‘So you didn’t bring your dog, then?’ Carol asked. Maggie had forewarned the home that she would be bringing her guide dog but then had second thoughts that morning. Carol sounded disappointed.
‘He’s had a busy couple of weeks so I thought he needed to catch up on some me time,’ Maggie explained.
‘That’s a shame.’
Maggie tilted her head as she concentrated on the woman’s voice. ‘Is something wrong?’
Carol pursed her lips before she spoke. ‘I’m afraid Mrs Milton isn’t too well. It’s nothing to be concerned about, but she’s a little agitated this morning. It happens now and again, and of course it can take a while for our residents to settle into their new surroundings. She’s insisting on going into the garden so Rachel’s upstairs trying to get her ready. Maybe you could go into the visitors’ room and wait or perhaps you could come back later when she’s a little calmer.’
‘No, take me up to her; I might be able to help,’ Maggie said, immediately regretting leaving Harvey at home.
Before Carol could reply there was another scream, much clearer this time. The voice belonged to Elsie but the tone belonged to a young woman whose life was being ripped in two.
Maggie took hold of Jenny’s arm. ‘Take me to her now,’ she said, more forcefully this time.
‘I’m sorry but I don’t think that would be possible … health and safety …’ Carol began.
‘Oh, I wouldn’t argue with her,’ Jenny warned, although her tone remained disarmingly light. ‘Once she’s set her mind on something you can’t stop her.’
The howling grew louder as they hurried upstairs. Maggie was so intent on reaching Mrs Milton that she didn’t even register the pain when her ankle knocked against the chair lift at the top of the stairs.
Rachel was doing her best to stop the old lady from running out of the room half-dressed when they arrived. ‘We’re nearly there, Elsie,’ she panted. ‘Now please let go of the pillow so I can put your dress on.’
Even though the room was probably a fair size, it felt claustrophobic as everyone squeezed in. Elsie’s terror was palpable and wouldn’t be helped by a room full of strangers. ‘Maybe I could try?’ Maggie asked with restrained diplomacy. ‘Do you think you could all give her some space?’
Rachel didn’t argue and slipped past Maggie. Rather than the towering bully of Maggie’s worst imaginings, she was probably only a little taller than her. ‘She thinks someone has stolen her baby,’ she whispered as she passed. ‘I’ve never seen anyone so devastated – it’s heartbreaking.’
From the concern etched in Rachel’s voice, Maggie took some solace that Elsie was well cared for but there was no time to relax. Elsa had retreated to the furthest corner of the room, sobbing.
‘We could always give her a sedative if you could persuade her to take it,’ Carol suggested.
‘Let me speak to her first.’
Maggie took a moment to get a better sense of where she was. There was an open window, which brought fresh air and sunlight into the room and flickering warmth across her face. The faint smell of cut grass added some colour to the sterile scent of disinfectant, but it couldn’t sweep away the pungent aroma of sweat created by collective exertion.
Maggie stepped carefully across unchartered territory towards Elsa’s sobs. Despite her best endeavours, she received another bump worthy of a bruise, this time to her shin. She felt her way past the bed on one side and a wardrobe on the other, continuing until she reached the wall opposite the door. Eventually her fingers touched a curtain that billowed in the gentle breeze. The birdsong from outside was only just audible over the wracked sobs.
From the projection of the sobbing Maggie gauged that the old lady was sitting on the floor and put a hand on the dressing table to balance herself as she bent down. Her pregnancy made the position cumbersome but she would stay there as long as necessary. With her other hand she reached out and made contact with a trembling knee. Elsa flinched.
‘Elsa, it’s Maggie. Tell me what’s wrong.’
‘I want my baby!’ she mewled. ‘They’ve taken her but I want her back. Oh God, how I want her back!’
Elsa’s tears didn’t abate and now Maggie was threatening to join her.
‘I know you do, Elsa. You’re a good mum and you would have looked after her.’
‘Then help me! Please! I can’t go on like this.’
‘I swear I’ll do everything I can to find her for you,’ Maggie said with such conviction it frightened her.
