by JoAnn Durgin
“Yes, he is generous.” Heather had returned or donated most of what she termed his guilt gifts—otherwise known as bribes—he’d given her the last few years. They were tainted with his betrayal. Why subject herself to daily reminders? When she flipped another page, Ellyn snatched the magazine from the counter and tossed it aside. “This isn’t the time to be stubborn.”
“Mom, if it’s all the same to you, I’d rather not go to the honorary dinner tonight.” She took a long, slow drink of cranberry juice, still in the bottle. Heaven forbid she should ever drink anything straight from the bottle.
Her mother’s forehead didn’t even wrinkle. Ugh. She’d been getting facial injections again, something Heather detested. Another strike against her father for making Ellyn feel less than beautiful or desirable. “Please tell me what could possibly be more important tonight than a dinner honoring your father?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Snuggling under a warm blanket and reading a good book in front of a cozy fire sounds appealing.” Heather didn’t like being so snide and obnoxious, and she wasn’t proud of her behavior, especially with her mother. Coming to the house today had been a mistake. She was only asking for trouble, and she should have known better.
Was coming here to the house a nudge from you, Lord? She was still fairly new at being a Christian and learning how the Lord could work. Usually it wasn’t in the way Heather expected although that could sometimes be a good thing.
More than eight years after her father left them, her mother’s blue eyes held the same sadness. At least in her presence, Ellyn never mentioned how her husband left her for a woman 15 years her junior. Instead, Ellyn concentrated her energies on selling high-priced real estate around Indianapolis. On the weekends, Heather often discovered her mother wandering about the cold marble floors of their stately home in the suburbs, a glass of wine in her hand, nursing a heartache the size of Texas.
Not lately, though, come to think of it.
“Don’t be this way, Heather.” Her mother’s sigh conveyed her exasperation. “You’re not a child or a rebellious teenager. No matter how he treated me, he’s still your father.”
“You’re not the only victim of Jeremy Montague.” As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Heather regretted them. “I’m sorry.” She shook her head. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
Ellyn didn’t flinch. “As usual, you spoke your mind. I wouldn’t expect anything less. It’s one of the qualities I most admire in you, believe it or not. And even though you’re right, tonight’s award ceremony is a huge honor for your father. You should be there. If you won’t do it for Jeremy, I hope you’ll consider doing it for me.”
“This isn’t about appearances.” Heather crossed her arms on the counter and leaned forward. “It’s not like I’m Dad’s only child anymore. I doubt anyone will miss me if I’m not there.”
Now she sounded like a petulant, pouty child. If she expected to be treated like an adult, she should behave like one. First, she needed to have a chat with her mother. Air some grievances. They’d been a long time coming. Almost nine years coming.
At least if she attended the ceremony, she’d sit with Ellyn the next table over from her father, his wife, and their two young children, Tiffany and Palmer. Junior League kids with perfect clothes, plastered-on smiles, and snotty attitudes. Maybe that was unkind, but she had to constantly remind herself she’d been in their shoes not that many years ago. Her half-siblings were products of their environment.
“Mom, tell me something. How can you continue to defend him? Aside from the fact that Dad abandoned his family, he makes money off the misfortune of others. Knowing what he’s done, how can he live with a clear conscience? People suffer because of gambling addictions, and those people have families who are victims, too.”
Ellyn moved around the counter and took the counter chair beside her, bringing the heady scent of the perfume with her. “Your father didn’t cause those problems, Heather. That’s a weakness in others. If your father built swimming pools for a living, would you blame him if someone who couldn’t swim fell in and drowned? If he built skyscrapers, would it be his fault if someone cleaning a window on the fortieth floor fell off the scaffolding to their death because they weren’t properly secured?”
“That’s different.”
“Is it? Tell me how.”
Heather faltered, searching for an answer. “In those circumstances, your hypothetical person didn’t build something that tempted someone to do something that has the potential to ruin his or her life.”
