by Joan Kilby
Bastard. He’d humiliated her again, this time in front of a virtual stranger, but a man she liked and respected and whom she wanted to think well of her.
Very carefully she set her tiny glass of cumquat liqueur on the table. “It’s not Leif’s,” she heard herself deny. “There’s a mistake. It must belong to another man with the same name.”
“Hayley, I’m afraid there’s no mistake.” Adam’s eyes were warm and dark with compassion. “I confronted Diane. She admitted she and your late husband had an affair. I’m sorry.”
Why was he doing this to her? What was the point? Who did it serve? No one.
“She’s lying, maybe to hurt you,” Hayley said stiffly. “I don’t know. I don’t know her very well.” But she could well believe Diane had seduced Leif. Or Leif had seduced Diane. Those two were similar in some ways, skating along the surface of life, indulging in their own selfish wants and desires. Well, they weren’t going to take away what little dignity she had left.
She pushed the watch back into Adam’s hands and he was forced, reluctantly, to take it. “Leif loved me. He would never have cheated on me.”
Adam’s expression was carefully neutral. “You could sell it, use the money for your horses.”
The thought of profiting from Leif’s affair made her want to throw up. “Give it back to Diane.”
“She doesn’t want it.”
Hayley wanted to walk out the door and pretend this conversation never happened. But her curiosity got the better of her. Like probing a festering sore, she had to know how deep the wound was and how painful the poison. “Where did you find the watch?”
“In the bathroom.”
Hayley’s facial muscles felt tight. Her hands clenched in her lap. Leif had promised not to do it again. She’d been fool enough, weak enough, to believe him. No, it was worse—she’d wanted to believe him so she wouldn’t have to do anything about her sham of a marriage. She hated what that said about her. Weak. Spineless. No self-esteem.
This thing with Diane was no one-night stand, as he’d claimed the other two betrayals had been. No woman, even one as rich and frivolous as Diane, gave a man a gold Rolex after one night. Looking back, there’d been times when she’d wondered where Leif was and he couldn’t give her an answer. Times when she’d caught him out in a small lie. But she’d stayed quiet, not confronting him. She’d been willfully blind, wanting to believe the best of her husband, not wanting to think he would cheat on her again. Not wanting to see herself in the role of the wronged wife.
She couldn’t admit that to Adam. Leif had hurt and humiliated her in life—he wouldn’t do it in death, too. “I have no idea whose watch that is, but it wasn’t my late husband’s. Leif wouldn’t do that to me.”
A horrible thick silence fell between her and Adam. He patently disbelieved her but was too polite, too kind, to say so. Hayley couldn’t meet his gaze. She felt so brittle she might shatter if she moved. Her fingers curled into her palm so tightly the nails dug in. Shane whined and licked her knuckles.
It was enough to wake her up. “What are you doing inside the house, boy?” She had to get out of here before she broke apart. “I’ll say good-night. I have to work at Molly’s café in the morning.”
“I’ll walk you down to the cottage.”
“It’s okay, I can manage.” But she was so stiff she tripped on the edge of the dining room carpet. Shaking off his hand, she walked carefully to the door.
“Take a flashlight, at least. It’s dark out.” He handed her one from the windowsill, then followed her to the veranda. “I’m sorry.”
“What for?” She managed a smile. At least she hoped it was a smile and not a grimace. “I hope you find whoever lost that watch. I’m sure they’ll be missing it.”
“Hayley...”
“Thanks for dinner.” With the flashlight bobbing across the gravel driveway she stumbled toward the cottage, missing the flagstone path because her eyes were blurred, and wetting her sandals in the dew-covered grass. Adam stood in his open kitchen door, watching her progress.
How could he be so calm and indifferent? Didn’t he care that his ex-wife had had an affair with her married neighbor? Did marriage mean nothing to him?
For Leif, my sexy mountain man, from your red-hot mama.
