by Nikki Paris
A boyfriend was wishful thinking, but hey, if I was making wish lists, I should throw a job on there, too. It was time to be realistic and admit that my acting career was over. I’d already cried into a tub of chocolate ice cream last night while Lizzy stared at me with her judgy eyes.
I let out a long dramatic sigh — my favorite kind— and grabbed another box. This one was full of curling wands and flat irons. How many of these stupid ass hair tools did one girl need? I’d see if my mom or Gia wanted any of them and then sell the rest.
I glanced up at the clock on the microwave—7:49 pm. I hadn’t left the apartment all day. Holy shit, I needed to get out! I’d been meaning to check out the gym. I had to keep my ass tight if I was going to find the first thing on my wish list.
I stood with another fabulous dramatic sigh and headed to my bedroom. Goddamnit, it was too bad no one besides my dog was around to see my drama. A tiny little part of me still believed I was good at acting, but it grew smaller every hour.
I dug around in my closet to find my running shoes and workout clothes, then I walked back to the living room and said, “Lizzy, I’m going to the gym. Wish me luck and don’t piss on the carpet.” I saluted my dog and headed out my front door.
The door across the hall swung open at the same time. Mr. Sexyasfuck Jerkface walked out, wearing a white t-shirt and athletic shorts. He looked mouthwatering. I gulped loudly. He was staring down at his phone, so he didn’t see me.
I started jogging down the stairs, really hoping to avoid another one of our pointless encounters. I wasn’t feeling like my usual sparkly sassy self, and that pissed off look on his face said he’d eat me alive tonight.
I made it halfway to the gym, thinking I’d lost him when I glanced over my shoulder and saw him walking a few yards behind me. “F-f-f-f-fuck!” I yelled. Inwardly, I groaned. I hated stuttering in front of him. It was only a matter of time before he picked up on it and made some jerk comment about it.
Mr. Sexyasfuck Jerkface cocked an eyebrow. “What’s your problem?”
“A-a-are you g-going to the gym?”
“Who wants to know?” He was staring at his phone again.
I scoffed. “I’m going to the gym r-r-r-right now, and I don’t want you to be there at the same time as me!” Phew! I only stammered on one word that time. My childhood speech therapist would have been so proud. High-five Dr. Heather Goldman!
He cocked an eyebrow again. He needed that smug look wiped right off his irresistible face. Maybe I could work up a tiny bit of sass tonight, just for him.
“I go to the gym every weeknight at 8 pm,” he said. “Get over it, Princess.”
I gaped at him. Princess? “Whatever, jerk!”
When we reached the gym, I swiped my keycard, and we both tried to walk through the door at the same time. Our shoulders slammed into each other, and I let out an irritated little growl. “Excuse me!” I snapped at him and shoved my way through the door into the empty gym. Instead of holding the door open for him, I pulled it shut behind me.
Mr. Sexyasfuck Jerkface stared up at the sky like he was praying for strength, then he swiped his keycard and entered the gym. He didn’t speak to me. He just headed for a treadmill. He whipped off his shirt and tossed it on the bench behind him, and then started running.
I stared. I stared hard. He was chiseled like a God, and he had tattoos on his chest — three tattoos to be exact. Goddamnit, I loved tattoos. He saw me staring and gave me an asshole, jerkface smirk. “Does this make you uncomfortable?” He asked.
I squared my jaw and tossed my hair over my shoulder. “Nope.” Then I tugged my shirt off, too.
His eyes settled on my green and black sports bra, and he stumbled on the treadmill. “Fuck.” He turned away from me, looking pissed, and increased the speed on his treadmill.
Ha. I made him uncomfortable. This was fun. I walked over to the treadmill right next to his and leaned forward to stretch out my hamstrings, making sure my ass was in his field of vision. When I was sure he’d gotten a nice long view of one of my finer assets, I stepped onto the treadmill and started jogging. There were three other treadmills in the gym, and I honestly didn’t even like running, but I wanted to mess with him.
He glanced over at me and rolled his eyes. We ran for a grand total of five minutes before he shut off his treadmill and headed over to the weight set.
