“Even if she’s not my daughter anymore?”
Peter closed the distance between them and stopped just inches from her face. He fixed his gaze on her and said, “You aren’t her mother anymore, but what you are is so much more special than that. There is no closer bond in existence than that of a protector and her charge. When you and Daisy at last get to meet inside those gates, it will be as if you are two halves finally merging into a whole. You will have the perfect friendship for all of eternity. There is no greater gift that anyone could receive.”
Elizabeth was sure she spied a tear welling up behind Peter’s eyes, but he turned away quickly and redirected their conversation.
“Do you have any questions?”
“I don’t think—”
“Then it is time.” Peter’s snap transported them back to her old house.
Night enveloped the room, yet Elizabeth had no trouble making out the tiny form in the bassinet—the baby’s chest rising and falling in perfect syncopation to her father’s soft snores.
“Call if you need me,” Peter instructed before disappearing from sight.
Elizabeth stood in place. This was the first moment in the rest of her eternity, and she wanted to get it perfect. She padded over to the edge of the lace-trimmed bassinet and leaned forward, sucking in the sweet scent of her little girl.
“Mommy loves you, little baby,” she sang, trailing immaterial fingers over Daisy’s rosy cheek.
The baby’s eyes opened at her touch, and a smile lit her small face.
An enormous sense of love took over Elizabeth’s entire being. She understood exactly what Peter had meant when he called Daisy her soulmate. And she knew right then that an eternity could never be long enough.
Part II
Elizabeth stretched an immaterial hand toward her late husband, but knowing she couldn’t touch him sent a fresh torrent of tears down her cheeks. Daisy’s cry sounded through the monitor, and Elizabeth felt a tug toward the nursery. She loved her daughter—wanted to go to her—but she hated that she could do nothing to lessen her husband’s pain; hated that he was so close but still impossibly out of reach.
Elizabeth drifted into the baby’s room, and she immediately stopped crying. A smile spread from one chubby cheek to the next.
“Hi, sweetie. Mommy’s here now.”
Daisy cooed and kicked her tiny legs.
“Can you… Can you see me?” Elizabeth floated from one end of the crib to the other, and the baby’s eyes trailed after her.
“You can. Can’t you? But how?”
The baby smiled again as Elizabeth drew closer.
“Yes, Mommy’s here. Mommy will always be here for you, little one.”
Theo let out a low, guttural moan from the other room and began muttering to himself. “Why? Why? Why did you have to take her from me? Why?” He stared up toward the ceiling fan, as if he could look his maker straight in the face and demand an answer.
“I’m here, Theo. Right here for you,” she answered, but he didn’t turn to look at her like their daughter had.
Instead, he picked up the bottle of Xanax the therapist had given him and shook several of the potent little pills into his palm.
“I could end it right now, you know. What’s the point anyway?” He lifted the handful of poison to his mouth, but then Daisy cried again.
Theo hesitated for a second before dropping the pills on his nightstand and tromping into the nursery—his face red and raw. But Daisy smiled, happy to see her daddy.
“She needs you, Theo. Please don’t abandon our little girl,” Elizabeth urged.
And whether or not he heard her, Theo reached into the crib and raised the infant to his chest, clutching her tightly as if he were afraid that letting go of her would mean letting go of everything.
Once Elizabeth was sure the danger had passed, she stepped out into the sunlight and called to Peter. At once, the wrangler angel appeared, using his favorite tall, dark, and lanky form.
“Yes, Elizabeth,” he stated flatly.
“You said to call if I needed anything.”
“Yes.” His expression remained cool and unchanged, but Elizabeth continued, hoping the desperation in her voice would break through his tough exterior.
“Theo. He’s so sad. I need to help.”
“Theo isn’t your charge. Daisy is.”
“I just—”
“Theo has his own protector to watch over him.” Peter crossed his arms over his chest and shifted his nonexistent weight from one foot to the next. Elizabeth always found it funny how she and the other angels kept these physical gestures long after separating from their bodies.