The words ought to be etched on Leif’s memorial headstone so the whole world would know what a lying, cheating jerk he had been. But, a small voice inside her head insisted, then the world would also know that Leif had played around because she wasn’t enough woman to hold on to her man.
That was plain wrong, and she knew it. She had to fight that voice. Leif had been the one with the problem, not her. She’d spent so much time trying to be worthy of him that she hadn’t stopped to wonder if he was ever worthy of her. He wasn’t. He just wasn’t.
The cottage door wasn’t locked, thank God, or she didn’t know how her numb fingers would have managed the key. She started to go into the bedroom and balked at the threshold. When she’d asked Adam where he’d found the watch he’d hesitated for a fraction of a second and his eyes had flickered. She’d assumed he’d meant the bathroom in the house.
What if he hadn’t shared the whole truth? What if Leif and Diane had been together in the guest cottage, making love in the bed she was to sleep in? It made sense if Diane wanted to keep evidence of her affair away from her daughter. Oh, dear God. It had to be. Hayley wouldn’t get a wink of sleep, imagining Leif and Diane together, naked....
No, she wasn’t going to conjure painful scenarios. With an effort she thrust the images from her mind. Tonight she would sleep on the couch. Tomorrow she would move back to her garage—
But she couldn’t, not after she’d insisted the watch hadn’t belonged to Leif and that he’d never had an affair with Diane.
Stuck, she uttered every curse word she knew. That made her feel a tiny bit better, enough to go through the motions of brushing her teeth and washing her face.
She grabbed the quilt off the bed and took it out to the love seat. Punching the pillow, she curled into a fetal position, willing herself not to cry. The evening had been perfect until Adam had brought out the watch. Great food, delicious wine and excellent company. Now she didn’t know how she was going to face Adam in the morning.
Would he tell Summer? No, of course he wouldn’t. Unless Summer already knew. Maybe she’d walked past the cottage and heard her mother and Leif inside—
Hayley flipped onto her back, legs bent at the knee, trying to get comfortable. She sat up and switched on the table lamp. Maybe a cup of camomile tea would help.
She got up and threw on a light dressing gown and hunted for tea bags. Sure enough, there was a small stash of herbal teas in the cupboard. She stuck one in a mug and leaned against the counter, waiting for the kettle to boil.
She should never have moved into the cottage. She could have just come during the day to feed the horses and give Summer her therapy. That was what she would have done if she hadn’t been seduced by the luxury of windows and furniture and a real bathroom. She was getting soft.
A shadow passed across the curtains and a second later there was a knock at the door. For a moment she didn’t move. She couldn’t bear for Adam to see her so fragile, so broken.
He knocked again. “Hayley, are you all right?”
She went to the door but didn’t open it. Instead she pressed her hands to the wood for support. “I’m fine.”
“I saw your light on. Are you having trouble sleeping in there?”
“I got up for a cup of tea. Don’t worry about me. I’m a night owl.” Her voice was pitched an octave too high as she told the lie. She was up at dawn every day of the year and crashed early. Tomorrow she would be a mess on her first day at the café.
“Can I come in?” he said. “Just for a moment.”
He wasn�
�t going to let her deal with this on her own. Reluctantly she opened the door. He came in, bringing a waft of cool night air. She pulled her dressing gown tighter, her bare toes curling on the polished wood floor. “Why are you here?”
“I came to apologize for springing the watch on you like that. I should’ve softened it, or waited, or kept it to myself. I feel terrible about this.”
She kept her chin high and her gaze firm. “Thanks, but I don’t need your pity.”
His eyes flashed. “I don’t pity you. I’m angry at Leif and Diane. Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not really. I’d like to get back to sleep.”
He glanced at the blanket and pillow on the couch and back at her. Damn. He must realize she’d figured out that Leif and Diane had their rendezvous in here. Suddenly she was weary of pretending. All through her marriage she’d played her role in the facade of a happy, united couple, holding her head high and smiling when her heart was crumbling. Now she had to face the truth. Leif didn’t deserve her loyalty.
