Crazy Stupid Love (Crazy Love #1)

by Melissa Toppen

  Something about hearing her say goodbye causes dread to fill the pit of my stomach. How can I be so sure and yet so unsure about something at the same time? A part of me wants to grab her, carry her ass back upstairs and never let her leave again. The other part of me, the rational part, knows I’m doing the right thing by letting her leave.

  She immediately closes the door of the car and fires the engine to life. Throwing me a weak smile and a small wave, she quickly pulls out of the parking lot, forcing me to stand here and watch her drive away knowing full well it will likely be the last time I ever see her.

  A girl like Kimber doesn’t belong in my world. She’s too sweet, too innocent. I would ruin her. She’s too fucking special to be ruined by the likes of me. I have proven time and time again that I am incapable of not hurting the ones who get close to me. I can’t hurt her like that. I’d never forgive myself, and I already carry around too much fucking guilt as it is.

  Chapter Nine

  Kimber

  Stepping inside my dorm room, my stomach flutters knowing I’m about to face my two friends after what happened last night. I let out a slow exhale when the dimness of the room settles over me, the curtains drawn, and a light snore filling the air.

  I quietly close the door and slip off my shoes, thankful that I have a little more time to process last night’s events. Or at least, that’s my initial thought until I hear a throat clear lightly, and I spin to see Harlee sitting on top of her bed, her hair tied into a knot on top of her head, legs crossed in front of her, her trusty Kindle resting in her lap.

  Looking back towards my bed, only now do I see the black hair sprawled across my pillow, realizing that it’s Angel sleeping and not Harlee.

  “Good morning.” Harlee flips her Kindle over on the bed and pins her gaze on me.

  “Morning,” I whisper, crossing the room towards her, flopping down on the edge of her mattress the moment I reach it.

  Lying back across the foot of the bed I let out a deep sigh, not sure if I want to laugh, cry, or apologize profusely for the choices I made last night.

  “So...how was it?” Harlee keeps her attention focused on me.

  Turning my head towards her, I can’t help the splitting grin that takes over my face the moment my eyes meet hers.

  “Words can’t even begin to describe it,” I answer truthfully, surprised by how good it feels to just say this fact out loud. “I’m sorry I disappeared on you.”

  “Are you kidding?” She swipes her hand through the air. “I would have done the same thing to you.” Her smile widens.

  “What’s that say about us as friends?” I laugh, dropping my arm over my forehead.

  “It says we’re damn good ones because we want each other to have fun.” She nudges me with her foot as she straightens out her legs on the bed. “Besides, I wouldn’t have left if I didn’t feel comfortable leaving you where you were.”

  I don’t know that I would have left her regardless, considering you never really know people these days, but I don’t push the issue. I have to remind myself that in Harlee’s world something like this is completely acceptable.

  “Don’t let her lie to you, she would have left you either way.” Angel’s voice causes me to jump slightly.

  Pushing up on my elbows, there’s enough light filtering into the room that I can see her sitting up in my bed, her dark hair seeming to stick up in every direction.

  “Screw you, whore.” Harlee laughs, throwing a pillow in Angel’s direction. It falls short and lands on the floor a good foot from the bed.

  “You better have brought Sally back in one piece.” She hits me with stern eyes as she refers to her car.

  “Not a scratch on her.” I sit up, tossing the keys still clutched in my hand at her.

  She snags them out of the air, laughing when they nearly connect with her forehead.

  “Now—” Angel pins her eyes directly on me, “—tell us everything. I want every last detail. And don’t you dare think about leaving anything out.”

  ****

  “So are you a big football fan?” Travis, one of Angel’s friends asks, sliding down next to me on the tailgate of the pickup truck I’m sitting on, turning a sweet smile in my direction.

  “Not really,” I admit, forcing down another drink of the beer in my hand.

