by S. E. Lund
I open and close my mouth. "I'm doing something with Marina," I say, wracking my brain to think of what we were supposed to do this weekend. It's Saturday. She wants me to come to her place. She wanted to match me with some Stanford professor of biology at her party, but I said I wasn't interested.
"You going to her party, too? She invited me, seeing as I was in town."
"Yes," I say, kicking myself. Now, how do I get out of it? I'll have to call Marina and say I'm sick or something. I do not want to go to the party if Blaine will be there.
No way.
I know he'll be all over me, probably hoping he can luck out and seduce me for the night. I was such a doormat with him.
Not anymore.
"Marina said you’re still single."
"She did?" I say dully, trapped in this nightmare of having lied to Marina about Jon.
"Yeah, she said she's trying to match you up with some Stanford types but isn’t having much luck."
He smiles down at me, his eyes suggesting he's both amused at my bad luck in the love department, and hopeful that he can take advantage of it.
Bastard…
Although my heart was broken when he left, it was probably for the best. If I thought Jon was a rake and rogue, Blaine is even worse. As Marina called him, ‘Mr. Seduction’ says all the right words and makes all the right promises, but he has none of the follow-through.
At least Jon doesn’t make promises he can’t keep.
"What about you?" I ask, wanting to get a dig in if I can. "Any luck in the true romance department?"
"No, sadly," he says and takes in a deep breath, glancing around the store like he's a conqueror. "Just a lot of beautiful women as notches on my belt. Haven't found my one true love yet. Still looking."
"Maybe Marina can match you with someone. She's trying to match Jon."
"Ha!" he says with a guffaw. "Good luck. I'm hard to match. Besides, I'm not on the market to buy just yet. Still kicking tires." He waggles his brows in this really crude way. I know what he means by ‘kicking tires.’ More like smacking butts.
How the hell did I ever think I was in love with him? He's a total, total jerk.
I was good to be rid of him.
It's then that my spine stiffens and I smile back at him. "There's lots of tires if that's your goal. Kick away. I may see you at Marina's tonight. Now, I gotta go."
"Yeah, save a dance for me," he says and holds up his cup of coffee. "For old times’ sake."
"I don't think so," I say and step out of the store and onto the street. "I'm not a tire to be kicked, Blaine. I'm past the test-drive stage."
"Hey, don't be like that," he says as I start walking down the street. He follows me and takes hold of my arm, stopping me. "We ended on good terms, right?"
"Good terms for you."
"You had a chance to come with me. I wanted you to come with me, but you said no."
"Because you wouldn't clarify what I'd be to you. I wasn’t going to upend my entire life unless it was for keeps."
"India, we're not going to get into that old argument…"
"No, we're not," I say and pull away. I want to say something back that's cuttingly sarcastic, but I'm not fast enough on the draw.
Instead, I'm totally creeped out by Blaine, now that I have some distance between us and can see him for what he is – a blowhard jerk who is in love with his own self-image.
I head down the street and duck into the building, glad to be rid of him. I get back up to the office and lock myself in. After plopping down in my chair, I remove my cell from my bag and check my messages.
There's one from Marina.
MARINA: Guess who’s back in town?
INDIA: Mr. Seduction.
MARINA: You know? How? Did he contact you?
INDIA: He went to the coffee shop and we ran into each other.
MARINA: OMG can you believe it? He's back in town and is opening an office here. I guess he'll be in SF for a while.
INDIA: Unfortunately.
MARINA: What? You've been pining away for him for over a year. Aren't you glad to see him? He asked me about you and how things were. If you were seeing anyone. He probably wants to get back together with you.
INDIA: He told me he's still at the 'kicking tires' phase of relationships. I'm past that. He had his kick at my tire and went looking for a better model.
MARINA: Maybe he realizes he isn't going to find a better model. Maybe he realizes that you were the best model and he regrets leaving you. Why else would he go to that coffee shop? He was hoping to run into you, I bet.
INDIA: It was purely an accident. Anyway, he can take his huge ego and shove it, as far as I'm concerned. Not interested.
MARINA: Wow. That sounds pretty final.
INDIA: Ya think?
MARINA: Why do I get the feeling you're mad at me?
I pause and take in a deep breath. I'm not mad at Marina. I'm mad at myself for not being more truthful with her. Maybe things wouldn’t have come to this if I had been.
INDIA: I thought I was still in love with Blaine, but when I saw him today and heard him talk, I realized he's nothing but a spoiled rotten boy in a man's body. He's still just as much as narcissist.
MARINA: A very gorgeous successful one.
INDIA: Doesn’t change the spoiled rotten boy part.
MARINA: The very gorgeous part can be pretty enjoyable if you can overlook the rest.
INDIA: I don’t have time to waste.
MARINA: What about my latest match for you? You won't change your mind and come to my party?
INDIA: I don't think so. I'm really not interested in seeing Blaine again and I don't feel up to meeting anyone new. Sorry.
MARINA: You said you'd help…
INDIA: Maybe in the future. I'm just tired of looking, I guess.
MARINA: You've had three dates. That's hardly onerous. Some people take twenty or thirty dates before they find their match. That's industry research, not just me talking out my ass.