“But where? I’m the only one here.”
“That’s not so. Daniel is near.”
“Daniel? But I haven’t seen anyone for days. Even the family isn’t coming by to check on Theo anymore.”
“Daniel is near,” Peter repeated. “You just can’t see him.”
“Like Theo can’t see me.”
“Correct.”
“But Daisy can?”
“Also correct.” Peter peeked at Elizabeth over his shoulder as he walked toward the large oak tree in their front yard.
Elizabeth followed, stumbling after him. She hated moving through walls, but she had no way to open doors and she didn’t want Peter to leave without helping her. “Why can she see me, and why can’t Theo? And where is Daniel?”
“So many questions.” Peter shook his head. “We’ll take one at a time. First, Daisy can see you, because babies are close to the Gates. They’re not fully integrated in the mortal realm, so they can interact with ours as well.”
“And Theo?”
“Is fully integrated and won’t be able to see or hear you, no matter what you do.”
“But Daniel. Why can’t I see him? Isn’t he an angel like us?”
“Like you, yes. But protectors aren’t supposed to worry about anyone or anything other than their charges. Yours is Daisy, not Theo.” He sighed. “You need to stop paying so much attention to him. You’re doing a disservice to Daisy with this obsession.”
“But he was my husband.”
“He’s not anymore. And you’re not technically Daisy’s mother either. You’re her protector, which is so much more.”
Elizabeth whipped around in front of Peter and stood close to him. “If I can’t help Theo, then I’ll need to speak to someone who can. Take me to Daniel. “
“How many times must I explain? You’re here for Daisy.”
She huffed. “And if Daisy’s father kills himself, then what? Seems I need to protect him in order to keep her safe too.”
Peter frowned and looked toward the sky. “Well, you may have a point there. Fine.” He snapped and disappeared, leaving a frail-looking angel in his wake.
She turned toward the red-headed youth with freckles splashed across his rather large nose. “Are you Daniel?” she asked.
“Yup.”
“Hi, I’m Elizabeth.” She extended her hand, but Daniel just laughed.
“I know. I used to watch you all the time when you were on the other side.” His cheeks crimsoned, and he looked toward the ground.
She decided not to ask about when and how he was watching her then. Besides, his flushed expression already said more than she cared to know.
“We have to help Theo,” she insisted, hoping Daniel would prove more reasonable than Peter.
“Believe me, I’m trying, lady. Really, I am.”
“Okay, then tell me how I can help.”
“Well, basically, you can’t. I’m his protector, see?” Daniel squinted up at her, his gaze somehow both intimidating and meek.
“We can’t let him kill himself.”
“Sometimes it’s all part of the plan. We can’t interfere with the plan.”
She raised her voice. If she couldn’t appeal to the angel’s kindness, maybe she could get him to cooperate in some other way. “Is it part of the plan for Theo to commit suicide and leave
little Daisy an orphan?”
“God, no! I was just saying. You know, hypothetically.”
“So if it’s not in the plan, then he can’t kill himself, right?”
“Well, I didn’t say that…”
“Then how could you just stand back and watch him suffer like this? Why aren’t you doing your job?”
He jabbed a finger at her, a sudden rage twisted his features. “Hey, I do what I can! Besides you’re a rookie. I bet you don’t even know the first thing about what we can and can’t do anyway.”
“Show me.”
His features softened as he looked her over. “What?”
“I want to learn.”
Daniel let out a low moan. “Ugh, this is supposed to be Peter’s job. What good is he if he can’t even show the newbs the ropes without a little help from old Daniel?”
Elizabeth laughed despite herself. “Old? You couldn’t be more than nine years old.”
“I may have been young when I died, but I’ve been around the block with these here wings more times than I bet you can count.”
“Sounds like there’s a lot you could teach me then. Would you? Please?”
Daniel cricked his neck to either side and then cracked his knuckles. “I suppose I can help the lady out. First, you gotta learn how to whisper.”