Ha! I win, asshole! I could have left him alone, but after that cookie incident, I felt the need to piss him off thoroughly. I shut off my treadmill and followed him. Again, there was plenty of open floor space in front of the weights — we were still the only ones in the gym— but I grabbed a set of five-pound weights and stood a few feet away from him.
He let out an irritated sigh. “What the hell are you doing?”
“I’m going to start with some bicep curls and then maybe move into some tricep kickbacks.” My speech was smooth like buttah. Mr. Sexyasfuck Jerkface wasn’t making me nervous anymore. I scooted a few inches closer to him.
“Do you mind?” he practically growled at me.
I blinked innocently. “Oh my god! Am I bothering you?” I inched a little closer.
He squared his jaw and stood his ground. Then he looked straight ahead and resumed his bicep curls. I watched the muscles in his arms flex and almost had to wipe drool from my chin.
He glanced at me again, at first with that angry glare I’d become so accustomed to, but then he saw me open-mouthed staring and switched to the asshole smirk. He finished his set and moved past me to return the weights to the rack, but the asshole brushed his entire body against mine, despite there being ample space to get around me.
Touché.
That sexy shirtless body pressed up against mine for a split second almost made me whimper. I held it in, like a champ, and locked angry gazes with Mr. Sexyasfuck Jerkface. I should find out his name, but then again, maybe that would humanize him too much. Then I’d fall victim to his relentless sexiness, and he would win whatever the hell we’d started.
He grabbed a different set of weights and resumed his workout right beside me. Okay, the next move was mine. I couldn’t take off any more clothing, and it was too fucking hot to let my hair down. What to do, what to do…
I walked over to the opposite side of the gym, grabbed a yoga mat, and carried it back over to the weight set. I spread it out right in front of Mr. Sexyasfuck Jerkface and then dropped into downward dog, making sure my ass was right in front of him, only a few feet away. Next, I melted into cat pose, arching my back like a stripper.
I glanced over my shoulder and saw his eyes trained right on my ass. Ha! You like that, Jerkface? Time to go in for the kill. I moved back into a downward dog, but my ass was only inches from his cock this time. Dare I move a little closer? I do. I do dare. I pressed myself into him and immediately felt that he was hard.
He backed away like I was made of fire. “That’s it. I’m out. Enjoy your workout, Princess Dani.” He picked up his abandoned t-shirt and used it to mop the sweat off his forehead.
Dani? My mouth dropped open. “How the hell do you know that people call me D-Dani?”
“I heard Tanner, Jeff, and Leann yelling it in the middle of the goddamn night when you moved in.” He tossed the shirt over his right shoulder and turned to walk out.
“W-wait, you know my name, but I don’t know yours.”
He raised a single eyebrow at me. “Looks like it.” Then he walked out the door, letting it slam behind him.
“Whatever, jerk,” I mumbled to myself. I thought I was winning our little interaction, but now I wasn’t so sure. I made him extremely uncomfortable and probably gave him blue balls. That should feel like a win, but I was also wildly turned on, and he’d refused to tell me his name. That felt like a definite loss.
6
Dani
“Wow, nice digs.” Gia raised her eyebrows as she wandered around my apartment. She was a fellow drama brat, and we’d met at camp when we were kids. Gia never judged me when I stut
tered. It was almost like she’d never even noticed it. God bless her.
Right now, though, she was being a sarcastic asshole. She widened her eyes and said, “You should throw a housewarming party and invite all your old TV friends!”
“Shut your g-goddamn face, G.”
She laughed out loud and collapsed onto my sofa, next to Lizzy. Lizzy placed her paw on Gia’s lap and stared at her expectantly until Gia gave in and scratched her ears. “Any acting jobs fall into your lap recently?” Gia asked.
I groaned and collapsed next to her on the sofa. “No.”
“You could always come and work at the Children’s Theater with me.” Gia winked at me. She knew I was terrible with kids. Okay, maybe I wasn’t terrible with them. I just didn’t like them. If anyone was going to latch on to my stutter and make fun of it to my face, it was going to be a kid.
“I w-would literally rather answer phones for a mortuary or like push pharmaceuticals t-t-to bored housewives. That’s how much I don’t want to b-be around screaming kids all day.”