She raised an arm and let it drop heavily to her side. “You’re right. You win. The watch belonged to Leif.”
Adam reached for her hands. She hadn’t realized how cold her fingers were until they were sandwiched between his large warm palms. He chafed them gently, rubbing circulation back into them. “It’s okay.”
“Yes, I’m fine.” Maybe not fine enough to sleep in the bed of betrayal, but she had just enough strength not to collapse into a quivering, weeping wreck. “Why didn’t you tell me right away, Adam? You don’t need to protect me.”
“I wasn’t sure I should tell you at all. I didn’t want to cause you pain.” He gave her a small, rueful smile. “And if I’m going to be perfectly honest, I figured you wouldn’t want to stay in the cottage if you knew the truth. I didn’t want you to leave.”
“For Summer’s sake. I get it.” And she did. Adam would do anything for his daughter. She would be like that, too, if she had a child.
“She’s made such a good start with her therapy I’d hate to see that derailed.” He hesitated then looked at her directly, his gaze frank. “But I don’t want to be another man who lies to you. We don’t know each other well yet, but I hope we can be friends. I told you in the end because I wanted to be honest with you.”
Friends. Honesty. The backs of her eyelids pricked. “That sounds good.”
He came a step closer and placed his hand on her shoulder, squeezing gently. His heat seeped through the thin cotton of her dressing gown and warmed her. Something flickered in his eyes, and for a moment she thought he would pull her into his arms. Her breath stopped, and she realized in that terrible instant how much she longed to be held, how desperate she was for the simple human comfort of a caring embrace.
Which was crazy because she got hugs all the time, from Molly and Jacinta and her therapy clients. So it must be a man’s embrace she wanted. And maybe, just maybe, Adam’s touch in particular.
So part of her was disappointed when he simply squeezed her shoulder again and let go. Another part of her was grateful he reverted to briskness. “You can stay in the spare room up at the house.” When she started to protest, he held up a hand. “That couch will break your back. There’s plenty of room and it’s no trouble.”
If she hadn’t had to work at the café tomorrow she would have refused. But it was past midnight and she needed sleep. “Okay. Tomorrow I’ll go back to my place. It won’t affect Summer’s therapy, I promise.”
“We’ll talk about that in the morning. Get your things and let’s go.” A few minutes later they left the cottage behind, making their way across the yard.
The house was dark but for the light over the stove. Adam flicked on a hall lamp and led the way up the curving staircase to the gallery on the second floor. Hayley tiptoed down the carpeted hall, looking around at the paintings on the wall and the dried flower arrangement on a narrow table at the head of the stairs. At the end of the hall was a large round window that, judging from the direction the house faced, would flood the corridor with morning light.
“This is Summer’s room,” Adam said in a low voice as they passed a darkened door. “The bathroom is next door and you’re on the other side. The master bedroom is there—I don’t use it. My room is at the end of the hall.” He stopped at a linen closet and found a set of sheets. “I don’t know who stayed in the spare room last.”
Summer’s door opened a crack and her tousled head peered out. “Dad? What’s going on?”
“Hayley’s going to sleep in the spare room,” Adam said. “Go back to bed.”
“I thought she was staying in the cottage,” the girl said.
“There’s a mouse running around in there. She’s scared.”
“Oh. Okay. ’Night.” Summer retreated into her room and shut the door.
Hayley held her outrage until they were in the bedroom. She whipped off the coverlet to expose a bare mattress pad. “A mouse? I’ve never been afraid of a mouse in my life.”
“Sorry, I should’ve said a rat.” His eyes danced as he spread the bottom sheet.
She huffed as she tucked the elastic corner around the mattress. “I can take on a rat with one hand tied behind my back. And don’t bother suggesting a snake—I can deal with them, too. Once a black snake found its way into the garage when I left the door open.”
A hint of a smile tilted Adam’s mouth. “I suppose you killed it with a shovel and barbecued it for dinner?”