INDIA: Like I say, maybe later.
MARINA: Okay, sug. If you change your mind, you know where I live.
I put my cell away, disheartened and wishing Jon were here to cheer me up. I'd be able to look forward to us being together instead of spending the evening alone.
I spend the rest of the afternoon in the office, working on the technical specs of our latest drone. Around six, I get a text from Jon.
JON: Hey, babe. How are you? I'm in my hotel after checking in.
INDIA: I'm just leaving work. What are your plans?
JON: I'm having dinner with the guys and then it's the convention all day tomorrow. We're going to do some paintball after we do the wrap at the convention. I'll be busy but I sure wish you were here. You'd probably be bored with all the former-soldier talk and bullshit, though.
INDIA: No doubt!
JON: What are you doing tonight? You and Marina getting together?
INDIA: Nah. Staying home. She's having her usual MATCHED party and I told her I wasn't interested in meeting anyone else for a while.
JON: That's good. Cause I'd be jealous as hell if you went on a date.
INDIA: Just jealous?
JON: Probably insanely jealous. Fly back home and stop you jealous.
INDIA:
INDIA: What about you? Not going trolling for pussy tonight, I hope…
JON: Nah, the guys are all happily married so we're going to sit around the hotel bar and shoot the shit.
INDIA: Good, because I might have to get a new phone number if you were.
JON: No worries. Not gonna happen.
INDIA: I wish you were here tonight.
JON: I could call you later and we could do some phone sex…
INDIA: I've never done it before.
JON: First time for everything. We could do a session of Facetime so I could watch you.
INDIA: That sounds so desperate.
JON: I am, I am! Call me at ten your time. It'll be 1:00 here. I should be back
by then. I'll make sure I'm back.
INDIA: Okay…
JON: It’ll be fun. I'd love to watch you make yourself come.
INDIA: I'll be embarrassed.
JON: No, no! You can't be embarrassed! There's nothing to be embarrassed about. Men fantasize all day long about watching beautiful women get themselves off. Seriously fantasy material. Spank bank material.
INDIA: Spank bank?
JON: You know – spank the monkey?
INDIA: ???
JON: Masturbate. Beat the meat. Bleed the weasel. Buff the banana. Bop the weenie. Flog the log. Jerkin the gherkin. Pump the python.
INDIA: OMG
JON: Choke the chicken.
INDIA: Choke the chicken?
JON: There are many names for the practice, some as old as mankind itself. Believe me, men in uniform are often housed in cramped and crowded quarters with little or no privacy. We come up with names and techniques that allow a man to get a certain degree of relief. Watching a real live woman doing it is pretty much the greatest thing ever to most men.
INDIA: It's such a private thing. Isn't it embarrassing for you to have me watch?
JON: Not at all. In fact, it's hot. Extra hot if I do it while watching you do it while watching me.
INDIA: Men…
JON: You love us.
INDIA: I'm speechless.
JON:
JON: Facetime me later. 10:00 your time.
INDIA: Okay. Later.
JON: I'll be waiting.
I put away my cell and smile, enjoying our texting. I have a little buzz from the idea of phone sex – or should I say Facetime sex. I've never done it before, so it'll take some courage on my part to try it.
I'd love to watch Jon, but the idea of him watching me… I'm a little shy about it, but if it will bring us closer together when we have to be apart…
I spend a couple more hours at work, then close up the office after eight. I grabbed a sub sandwich earlier to quell my hunger, but I feel like some popcorn. I'll probably open up Netflix on my Apple TV and watch something new. Maybe a movie or another episode of the latest television show to come online.
My evening planned until I call Jon at ten, I drive back to my house and park, then go into the house, happy that I'll be talking to Jon soon. I put my sub in the fridge and go to my room to get out of my clothes and into the shower. When I'm done, I wrap a towel around me and go out to my bedroom to search for some pajamas – I'm seriously planning to be a total couch potato tonight.
Then I hear something in the other part of the house.
I wrap my towel more tightly around me and wonder if it's the ice machine. It sometimes makes a funny sound when it starts up. When I round the corner, I see Blaine standing in the kitchen, fixing himself a glass of water.
"Oh my God!" I cry out, startled. "What the fuck, Blaine? What are you doing in my house?"
He holds up his keys.
"I forgot I had these. I knocked on your door but you were in the shower and couldn't hear me."
"So, you just let yourself in?"
"Yeah, I came around the side of the house and heard the shower running so I knew you were home."
"Blaine, that's breaking and entering."
"No, it isn't, India. Not if I have keys."
"You said you'd lost those."
"I found them when I unpacked."
"Well, you weren't invited in and I didn't give you permission to come in. You should go."
"Oh, come on, India," he says and puts his glass down on the counter. "Don’t be like that. Don't you feel the way I feel? I'd be happy to just walk right back in where we left off." He steps closer and I step back.
"I wouldn't be happy," I say and hold my hand out to stop him. "Please leave."
"I thought I'd stop by and pick you up. We can go to Marina's together."
"I'm staying home," I say and stand my ground. "You go ahead."