Gia was fantastic with kids, though. She had one of those sweet, trustworthy faces, and she was the perfect mix of fun and strict. Kids adored her.
Gia laughed out loud and piled all her curly brown hair on top of her head. “A mortuary? Where the hell do you come up with the things you say?”
I used my best French accent. “I have the brilliant and tortured mind of an artist.”
“Oh, Danica, poor, tortured Danica!” Gia laughed. “Man, in all seriousness, though, you’re a fantastic actress. Why won’t anyone hire you?”
I rolled my eyes. “Because I get n-nervous and stutter. I lost my c-confidence or something.” See? Just thinking about trying to get an acting job was making me stutter!
Gia raised both eyebrows. “I’ve never known you to lack confidence.”
“I pose.” I rubbed Lizzy’s soft belly.
“All right. I’m tired of this pity party, love. Let’s go out!” Gia stood and wandered into my bedroom. I heard her yell from my closet. “Where’d all your sexy party clothes go?”
I groaned and slid off the couch to follow her into my closet. “I’m poor, G. I had to sell most of them.” I used to have a beautiful walk-in closet packed with fancy little cocktail dresses. Now I had two, and they were shoved into a closet the size of a coffin.
What was with all my death references today?
I pulled the red dress off its hanger. “You want this one? Or the gray one?”
Gia sighed. “You know I only stayed friends with you because of all your pretty clothes, right?”
I glared at her and said, “F-find your own damn dress, then.”
Gia laughed out loud and threw her arms around me. “Stop it! I’m kidding! Can I wear the gray one? That was always my favorite.”
“Yeah. W-why do you think I-I-I kept it?”
“Aw!”
We spent the next hour drinking champagne and applying enough make-up to put a stripper to shame. When we were finally ready, Gia and I headed down the stairs, looking good enough to eat. Where was Jerkface? A small part of me wanted to run into him and see how he reacted to my little red dress. Fine. It was a big part. Fine. Every part of me wanted to run into him and see him drool over me.
Jackpot. Jerkface was pulling into his parking spot as Gia and I reached the bottom of the stairs. I rearranged my hair and asked, “How d-do I look, G?”
“Hot.” Gia gave me a weird look. “We already established that.” Her eyes followed mine, and we watched Jerkface climb out of his car. Gia pretended to wipe drool from her chin. “Shit, girl. Is that the puppy eater?”
I laughed. “Yep. Stupid sexy asshole.”
“Damn. I don’t care if he’s a jerk. You should see if you can turn him into the pussy eater, at least one time.”
I threw my head back and laughed. It would be a straight-up lie to say I hadn’t thought about it. “Nah. It would be too much work. Let’s go find us some easier targets tonight.”
When we passed Jerkface, I shot him a look of contempt. Gia grinned at him and said, “Hi!”
To my complete shock, he smiled at her and said, “Hey, how’s it going?”
“Are you kidding me?” I snapped. “I say ‘Hi’ to you, and you basically tell me to go fuck myself!”
He shrugged and smirked. “Have a good night, ladies.” Jerkface kept his eyes on mine. He didn’t even glance at the red satin that hugged my body in all the right places. His brown eyes didn’t even dip to my cleavage for a second, and it made me furious.
“Whatever, jerk,” I said and marched toward Gia’s car.
Gia smiled and said, “Thank you! You have a good night, too!”
“G! Don’t talk to him!” I yelled over my shoulder. With a massive amount of satisfaction, I noticed Jerkface’s eyes flick away from my backside. Got him. I made sure to let my hips sway extra as Gia and I made our way to her car, just in case Jerkface decided to take another look.
◆◆◆
Two hours later, we were dancing and grinding up against two hot guys we met at the club. Gia was working James, and I had Darian practically eating out of my palm. Thank you, red dress.
Darian looked like a classy guy, with his dark, close-cropped hair and black button-down shirt paired with jeans. He had some sexy stubble going on and pretty golden-brown eyes. He worked in finance, and he was nice. I wasn’t going to date him or anything, but he’d be a decent one-night stand.
Gia tapped my shoulder. “Wanna grab another drink, Dani?” Her green eyes bore into mine, trying to tell me that I wasn’t allowed to say no. She wanted to talk about the guys. That meant she was really liking James and wanted to get out of there with him soon.
