‘Elsa, please come back!’ the woman called after her but Elsa ignored the plea. She was already stepping out from the dimly lit bank into the bright light of day.
The glare from the sun was blinding and Elsa raised a hand to shield her eyes. She could see only the silhouette of a woman standing in front of her, blocking her way.
‘Leave me alone,’ Elsa cried. She was trying to look past the woman but the flashes of sun glinting off speeding cars stung her already red and swollen eyes.
‘I’m sorry, I can’t let you go,’ the woman said.
Elsa tried to make out the features of her latest adversary. The woman was tall with short blonde, almost white hair. Through blurred vision she looked into the woman’s eyes and wondered why she hadn’t recognised her immediately.
‘Celia?’
‘Come back into the bank with me, please,’ her sister said.
Despite the cloying heat, a cold shiver ran down Elsa’s spine as she caught a glimpse of the future and her mind recoiled. ‘No, no, you have to help me find Freddie. If I lose him now then I lose the baby too. Do you really want that? You said yourself you couldn’t have given up one of your own babies. Why make me give up mine, Celia? It’s not fair! You have so many and I only want one, one little baby. Don’t do this to me, Celia. Please, don’t do this. Help me!’
Celia was lifting her arm and at first Elsa thought she was trying to stop her from passing but then she knew. Elsa’s eyes opened in horror. Celia was about to give her the letter that would rip out her heart and one day tear the baby from her arms.
‘No!’ she cried in a desperate mewl. ‘He can’t be dead! No, please God, no.’
‘It’s going to be all right,’ Celia pleaded. ‘Please, take my hand.’
‘No, it’s not going to be all right. You know what’s going to happen and I can’t face it. I might as well be dead too. I can’t do this, I can’t go on.’ Elsa practically shoved her sister out of the way and stumbled towards the road. Am I really that strong? Elsa asked herself. Am I brave enough to end it all now?
With Jenny’s help, Maggie had followed Mrs Milton out of the bank and although she didn’t see what happened next, she heard enough of the exchange between the old lady and Kathy to follow the heartbreaking drama as it unfolded. It was the fear in Kathy’s voice and the shocked gasps around her that warned Maggie that Mrs Milton might be about to do something drastic.
‘Elsa,’ Maggie called, her voice deceptively calm and her tone authoritative. ‘Come back inside the bank. Please think about the baby.’
There was a heart-stopping pause and even though Maggie couldn’t see that Mrs Milton was about to step off the pavement she heard the choked cry from the old lady as she lost her footing and stumbled into the road.
Maggie could only listen on helplessly to the screech of brakes and the ensuing chaos. Her only comfort, if it could be called that, was that the thud she heard before the car juddered to a stop had been Mrs Milton hitting the ground and not the thump of flesh hitting metal.
Maggie’s breathing was no longer coming out in shuddering gasps but her body was still shaking as she accompanied Mrs Milton on the fraught ambulance ride to the hospital. In the mêlée that had followed the accident, Kathy had had the presence of mind to go back to the salon and fetch a few of Maggie’s essentials, the most important being Harvey who had returned from his roving. He hadn’t left Maggie’s side since and as she sat on a small seat at the back of the ambulance the dog leant against her leg, the shivers coursing through his body barely distinguishable from her own.
The ambulance had arrived quickly enough but it had seemed like an age as Maggie comforted Elsie as best she could at the side of the road. Jenny was a trained first aider and assured her that there were no obvious signs of trauma and that Mrs Milton had a strong pulse but she couldn’t explain why the old lady remained completely unresponsive.
A friendly paramedic had introduced himself as Ronnie and he too confirmed that Mrs Milton’s vital signs were strong. But until Mrs Milton was conscious and aware of her surroundings and, perhaps more importantly, aware of who she was, only then would Maggie allow herself to relax.
‘Mrs Milton, can you squeeze my hand for me?’ Ronnie was saying as the ambulance swayed from side to side.
‘Still no response,’ he told Maggie. ‘There’s no sign of concussion but she’ll be thoroughly checked out at the hospital.’
