As Ted gave his speech, Maggie gave Elsie’s hand a quick squeeze but rather than acknowledge the outpouring of love and loyalty, the old lady’s hand slackened. ‘And how about you, Elsie?’ she asked. ‘Are you glad to be home?’
‘Oh good, are we going home soon?’ she said.
Maggie turned back towards Ted and raised an eyebrow but he wouldn’t be challenged. ‘She’s better off here,’ he said.
‘I think I will have that cuppa now,’ Maggie said. The beaming smile had faded and she was making an effort not to frown.
The two women sat in silence for a while as Ted busied himself in the kitchen. Maggie was reluctant to speak because she didn’t want the confirmation that Elsie’s presence had been fleeting. Nor did she want to acknowledge the secret hope that Elsa might emerge like a ghost from the past to guide her along the trail that would lead to Tess, a trail that had gone distinctly cold. ‘Harvey’s missed you,’ she said at last.
The dog had been sitting in front of them, waiting quietly until his patience was rewarded with a rub behind the ear from Elsie. Harvey sighed before laying his head on her lap. ‘He should go back to Mr Woodhouse, he’ll be missing him.’
‘He looks quite happy where he is for now,’ Maggie assured her.
‘Tea’s up,’ Ted said as he returned to the room.
‘I was just saying that Mr Woodhouse will want his guide dog back. Do you think he’ll be all right without him, Ted?’
‘He doesn’t need him at the moment,’ Ted said as he put a tray down on the coffee table.
‘You will be able to cope, won’t you?’ Maggie asked in a low voice when Ted handed her a cup of tea. ‘Have you organised for the home help to come back again?’
‘I will,’ he said. ‘Once we’re all settled.’
‘How about the district nurse?’
‘Like I said,’ he replied patiently, ‘all in good time.’
Maggie wasn’t convinced and considered making the call to social services herself, stopping only when she recognised the parallels with her own life.
‘We knew a lady who was blind too,’ Elsie continued. ‘What was her name, Ted?’
‘That would be Maggie.’
‘Oh yes, Maggie, that’s it. She was lovely. I don’t think there was anything she couldn’t do; in fact, half the time you’d forget she was blind. She was having a baby last time I saw her. Did we ever find out what she had?’
‘She hasn’t had the baby yet. A few more weeks,’ Ted told her.
‘Ooh, that’s so exciting. Who’s her doctor? Tell her not to go to Dr what’s-his-name, Dr Hammond.’
‘Dr Hammond retired years ago,’ Ted told her gently.
The clatter of china was so loud it was lucky Maggie didn’t break her cup on the saucer. ‘You knew Dr Hammond?’
‘He was our GP for years,’ Ted replied. ‘In Liverpool.’
‘But he was Anne’s husband, the doctor we’ve been looking for so we can trace the baby,’ Maggie said, trying to sound calm despite her heart thumping against her chest.
‘Sorry, Maggie, but he couldn’t have been.’
‘But that was the name Elsie gave me. I’ve been searching for the Hammonds.’ Maggie was refusing to listen to what common sense was telling her until Ted spelt it out for her.
‘It’s possible there were two doctors with the same name but it’s more likely that she simply confused the two.’
Maggie turned towards Elsie and felt a pang of guilt as she silently urged her to hold on to the memories she had spent a lifetime trying to bury. ‘Elsie, do you remember Anne?’
‘No,’ she said in a tone that suggested she did.
‘Not today, Maggie,’ Ted warned.
‘But I promised her I’d find Tess! How can I do that if I can’t rely on anything she’s told me? What if she got the year wrong too, what if …’ Maggie began but dared not consider how much of Elsa’s story might be flawed.
‘Maggie, I know for a fact she was here in 1953. I’m not likely to forget the year she returned to Liverpool – it was the same year I fell in love with her.’
‘But I can’t find Tess without a name,’ Maggie told him desperately.
‘Then maybe it’s time to stop looking.’
Maggie was stunned by the full force of the brick wall her amateur investigations had just hit. As Ted consoled her as best he could and promised to ask Elsie if ever she was of a mind to remember, Maggie realised with a sinking heart that it was time to accept what everyone else had been telling her. It was time to give up on Elsa.