"Aww, come on," he says and steps even closer. I glance around, looking for some kind of weapon. I'll use it if I have to.
He sees me staring at the butcher block filled with knives.
"India," he says and puts his hand over his heart. "I'm crushed. I'd never force myself on you."
"I hope not," I say and relax a bit. "You should go. Please tell Marina I'm sorry but I'm not coming tonight."
"I was already there. Her party's a bust. There were no unattached women so I decided I'd come by here and stay for a while. We could have a drink, talk."
I shake my head, wanting him to leave as soon as possible.
"No. Please leave."
My heart is racing that he had the nerve to come in the house on his own while I was in the shower.
Sure, we were lovers. Maybe if Jon and I weren't together, I might have been open to having coffee with him or even a drink. But to have him violate my personal space like this…
It's totally creepy.
"Don't look at me like that," he says, and now he looks angry. "I'm not a rapist."
"I didn't mean to imply –"
"But that’s exactly what you’re implying. Do you think I have to resort to forcing women to have sex with me? I don’t have to, India. They practically throw themselves at me."
"Women are raped all the time by men they know, Blaine." I back away a step; I can almost feel his anger radiating off him.
"I don’t have to force women," he says, his eyes moving over me from head to foot. "They volunteer."
Then my cell rings. I glance at where it's sitting, on the island in the kitchen. He does as well.
"You gonna get that?"
I nod and go over, glad to be able to do something. It's Marina.
"Hey, there," she says, sounding all chipper.
"Hi," I reply. "What's up?"
"It's really dead here so I thought I'd call it a night and come over with some beer and we can watch some Netflix like old times."
"What about all your dates?"
"They're all matched up and gone."
I glance over at Blaine. "Sure," I say, glad that she'll come to my rescue. "Blaine is here for a visit but he was just leaving."
"Oh, he's there? He was here for a while and I told him you weren't coming so he left. I didn’t realize he was going to your place. Do you want me to leave you two alone?"
"No, no," I say quickly. "Come on by. We can munch on popcorn and watch Netflix."
"Okay, I'll be right over."
I end the call and Blaine is standing there, his arms crossed, smiling.
"I'm crushed you prefer Marina over me. Have you turned to pussy instead of cock?"
"Blaine!" I frown and go to the door, opening it and pointing to his car in the driveway. "You can go now. Marina is on her way over."
"All right, all right," he says and I can tell he's angry that I'm kicking him out. I'm sure he figured he'd be able to just walk right back into my life and into my bed. How convenient for him. How arrogant to believe it could ever happen.
Blaine goes to the door and passes by me, trying his best to brush up against me.
I try to avoid him, holding my towel around my bust, and step back. "Later," he says and gives me the once-over before turning to his car.
Then I remember the key and hold out my hand. "My key?" I say firmly.
He stops and frowns.
"If you insist," he says and starts digging in his pocket. He returns and drops the house key in my outstretched palm.
When he gets back to the car and hops in, I heave a sigh of relief. I was sure he wouldn’t rape me, but he might have made a very physical pass at me, which would be embarrassing and upsetting.
I close the door and lock it once I see that he's driven down the street. Then I go check each window and the sliding doors off the kitchen, living room, and bedroom. I no longer feel safe and can't wait for Marina to get here.
She arrives within fifteen minutes with two buckets of movie theater popcorn she bought at the local theater on the way to my place. She also has
two big plastic glasses filled with soda and a bag of Twizzlers.
It's going to be a girl's night in.
Of course, it's only then that I check my watch and realize that I'm going to be with Marina when Jon is expecting me to call him for some Facetime sex.
"Here you go," she says and hands me the popcorn while she carries the drinks and candy. "I got one tub with butter and one plain because I know you hate the butter."
I air kiss her and take my tub and drink, and we go to the living room where I have my Apple TV hooked up, ready to go.
"So are you doing okay?" she asks once we're on the sofa. "With Blaine being back, I mean. Are you tempted to get back with him?"
"Not on your life," I say, giving her a look of horror. "He dumped me with barely a thought."
"That's not true, India. You know he asked you to come with him."
"He did, but as what? His main squeeze? I'm not going to move across the country on that."
"It was your choice. He asked. He wanted you to go with him."
"There was no choice. Give up on Pacifica just when we were making a big push to expand? Go with him to Manhattan with nothing but some money in the bank and an idea of what to do with it?"
"But he came over here. That suggests he's interested."
"He may be, but I'm not. Definitely not."
"Okay. By the way, Jon agrees with me. I told Jon he was here and Jon seemed to think Blaine might want you back."
"What?" I sit with my mouth open while Marina is flipping through movies on Netflix. "You talked to Jon tonight?"
"We texted. I wanted him to know I was shutting the party down early, in case he was coming tonight." She turns to me and gives me a guilty look. "I didn't know he was out of town."
"You told him Blaine was here?"
"Yeah, I texted him right after Blaine left. He was really shocked to hear he was back in town and that he wanted to see you."
"You told him Blaine was coming over to my place?"
She nods, her hand in her bucket of popcorn. "I don’t think he likes Blaine."
"He hates Blaine. He held back his criticism, but I could always tell he disapproved of him."