‘I’m not unhappy about it. James is my only son. I love my grandchildren and I will love this one too,’ Judith began before adding the ‘but’ that would contradict her previous statement. ‘But babies are hard work under the best of circumstances and you’ve accepted yourself that keeping your business up and running will only add to that pressure. These things are bound to add stress to any relationship.’
‘It’s not the only thing that adds stress to a relationship.’
‘Exactly,’ Judith said as if they were in perfect agreement but as Kathy tapped on the door and entered with a tray of clinking china, she and Maggie were still worlds apart.
‘Ready for some tea, ladies?’ Kathy asked.
They both mumbled their thanks and the awkwardness that hung in the air was as tangible as the scent of chamomile and rose. Kathy, wisely, chose to leave as quickly as she had arrived.
‘I think I’m about done,’ Maggie said, her words flowing uncomfortably over the lump of anxiety lodged in her throat. ‘I’ll give you a pair of cotton gloves to wear while you drink your tea.’
‘Thanks, Maggie.’
Silence fell as Judith sipped her tea and Maggie filled the time by clearing away her equipment and washing her hands. Each practised move was completed to perfection despite her mind being elsewhere. She had pushed the conversation but, in her own inimitable way, Judith had used Maggie’s openness to contrive more fault lines in her daughter-in-law’s life. She checked her watch. They would have to leave in ten minutes but perhaps there was still time.
Maggie sat back down on her stool, a flush rising to her cheeks as the questions lined up in her mind. Why are you adamant that James has made a big mistake in marrying me? Why, now that I’m pregnant, are you still willing the marriage to fail? What do I have to do to get your approval? Her mind raced as fast as her heart but as she steeled herself, Judith jumped in with her own questions.
‘How’s that lady doing? The one with you in the park the other day?’
‘Mrs Milton?’ Maggie asked, her thoughts stumbling as the conversation steered away from its intended course. ‘She’s doing OK, I suppose.’
‘Has she been suffering from dementia long?’
‘Yes, quite a while I think.’
Judith’s curiosity had been piqued by what James had already told her but Maggie wasn’t about to fill the gaps. Ted had been right, Elsie was entitled to keep her secrets even if the old lady’s mind insisted on making them public. As Maggie concentrated on her replies, the adrenalin that had quickened her heart slowly washed away. Crockery clinked as Judith placed her empty cup on the saucer and dropped a pair of cotton gloves onto the table. The opportunity for confrontation had slipped through Maggie’s fingers and her growing confidence cut back down to size.
‘It was good that you could help her like that, amazing really. And I hope you didn’t mind me interfering but no one could expect you to look after the children and be a Good Samaritan at the same time. I would have hated to see you getting into trouble over it and you never know who’s watching.’
‘In trouble with who?’
There was a long pause while Judith fumbled with her bag as she prepared to leave. ‘Oh, I’m guessing James, for one,’ she said at last. ‘I hope you didn’t fall out too badly over it. Those boys have seen too many arguments and they know how quickly things can turn ugly.’
Maggie listened in stunned silence. Judith’s voice was soothing and sympathetic, too intent on imagining the collapse of James’s second marriage to consider that he might have been angry with his mother, too. Her daughter-in-law’s mouth was agog but by the time she had the presence of mind to close it, Judith had moved the conversation on again. ‘I should come here more often – my hands feel amazing. You’ve still got a little tea left in your cup if you want to drink up. We’d better leave soon.’
Judith was rising to her feet when Maggie took a deep breath, hoping that the remnants of the essential oils in the air would be enough to steady her for one last attempt to speak openly and honestly.
‘Judith,’ she said. ‘I wish you would come over more often. I wish we could know each other better.’ It was hardly the no-holds-barred discussion she had imagined; it was a plea and a desperate one at that. Maggie could feel her heart thudding against her chest as she waited for Judith’s answer.
‘Shall I get your coat?’ Judith said.
The hurt cut deeply into Maggie as Judith deftly ignored the proffered olive branch. She was about to respond, all sense of tact and diplomacy abandoned but luckily Judith spoke first.