25
‘Is there anything worrying you at the moment?’ Mel asked above the hiss of air being released from the blood pressure cuff.
Maggie shook her head nonchalantly. ‘No, everything’s fine.’
‘Not according to your blood pressure, it’s not. You’ve already stopped working so I presume you’ve had plenty of time to put your feet up?’
‘Yes,’ Maggie said, slipping her arm from the cuff that could detect her lies.
‘And you’re not still worried about the letter from social services, are you?’
‘No, of course not.’
‘Hmm,’ Mel said as she scribbled some notes. ‘I’ve been speaking to the health visitor who’ll take over your care once my job is done. We thought it would be a good idea to start working together to make the handover as smooth as possible, so I’d like to sort out a home visit soon. That won’t be a problem, will it, now that you’re at home all the time with your feet up?’
Maggie gave Mel a winning smile. ‘No, no problem at all.’
Seemingly satisfied with Maggie’s answers, the midwife helped her on to the examination bed but as she began to explore the mountainous rise of Maggie’s stomach, the questioning resumed.
‘So are you ready to become a mum?’
Maggie refused to let the smile she had painted on her face falter. ‘I will be,’ she said, honestly this time. Playing mother to Lily and then the boys, along with the practice sessions Mel had arranged for her, had all played their part in boosting her confidence.
‘You had better be, because this baby is preparing to enter the world. Baby’s head is engaged.’
The surge of fear and excitement made Maggie’s pulse race. ‘Really? Does that mean it could be soon?’ Panic was added to the mix as she realised how quickly time was running out and how much there was still to do. Her preparations for the baby were on track but nothing else in her life was even close to being resolved. Her search for Tess had reached a dead end and she hadn’t been able to make any progress with James either. Meeting his dad for a game of golf had been the nearest he had come to a reunion with his parents so far.
Mel was laughing. ‘Everything is still on track for your due date which is …’
‘Three weeks on Wednesday,’ Maggie offered.
‘OK, three weeks, but I am a little bit concerned about your blood pressure. I’d like you to come back in on Thursday and we’ll check it again.’
‘Should I be worried?’
‘No, Maggie, that’s the point. You shouldn’t be worrying about anything,’ Mel said. ‘Spend the next few days at home, with bed rest if you can manage it, and avoid stress.’
Maggie decided not to point out that this was a contradiction in terms. Staying at home doing nothing would only make her stress levels soar and so it was no surprise that rather than head straight there, Maggie found herself sitting on her favourite bench as she tried to decide what to do next.
Every time she convinced herself she was ready to slow down, a counter-argument formed. There was still time to make a difference – but she couldn’t work out how, and the longer she sat there deliberating, the more agitated she became. Mel wouldn’t be impressed.
She imagined two other mothers sitting on each side of her, reminding her that her first priority was her unborn child. They would have moved heaven and earth for their children. All Maggie was being asked to do was stay at home to keep her baby sa
fe. How difficult could that be?
A week later Maggie’s blood pressure was showing no sign of improvement and although it wasn’t dangerously high, it could easily go that way. Mel was disappointed but not as much as Maggie who had made some effort to stay at home and had even cut back on her visits to Ted and Elsie. Clearly, it wasn’t enough and Mel had told her in no uncertain terms that if she couldn’t be trusted to take it easy then they would enforce bed rest in hospital and the last weeks of her confinement would be exactly that.
Maggie redoubled her efforts, but while she could slow down her body, her mind wouldn’t be stilled. She was desperate for any kind of distraction and it came in the form of Jenny, who had phoned to say she was taking an early lunch and would call round. Judging by the agitation in her voice, it sounded like her promotion was getting to her even though she had only been in the job a matter of days. Maggie happily called a halt to the mind-numbing task of itemising her remaining stock, which had been relocated to James’s workshop, and was at the door waiting when Jenny arrived.