There was a mumbled response, wet sniffs and hiccups which at least gave Maggie hope that Elsa was trying to stifle her tears.
‘I have to get to the park,’ Elsa explained. ‘I have to meet Aunt Flo or I’ll never see Tess again.’
‘There’s a little rose garden outside,’ whispered Carol who had remained on the threshold. ‘She likes to sit on the bench out there sometimes, so that’s where we were going to take her.’
There was a soft mewl as the tears began to build once again. ‘I need to go to the park!’
‘Then let’s get you dressed,’ Maggie said, choosing a tone that was firm rather than cajoling.
There was a pause and Maggie felt herself being scrutinised.
‘You have a dog. You’re Molly, aren’t you?’
‘Maggie. We’ve sat together in Victoria Park a few times but I’m afraid I haven’t brought Harvey with me today.’
‘You know how to get to the park? Will you take me there?’
With a little awkward manoeuvring, Maggie helped Elsa to her feet, a task made doubly hard because Elsa was still holding on to the offending pillow. ‘Can I take that for you?’
Elsa grasped the pillow tighter still. She lifted it to her face and breathed in deeply but then released a painful sob. ‘I know it’s not her,’ she said, needing to explain herself. ‘But I can’t even smell her any more. She had a damp, baby smell but there was a hint of lilac too, from the water Mrs Jackson bathed her with. It’s not there. I’ve lost everything.’
Two thoughts occurred to Maggie in quick succession. The first was the connection that could now be made between Elsie’s choice of fragrance and her long-lost daughter, but it was the second thought that caused alarm. Elsie wasn’t wearing her perfume. She didn’t have the one thing that had helped ease her pain for over half a century.
‘I can remember holding her, all wet and wrinkly. It was like being in the eye of a storm. The labour pains had vanished and she was still mine. There was just that one moment, only a few precious minutes, but I won’t forget it and I won’t forget that smell either. I let go of Tess, but I’ll never let go of the memory.’
Maggie didn’t try to take the pillow again but Elsa offered it up anyway. ‘It’s not her,’ she repeated.
With a little help from Jenny, Maggie began to dress Mrs Milton who huffed and puffed as she obediently sat down on the bed to allow Jenny to put on her shoes. The final touch was a spray of lilac scent and then Elsie fell into an unnerving silence.
‘You must always remember the perfume,’ Maggie told Carol. ‘Make sure all the staff know that.’
‘Are we still taking her outside?’ Jenny asked.
There was a gasp of shock. ‘The park, I have to get to the park.’
This time there was no need for restraint and it was Jenny who helped Mrs Milton out of the room and towards fresh air with Maggie and Carol following close behind.
The rose garden was alive with colour; a mixture of light and shade that blended warm air with cool and delicate perfumes with earthy mulch. It was a distinct improvement on air fresheners and helped Maggie remain calm as she sat down next to Mrs Milton on the small bench. Placing her hands on the warm wood, her fingers resisted the flattened surface, yearning for the curve of wooden slats painted with layers of the past.
Elsie noticed the absence of a connection too. ‘We’re in the wrong place,’ she said. She sounded worn out and her voice had a painful rasp, her throat still raw from grief.
‘And that lawn isn’t a lake.’
‘Are you OK, Elsie?’
Elsie laughed softly. ‘No. I’m in the wrong place. Why do I keep saying that?’
‘You’ve been staying in a care home.’
Elsie took one of Maggie’s hands, which had been searching in vain for the familiarity of wooded knots and chipped paint. ‘I know – and it’s the right place for me to be. What I meant was, why do I feel like I should be somewhere else? I wanted to get to the park, didn’t I?’
‘You said you had to meet Flo there or you’d never see Tess again.’