Elizabeth raised her hand to speak, but he cut her off before she could say anything.
“Not whispering, whispering, if you know what I mean. You know that still small voice mortals hear telling them to do what’s right? You think they come up with that on their own? No! That’s us. That’s the whisper. You lean forward like this and put your face right into their brain. Don’t worry, they can’t feel it and you can’t see it. Thank God you can’t see it. But you gotta get real close to be heard, see? So you lean into their brains, and then you say your piece. That’s the most important tool at our disposal.”
“Whisper. Got it. What else?”
“The other really good thing to know is the dodge. You know, like dodgeball. You see them red rubber things flying your way and—BAM!—you fly to this side, that side, whichever side to avoid getting hit right in the kisser.”
Elizabeth nodded. “The dodge. How do I do that?”
“No, you don’t do it. You get them to do it, right? So to dodge, you gotta lean into them again, and then you push or pull, whichever way, to get them to move. It’s just like how they call the whisper their conscience. They call this one muscle memory. Muscle memory, my hiney. That’s all us.”
“I thought muscle memory was how people remember to ride a bike or play the piano, things like that.”
“Yeah, we do that too if we get bored enough. But our number one job is as a protector, not a muse. Besides, with a baby, you’ll have plenty to keep you busy.”
“Okay. The whisper and the dodge. Is that it?”
“What do you mean is that it? That gives you power over their thoughts and their bodies. What more do you need, huh? Oh, but one last thing. Don’t go messing with Theo. He’s mine, and I tend to get a little protective.”
And just as quickly as he had appeared in the first place, Daniel was gone.
* * *
Elizabeth kept close watch over Daisy, but was unable to let her attachment to Theo go. Occasionally, Daniel would show up to chastise her, but mostly she found herself alone with her thoughts. Eternity felt like a very long time, having no one to spend it with.
She tried both the whisper and the dodge out on Daisy, but neither accomplished much. After all, the baby couldn’t even walk or speak yet, which made it all the more difficult to trust Theo to Daniel.
Still, the days wore on, and Theo wore on right along with them. And while he still seemed sullen, he no longer studied the pill bottle like it held the cure for all his worries. With time, he even started putting on his jeans again, then he started shaving, then heading out to run errands, and finally—when she’d been gone from his realm for months—she heard a deep laugh erupt from Theo’s chest.
“Now that’s my girl,” he crooned as he swung the baby around in his arms and they continued to chuckle together. When he set Daisy down upon her feet, the baby took first one tentative step forward and then another.
“Oh, Theo!” Elizabeth cried. “Our little girl is growing up so fast.” And she was. In fact, it seemed like only yesterday Elizabeth had…
No, she didn’t want to go there. It was much easier to do her job as a protector if she pushed aside the nagging reminder that she could only fulfill this role because she wasn’t able to serve in her rightful roles on Earth.
She choked back the very mortal emotions of loss and regret. Like Daisy, she too was on the cusp of both worlds. How long would it be until she lost her human longing? And did she want to lose the last part of her that made her who she’d been, who she still was?
Life, as always, was a mystery, and unfortunately not even death provided an answer. Maybe when she and Daisy crossed through the Gates, maybe then she’d have all the answers she’d ever sought and many more besides.
Theo left to grab his camera, providing Daisy with the perfect opportunity to make mischief, and Elizabeth her first real opportunity to try the dodge.
The little girl toddled toward the end table and reached for the hot mug of coffee Theo had left unattended.
Elizabeth shot forward, pushing herself into Daisy and swinging her arms wildly to the side. It worked.
Daisy fell forward in a clumsy spin and crumpled into a heap on the floor. She looked right at Elizabeth and let out the most pitiful cry. This would be the first of many times, Elizabeth realized, she’d have to hurt her daughter in order to help her.
Theo rushed in and picked the little girl up into his strong arms. Elizabeth wished there was still a place in those arms for her too. Missing him never got any easier, and she doubted it ever would—on this side of the Gates or otherwise.