“Yeah, g-girl.” To Darian, I said, “B-be right back.” Then I followed Gia to the bar.
“Um, James is amazing!” Gia gushed as soon as we were out of earshot. “I think I’m going back to his place tonight. Will you be okay with Darian?”
“Yeah, I think so. I-I could have some f-fun with him tonight.” I smirked at Gia, and we ordered another beer, then made our way back through the crowd.
When we reached the guys, they had their backs to us. Darian was talking, or rather, yelling over the music. Gia grabbed my arm and stopped me, with her eyes narrowed.
“The blonde one is fucking hot if she keeps her mouth closed.” Darian laughed. “H-h-h-h-hi!” He mimicked me. “I-I-I’m D-D-D-Dani and I-I l-like d-d-d-dogs!”
James laughed.
Then Darian said, “It’s like, shh, baby girl. Just close your mouth and open your legs.”
It felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. I wished like hell that these comments bounced right off me, but they almost hurt worse than they did when I was a kid. Kids weren’t that creative with their insults, and they would laugh right in your face, so it was easy to know who to avoid. Adults would smile and bullshit, then, as soon as you were gone, they’d say stuff like, “Close your mouth and open your legs.”
After everything I’d overcome, how could I have ended up here, standing frozen in a club, with the music pounding in my ears, letting some asshole make me feel small? Wasn’t I better than this? Hadn’t I worked hard enough to not have to deal with this?
When I was a kid, I spent hour upon hour practicing my easy onset and deep breaths while everyone else was out riding bikes and telling secrets. I stared at myself in the mirror every morning and said, “You are great,” so that when the bullies laughed and said, “T-t-t-today, junior!” I didn’t have to run home and cry.
Fuck. I missed the days when I believed my positive mantras.
“Shut the hell up!” Gia had marched over to the guys while I stood there like an idiot. She had her finger in Darian’s face and murder in her eyes.
“Whoa! Chill! We were just joking!” Darian wouldn’t look me in the eye. I didn’t want him to.
“You fucking asshole! She’s way too good for you!” Then Gia grabbed his drink from his hand and tossed it i
n his face.
“FUCK!” Darian yelled.
Half the club stopped to look at us. I wanted to disappear. Gia grabbed my arm and marched us toward the exit. “What a fucking asshole! How dare he? He should be so fucking lucky to even speak to you!” Gia was fuming as we walked through the parking lot.
“It’s fine, G.” My voice was quiet and small, and I fought not to stutter on a single word. “You don’t have to go out with me anymore. You could have left here with a guy, but I dragged you down.”
Gia gaped at me. “Don’t you dare say that, Dani! Don’t you dare let that dumbass make you feel small!”
“Right.” I nodded. “Thanks for having my back.” I tried to smile and shake it off, but it was too late. I felt microscopic.
The worst part of it all was that I didn’t even want to fight the feeling. I was okay with letting the bouncy, happy, extroverted little girl inside of me die. She didn’t know shit about how hard the real world was.
7
Connor
At 2 am, I was wide awake, trying to decide if I actually had an alcohol problem or if I was just expertly dealing with the anniversary of my wife’s death. Was it wrong to still be drinking a month after the day?
Fuck. I had an alcohol problem.
I stumbled out of bed and walked into my kitchen. I knew there was half a bottle of tequila in the cupboard above the sink and a six-pack of beers in the fridge. I grabbed the tequila first and twisted off the lid, ready to pour it down the sink.
Suddenly the fire alarm sounded. I set the tequila on the counter and headed for the front door. When I pulled it open, I heard lots of commotion. The sight of smoke billowing out the front door of a first-floor apartment greeted me when I looked down the stairwell.
Shit. I grabbed my shoes and jacket and locked my apartment door.
Dani’s door was still closed. Was Princess a deep sleeper? Should I wake her? I decided she wasn’t my problem and headed down the stairs. By the time I got to the bottom and saw that she wasn’t already outside, guilt pricked me. I was about to head back up and check on her when her sexy long legs appeared on the stairs. She was trying to drag her unwilling dog down with her.