by S. E. Lund
We talk about everything, and then out of the blue, she asks me about Jon.
"You look happy. What's happening between you two? Did you think about what we talked about?" She raises her eyebrows expectantly.
"We decided to give it a try," I say, unable to hide my smile. "But we're keeping it quiet – at least from Marina."
"You should be honest with her. She's only going to cause you trouble if you don't tell her the truth."
"She's busy trying to perfect her matchmaking app. She needs both of us to help her."
My mom frowns. "You're not going to keep letting her set you up with dates, are you? That won't be good for your relationship with Jon."
"I'll advise her to rework her app. I don't want to go on any more of her dates, and I won't, but I can help her with the questionnaire without agreeing to date any of her picks for me. No more blindly going along."
"Honesty is the best policy."
"I know, I know," I say and kiss her cheek. "I will. Eventually. Right now, I don't want a big kerfuffle when Jon and I are just trying things out. Who knows if they'll work between us? I don't want everyone and their dog giving us a hard time. Especially not Marina."
My mom pouts. "She should be happy for you two."
"She doesn't like Jon for some reason," I say with a sigh. "Probably because he doesn't fit neatly into her view of love and romance."
"Does he fit into yours?"
I shrug. "He fits really well into everything else," I say, meaning work. Then we both laugh at the double entendre. "You know what I mean," I say.
I kiss her again and then leave, making my way home so I can do a bit of work before meeting Marina and the girls for brunch.
While I'm there, I get a text from Marina.
MARINA: I have someone who really wants to meet you, sug. Are you up for a coffee date this week?
I sigh, realizing that this is going to continue unless I put my foot down.
INDIA: I think you better work on the questionnaire before I go on any more of your dates for me. Zero for three is not very good track record…
MARINA: This guy is perfect. I mean it. Tall, blond, blue eyes like you wouldn't believe. Smart. Rich. Even in the biz – has a startup in Silicon Valley that's doing well.
It sounds like Jon and I wonder why, if her app is so good, it doesn't match Jon and me together. It's obvious the two of us want to be together. Yet, Marina's app is so bad that it doesn't catch how right we are together.
INDIA: I don't think so. I will work on the questionnaire if you want me to, though.
MARINA: The questionnaire is fine. It's the people who aren't following the rules.
INDIA: You don't really mean that, do you? Supposed to be the other way around.
MARINA: Sometimes people aren't being honest with the questions. I may need to tweak it a bit to make sure people are consistent with their responses. That might improve its results. You may be right.
INDIA: I'll be happy to sit down with you and work on it.
MARINA: Sounds good. How about tonight? I want to get it done as quickly as possible. I have a meeting with my coder tomorrow and we could start tweaking it right away. Come over for dinner and you can spend the evening with me, working on it. We can do some tests of it with different customers.
I think to myself that Jon is expecting me to come over tonight for supper at his place and to spend the evening together.
INDIA: Okay. What do you want me to bring?
MARINA: Just your sweet self.
INDIA: Will do. Later.
I put my cell away. I know Jon will be upset that I'm breaking plans with him to spend time with Marina, but he's the one who suggested that Marina's app needs tweaking…
I text Jon to let him know.
INDIA: Have to call a rain check on the date tonight. Marina asked me over to work on the questionnaire because she's meeting with her coder tomorrow and wants it ready to go.
I wait for the response, figuring he'll be upset.
JON: When I suggested that you encourage Marina to rework the app, I meant so she wouldn't try to match you up with anyone else and cut into my time with you…
INDIA: I know, but this is kind of important for her. I'll make it up to you.
JON: Okay… Can you come over after you two are done?
INDIA: If I'm done early enough. If not, there's always tomorrow night.
JON: Okay. Will you be in the office later today, at least?
INDIA: Yes. See you then.
JON: K.
Damn. I have these two very demanding friends and colleagues. They don’t like each other, and each expect that I'll prioritize them over the other.
It's going to be a long day…
I meet Marina and Jill for brunch at a local deli and as usual, we go over our weeks and what exciting or extremely boring things happened to us.
Marina tells Jill about her attempts to match me with a few of her Stanford customers. Jill is all excited for me, her eyes bright.
"That's too bad that none of them worked out," Jill says, her voice sympathetic. "I thought you and Jon were going to be a thing."
Marina glances at me quickly and then frowns. "Jon is a manslut. India wants someone stable and dependable. Jon's the last person she should be with."
"I think he's secretly in love with you," Jill says, a sparkle in her eyes. "He's such a dreamy guy with those big biceps and tattoos. Plus, you gotta admire his face. He's gorgeous. Rich. Alpha…"
"Jon's into casual sex and that's it," Marina says, folding her napkin primly. "India isn't. So they most definitely are not a match, even if Jon does want to fuck her. He wants to fuck every woman he finds attractive."
"And most of them want to fuck him back." Jill raises her eyebrows. "Am I right?" She looks between Marina and me. "Don't you ever wonder what he's like in bed?"