Keeping hold of Maggie’s hand, Elsie sat back on a bench that squarely resisted the curve of her spine. ‘Yes, of course,’ she said and then turned her mind to the memories she had so recently been reliving. ‘I gave up my daughter within minutes of her birth and in the days that followed I became completely numb. It was the only way to survive the pain but I think it frightened Aunt Flo. On the day I left I didn’t even say goodbye to her; I simply packed my bags and walked out the door. I stopped off at the park one last time and that was where Aunt Flo tracked me down. After trying so hard to convince me that a clean break was for the best, she was the one who begged me to come back to visit her. She finally swayed me by promising to bring Tess to me behind Anne’s back so I could say goodbye properly.’
‘The baby wasn’t stillborn, was she?’ Maggie still needed that all-important confirmation.
‘No.’
For a moment Maggie was without words. The skeleton of Elsa’s story had been given flesh and bone and her picture of Elsa’s time in Sedgefield was almost complete. ‘And did you get to see her again?’ she asked when she could.
‘It was all arranged. Aunt Flo would sneak out with the baby while Anne was visiting and I would wait in the park. Oh, how I waited and waited,’ Elsie told her. ‘I’m waiting still …’
‘More heartbreak?’
Elsie went quiet for a moment. ‘Dark times,’ she said but would say no more.
‘And it was Anne who adopted Tess?’
‘Yes, she whisked away my beautiful baby while her husband wrote his lies. I suppose we all thought the good doctor could rewrite history too but I was never going to forget, not even with a mind as befuddled as mine.’
‘What was Anne’s surname, Elsie?’
Elsie squeezed Maggie’s hand as if it would force the name from her memory. ‘Anne and Dr …’ There was a sigh of defeat but it caught in her throat. ‘Hammond! That was it, Dr Hammond. Why do you ask?’
‘I want to find Tess for you, or at least find out what happened to her. Would you want that?’
Elsie thought for a while then said, ‘I’ve spent my whole life wondering if she was happy and, more than anything, if she was loved. I would never have handed her over if I thought Anne wouldn’t take good care of her but you never can tell, can you? So yes. Yes, I would like to know.’ Then Elsie sighed unhappily. ‘But I’m not me very often these days, am I? I won’t remember this conversation by teatime, so how could anything you find out help?’
Jenny had said the same thing. Elsa had lived her life and suffered her losses and there was nothing Maggie could do in the present to lessen that pain, least of all as Elsie relived it.
‘But even though I go away,’ Elsie continued, ‘I’d like to think I’d find my way back for the right reason. If you can tell me that my baby went on to lead a happy life and that I made the right decision then I’d find my way back, for Tess. Of course, you’d probably have to tell me again an hour later but I’d never get tired of hearing it. I would like to know.’
‘If I can find out, I promise you Elsie, I’ll never get tired of telling you either.’
23
It was as noisy and lively as ever in the salon, the incessant chatter competing with the screech of hairdryers, but for once Maggie didn’t feel part of it. She was only a visitor today and one without an appointment.
‘So is it you or Harvey on autopilot?’ Kathy asked when she noticed the dog steering his mistress towards the treatment room.
Maggie brought Harvey to a reluctant stop and absent-mindedly rubbed her stomach. ‘I’ve managed four whole days at home twiddling my thumbs but it’s driving me crazy already.’
‘Don’t try pretending you’ve been stuck at home all of this time. I bumped into Ted and I know you’ve been visiting Elsie almost as much as he has.’
‘I haven’t,’ Maggie answered a little too quickly. ‘He’s there at least twice a day.’
‘It wasn’t an accusation, Maggie.’
‘Sorry, for a moment there I thought I was talking to James. He’s the one who thinks I should be housebound. I’ve only been there twice, no, three times but someone has to. Yvonne didn’t exactly hang around, did she?’
Kathy sighed. ‘It wasn’t easy for her. When she brought Elsie into the salon for a bit of pampering the day before she went into Sunny Days, Yvonne was in bits. It was as if she was already grieving for her mum. It made me think about James and how one day he might regret cutting his mum out of his life.’
Maggie’s only response was to smile at the tenuous connection that steered the conversation towards another family in crisis.
‘I know she doesn’t deserve your sympathy,’ Kathy continued, ‘but the last few weeks have been torture for Judith. She’s terrified of leaving the house in case she misses that all-important call from James.’