‘How about I make another appointment with you so I don’t go undoing all your good work?’
‘I was stunned, completely stunned,’ Maggie confessed in a hushed whisper. ‘I still am.’ She was in the kitchen with Jenny, out of earshot of their husbands who were engrossed in their own discussions in the dining room about the dire state of the economy.
‘I know how frustrated you are with Judith but you can’t rush these things.’
‘In case it’s escaped your notice, I’ve been married to her son for precisely one year,’ Maggie said. She and James had invited their friends over for a quiet dinner to mark their first wedding anniversary. It was Sunday evening and Lily was sleeping soundly in the living room allowing her parents some much-needed time off to share a meal and a celebratory glass of champagne. ‘And we were living together for six months before that. She’s had plenty of time.’
‘You mark my words, one minute you’ll think you’re getting nowhere and the next she’ll be interfering in your life as much as she has with James’s for the last thirty-five years.’
‘I know you’re trying to put me off but right now that would be the lesser of two evils! Keeping her at a distance was quite tempting, but the more I glimpse how her mind works, the more I’ve realised I need to be around to correct all the outrageous assumptions she jumps to.’
‘So how did she wind you up so much that you’re in danger of curdling the soup?’
Maggie was standing over a large saucepan, the contents of which were still swirling around long after she had the presence of mind to stop stirring. ‘I don’t think you’d believe me if I told you. Let’s just say that she asked the midwife some pretty damning questions.’
‘Like?’
So far Maggie had kept the events of her antenatal appointment to herself. She hadn’t even told James; she didn’t want to shatter the illusion that she and his mother were making progress. ‘It doesn’t matter. It was just lucky that Mel was there to deal with her. Well, I say lucky but actually I’d forewarned her and she made sure she was at the clinic to see us.’
‘You’re nothing if not prepared,’ Jenny said. She was on the far side of the kitchen rummaging in the fridge. ‘Ooh, that looks nice.’ A freshly made cheesecake was taking pride of place on the top shelf.
‘And I’ll know if you try putting your finger in it,’ Maggie warned, trying to keep the mood light when her insides were tied up in knots. ‘You’ll find the butter on the second shelf from the top.’
‘You always did have eyes in the back of your head.’
‘And I’m going to need them with Judith around,’ Maggie said under her breath. She could hear the roiling soup that was a perfect match for her emotions. She tipped her head back so that the tears brimming in her eyes wouldn’t fall. ‘I really thought it was going to work, Jen.’
‘Hey, don’t get upset,’ Jenny said turning towards her. ‘If I know you, you’ll win her over eventually. Give it time.’
It wasn’t so much the words as the sympathy in Jenny’s voice that knocked some sense into Maggie. She sniffed back her tears and straightened up. ‘I’m sorry, Jen. I should be the one consoling you. How’s Mark dealing with the news? How are you dealing with it?’
Jenny had picked up a bread knife and was cutting a granary loaf into wedges, her efforts slow and deliberate as she tried to make sense of how her life was about to change. After living un
der the shadow of redundancy, Mark had been served notice that week. It was official. He would be unemployed come September.
‘It’s awful – for me and for him. Just awful.’
Maggie looked over in Jenny’s direction, shocked by how all the colour had been drained from her voice. ‘I can’t believe you’ve let me rant while you’re there putting on a brave face.’
‘Take my word for it,’ Jenny said. ‘This is not a brave face.’
Maggie left the soup simmering and stepped towards her friend. She placed a palm gently against her cheek. Thankfully there were no tears but her jaw was set firm, pulling her mouth in a downward direction. Her bottom lip trembled.
‘So this is where you take up the strain?’ Maggie asked.
Jenny tried to nod but she didn’t seem to have the energy. ‘I’m going to apply for the assistant manager’s job even though I don’t know if it’s what I really want. I have no choice, we need the money, but with so much pressure on me now I’m bound to mess it up. Mark isn’t particularly sympathetic and why should he be? I’m panicking about the possibility of getting promoted, for goodness’ sake. It’s already driving a wedge between us and it’s bound to get worse.’