Marina practically glares at Jill. "Look, I've been trying to keep India away from Jon's clutches for years. Don't encourage her."
"I think they'd be a perfect match."
"You're such a romantic," Marina says and takes a drink of her coffee.
"Says the woman who designed a dating app," Jill replies with a laugh. "I can't believe they're not together now. They're like two peas in a pod."
"You're completely wrong. Believe me. They are the last two people who should get together. Jon would have to have an epiphany about life and love, or India would have to give up any hope of having a real partner who loves her. Jon is a dedicated manwhore and I doubt anything will change him anytime soon."
Marina glances at me, and I don’t say anything. Instead, I push my food around on my plate, wondering if I'm ever going to be able to tell her about us and what will happen when I do.
"You're right. He is that," I say finally, when I realize it would look strange for me not to agree with Marina.
"He'll settle down when he finds the right woman," Jill says. "Don't you want him, India? We've always thought you two would finally just give in and get together. Stop all of us placing our bets and wondering. Especially after Blaine left you like that and you decided to stay instead of go with him. That was such a shocker. I thought you stayed because of Jon."
"I stayed because Blaine didn't want to tell me what I’d be if I moved with him. He thought I should just move and take a chance. Give up my stake in Pacifica for nothing. I couldn't do it."
"We all thought it was Jon you couldn't stand to leave, not Pacifica. I expected you to fall into Jon's arms for comfort. Remember, Marina? You said it wouldn’t happen?" She frowns and looks at Marina expectantly.
"I don't remember. It doesn't matter, anyway. Jon wouldn't know how to be a real partner, so India's better off being single rather than being with him."
"Jon will settle down someday," I say, frowning at Marina. "He's just not ready. He's not a bad person. He's really very smart and nice."
"See?" Jill says and elbows Marina. "She's secretly in love with him."
I don’t sa
y anything. I'm not going to lie.
Marina answers for me anyway. "She's not in love with him," she says, and squeezes my arm. "They're business partners and friends. India knows she can’t throw her heart away on a guy who can't make a commitment."
Jill shrugs. "I'm surprised your app didn't match the two of them together."
Marina opens her mouth to speak, but thinks better of it. Instead, she forces a smile and drinks her coffee.
I don't say anything because I don't want to risk the wrath of Marina, but the truth is that Jon and I have been circling around each other for five years. If her app hasn't matched us, it really needs work.
Jill seems happy, probably because she's said her piece and got in the last word. Which is unusual in a conversation with Marina.
We move on, but I think Jill gets the hint that the subject of me with Jon is verboten.
When we're leaving, I stop by Marina's car while she searches in her bag for her keys.
"You know, Jon isn't a bad person," I say, wanting to defend him. "He's really very decent. He treats his staff well, and he's a very loyal son to his mother, especially after his dad died. He's always been good to me, and he agreed to help you when you wanted to test MATCHED on him, even though he's not the dating type. I don't know why you hate him so much."
"I don't hate him," Marina says and finds her keys. "I'm just realistic about whether he'd be good for you." She comes to me, her hand on my arm. "I was with you after Blaine left. I'm just trying to prevent you from having a broken heart again."
I can't argue with her.
"See you later," I say and we air kiss before she gets into her car.
I leave, my stomach in a knot, and take my car to the office. I plan on putting in a few hours before I head home for an evening visit to see my mom, then to Marina's and finally, to see Jon. When I slip the car into my spot in the parking garage, I turn off the car and sit there for a moment and just cry.
I don’t know why I'm crying.
I wipe my eyes and shake myself mentally. Quit overanalyzing. Just enjoy Jon.
I take out my makeup mirror from my bag and check my makeup, which has smeared a bit. I touch it up and apply some powder to my nose to cover up the redness and take in a deep breath.
I have work to do. I can't let myself be a sniveling female worried about some man. I'm a successful businesswoman, CTO with a multimillion-dollar tech company. I'm smart, attractive, and a good person.
I'll give Jon time.
But I'm not waiting forever.
When I get to the office, I see that Chris, our CFO, is in his office working on a Sunday. He takes care of all the corporate matters for Pacifica and is usually a straight nine to five kind of guy because of family commitments. It's Sunday so he must have something coming up. Today, he's wearing a Hawaiian shirt, a straw hat, and dark-rimmed glasses. It looks like Bing Crosby slipped into the office during the middle of a game of golf.
"What's up, India?"
I sit in the chair across from him.
"If I were to sell all my shares in Pacifica, how much would they be worth?"
He raises his eyebrows, but doesn’t say anything. Instead, he turns to a third monitor on his desk and clicks on a keyboard.
"Let's see…" He clicks through a few screens. "Considering what the company is worth, you're looking at about $3.2 million, if you sold them all."
I sit and consider. "What could I do with $3.2 million?"
"You could invest it and live off the interest if you don’t mind living off $120,000 a year. That's about one quarter of your income from Pacifica. It would be quite a decline."
I sigh. I knew it. We’d have to expand Pacifica a lot before I could quit, sell my shares, and move away.