‘It may surprise you to know that she does have my sympathy; unfortunately, James doesn’t share that view. He’s being uncharacteristically stubborn but I’ll wear him down, I promise.’
‘Thank you.’
‘If you want to thank me then perhaps you could help me on another matter close to my heart.’
‘OK. I give in – that room over there is yours whenever you’re ready to come back. I’ll even go so far as to let you have it rent-free if it helps the figures add up.’
Maggie laughed, surprised. ‘Where did that come from? Kathy, I couldn’t!’
‘I run this salon because I enjoy being here, not because I rely on the income,’ Kathy explained. ‘I’m only thinking of myself – and I miss you. You and James are like family to me and I want to help. Besides, I’m expecting a lot from James in return.’
Kathy had been talking to him about putting together a property maintenance contract for her newly acquired responsibilities, and if he came up with the right deal it would put his own business on a more secure footing. ‘Even so, that’s too generous.’
‘It’s there whenever you’re ready,’ Kathy repeated.
There was iron in her voice and Maggie knew better than to argue. ‘Thank you,’ she said, stunned and immensely grateful, but the future would have to wait. It was the present and the past that would continue to preoccupy her, at least until the baby arrived. ‘Would it be pushing it if I asked another favour?’
‘Mark is sifting his way through a mountain of paperwork as we speak,’ Kathy said. ‘I’ve already heard about your fool’s errand to find Elsie’s long-lost daughter.’
‘You think I’m mad, don’t you?’
‘Have you really thought through what will happen if you do find her?’
‘I know I can’t go back to 1953 but Elsa is still a lost soul and a wretched one at that. She had her heart broken when Freddie died and then ripped out of her chest when Tess was taken away. Even if she can’t find complete peace, if there’s one fleeting moment, just one, when she knows what became of her baby, then it’ll be worth it.’
‘It was Tess I was thinking about. Have you thought how this might affect her?’
‘If I’m honest, I’m trying not to. There’s no way of knowing if she’s been looking for her birth mother or if she even knows she’s adopted – after all, it wouldn’t have been recorded officially. So how do I drop that kind of bombshell and then explain that Elsie has Alzheimer’s and would struggle to recognise her husband, let
alone the child she gave up sixty years ago?’
‘It doesn’t bear thinking about,’ Kathy said. ‘We can only hope that she would want to know the truth; and I suppose even a glimpse of the person Elsie was is better than nothing.’
‘Exactly! And if it was me, I’d want to know,’ Maggie agreed. ‘But first we need to find her.’
There was a flutter of cotton sleeves as Kathy held her hands up in surrender. ‘OK, you’ve convinced me. I’ll even help Mark go through the paperwork. Come on.’
‘And how may I help you today, madam?’ Mark asked when Maggie knocked politely and then stepped into what had been her treatment room. ‘Let me guess … You’re having trouble sleeping because you’re too busy delving into the past and uncovering dastardly plots. Mmm. I’m sure I have a bottle of smelly stuff around here somewhere that will cure you of your ills.’
‘Those bottles of smelly stuff are my bread and butter,’ growled Maggie, referring to the stack of removal boxes that were the last remnants of her beloved business.
‘Ah, so it’s an insatiable appetite you’re struggling with. No wonder you’ve doubled in size since I saw you last.’
Maggie took another step. ‘Would you like to come here and say that?’
‘Certainly,’ he said. Mark stood up from behind the desk that had taken the place of Maggie’s treatment table and came over to give her a hug.
‘We’re here to help you track down the elusive Flo Jackson,’ Kathy said. ‘Maggie’s getting impatient and time is of the essence.’
Mark pulled up two chairs for them before returning to his desk. ‘You couldn’t have come at a better time,’ he said. Papers rustled in his hand. ‘I’ve only just found these. One is a copy letter from your dad’s solicitor, Kath. It’s dated 1978 and terminates a ten-year lease on your house.’
‘That was the year we moved in,’ Kathy explained. ‘It had been a nurses’ home before that, but I didn’t realise Dad already owned it.’
Where I Found You Page 26