“Nope.”
“Strangled it with your bare hands?”
“No way. A black snake can strike faster than you can blink. I got the hose and flooded the garage. He floated right back out the door.”
Adam paused, the top sheet in his hands. “You’re not kidding, are you?”
“Why would I joke about that?”
He flung the sheet across and she grabbed it with both hands as it fluttered down. For a moment their gazes met across the stretched sheet. How did she feel about her snake of a husband now that she’d found out about his affair?
As if she’d caught the direction of his thoughts, she said almost fiercely, “You are feeling sorry for me. Stop it. I’m not brokenhearted.”
“I’m glad.” He let a beat go by. “Did you know about Leif and Diane?”
Hayley tucked in the corner, wrapping it tightly. “No, but there’d been others before her.”
Adam swore softly as he tucked his side. “Why did you stay with him?”
Tears sprang to Hayley’s eyes and she sat down on the half-made bed. She didn’t speak, just clenched her fists on her thighs. Adam came around the bed and sat beside her.
“I wanted our marriage to work,” she said at last, her voice tight and watery with unshed tears. “I thought if I tried hard enough, was a good wife, did my best to ‘understand’ him and be tolerant, he would be faithful. He kept promising to be.” A tear fell on her white knuckles. “I was an idiot to believe him.”
Adam put an arm around her. “Don’t be angry at yourself. Be angry at Leif.”
She brushed away the moisture in her eyes. “It’s my fault, too, for putting up with his behavior. My parents split up when I was little.” From nowhere came a spurt of intense anger. “Out of the blue they announced they were getting a divorce. They didn’t even try to work things out. After the divorce I went to live with my grandparents. I hardly ever saw my father after that.”
“It probably wasn’t out of the blue,” Adam said. “But maybe they didn’t fight in front of you.”
“Maybe,” she conceded. Her dad had been out of work and couldn’t get another job. He wanted to leave Hope Mountain and her mother had refused to go. When he left, she’d had a nervous breakdown and ended up leaving, too.
Why couldn’t her parents have been like Grandpa and Grandma? They’d had a wonderful marriage that l
asted sixty-five long and happy years. Hayley had wanted that for herself, had believed in it as hard as she could. Seeing Molly and Rolf’s happy marriage cemented that desire.
Had she lost faith in the possibility of happiness? She wiped her eyes. “Adam, when do you think it started?”
“You mean Leif and Diane? I’m not sure. The first time she and her girlfriends came up here for trail riding was a year and a half ago, in the autumn.”
“She rode a lot that winter, with Summer or her friends. Lots of times it was just her. And Leif, of course.” Hayley reached for a tissue from the box on the nightstand. “I didn’t think anything of it. I was such a fool.”
“When this house came on the market Diane pressured me to buy it as a holiday retreat.” Adam shook his head. “I thought if she was happy maybe we would be happy as a couple. Not long after that she moved out of our city house permanently. I knew then she was seeing someone but I didn’t know who, let alone that he was married.” He paused. “Were you ever suspicious?”
Hayley shook her head. “I trusted him. He’d promised to turn over a new leaf. He made a joke of it. Leaf, Leif.” Her mouth twisted in a bitter smile. Then she turned her head to look at Adam, her eyes filling again. “We had dreams. That’s what I was hanging on to. The dream we had together.”
“You’ll have new dreams.” Adam gathered her into his arms. She rested her forehead against his chest. The embrace wasn’t at all sexual, and yet she was very aware of the unacknowledged current that hummed between them. So tempting to raise her face to his for a kiss. To feel his warm lips on hers and his hands on her body. To run her hands into his thick hair to see if it was as silky as it looked. To pull him down onto the bed...
She couldn’t go there, couldn’t even let her thoughts head in that direction. She’d had a nasty shock tonight. Anything that happened would be a reaction to that and not out of a true desire between her and Adam.
As if sensing her thoughts, or maybe he was feeling the same, he eased away. “I should let you get to bed.”