“That’s a strong statement to make, and an unfair one. Jeremy’s not leaning over anyone’s shoulder at a casino, rolling the dice, or asking the dealer for more chips or another hand.” Ellyn twisted on the counter stool to face her. “I think the difference here is the personal hurt you feel. When something’s so deeply personal in our hearts, it has the greatest potential to wound us. That, in turn, can affect our relationships. You’re allowing your bitterness to take over, and that’s not something you want, darling. I also suspect what happened with your father has tainted your relationships with men.”
Heather snapped her gaze to her mother’s. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying your father’s betrayal has affected your ability to trust another man.”
“That’s not true,” Heather sputtered. “For one thing, Drew proved himself untrustworthy. He only wanted me to gain access to Dad and advance his career.”
“I’m not talking about Drew. In his own way, that boy cared for you, but you can’t know how thrilled I am that relationship didn’t work out. Drew’s in your past and you’ve matured and grown so much in the past few years. In other ways, you haven’t allowed yourself to move forward. You’re a beautiful woman, Heather. You’re gutsy, intelligent, and fiercely independent. I know you must have more than one man in your life who’d love to pursue a relationship with you. From what I’ve seen, you keep them at arm’s length, and you don’t give them a fighting chance.”
“You’ve been talking with Dr. Pendergrass again, haven’t you?”
Ellyn laughed softly. “Yes, but it doesn’t take a psychologist to see the obvious.” When her mother reached for her hand, Heather gave it to her. Her mother had lost weight after her father left, and she’d never regained it. The hand holding hers was dry and felt almost brittle, the blue veins prominent beneath the skin. Ellyn’s eyes had held only a hint of their former sparkle for years, but tonight Heather glimpsed a renewed brightness. Maybe a healthy weight gain would come next. She could hope and pray.
“Darling, listen to me. Your father worked hard to build his business. I’ve never seen anyone work so many long hours, tirelessly, for weeks on end. There were times when I had to force him to stop working. I’d take him to dinner just to get him out of the office. He has a brilliant, innovative mind, and he had a vision. I can’t help but admire his dedication to making his dream a reality. Jeremy meticulously studied the plans and marketing research, he talked to experts, and he interviewed and personally hired the most qualified personnel, sometimes from around the world—everyone from the architects and contractors, the chefs, and the kitchen help and wait staff. A casino is the sum of its parts, and it takes a lot of people to make it work.”
Heather’s brow creased. “What you’re really telling me is that it’s not all about the gambling.”
“What I’m asking is for you to try and see it from the other side. You’re too busy blaming him for something you believe he’s done to hurt others. Jeremy’s done nothing illegal. Granted, he’s been sued a few times, but that’s not unusual for such a highly successful man. I know you don’t approve of what he did in his personal life, and you don’t support the fact that he owns casinos, but that’s not a valid reason for you to devalue or dismiss his life’s work.”
Heather pondered her words for a long moment. “Thank you for not pointing out the obvious. I understand dad’s hard work has given me a lifestyle most people can only drea
m of. I don’t want to sound ungrateful, and I have some very good memories of Dad. I guess I still have some unclaimed baggage, and I need to figure out what to do with it.”
“Now who’s the psychologist?” Ellyn tightened her hold on Heather’s hands. “I know how devastated you were when he left. There’s never a good time for a family’s disintegration. I know how much you adored your father.”
A tear slid down Heather’s cheek. “He broke my heart, Mom.” Withdrawing one hand from her mother’s grasp, she wiped away her tears.
“His departure was sudden and unexpected, and we had no time to prepare,” Ellyn said. “In some ways, it was like a death, an abrupt ending to life as we’d always known it.” She blew out a sigh. “I’ll never forget the expression on your face when you realized Jeremy had moved out of the house. It’s the same one I’ve seen in my mirror more times than I can count.”
Her mother’s words were quiet but, surprisingly, no trace of lingering anger surfaced. “Jeremy failed both of us, but he also failed himself. He’s an imperfect man who yielded to his own weakness. But it’s not what you might think. If you’re under the impression that your father cheated on me, that wasn’t the case.”