‘Not necessarily and who’s to say there isn’t a new job for Mark right around the corner?’
‘Actually, he’s been talking about retraining once he’s worked his notice.’
The question was begging to be asked. ‘Retrain as what?’
‘A joiner,’ Jenny said deliberately. ‘He started an apprenticeship when he left school but then took the job at the estate agents. He was pretty good by all accounts and if he can persuade someone to take him on, I don’t think it would take long for him to become qualified.’
‘Someone like James?’
‘Do you think it’s possible?’
The soup began to bubble ferociously and Maggie had a short reprieve before giving an answer. She returned to the stove and turned off the heat. ‘I don’t know, Jenny. I don’t think James is taking anyone on at the moment. Things are tight.’
‘There are probably grants that he could claim for apprenticeships and if not, Mark wouldn’t ask to be paid. We could live off the redundancy money for a while. It would be a way of investing in our future.’
Jenny wasn’t going to take no for an answer but Maggie knew it wasn’t in her gift to offer Mark a job, even an unpaid one. ‘I’ll mention it to James,’ she promised.
‘I know you’ll convince him,’ Jenny said, suddenly reanimated. She joined Maggie at the stove and gave her arm a quick squeeze. ‘Now, let’s sample the chef’s work.’ She slurped a spoonful of scalding hot mushroom soup. ‘I’d say it needs a little more pepper.’
‘It’s perfect as it is,’ Maggie said. A quick check of the oven confirmed there was still another half hour until the roast was ready. ‘Time to serve.’
Buoyed by the lifeline Maggie had handed her, Jenny’s effervescence still wasn’t enough to lift the mood around the dining table. Mark was distinctly subdued and James not much better.
It wasn’t until after the second course, when Jenny disappeared to check on Lily and Mark sloped outside for a quick cigarette that Maggie had a chance to ask James about the apprenticeship.
‘Please don’t say you’ve promised her anything.’
‘I said I’d talk to you, that’s all,’ Maggie answered.
‘I’m sorry, Maggie, but there’s no chance. I could tell Mark was angling for an offer when he mentioned it before but I deliberately ignored the hints.’
‘Couldn’t you find some way of helping? They’re our friends, James.’
‘Maggie, estate agents aren’t the only ones losing their jobs, builders are laying people off too.’ Their conversation was in hushed tones, which made the exasperation in James’s voice all the more pronounced.
‘Is it that bad?’
James took her hand and gave it a squeeze. ‘We’re supposed to be celebrating tonight. Let’s not talk about it.’
‘Not interrupting anything, am I?’ Jenny asked.
Maggie forced a half smile. ‘How’s Lily?’
‘Sleeping like a baby.’
The conversation stalled, Jenny not willing for once to fill the silence. She was waiting for someone to put her out of her misery.
‘Did I tell you about my lunch at Elsie’s the other day?’ Maggie asked, knowing full well that she had.
‘Yes. It’s such a shame isn’t it? She and her husband have been in the bank a few times and I don’t know what to say to them.’
‘That’s not like you,’ chipped in James.
‘It would help if Maggie filled in some more of the gaps,’ Jenny said. ‘We know she came here when she was pregnant and no one believes this story that she’d lost her husband. So what became of the baby? Was it adopted?’
Even though Maggie had refused to break Elsa’s confidence, Mrs Milton’s frequent dips into the past had meant she was already the subject of local gossip. ‘If there ever was a baby. She gets a bit confused and imagines all kinds of things which probably never even happened,’ she said. It was the explanation Ted would have her believe and Maggie hoped she sounded more convincing than he had. ‘But on her better days, she’s quite a character.’
‘Maggie was saying her husband doesn’t want her going back into the park,’ James said.
‘Does he think she might throw herself in the lake?’ Jenny asked. ‘You thought that yourself once, didn’t you?’
‘She had nightmares about it,’ James agreed.
