‘And you think you have that kind of relationship?’ It was framed as a question but Judith was challenging what she saw as Maggie’s misplaced confidence in her marriage.
‘Why don’t you tell me what kind of relationship James and I have,’ she answered, deftly avoiding the trap of extolling the virtues of her marriage only to have Judith dismiss them one by one.
With her heart hammering against her chest, Maggie realised the time had come for an uncensored exchange of views. She was absolutely terrified but also felt such a sense of exhilaration that it stopped her from holding back or worrying about the consequences: she only wished she’d had the courage to do it sooner.
‘Maggie, you’re a strong-minded woman and I don’t blame you for wanting the security of a marriage—’
‘You mean you don’t blame me for trapping James?’ interjected Maggie.
‘I’m only thinking of my own family!’ Judith said, by way of an explanation. ‘My grandchildren have been through enough and all I want is for them to be happy and secure.’
‘And you think the only way that can happen is for James and Carolyn to get back together, don’t you? You’re willing both marriages to fail so that they can be one big happy family again.’
‘I should never have stopped James from moving down to Portsmouth. He loved Carolyn and he didn’t want to let her go. I tried to convince him to move on with his life but when he turned to you on the rebound I realised what a mistake I’d made. I’m genuinely sorry that you’ve been dragged into this, Maggie. Really I am.’
‘I don’t want your pity, Judith. All I want is for you to give me a chance.’
Judith didn’t even acknowledge Maggie’s heartfelt plea. ‘It’s my fault entirely – I know that. I’m just trying to put things right.’
‘If this is your way of putting things right, Judith, then God help us all.’ Kathy was standing at the door where she had been listening for some time. Maggie had heard her return and was wondering when she would re-join the conversation. Although her tone was forthright, her voice crackled with emotion. ‘Apart from Liam and Sam, Maggie is the best thing that ever happened to James. He was never this happy or content with Carolyn and it amazes me that you can’t see that. What you’re trying to do now is unforgiveable and I won’t keep quiet any more. Maggie’s carrying your grandchild and he or she has as much right to your protection as the boys! Do you want another grandchild dragged into the middle of a divorce? Shouldn’t you be doing your damnedest to make sure this marriage works instead of trying to sabotage it? I thought you were better than that.’
Judith sniffed the air. ‘Is this why you invited me here? To gang up on me?’
‘Get over yourself, Judith. I brought you here because you are my oldest friend and I brought Maggie here because she’s one of my dearest friends. I respect you both immensely but I’m officially too old now to put up with any more nonsense. Judith,’ Kathy said, her tone assuming that of a lawyer about to present the case for the prosecution, ‘Maggie is the first to accept that there are things that she can’t do but she more than makes up for it with the things that she can do because she does them better than most. You on the other hand have only been willing to see her limitations and how they might limit your son’s life. It’s time to give up on this stupid idea that James is toying with Maggie’s affections while he waits for Carolyn to come back to him. That idea is so flawed, it’s laughable – and as much as I love laughing at you, Judith, this is breaking my heart.’ As if to make the point, Kathy’s voice broke at the last.
Judith sounded as if she was about to respond but Kathy hadn’t finished. Harvey whined and tried to squeeze himself into the gap between the chair and Maggie’s legs, as if he knew the battle was far from over.
‘Maggie,’ Kathy said, beginning her case for the defence, ‘as hard as it is to believe right now, your mother-in-law is actually a very nice person when you get to know her. She can be manipulative but it’s usually to someone else’s advantage, or at least that’s how she justifies it to herself. But you can be manipulative too – you had Alice eating out of the palm of your hand the other day, remember?’ She didn’t wait for a response. ‘Judith is also tenacious, especially when she thinks she’s protecting her family, but once she’s willing to consider the possibility that you and James are meant to be together, when she realises that you’re her family too, then I promise you she is going to be one serious ally in your life. I had hoped that once you told her you were pregnant she would have worked it all out for herself but don’t give up. When she sets eyes on her newest grandchild, her heart will melt. If it hasn’t already withered and died, that is.’