‘I can’t stay long,’ Jenny apologised, ‘but I had to come and tell you. I could have waited, but you know what I’m like. Anyway, the thing is, I need you to promise me that you won’t go rushing off and doing something you might regret before we’ve had the chance to come up with a plan of action. It’ll have to be tomorrow, though, because Mark’s at night school later. He’s really enjoying his joinery course – I don’t think he realised how much he regretted not finishing his apprenticeship – but don’t worry, I’m not going to hound you any more about James taking him on. The college is going to arrange a placement for him.’
Jenny had gone off at a tangent and when she took a breath, Maggie jumped in. ‘Good. That’s great news, Jen, but I’m guessing that’s not what’s got you all excitable. Now, do you want to stand on the doorstep all day or would you like to come inside?’
Jenny whisked past her and at the very last moment grabbed hold of Maggie’s arm and pulled her along with her. Maggie barely had a chance to close the front door. ‘This had better be good,’ she laughed.
In the living room, Jenny waited for Maggie to sit down before sliding a footstool over so she could face her when she spoke. ‘You have to promise to stay calm if I tell you I’ve found Flo Jackson’s niece.’
The shock of the news left Maggie’s entire body quaking. ‘Too late! Tell me everything.’
Jenny cleared her throat, a sure sign she had a tale to tell. ‘I know we wasted time looking for a Dr Hammond but that wasn’t my only line of enquiry,’ she began. ‘I surmised there would be other records available in relation to the said properties formerly owned by one Florence Jackson. My investigations led me to Her Majesty’s Probate Office where I submitted a request for said records in relation to Mrs Jackson’s estate.’
Maggie put a hand gently on Jenny’s knee. ‘If you don’t stop playing policeman and tell me what you know,’ she said carefully, ‘I won’t be responsible for my actions.’
‘I’ve had a response from the probate office.’
Maggie’s heart quickened. ‘You have a copy of Flo’s will?’
‘Yes,’ Jenny said, suddenly sounding as meek as a mouse.
‘And she mentions Anne?’
‘Yes.’
‘So who is she? Where is she?’
‘I’m not sure I should tell you.’
Maggie’s jaw dropped. ‘Don’t make me hit you, Jenny!’ If her friend had wanted to send her blood pressure soaring then she couldn’t have planned it better.
‘The will mentions Elsa too.’
‘She left her something?’
‘Not exactly. Flo left everything to Anne Walters but there were a few caveats and a reference to Elsa and her daughter.’
‘Anne Walters?’ Maggie repeated. It was then, as the words formed on her tongue and spilled over her lips that she recognised the name. Her hand immediately went to her mouth but it was too late, the secret that had remained hidden for sixty years was out and, pressure rising or not, her blood ran cold.
No sooner had Jenny left than Maggie made two phone calls, one to her husband to tell him she was taking Harvey for a quick walk in the park and the other to Ted, to explain her real intentions. Both took some convincing but Maggie wasn’t going to take no for an answer.
As she walked through Victoria Park, Maggie tried to concentrate on her breathing in a vain attempt to calm herself. The sun broke through the thick cloud above her and she raised her face to greet it. The air around her began to warm, invigorating the damp scent that was more rotting mulch than fragrant blooms. Autumn was making its presence known.
Maggie released Harvey’s harness but kept hold of his leash as they settled in their usual spot by the lake. Her hands immediately began to trace the contours of the bench. The knots in the wood were hidden beneath layers of paint but they could still be found.
‘Hello there, Maggie.’
The woman’s voice was little more than a breathless rasp and Maggie struggled to identify it. Even as she approached, the woman’s scent was tantalisingly familiar but still not enough to place the voice. It was only when she cupped her hand under Maggie’s chin and gave it a squeeze that Maggie realised that it wasn’t only the unfamiliarity of the voice but the absence of cigarette smoke that had thrown her.
‘How are you, Alice? I’ve been thinking about you.’
‘Bless your heart, Maggie, I’m doing fine,’ she said. She sounded chirpy, but the gasps for breath were a reminder that she was anything but. ‘I’m in and out of that hospital so much I keep telling them I should have my own parking space.’
‘Are you still having chemo?’ Maggie hadn’t seen Alice since her cancer had been diagnosed but between Jenny and Ted, she had been keeping track of her progress. Despite everything she was going through, Alice still managed to call in occasionally to see the Miltons.