It was a memory that Maggie occasionally wrestled with, but the spot by the lake still held more comfort than fear. It had been a place of quiet reflection for both of them and the bench had bound them together. Maggie couldn’t bear the thought of Elsie never visiting there again. ‘If she’s reliving her past life then obviously she didn’t come to any harm. I think she’s safe on that count.’
‘I thought you just said she was making it all up?’ Jenny asked.
It was guilt rather than embarrassment that brought a flush to Maggie’s cheeks. She didn’t enjoy lying and obviously couldn’t do it very well. ‘I don’t know what happened to Elsa, Jen, honestly I don’t. She did a lot of soul searching while she sat on that bench and maybe that’s where she thinks she’ll find herself again.’
‘It’s easy to see how she could slip back into another time so easily,’ James said. ‘I doubt the park’s changed that much in the last sixty years, especially down by the lake where it’s so enclosed.’
‘She notices the changes and that’s what upsets her most,’ added Maggie.
‘Is this the crazy lady who was looking for the swans?’ Mark had returned to the dining room as they were talking. The smell of stale smoke drifted in too and Maggie heard Jenny sniffing the air in disgust.
‘She’s not crazy,’ Maggie corrected.
‘And you would understand that if you hadn’t been outside burning money,’ Jenny sniped.
‘I think you’ll find it was a cigarette – and while I’m still earning, I can do what I like with my money.’
‘Who’s ready for some cheesecake?’ Maggie offered quickly.
‘I’ll get it,’ James said, jumping up as if his seat was on fire. He hated arguments and one between friends would be particularly tortuous. Maggie heard Harvey scramble to his feet too and he squeezed between a forest of legs, table and human, to follow James’s retreat.
‘Did you ask him?’ Jenny asked as soon as James was out of earshot.
Maggie wished she had insisted on helping James with dessert. ‘I’m sorry, Jenny, but I don’t think it’s possible at the moment. I knew James was struggling but I’m beginning to think he hasn’t been telling me everything.’
Mark let out a long sigh of exasperation. ‘You asked Maggie? Jenny, I told you not to get involved,’ he said to his wife. ‘I’m sorry, Maggie, she shouldn’t have put you in that position. I was talking to James before and it’s clear he’s barely managing t
o stay afloat himself.’
‘But you have to put yourself out there, Mark. It’s not like someone is going to come knocking at your door,’ Jenny said angrily.
‘I will put myself out there. Me. Not my interfering wife.’
‘Would James be able to have a word with some of his contacts?’ Jenny asked, her desperation making it impossible to heed Mark’s warnings. ‘Maybe there’s someone he knows who could take him on.’
Maggie was starting to feel drained and just a little nauseous. ‘Jenny, please,’ she begged as she heard James returning from the kitchen.
No more was said on the matter and little else was said for the remainder of the evening. There were the compulsory compliments on the chef’s coup de grâce, polite interest in the recipe for the cheesecake but an uncomfortable silence fell as they concentrated a little too much on savouring their dessert. No one argued when Jenny suggested making it an early night and it was only after their guests had wrapped up a softly snoring Lily and headed out into the bleak night that James realised that they had forgotten to open the champagne.
‘Shall we?’ he asked. They were in the kitchen, clearing away the dishes.
‘Not unless you’re planning on demolishing it by yourself. I was only going to have a sip anyway and to be honest I’m not even in the mood for that any more.’
James sighed. ‘Me neither.’
‘I hate to see them at such odds with each other.’
‘They’ll be fine,’ James answered, but there was little hope of convincing Maggie when he sounded so unsure himself.
The nausea she had been fighting hit her like a wave. ‘And what about us? Are we fine?’ she asked.
James actually laughed. ‘Where did that come from? I know I was a bit short with you before but that’s hardly grounds for divorce.’
Maggie wouldn’t be cajoled. Mark’s words were still ringing in her ears. In one conversation he had worked out that James’s business was in dire straits, something that had barely registered on Maggie’s radar. ‘I didn’t know you were struggling to find work. How much are we not telling each other, James? What’s happening to us?’
Where I Found You Page 14