Judith snorted and Maggie prepared herself for another derisive comment but when Judith spoke, Maggie caught a glimpse of the woman that Kathy clearly admired. ‘I still have a heart,’ she said. It wasn’t a challenge, but rather a promise.
Maggie felt Judith’s gaze on her and had to fight the urge to run. She didn’t want to be judged and she certainly didn’t want to face rejection again. Was it too much to hope that her mother-in-law was looking at her with new eyes, seeing past her prejudices? Maggie sensed her acceptance was within touching distance. She was surprised by how much she wanted it and her pulse raced as she said, ‘I know I’m not the wife you had in mind for James and it’s clear you don’t like me but I swear I didn’t trap him. I fell in love with your son and he fell in love with me. And our marriage is going to work because I love him too much to see him go through another break-up. It would destroy him – and that would destroy me too.’ Maggie ran out of breath and gasped for air, determined to carry on as if her life depended on it. ‘If I’m being brutally honest, then the biggest strain on our marriage so far hasn’t been my disability but your inability to accept me. You called me strong-minded but that isn’t how I’ve felt recently, far from it,’ she confessed and her next words were laced with the kind of emotion she hadn’t been prepared to reveal to anyone, least of all her mother-in-law. ‘Your opinion matters to me, Judith, because it matters to James, and your rejection of me, my baby, and everything my marriage stands for has pushed me to the brink of despair. So much so that I would have gladly jumped into the lake in Victoria Park and let it swallow me up whole!’ When Maggie spoke again it was in the barest of whispers. ‘That’s how worthless I felt. That’s how you made me feel.’
There was the sound of tears being swallowed back as emotions got the better of everyone in the room.
‘I never meant to …’
Maggie pulled her shoulders back; she wasn’t going to be a willing victim any more.
‘I’m not expecting things to change overnight but I would like to try. Yes, Kathy’s right, I can be manipulative but I promise you my affection for your son is genuine. And I should warn you that you don’t have a monopoly on being tenacious. I came close to giving up but I won’t do that again. I’ll fight for my marriage and my family.’
Maggie’s pulse thumping against her eardrums was deafening and she almost didn’t hear Judith’s reply when it came.
‘For the record, I don’t dislike you, Maggie. If anything, I’m a little scared of you.’
‘Scared?’
‘You can be quite … intimidating,’ Judith said, but then corrected herself. ‘No, perhaps I mean forthright. When I first met you, I didn’t know how to react and I could see your mum watching and judging me. Now she was intimidating.’
Maggie could recall that first meeting. James had arranged a family gathering with both sets of parents and the boys. Joan and Stan had the upper hand because they had already met James and had welcomed him with open arms. Joan expected Judith to welcome Maggie with equal enthusiasm and when it wasn’t immediately forthcoming, she had been furious.
‘And that’s where the battle lines were drawn,’ Maggie concluded. ‘Do you think there’s a chance we could start again?’
‘I’d like to try.’ Judith spoke hesitantly, as if somewhere in her mind new beginning
s were forming. ‘It would be nice to have a little girl in the family, don’t you think?’
A shiver travelled down Maggie’s spine. ‘I can’t promise you a girl,’ she said, talking over the sound of Kathy blowing her nose, ‘but I can promise you a grandchild who will need a nana. You’re the only one he or she has.’
‘James is an amazing dad.’
‘And he’s a devoted son,’ Maggie said. ‘And I don’t want our relationship to give him anything to worry about.’ She had chosen her words carefully, not wanting to apportion blame and reopen the argument. ‘If we can get this right then maybe we’d all be a lot happier.’
There was a moment’s pause as both women reflected on what had passed between them. The ground had shifted beneath their feet and they both needed time to steady themselves. Kathy, on the other hand, had no such problems adjusting. ‘There, that’s settled then,’ she said.
‘You always were an interfering so-and-so,’ Judith accused her.
‘Me?’
‘You!’
‘Definitely a case of the pot calling the kettle black,’ Kathy said.
Maggie bit her lip but she couldn’t hold back her smile any longer, even as her heart still raced. ‘Is this what you two were like at school?’
‘Yes,’ they said in unison.
‘I think I can smell burning,’ Maggie said, detecting the first signs that the paninis were officially warmed up.