‘I’m having a bit of a rest at the moment.’
‘I hope that means you’re putting your feet up.’
There was a raspy chuckle. ‘I’ll have plenty of time for that when I’m in my grave. By the look of you, I’d say you’re the one who should be putting your feet up.’
Maggie stretched her back in response and groaned. ‘Actually, I’m under house arrest, but I’m still allowed to come out for fresh air once in a while, if only for Harvey’s sake.’
‘So is it Harvey who drags you over to see Elsie and Ted all the time?’
‘I’ve only been there once in the last week. Even I can accept that I need to take a step back and, as it happens, I’ve arranged to meet them here for a change. They should be along soon.’
‘Sooner than you think,’ rasped Alice but Maggie had already recognised the sound of Elsie’s heels scraping along the path.
‘How is she today?’ Alice asked Ted.
‘Quiet.’
‘And you?’
‘Getting plenty of help so you two can stop fretting,’ Ted said. ‘Your friend Kathy came around to organise the home help. She refused to leave until all the paperwork was sorted.’
‘That’s Kathy for you,’ Alice said.
Maggie smiled with relief. ‘I’m glad.’
There was a lull in the conversation and they all turned their attention to the one person who had yet to speak.
‘Hello, Elsie, love,’ Alice said, her voice rising to a harsh whisper. ‘I have to go to the shops now but I’ll be around to see you tomorrow. Why don’t you rest your legs and take a seat next to Maggie?’
As Elsie sat down, Maggie pushed her hand harder against the surface of the bench, willing it to trigger the connections that would allow Elsie’s mind to remember the long-lost daughter she said she would never forget.
‘No hair under that scarf,’ Elsie remarked.
‘Saves me a fortune in shampoo, I can tell you,’ Alice said.
There were gentle smiles rather than laughter and then Alice was saying her goodbyes. Maggie made a move to stand up but wa
s told in no uncertain terms to stay where she was. She didn’t argue. Unlike a hug goodbye, a squeeze on the shoulder wouldn’t give her the slightest hint of the rigours of Alice’s cancer treatment. There were occasional benefits to being blind.
‘There’s something I need to tell you, Elsie,’ Maggie said when Alice had gone.
‘Do you want me to go?’ Ted asked.
‘No, please stay. I need someone to hear what I have to say, even if it’s only Elsie who can give me the answers I’m looking for. If she can’t do that, Ted, then I don’t know what I’m going to do.’
There was a clamour at the water’s edge where half a dozen ducks demanded their attention. Some splashed their wings against the water while others slapped webbed feet on the slipway, waiting noisily to be fed. It wasn’t the ducks but the lake itself that caught Maggie’s imagination. The secrets of the past were rising to the surface and Maggie’s body tensed as she prepared to grasp Elsa’s hand and free her from its murky depths.
‘Where have the swans gone?’
Maggie tipped her head as she analysed Mrs Milton’s voice, which had neither the gravity of the older woman nor the youthful lilt that heralded Elsa’s return.
‘Maybe they’ve made their nests somewhere else,’ Maggie suggested. ‘It does happen.’
‘Is that what happened to me?’
‘Yes, I think it was.’
‘But I came back.’
‘You came back for a reason, Elsie.’
‘To feed the ducks?’
Maggie felt sick with nerves and could barely get the words out. ‘No, Elsie, you came back for Tess.’
Sensing where Maggie was leading the conversation, Ted took a seat on the other side of his wife. Elsie’s body stiffened and she shuffled closer to Maggie but didn’t say a word.
Like Jenny, the burden of knowledge was impossible for Maggie to contain but she would have to lead Elsie gently towards the revelation and then hope against hope that she would keep up with her. ‘When you were twenty-two, you fell in love,’ Maggie began, aware her voice was shaking. ‘You gave your heart to Freddie and when you lost him, you wanted to hold on to the one thing you had left, the baby you were carrying. But you gave your baby up because you thought she would have a better life with Anne Walters and her husband. Do you remember that, Elsie?’
Where I Found You Page 28