The ambulance rocked as they turned a corner a little too fast. Ronnie cursed under his breath as he stumbled but it was the sound of metal scraping metal that caught Maggie’s attention. It was a wedding ring clinking against the handrail of the gurney as someone clamped her hand around it.
Ronnie had noticed too. ‘I think you can hear me after all, can’t you, Mrs Milton?’
‘Elsie? It’s Maggie. Are you OK?’
They both waited patiently, unwilling to let their questions be ignored any longer.
‘Freddie,’ she said with a sigh.
Maggie sighed too but hers was one of relief not regret. The voice had been frail and weak but it was Elsie’s voice, not Elsa. Maggie made a move to stand up to be closer to her friend. The vehicle was still rocking but rather than insist she sit back down, Ronnie let Maggie take the seat closest to her friend. He stepped away to let the two women talk.
‘It must have been awful for you, to lose him when you needed him most,’ Maggie said.
‘The worst,’ Elsie agreed. ‘I’ve made a bit of a fool of myself again, haven’t I?’
‘You’ve made me more in awe of you than ever,’ Maggie assured her. ‘I can’t imagine what it must have been like to be an unmarried mother in the fifties, but from the glimpses you’ve given me, you were a formidable character.’
‘But I wasn’t an unmarried mother, was I? I never got the chance to be a mum to my Tess.’
Maggie’s smile was tinged with sadness as another layer of Elsa’s past was revealed. At last Maggie had the confirmation she had been longing to hear: the baby was as real as Freddie had been. ‘You had a little girl and you called her Tess,’ she said, more as a statement than a question. ‘And you were and always will be her mother.’
‘I failed her.’
‘You’ve come back for Tess, haven’t you?’
‘I might be daft but I know I can’t change the past however much I try. I’m a lost cause, Maggie.’
‘You are not, you’re an inspiration.’
‘Now I know you’re lying,’ chided Elsie. ‘All I really wanted was to return to that bench in the park, to remember all that I’d lost and to find some peace. Not a day’s gone by without me thinking about that place and everything that happened.’
It was a simple wish and one that Maggie understood better than most. She knew exactly what it was like to sit at the side of the lake and reconnect with the past but for Elsie, her visits to Victoria Park had been far from peaceful. ‘Even though it’s so very painful?’
‘Yes. If I had a friend sitting next to me I’m sure I’d be safe. We just need to convince that husband of mine. Where is he?’ Elsie groaned as she tried to pull herself up into a sitting position but Ronnie was quick to step in.
‘Oh, no you don’t, young lady. You lie still until the doctors have said it’s OK for you to get up.’
‘Another charmer,’ Elsie said. ‘I should warn you I have a thing for men in uniform.’
He was grinning as he said, ‘I always knew these bright green overalls would be irresistible to women. It’s what drew me to the job.’
The banter was brought to an abrupt end as the ambulance pulled up outside the Accident and Emergency Department. Maggie was beginning to feel calmer but as she stepped out into the fresh air her legs trembled, a reminder of the shock her own body had been through. She was ushered into a waiting area while Elsie was taken through to be examined. Maggie needed to phone Jenny and let her know what was happening in case Ted had been found but first she needed to sit down and let her mind settle
.
She rested a hand on Harvey’s head as he sat patiently and watched, her mind turning. Elsie was going to be fine, physically at least, and with that initial fear laid to rest, Maggie let her thoughts wander a little further into the past. She could still hear the pain etched in Elsa’s voice as she relived the moment she had discovered how Freddie had been taken from her, knowing that one day her baby would be taken too.
Elsie had said she hoped to find peace but Maggie recalled an earlier conversation where she had suggested she was also punishing herself. Maggie couldn’t help wondering if what Elsie really wanted was the one thing she felt she didn’t deserve and so hadn’t been able to voice. Could a child given up for adoption in 1953 be traced? Could Tess be found quickly enough for Mrs Milton to have the presence of mind to find some kind of resolution and, more importantly, could Maggie be the one to give Elsa her happy ending?