  It’s not the first time I’ve had beer, but I swear it’s worse than the last time I tried it. Even still, I continue to drink it, determined to make myself like it even if it tastes like animal pee.

  “No?” he questions, pointing to the Ducks hat and hooded sweatshirt I am currently wearing.

  “Harlee—” I explain, “—She wanted me to fit in.” I straighten the bill of the hat before adjusting my ponytail through the back.

  “Well, you wear it well.” His smile deepens, his blue eyes fixed on mine.

  He’s a good looking guy, one that I have met one time before today. If I remember correctly, he used to date Angel which you would never guess by watching them together. They seem more like brother and sister than people who would date each other. Even still, it’s not hard to see what Angel saw in him.

  He’s at least six-two, broad shoulders, very athletic looking, but it’s his smile that’s the real kicker. It’s one of those brilliant dimpled smiles that make even the most uninterested girls do a double take.

  “Thank you.” I finally acknowledge his statement, turning my head to look out over the twenty or so people that have gathered in our area to tailgate before the big game.

  It’s only four in the afternoon but most of our group is already drunk, having started drinking before noon. And while I have nursed a couple of beers as to not be the odd woman out, I have taken them down slowly enough that I feel completely sober.

  “So you’re from the east coast right?” Travis pulls my attention back to him, sliding off his hat as he scratches his forehead.

  “West Virginia.” I nod.

  “I’ve never been out that way. Is it much different?” he asks, clearly just trying to find a reason to talk to me.

  Normally I’d be flattered, maybe even interested, but unfortunately given the events of this week, his feeble attempt to connect with me annoys me more than anything.

  “Completely.” I give him a short answer before throwing a small wave at Angel who is leaning into the side of the truck next to us watching me intently.

  She raises her eyebrows up and down and throws me a wicked smile before turning and crossing the space to where a large group of people are playing a game of corn hole.

  I can’t help but roll my eyes. I know what she’s up to and it’s not gonna work. I’m not like her, I can’t just sleep with someone and then turn around and forget all about them. I’m not programmed that way.

  I wish I could say the same for Decklan who clearly is programmed that way. I also wish I could say that I saw this coming; the blow off that follows a one-night stand, but I wasn’t even a little prepared. I think that’s the worst part; thinking that there’s more to it than just sex only to find out there’s not.

  “Did you hear me?” I jump slightly, realizing Travis is once again talking.

  “Sorry. What?” I shake off the fog surrounding me and turn to find him studying me curiously.

  “I asked if you were hungry.” He smiles. “They have some amazing hamburgers over there.” He points to a food tent set up just a few yards from us.

  “No, I’m good, thanks.” I take another long drink of my beer that despite the cool temperatures have gotten warm over the last hour that I’ve been drinking it.

  “You sure you don’t want to walk over with me; might warm you up to move a little.” He adds when a small shiver runs through me.

  “I’ll be fine.” I force a smile, not missing the irritation that briefly crosses his handsome face as he stands and pushes away from the truck.

  ****

  I want to enjoy myself, I really do. I want to feel the excitement that swarms over the crowd as the Ducks
continue to dominate their opponent, but I just can’t get into it. I thought getting out would help get my mind off Decklan, but it’s actually only made it worse.

  Of course, it doesn’t help that Travis made a point to sit in the seat directly next to me or that he’s spent the first half of the game hitting on me; the amount of alcohol in his system clearly giving him a false confidence on his chances of landing me.

  It makes me angry that I can’t enjoy the attention he’s giving me and even angrier that all I can do is compare him more and more to Decklan with every moment that passes. To say he doesn’t stack up is the understatement of the year. Truth is, he doesn’t even come close which in turn only causes my frustration to mount.

  Is this what I signed up for? To be used and in turn ruined for any future man that may come into my life? I just don’t get it. I don’t get how he can just disappear after the night we spent together.

  I tried calling the bar once, having never gotten his phone number, but I was given the run around by the female who answered and decided not to call again. It’s bad enough that I can’t stop thinking about him; I don’t need the rest of the world to see how pathetic I am, too.