Heather’s jaw gaped. “He didn’t? I mean, that’s good to know.” All this time she’d thought otherwise, especially since her dad remarried within a year of the divorce.
Ellyn shook her head. “Not in the physical sense. For a long time, Jeremy’s mistress was the business. It practically consumed him from the inside out. So, we grew apart through the years. We tried to resurrect the marriage a couple of times, but it was too late.”
“You were happy. We were happy,” Heather murmured. Nothing about the destruction of a marriage was simple. Considering she’d never been married, she couldn’t fully understand. What she needed was time to absorb this conversation. Through the years, her dad hadn’t been around much, but when he was—before the divorce, in particular—he’d spent quality time with her.
“Yes, we were happy,” Ellyn said. “For many years.”
Heather kneaded two fingers between her brows. “Why didn’t you tell me this before?”
“I tried, but you wouldn’t listen.” Heather started to protest but then closed her mouth. Her mother was right. She’d lived in denial for too long.
“The important thing for you to remember is how proud your father is of you, Heather. You’re making your own way in the world without depending on Jeremy’s name and connections. He admires that quality in you more than you know. Speaking of which, I understand you called Benjamin Saunders and instructed him to stop your father’s monthly deposits into your account. Is that a wise thing to do? Accepting money from your father isn’t wrong, especially since you’re still in school.”
“Perhaps it’s not fiscally wise, but it’s something I needed to do.”
“Then you have your trust fund. Your grandfather established that for your benefit. Don’t be so stubborn that you won’t tap into that if you have a need.”
“I’m not that stubborn, but I only use it for absolute necessities.” Heather wrapped her fingers around the cranberry juice bottle as much for something to hold onto as anything else. “I only have two more classes after my internship this semester, and then I’ll get my marketing degree. It’s way past time I supported myself, Mom. I’m making enough money now from the ballet and working part-time at Ava’s dance studio.”
She took another quick drink of her juice. She’d seen enough friends live off their family’s money—no career, single or newly divorced, flying around the globe from one event to another. Life became one big party. That’s not the way she wanted to live.
Her mother took a deep breath. “I know how much you enjoy working at Ava’s dance studio but perhaps it’s time to think of moving on. You’re a principal dancer now, and I hardly think you’d need the pocket change.”
“That’s not the point.” Heather replaced the cap on the empty juice bottle. “Working with the kids is my hold on reality. They help anchor me since the ballet can be…stressful.”
She loved everything about her professional career but it was draining mentally as well as physically. The drama behind the scenes was enough to make her wish for a bubble of isolation. Perhaps every profession had the same drama, but it was her reality, her truth. Overly sensitive performers could be temperamental and emotionally vulnerable. She only socialized with that crowd during off-hours on occasion, enough so she wouldn’t be ostracized and deemed a prima donna.
Ellyn placed gentle fingers beneath Heather’s chin and waited until she lifted her gaze. “I understand all about security. What’s familiar is comfortable. As far as Jeremy, I’m not saying to excuse what he did. However, in order to move forward with your life, you need to forgive your father.”
Heather snapped her gaze to her mother. “How can I do that when he’s never asked for my forgiveness?”
“Because sometimes the only way to find peace inside yourself is to surrender it to God and let Him shoulder the burden.”
What? Trying not to gape, Heather shifted on the counter stool to face her mother. The irony of their reversed roles did not escape her. She should have talked with her mother when she’d come to know the Lord four years ago.
“Mom, forgive my surprise, but we’ve barely talked about faith before. What’s going on?” Her mother’s smile did nothing to assuage the feelings of guilt that shot through her.
“I’ve been attending a small church for a few months now. A client invited me, and”—Ellyn lifted her slender shoulders—“they accept me as I am. Warts and all, as they say.”
“You don’t have any warts.”