The afternoon began to fade into evening but Maggie had no thoughts of going home. She had been sitting in the waiting room for so long that her back had seized up and her only break from the monotony had been to take Harvey outside to relieve himself and find him a drink of water. The fresh air had been a welcome contrast to the sterile environment that drained the hospital of any colour. But it was only a brief respite and she had quickly resumed her vigil.
Ted had eventually been tracked down and Maggie had spoken to him only briefly. He had been busy in the garden that morning, only realising that Elsie had vanished when he came in for a break. His first instinct had been to go to Victoria Park and it was only when he couldn’t find her there that he had started to panic. On his way back to the High Street he had bumped into Alice Bowden. She had not only told him what was happening but had been good enough to enlist the help of one of her sons to take Ted directly to the hospital; he had been in no fit state to drive himself.
‘Come on, Maggie, I’m taking you home.’
James had appeared from nowhere and the sound of his voice made Maggie start. She had already phoned to warn him that she intended to stay as long as she was needed, but if she had been under the illusion that he had arrived to keep her company, she was quickly corrected. James hooked his hand under her elbow and gently coaxed her to her feet. It wasn’t an easy task. Maggie’s stubborn mind and her stiffened body protested, but James wasn’t taking no for an answer.
‘I can’t leave without seeing Ted first, if only to let him know that I’m going,’ she said. ‘He might need me to fetch some of Elsie’s things.’
‘I thought you said Alice was already doing that?’
Her delaying tactics had been exposed but Maggie was undeterred. ‘Ted’s here on his own, he might need something.’
‘I don’t think either Mr or Mrs Milton will expect you to wait here all night. Please, Maggie, if not for yourself then what about Harvey? He must be starving.’
Harvey heard his name and when he whined in agreement, Maggie knew she had been beaten. ‘For Harvey’s sake then.’
Her first steps were tentative as her body adjusted to an upright position but no sooner had their pace quickened than James stopped them all in their tracks.
‘I think someone’s trying to catch your attention,’ he said. ‘It’s an elderly gent, so I presume it’s your Mr Milton.’
Maggie heard Ted walk slowly and heavily towards them. ‘Hello, Maggie,’ he said, sounding not only tired but utterly despondent. Maggie imagined a frail old man standing in front of her rather than the surly husband who was Elsie’s rock.
‘How’s she doing? Will they need to keep her in?’
‘Yes, but only for observation, thank God. The doctor doesn’t think she’s done herself any real harm,’ Ted said.
‘Can I see her?’
‘She’s being moved up to a ward at the moment.’
‘We can wait, can’t we, James?’
Maggie wasn’t asking her husband’s permission but he answered as if she had. ‘I really think you need to go home and rest, Maggie. You need to take care of yourself too. I’m Maggie’s husband, James, by the way,’ he added, having given up waiting for Maggie to make formal introductions. ‘I’ve heard a lot about you and your wife and I’m only sorry we have to meet under these circumstances.’
‘Pleased to meet you,’ Ted replied as the two of them shook hands.
‘We could come back in later then,’ Maggie insisted. ‘If there’s anything you want me to fetch from home, we could pick it up on the way.’
Ted cleared his throat. ‘I’d rather you didn’t.’
‘I’ll come in first thing tomorrow then,’ she said, almost stumbling over her words in her eagerness to help. ‘Will they let me visit so early do you think?’
‘No,’ he said. Ted’s shoes squeaked against the linoleum tiles as he shifted uncomfortably.
‘Of course not; it’s afternoon visiting, isn’t it? I’ll phone in the morning then and if she’s being discharged, I could always call around when you’re home and check if you need anything.’
‘I’m sorry, Maggie, but I think it’s best if you don’t,’ Ted said.
Maggie’s innate ability to read people by the tone of their voice hadn’t failed her; she had registered Mr Milton’s unease, she knew what he was trying to tell her, she simply refused to acknowledge it. ‘You’re right, I should leave her to rest for a couple of days,’ she said.
Ted had no alternative but to make his point bluntly. ‘No, Maggie; I’m sorry but I’d rather you didn’t see her at all. I know you mean well, and I know you and Elsie have been developing a bond that, in other circumstances, she would really enjoy. But for some reason, when you’re together, it only strengthens that connection she has with the past, opens up old wounds when they should be left to heal.’