‘Damn,’ Kathy said. ‘Quick, here’s that wine you didn’t want, Judith.’
There was the sound of sloshing as a glass was quickly handed over. Maggie could hear Judith taking a generous gulp as Kathy gave Maggie her own drink. ‘I think we’ve finally worn her into submission,’ she whispered loudly before scuttling off towards the kitchen.
‘Maybe you could come with us to France,’ Maggie suggested bravely.
Judith laughed softly. ‘Kathy’s right. It is a bit too rough-and-ready for me. But thank you for asking, I do appreciate it.’
The smell of melted cheese and garlic filled the room. ‘And would it be too rough-and-ready to eat off your knees?’ Kathy asked as she placed a large tray on the coffee table in the centre of the room. ‘We haven’t used the dining room in months and it’s a bit musty in there.’
Without asking, Kathy had placed some food on a plate and handed it to Maggie, avoiding the need for her to ask for assistance. Between them, they were breaking down Judith’s prejudices, but eliminating them altogether was going to take more than a firm talking-to.
‘You should get James to look at it if you think there’s rising damp,’ Maggie said.
‘I suppose he does owe me a favour now I’ve sorted out the two of you,’ Kathy said, sounding more than willing to call it in.
‘How are you getting on with finding a new place, then?’ Judith asked.
‘We’re almost ready to make an offer on a house we’ve seen. It has a lovely little granny flat and it’s not too far from Nantwich. Mum will still be able to see her friends which means there’s absolutely no reason for her to object.’
‘I think you’re really brave taking her on. If you think we’re bossy, Maggie, you should have seen Kathy’s mum in her heyday.’
Maggie smiled. It was the first time she had noticed Judith making a reference to her ‘seeing’ something without getting all flustered.
‘That’s why I have every intention of carrying on working at the salon,’ Kathy said. ‘It’s going to be a tall order with all the extra property management stuff but I’m planning on getting extra help and besides, I don’t mind keeping busy. Unlike you, you part-timer.’
‘I’m still at the charity shop three days a week,’ Judith reminded her, ‘but I make no apologies for slowing down a gear and at least I’m not afraid of getting old. I can’t wait until I get my free bus pass. Eighteen months and counting,’ she joked.
‘Which you can use to take your newest grandchild out on little trips when the time comes,’ Kathy added, less afraid than Maggie of reopening old wounds.
‘We’ve already agreed that James and I won’t impose on Judith and Ken’s well-deserved retirement.’
‘Oh, we’ll see,’ replied Judith with a smile. ‘It has to be better than making my chores stretch across the whole day. Although on the bright side, at least none of my rooms get musty.’
‘I thought it was too good to last. Being polite just isn’t in her nature,’ Kathy explained to Maggie.
With all the excitement, Maggie had almost forgotten why they had been invited, or at least the reason Kathy had used for bringing them together. ‘Now I know you didn’t want any fuss,’ she said when the food had been cleared away and wine glasses topped up. ‘But I can’t let the occasion pass without some kind of offering. Here, it’s nothing much but I hope you like it. Happy birthday, Kathy.’
Maggie passed over a gift bag and there were mutterings of disapproval but a gasp of delight when Kathy unwrapped a handmade plaque. It was a solid piece of oak that had been cut to form the shape of four letters. ‘The wood is from the old back gate James replaced for you the other month,’ Maggie said. ‘He cut out the shape for me and I just sanded it down and added some finishing touches.’
Kathy breathed in the smell of the aged oak, which had been polished with linseed oil and a hint of ylang-ylang for good measure. ‘Home,’ she said, reading the plaque. There was a tremor in her voice.
‘I thought it might be nice to take with you when you move.’
‘This is Braille, isn’t it?’ Kathy asked. ‘Hold on, this bit says Kathy, am I right?’
Maggie had carefully applied tiny metal studs along the outer edges of the plaque and although Kathy couldn’t read Braille, she had learnt enough from Maggie to recognise the letters of her own name. ‘It’s your name, along with Joe’s and the kids’. The people you shared this house with.’
‘It’s beautiful,’ Judith added. ‘And so thoughtful of you, Maggie.’
‘That’s Maggie all over,’ Kathy said, gushing with pride.
