready and when she needs me.
In contrast, I want her right now.
I want to take her home to my place at night and fuck her brains out. I think it would be good for her during this time of stress. God knows how great sex distracts me from any stress I'm feeling.
But India has her own way of dealing with things. I have to give her room and accept her for what she is.
I listen to the mix playlist she gave me after we first met, filled with songs her parents like – an odd assortment of music from the seventies that I would never have heard if I didn’t know her. My father was into country music, and I listened to metal most of my life.
One song plays on the playlist by Cat Stevens, “How Can I Tell You.” It seems like a metaphor for our relationship.
I'm not an overly sentimental type, but that song just gets me in my gut and I can't get it out of my head. For the rest of the day, it plays over in my mind, even – especially – when I'm trying to sleep.
I want India in my bed. I want to fuck her brains out. It's only a matter of time before she comes around and asks me.
Friday comes and so far, India has not given in to her desires and asked me to fuck her brains out.
She does, however, come into my office Friday afternoon.
"I'm going to Marina's party tomorrow."
"That's good," I say, hoping it's a sign that she's feeling better about her mother and things in general. "Maybe you can come by to my place after. I miss you."
She doesn’t say anything. "Marina thinks you're coming as well."
I nod. "Oh, yeah. I did say I'd come. She wanted to match me with someone else, though," I say with a frown. "I'll have to tell her no."
"She wants to match me with someone new as well," India says, her voice soft. "I was thinking we should play along with her. Humor her."
I glance at her, focusing on her eyes. "What? You really want to meet her match for you? You want me to meet her match for me?"
India shrugs. "I don't really want to, but I promised I would before this happened between us. Since we're keeping it quiet—"
"At your insistence, not mine."
"At my insistence, maybe it would be good to just play along. Neither of us have to actually go on a date. We could both go to the party, meet our respective matches, make Marina temporarily happy, and then say goodnight to them. No harm, no foul."
I sigh. "India, I don't want to meet Marina's match for me. And I don't want you to meet yours. I want you."
"I want you," she says softly. "But this is for her app and—"
I interrupt her. "Be honest. You just don't want her to think we're together."
"This is for her app," she repeats, "and both of us promised to help out. I want MATCHED to succeed for Marina's sake."
"This is ridiculous. We should just admit the truth – that we want to be together – and to hell with Marina," I say, looking deep in her eyes. "I want you. I can't stop thinking about you. I don't want to go to Marina's party and meet her match for me. I want us to go together and then I want to take you home and fuck your brains out."
She smiles, her cheeks flushing in that way that I love.
"I want that too, but I have to work on Marina and she's already arranged the date. Don't worry," she says and squeezes my hands. "I'm not interested in her matches for me. They've been total busts. I want you."
I lean down and kiss her, and she doesn't pull away so there's that at least. Her kiss feels like it's passionate. She even leans into it willingly so I think I can believe that she truly does want me and doesn’t want to meet whatever stuffed shirt academic Marina's matched for her.
The door opens and Janice, my admin, sticks her head in the door.
"Oops – sorry, you guys."
She quickly pops back out and I shake my head and press my forehead against India's.
"The cat is really out of the bag now, I guess."
"It really is," she says. "Liza as much as said so. She said she thought it was so sweet that we were finally making it public. I didn't know we had. Grant must have said something and sworn her to secrecy."
I tense at that. "Dammit," I say, my fists clenching. "I warned him what would happen if he told anyone."
"They all suspect it, Jon," India says and squeezes my shoulder. "They all suspected it for years, apparently. Don't blame Grant. I know you said you'd fire him, but I think that would be wrong."
I shake my head. "Loose lips sink ships. He should have kept his lips zipped and let us decide when to confirm the rumors."
"He should have, but he's still a good employee. It's our fault for even considering getting it on at work, even on a Sunday. We shouldn't be kissing at all unless we're fine with the staff knowing."
"No, we shouldn't," I say, because she's right. Still, I don’t want to stop showing her how I feel, so I lean in and kiss her once more. She slips her arms around my neck and kisses me back and that gives me some heart that maybe, just maybe, she's coming around to letting this really happen between us.
I want her to be happy about it, and not feel like we have to hide it.
Dammit Marina – quit messing with India's head.
"You have to tell Marina."
She bites her lip guiltily. "I know. Just this weekend – let's let her match us up. We can look across the room and make meaningful eye contact at each other when we meet our latest match."
"You're not worried that I'll like my date a little too much?" I ask, taking a lock of her hair in my fingers and playing with it. I glance in her eyes, trying to look coy. "Because, I'm worried that you'll like your date a little too much…"
"Jon," she says and punches me playfully on the arm. "She's been totally wrong so far. I think the questionnaire is a bust, so I'm not worried in the least. I promise you that you and I will go back to your apartment and spend the night together, laughing at her matches and doing whatever you want, okay? Just indulge me."
I exhale, resigned that I'll have to go through with it. "Okay, but we do whatever I want to do, right?"
"I promise," she replies, her voice a bit breathy, like the idea arouses her. It immediately arouses me, a jolt to my dick at the thought of having my way with her. "You can count on it."
"Good," I say, and kiss her once more, this time more passionately. "You can count on it being really pleasurable."
Then, I gesture to the door. "Shall we? I believe we have a conference call with the General."
"Lead the way."
I grab my laptop and India grabs hers and together, we take the hallway to the conference room where my admin is busy setting up the conference phone and screen so we can videoconference about the contract.
India leaves the office early to go to the hospital and visit her mom, and I go out with the rest of the staff for a beer after work. It's a bit of a tradition to go out together every second Friday to a local pub that has great appetizers and cheap beer. I buy everyone the first round of draft beer and the first tray of appetizers, and we bond over alcohol and snacks.
Out of the
blue, Janine, a married mother of five and one of our admin personnel, blurts out a question about India and me.
"So, are you two a thing now?" she asks, her eyebrows raised.
Kal, beside her, gives her an elbow. "Janine…"
I take a sip of my beer and then carefully put the glass down, trying to form my words carefully.
"I know you’ve all thought India and I have been having a secret affair all these years, but honestly, we haven't. It's only been recently – very recently – that we have finally decided to give it a try. India wants things to remain private, so I hope you all can give us that privacy. We won't make a big deal of it and hope you won't either."
"See, I told you," Janine says and elbows Kal back. "I knew it. I've always said you two should get together if you weren't already. You're both so cute. You belong together."
"Thanks for the endorsement, but seriously, don't say anything to India. She'll kill me for confirming it, but I don't like to lie to you guys."
"We all knew you were either in love and together, or in denial. At least now we know we're not all crazy."
I lean back and laugh. "I can't get over how comfortable you guys all feel asking me outright about it. I'm your freaking boss. You should show proper deference and all," I say, only half-jokingly.
"We've been talking behind your backs for three years," Janine says, grinning.
"So I hear," I reply. "Now, you can still talk behind our backs but at least it’ll be something real instead of just your filthy fantasies."
"Or your filthy fantasies," Janine quips and gives me a wink.
"I hope so." I take another drink of my beer.
I check out earlier than usual, citing a late night, and everyone goes “Uh-huh” and gives me the eye.
"Serious," I say, holding my hands out in supplication. "India's at the hospital and won't be coming back to my place tonight, so calm yourselves. And remember, nothing about this to India until I give you the a-okay. It'll be when she feels comfortable, okay?"
I make a point of looking them all in the eye. To a person – with the exception of Janine, who is recalcitrant – they nod.