It's not like I want to leave my mom, considering, and my friends are here and I like the climate. But I’ve always wanted to move out East.
"Thanks," I say to Chris. "I was just wondering how much longer I need to stay with Pacifica. I'd like to get into something else – maybe biotech, so I was wondering how much of an investment I would need to make."
"You could invest as a partner in a startup with the seed money you would get, but it wouldn't be a certain thing like Pacifica. With the potential new defense contracts we're looking at down the road, Pacifica is set to take off in the next couple of years. Your shares will likely quadruple at least. Maybe more if you stay."
I nod. "I'm not planning on leaving anytime soon. Just wondering. Don't say anything, okay?"
"Mum's the word."
I leave his office and return to mine. Jon's door is closed so I'm not even sure he's in. I didn’t ask when I came in so I go inside my own office and close my door.
While $3.2 million is a considerable amount of money, it's not enough to live off. I need more if I also want to start a new business. I hadn’t planned on leaving Pacifica until my shares are worth at least a hundred million, so I could really do something big.
If things don't work out with Jon, it'll be really hard to stay.
I have to rethink things.
Chapter 16
JON
I go for a run after India leaves to clear my head and get ready for an afternoon at the office. Although it's Sunday, I usually don't take the day off unless I have out of town travel.
After my run and shower, I get dressed and am a bit late getting in to work.
I check India's office, but she's out with her friends and visiting her mother so I don't expect her in until later in the afternoon. I have a meeting with one of my staff, and after the meeting's over, I go out to the main office and see that Chris's office door is open.
He waves me in.
I go inside and he points at the door. "Close it, will you?"
I do and sit across from him, wondering if there's a problem with the financial side of things.
"What's up?"
He folds his hands and gives me this tired look. "India was in wondering how much her shares would be worth if she cashed them in now."
"What?" I frown and look down at the floor, trying to take in what Chris just said. India's considering selling her shares?
"She asked me not to say anything, but I thought you should know, just in case she's planning to leave. Replacing her would be quite a challenge. There aren't too many CTOs wandering the streets looking for work, especially not with her experience in the aerospace industry. We should do some quiet headhunting just in case."
I sit, unable to respond at first, totally shocked that India would even consider leaving Pacifica.
I could see her telling me to fuck off, but Pacifica? It's her baby as much as mine. Or any of the partners who came together initially to fund and build it.
"Thanks for giving me a heads-up. Don't talk to anyone else until I have some time to feel India out, okay? I don’t want us to get ahead of ourselves on this. It may be nothing."
"Sure," he says and gives me a nod. "Like I said, I just thought you should know in case she really does decide to leave."
"No problem." I sit up straighter. "Was there anything else? Anything I should be aware of?"
"Not on my part. Everything's fine."
"Good." I stand and rub my hands together. "I'll leave you to it."
I leave and make my way back to my office. India's door is still closed and I stand outside and debate with myself whether to go inside and confront her or wait.
I don't want her to think I've been gossiping about her behind her back. Which I have been doing, of course.
I decide to wait and bring it up when it's not posed so confrontationally. Maybe tonight after we have dinner together – and I plan on making dinner for her and fucking her brains out – I'll very deftly talk about Pacifica's market capitalization and how much it's improved, and ask her gently about her talk with Chris.
I try to focus on work and spend some time going over the financial reports that have been sitting on my desk for a couple of days, unread. After about an hour, I look up when India
's door opens across the hall from me and she leaves, her bag on her shoulder.
She doesn't look my way or pop her head in to say hello.
She's leaving already?
I sit for a moment and debate whether to follow her.
I hear her speaking with our admin staff, and then nothing.
She's actually leaving without saying anything to me...? That's when I know something's wrong.
I hop up and leave my office, determined to follow her and confront her about that much, even if I hold off talking to her about what Chris told me.
I catch up to her at the stairs and grab hold of her arm, turning her around to face me on the landing.
"Were you going to leave the office without even saying hello?"
"Oh, Jon," she says, like she's surprised. We're alone but she still glances around to check. "You scared me. I'm just going to get a juice." She forces a smile. "I'm feeling a bit under the weather and thought some apple-carrot-kale would be good."
"I'll join you."
Her smile fades.
That’s when I know she wasn't planning on coming back.
"I was going to go see my mom after I get the juice."
"You're not coming back to the office?"
She shakes her head. "I've put in a few hours. Besides, I want to cook supper for my dad. He's been eating cafeteria food all week."
I let go of her arm and she starts down the rest of the stairs.
I don't try to stop her. "Come over after you're done supper if you want."
She glances back at me. "I'll see how I feel."
"Open invitation."
"I know," she adds and forces a smile. "If I don’t see you tonight, I'll see you at work tomorrow. Same time, same bat channel."
I smile at her Batman reference, but I feel a knot in my gut.
Her leaving and not telling me isn't out of the norm. She would always pop her head in and say hello, but she would often leave without saying goodbye. Not seeing her until tomorrow is totally normal for us – before we fucked.
Now, it feels like she's ignoring me. Deliberately or not.