“Oh, darling, I do. Just not the kind Dr. Lassiter can freeze or burn off. If only it were that easy.”
Heather gathered her mother in her arms. “Oh, Mom, I’m so glad. I’m afraid I haven’t been the best example of a Christian. I haven’t been the best daughter either. I need to ask you to forgive me, too.”
“You’ve done nothing wrong, but I’ll forgive you if it makes you feel better. I’ll tell you something. You’ve been more of an influence on me than you know.” Ellyn pulled back and studied her with a small smile. “Whether or not you realize it, you’ve changed. In a positive way. Come into your own, as your father says. To see that transformation in you has been an inspiration as I’ve watched you grow as a person.”
She’d inspired her mother? “I had no idea.”
“I’m at the threshold of faith, I guess you could say,” Ellyn said. “I’m still searching, but I’m establishing a center in my life that I didn’t have for a long time. Something I haven’t found as a realtor or from any of my charitable organizations. Remind me to cut back on some of those, by the way. My most recent revelation is that this newfound confidence and contentment isn’t coming from anything I’ve said or done on my own. It has to come from God. That’s a good first step, wouldn’t you say?”
“Yes, it’s a very big first step, and an important one.” Heather sniffled. “Thanks for telling me, Mom. I’m very proud of you. Now, swat me if you want, but I wish you’d stop getting toxins, botulism, or whatever injected into your forehead. If the people at the church accept you as you are, then that’s not the real you, is it? You’ve always been the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known. It’s time to let yourself shine.”
Her dad’s hair was now silver and he sported deep facial lines while her mother paid big bucks to have her hair dyed and wrinkles erased. What a double standard.
So not fair, God.
Ellyn shook her head, but Heather glimpsed the small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. At least she hadn’t gotten injections there. Not recently, anyway.
“Don’t change the subject, please. Forgiving your father was a huge leap of faith for me.” Ellyn dipped her head and caught her eye. “Is that something you think you could do, Heather? I think you’d find it very cathartic.” What restraint it must take for her mother not to glanc
e at her watch, preposterously large on her slender, delicate wrist. The minutes were dwindling quickly, and along with them, Heather’s resistance to the idea of going to the dinner honoring her father.
“I’ll promise to think about it. The forgiveness thing. That’s all I can give you right now.” Heather darted a glance at the clock on the wall and slid off the counter chair. “Right now, I’ll go upstairs and get ready. I won’t be long. Besides, Marsden’s used to waiting on me.” The faithful employee had been with the family as long as Heather could remember. If nothing else, the Montague family inspired loyalty.
From behind her, Ellyn laughed quietly. “And to think I didn’t even have to beg.”
Chapter 12
~~♥~~
“Lots of traffic tonight.” In the passenger seat beside Chase, David Landers fidgeted more than usual.
“You okay, Dad?”
“Just a little nervous about this meeting tonight.”
“I thought you liked these people.”
“Liking them and not feeling nervous around them are two different things, son.”
“That’s why I wish you’d let me come with you. Moral support, if nothing else. Unless you talk about me or something, and that’s the reason—”
“Don’t let it swell your head. I talk about your mother more.”
“You haven’t had a drink, have you?” Chase hated to ask, but it was necessary.
“Nope. No cards or slots either. I’ve been a good little boy. Haven’t done anything worth confessing in over eight months now.”
“Good.” Chase nodded. He was proud of his dad. “I’m glad you asked me to drive you tonight.”
“Yeah.” His dad thumped his foot on the floorboard and twisted his fingers in his lap.
If he ever got a word of thanks, he might drive off the road and have an accident. So maybe it was just as well David never gave him the satisfaction.
Chase knew whatever his dad had to say at the GA meeting wouldn’t be anything bad about his mom. The best thing he could say about his dad was that he’d revered his late wife, Chase’s mother. While good to a point, the fact that he practically worshiped the woman’s memory kept David from moving forward with his life. Chase was no psychiatrist, but that seemed to be a large part of his dad’s problem.