‘I’m beginning to see that.’ Judith cleared her throat and put down her drink. ‘Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to use the powder room.’
‘I can’t believe I just invited Judith to France with us,’ Maggie gasped when her mother-in-law had disappeared upstairs. ‘What on earth was I thinking?’
‘You were thinking of building bridges, two at a time.’
‘Am I trying too hard?’
‘You’re doing fine, Maggie,’ Kathy assured her. ‘I’m sorry I never realised how bad it was getting for you.’
Maggie’s smile, which had been so broad it made her cheeks ache, didn’t falter. ‘It’s all in the past now,’ she said. She was looking forward to the future and getting to know Judith better. It wasn’t going to be easy, Maggie wasn’t going to be as compliant as James, but she suspected Judith already knew that. ‘I’m not really manipulative, am I?’
‘I only said that to make Judith feel better,’ Kathy promised.
Maggie gave a dramatic gasp to let Kathy know she had recognised the lie. ‘It’s amazing really how you’ve managed to remain so innocent while surrounded by such bad influences,’ Maggie said and she didn’t even try to sound convincing.
‘The same could be said of your husband.’
‘James?’
Kathy laughed. ‘You can thank him for this little get-together. He told me all about Carolyn’s faux pas when she phoned you. He was ready to confront his mum but we talked it through and decided I probably stood a better chance of getting through to her. Which of course he was very relieved about.’
‘If not hoping for,’ Maggie added. ‘So didn’t you know Judith had convinced herself that I’d trapped James?’
‘It might have been better if I had. We would have had this showdown long before now,’ Kathy whispered. They could both hear the creak of floorboards as Judith crossed the landing above their heads.
As she came downstairs, Judith’s footsteps faltered and rather than
returning directly to the living room, she walked down the hallway towards the front door. For a heart-stopping moment, Maggie thought she might be having second thoughts and was trying to escape but then Judith was rushing back in to them.
‘I don’t want to worry you, Kathy, but I’ve just seen someone peering through the glass in your front door. She wandered off but I think she’s still in the garden.’
Kathy jumped up and went towards the large bay window. Maggie stood up, not sure how she could help but not wanting to stay on the sidelines. She had taken off Harvey’s harness during lunch but quickly slipped it back on. As she patted his head she noticed that his hackles were drawn as if he too sensed that trouble was on its way.
‘Oh my God, it’s Mrs Milton,’ Kathy said.
Elsa looked up through bleary eyes and could only make out tiny speckles of sunlight as it trickled through the canopy of swaying branches creaking under the weight of lilacs. She willed the tears not to fall; she had done enough crying to last a lifetime. When Freddie had died, she had locked herself away in her room and howled until she was hoarse. She’d barely slept and when she did, she prayed she would never wake up again. There was nothing left for her. She had lost the only man she could ever love and very soon she would lose her baby too.
Anne and her perfect husband had circled like vultures in the last weeks of her pregnancy, waiting patiently to pick the remaining piece of life from her bones. They had claimed concern but the tears in Anne’s eyes as she watched Elsa stricken down by grief were surely tears of joy. There was nothing to stop her now, the baby was hers for the taking or so she thought.
What Anne didn’t know was that in the depths of her despair, Elsa had reached out for the tiniest shred of hope that would give her a reason to carry on living. That reason had kicked some sense into her with its tiny feet. She had a duty to her unborn child and, as her baby grew stronger, so did her maternal instincts. Anne wasn’t the only one who craved motherhood.
Elsa had vowed to stay strong and as the next contraction tore through her body, she pressed her hand to her mouth to stifle her cries. The baby was early and she wasn’t yet ready. She had tried to persuade Celia to help, either by taking her in or speaking to their parents, but Celia had refused, saying it would be the ruination of her. Everyone kept telling her she was too immature but she would show them. She had been saving what little wages she received from Mrs Jackson. It wouldn’t go far but it was enough to get her and the baby on a bus and out of Sedgefield. She had thought there would be more time to come up with a proper plan but when her first contractions had woken her in the early hours of the morning and she realised there was no more time, her first impulse was to run and she hadn’t resisted.
Where I Found You Page 19