  Lifting the beer bottle to my lips, I drain the remaining contents as the crowd around me once again erupts in triumph. I have no idea what’s happened nor do I care. As desperate as I am to get the full college experience and really put myself out there, I am more desperate to see Decklan.

  I don’t know what I expected from him. I guess that just goes to show that no matter the connection you feel to a person, it doesn’t change who they are at their core.

  Even still, I can’t let it lie. I can’t just walk away without knowing if it was something I did. I have to see him. I won’t be able to think straight until I do. Maybe it’s the beer, or maybe I am just sick of sitting back and letting life pass me by. But right now there is only one place I want to be, and it’s not here.

  Pushing out of my seat, I hear Travis say something as I turn, but I ignore him. I slide through the row of seats until I reach the edge where Harlee is sitting, squeezed between two frat guys, looking like she is on cloud nine.

  “I’m gonna head out,” I yell over the roar of the crowd.

  “What? Why?” She hits me with a confused expression.

  “You stay,” I say when she attempts to stand. “I have a something I need to take care of. I’ll see you back at the dorm later.” I lean in and give her a brief hug and a reassuring smile before sliding past her into the aisle.

  Taking the stairs two at a time, by the time I reach the floor level platform I am gasping for air. The drop in temperature over the course of the evening makes it difficult to get a good deep breath, the cold stinging my tired lungs.

  Reaching the parking lot within a few minutes, the cab I called is already waiting for me by the time I reach the street. Sliding into the back seat, I ramble off my destination and settle in, knowing it’s going to be a long ride to Portland.

  ****

  The cab finally slows to a stop outside of Deviants just after ten-thirty. It’s clear to see from the crowd of people standing outside smoking that the place is hopping though I would expect nothing less on a Saturday night.

  Handing the driver some cash, I quickly exit the cab, forgetting completely about my attire until a drunken girl leaning against the building makes a comment under her breath loud enough that I can hear it. For a moment, I have the urge to turn around and punch her right in the face, but I shake the anger away, not really sure where it’s stemming from.

  After showing my identification to the man at the door, I finally push my way inside, my ears immediately assaulted by the pounding noise of the live band playing on stage. I didn’t even know they had bands play here though I guess it shouldn’t come as a surprise.

  Fighting my way through the thick crowd, I stop at the edge of the bar. I don’t recognize either of the bartenders working, and I can’t seem to locate Decklan anywhere. Momentarily turning my attention to the stage, I watch as the singer jumps around like a lunatic as he sings some rock/pop hit that I recognize but can’t pinpoint.

  Turning my attention back to the crowd, I let out a relieved sigh when I spot Gavin lounging on a barstool smack dab in the center of a group of girls. Shaking my head, I quickly make my way towards him, having to literally push two girls out of my way in order to reach him.

  His face tightens the moment he recognizes who I am but it’s brief and quickly replaced by a drunken smile.

  “Kimber,” he hollers over the noise.

  “Where is he?” I don’t waste my time with pleasantries.

  “Who?” He plays stupid but gives me a knowing smile.

  “You know who.” I don’t indulge his playfulness, the hour and a half car ride making me more than a little irritable and my nervousness over being here shutting out my ability to care if I seem rude.

  “He’s in the gym.” His tone drops. “Backdoor, across the parking lot.” He gestures towards the back of the room.

  Nodding, I immediately head in that direction, pushing my way outside and crossing the crowded parking lot before I even once even consider my actions. I’m too blinded by my determination to really see things clearly though I more than recognize how out of character this is for me.

  Grabbing the handle I can only assume leads into the gym, I pull open the heavy steel door and step inside, immediately knocked back by the volume of the rock music pounding from a surround sound system. The hallway I am standing in seems to act as a tunnel, only magnifying the sound.