* * *
Everything changed once Daisy started walking. Now Elizabeth needed to keep constant watch over her to redirect those tiny hands and feet and keep them away from danger. The flurry of activity was good for Theo too. He chased after Daisy all hours of the day and night, leaving him too exhausted to do anything but sleep at the end of each day.
More so than ever before, they were united in their individual quests to keep their daughter safe. But as she felt her bonds to Theo strengthening, she’d noticed that Daisy had begun to fade away. Or rather, she herself had begun to fade.
Sure, she could still dodge and she found the occasional opportunity to whisper, but she could no longer grab Daisy’s attention with words and gestures.
“She’s anchoring,” Peter said when she called to him for help. “I fear it won’t be long now. But don’t worry. It means you’ve done your job well. It means she’s growing, and so are you. Besides, you’ll have plenty to keep you busy as she discovers the world and all the many opportunities for danger and sin. Now go with them.” Peter gestured toward Theo who was zipping up Daisy’s pink jacket while balancing the oversized diaper bag on his shoulder.
“Ready to go to the park?” he asked, straightening the lopsided bow affixed to Daisy’s curls.
“Yes, Daddy!” Daisy mumbled then burst into giggles. They were off.
Elizabeth never knew what to do with herself while Daisy and Theo were in the car. It felt strange to sit when she had no material form, and it felt equally uncomfortable to float along beside the vehicle while other cars passed through her on the road. Today, she chose to float a few inches above the car in order to keep an eye on Daisy with minimal pass-throughs.
When they arrived, she found Daniel standing near the swings at the park. “The swings were my favorite when I was—well, when I was alive.”
“Mine too,” she confided, shooting a sympathetic look his way. While she wondered about the story behind the nine-year-old angel, she didn’t want to bring any of his painful longing to the surface. Just as she wouldn’t want anyone to remind her of wh
at she’d lost—that is, if she actually ever found a way to move past it.
“I’m on a mission today, and you won’t like it. But what can I say? It’s the plan. And you know we can’t mess with the plan.”
Elizabeth gulped and fixed her gaze on Daisy as the child flew down the slide and into her daddy’s arms.
“It’s time.” Daniel’s expression was happy, though his words were grim.
“Time for what?” she nudged.
“Time for Theo and Daisy to move on past… well, past you.”
Elizabeth opened her mouth to argue, but no words came out. What could she say to change the angel’s mind? Even if she could find the right argument, she knew it was selfish to expect Theo to remain committed to her memory and without a partner in life.
Daniel came over to pat her on the shoulder. “There, there now. We both knew this couldn’t last forever. Besides, it’s what’s right for him. You do love him, don’t you?”
“Of course, I do.”
“Then let him be free. Let him move on from the grief of losing you by finding somebody else.” He paused for a moment and smiled, raising his hand to point out into the parking lot. “Look, there she is now.”
Elizabeth watched as a petite, dark-skinned woman approached, holding firmly to the leash for a tiny hound.
“Her name is Tina,” Daniel supplied. “She lost somebody important too. That’s what’s going to unite them, as a matter of fact. And that’s Mitzi.” He pointed to the Daschund at Tina’s feet. “This is her last visit to the park. Tina’s putting her down afterward. The cancer’s gone too far, you see. It’s causing them both too much pain.”
Elizabeth didn’t know what to say, so she remained silent as she watched the scene unfold.
Daisy ran up to the little dog and gave her a big hug around the neck. “Puppy!” she cried, then giggled as Mitzi gave her kisses on the face.
“Daisy!” Theo called, running after her. He saw Tina standing there and blushed. “I’m sorry. She just loves dogs. C’mon, Daze. Let’s go back to the slide.”
“No, that’s okay,” Tina said before Theo could turn away. “I don’t mind. It’s nice actually. My name’s Tina, and this is Mitzi. She always did love children.” Tina sucked back a tear, and Theo placed a hand on her wrist.
Diving for Pearls: The Complete Collection (The Pearl Makers) Page 2