‘Those wounds have been open for sixty years, Ted. I know it must be hard for you to hear her talk about Freddie but you must realise that her pregnancy isn’t a figment of her imagination. She wants me to take her to the park. She wants to go back to a time when she was closest to her baby.’
‘Tess, you mean?’
Maggie felt awash with relief. After stubbornly refusing to acknowledge the baby’s existence, Ted was even willing to say her name – she was winning the argument. ‘Yes and I’ve been thinking about that. What if Elsie didn’t have to rely on memories, what if we could find her daughter? It might help.’
‘It won’t mend her,’ Ted answered. His voice was leaden.
‘But—’ Maggie started.
‘No, Maggie! After everything that’s happened today, I’m more convinced than ever that the only way to help Elsie is to bury the past, not rake up old ghosts. I’m sorry but my mind’s made up.’ His voice finally cracked with emotion when he saw the tears welling in Maggie’s eyes and his hardened shell showed signs of weakening, but he wasn’t about to break his resolve. ‘Elsie’s getting worse with each passing day. The drugs the doctors have given her are too little, too late. There’s nothing I can do other than protect her from herself the best way I can. I hope you’ll understand why I’m doing this.’
Maggie couldn’t agree to that. She wanted to be there for Elsie, and she wanted to be there for Elsa too. It took all of her strength to nod her agreement.
‘Is there anything we can do to help?’ James asked.
Maggie took comfort from the strength in her husband’s voice and the arm that had slipped around her waist. ‘Even from a distance,’ she added.
‘I appreciate the offer, really I do, but right now I have to prove to everyone that I can manage. Yvonne’s on her way down from Scotland and I’ve promised that we’ll sit down and talk through the options. I already know what she’ll say but I’ll grow eyes in the back of my head if I have to. I won’t have her going into some care home.’
‘Whatever you decide to do, I’m sure you’ll make the decisions that are best for your wife, as difficult as they may be,’ James said.
‘I know I’m being greedy but fifty-eight years with my Elsie isn’t nearly lon
g enough. It’s a cruel thing, to see the woman you’ve loved for all that time disappearing right in front of you, layer by layer.’
‘She’s still there,’ Maggie said, putting aside her own feelings so she could concentrate on easing the pain of the man who had devoted his life to his wife. ‘It may be hard to find her sometimes …’
‘Literally,’ Ted said with a brave attempt at a smile if not a laugh.
‘But she’s still there and she’s still the woman you married. I’ll agree to stay away, Ted, but only on the condition that you don’t stay away from me. I promised Elsie I’d look after you too. I’m here whenever you need me. We both are, aren’t we, James?’
James agreed and he meant it. He was seeing first hand why Maggie had been so determined to help these relative strangers. Amongst the maelstrom of emotions building inside her, Maggie recognised a thin shred of relief that she no longer had to fear Elsa’s fate alone.
As they left the hospital, the little light that Maggie’s vision allowed pushed away her darker thoughts. Her head was held high and her shoulders pulled back as she let the warm air ease her tensed muscles and the knot in her stomach. She didn’t dare think about Mrs Milton’s future, even less so her past. Her friend was safe for the moment and that would have to be enough; she could do no more.
‘Are you OK?’ James asked, as Maggie stood motionless while he put Harvey into the back of the car.
‘I’ll survive. If nothing else it’s reminded me how fortunate I am despite all my complaining. Are you OK?’ she questioned, having detected a reflection of her pain in her husband’s voice.
James didn’t respond but finished what he was doing and then came to Maggie’s side. He raised his hands to her face and wiped away the ghostly trail of her tears. ‘I will be. All I want now is to go home and hold my wife and thank my lucky stars that I can.’
13
‘You don’t have to say anything, I know what you’re thinking,’ Maggie said. She didn’t need to be told not to wallow in self-pity and she really was trying to fight against it but it was getting so hard to ignore the invisible weight pressing down on her chest.
Where I Found You Page 16