  Taking a deep breath, I force my feet to move, my eyes scanning a large room the moment I enter it. This place reminds me of an old boxing gym from the Rocky movies, more of a warehouse than a stereotypical gym. Various equipment runs along the far right wall, a boxing ring directly in the center, with punching bags to my left.

  My stomach twists when my eyes finally find him...

  Decklan.

  He’s in the far corner of the room laying waste to the punching bag in front of him. His back is turned towards me so he doesn’t see me as I take hesitant steps in his direction. I don’t stop until I am just a few feet from him. I’m far enough that he doesn’t sense my presence but close enough that I can see the tiny droplets of sweat that trickle down his bare back as he lands punch after punch to the bag in front of him.

  I’m mesmerized by the way his back muscles flex and move with each jab he takes. It’s quite possibly the sexiest thing I have ever seen, and I have to force myself to hold my composure and not melt right here on the spot.

  I watch him for several long moments, wondering what he’s thinking, wishing I could run my hand along the dampness of his back and feel the heat of his flesh beneath my palm. The thought leaves me biting down on my lower lip just to control the urge.

  Gently clearing my throat, the moment the noise registers around him, he freezes, his hand still in the air mid-swing. Turning slightly, the moment his eyes catch mine my stomach bottoms out.

  He looks so incredible it takes everything I have not to physically tremble at the sight of him. His chest and ab muscles are glistening, the light hitting the beads of sweat in a way that gives his skin an almost glowing effect. His hair is damp and disheveled, hanging haphazardly in front of his eyes. And while all of this is enough to bring me to my knees, nothing could have prepared me for the look on his face when my eyes finally find his; so full of anger, but more so full of pain. Regret floods through me at the sight.

  I open my mouth to speak but immediately close it again. I should never have come here. I don’t know how I let myself make such a rash decision. I’m a stupid, stupid girl.

  The long moment of silence seems to stretch endlessly between us. Decklan’s eyes not once leaving mine as he holds my gaze, his pained stare clearly conflicted.

  Chapter Ten

  Decklan

  I told myself I wouldn’t do this. I promised myself. But looking at her standing there, so comple
tely fucking adorable in her oversized sweatshirt and hat, I can’t stop myself. I have to have her.

  Without a word I close in, pushing her roughly into the wall behind her before tilting her face up towards mine. Tossing her hat to the side, her hair pools around her shoulders as I close my mouth down on hers. She gasps at the contact but quickly responds, her body seeming to come alive under my touch.

  It’s been the longest fucking week and even the most attractive of women haven’t been able to keep my interest enough for me to find any sort of release from the frustration and pain that seems to play on constant repeat.

  But it only takes one touch with Kimber, one tremble of her bottom lip as I suck it into my mouth, one soft moan as I grind myself against her, and everything seems to disappear. I lose myself in her touch, in the way her body seems to take me to another place entirely.

  Lifting her up without breaking away from her lips, I carry her into the locker room, not stopping until I reach my bag sitting on the edge of the bench that lines the center of the room. Setting her to her feet, I drop my face into her hair and inhale her sweet scent, a low growl escaping my throat as my need becomes animalistic and almost too much to bear.

  Fumbling in the side pocket of my bag, I finally locate a condom. The moment I have it in my hand I spin, pinning her against the steel row of lockers, smiling when she gasps as the cold metal brushes against the small of her back where her sweatshirt has ridden up.

  I rip open her jeans, shoving them roughly down, so desperate to feel myself inside of her that not for one second do I give a fuck about anything but just that. She stumbles slightly, getting off one shoe and then the other before kicking her pants to the side, her hands finding my bare sweat-riddled chest.

  She trails her hand down my abdomen, her heated eyes holding my gaze as her fingers dip lower. I let her reach just centimeters from where my erection is at the ready, but I don’t let her touch me. Grabbing both of her hands, I pin her arms above her head with one hand while I push my gym shorts down my hips and slide the condom on with the other.