by Anna Santos
“I don’t know,” I answered. “Why do you care?”
“We were going to kiss,” he explained and I glanced back at him. Was he serious? He was. I could see on his face that he was trying to find the best way to kiss me. Was he actually nervous or was it my imagination?
“Do you realize that this is exactly like the cliché romantic vampire stories you accuse me of liking to read?” I asked, making him smirk and turning me on my heels to face him.
“Maybe you like them so much because you were meant to date one.”
“Maybe pigs will fly in the near future,” I retorted, and he rolled his eyes and I almost laughed because of it.
“For someone that reads so many romantic books, you sure know how to ruin a perfectly romantic situation.”
“Well, for someone that is a vampire, you sure are brooding and insecure.”
“I don’t want you to feel scared, and I sure don’t want to harm you. I just want you to understand something really important, Sarah,” he whispered, caressing the hair away from my face, and bringing my body closer to his. My body temperature rose with the intimacy. I felt my cheeks turning red. My breathing became erratic and my legs were feeling weak. It didn’t help that he smelled really good, almost edible.
“What?” My mind was blurry, but I was still able to form words.
“I care about your feelings. I care about you. You intrigue me and make me feel alive again. I can’t explain it.”
“You have a strange way to show it.”
“It would be better for you if I would stay away. Actually, I gave myself millions of reasons to stop looking for you.”
“But, Vincent, I don’t want you to go away if you feel something for me,” I said, touching his chest with the tips of my fingers, while biting my lower lip. His eyes followed my hand. My eyes were shining with emotion, at least, I tried to show that I wanted him to be near me.
“Call me Ewan.”
“What?”
“It’s my real name.”
“Ewan,” I whispered, looking at his chest. My voice came out sad with my next line. “So...you even lied about your name.”
“I need to change my identity now and then,” he explained. “It’s part of being immortal and not aging.”
I nodded. “Okay, I get that. So, Ewan, are you...here to tell me what? That we can’t be together, even if you love me?”
“It’s much more complicated than that, Sarah,” he declared, sighing deeply. He seemed troubled. “I know I can’t live without you. But I can’t destroy your humanity and transform you into a monster like myself. And you will want that.”
“Become a vampire?” I asked, smirking, but not for the reasons he thought.
“It isn’t a fairy tale to be a vampire like you read in those stupid books,” he assured in an aching tone, clearly unpleased by my attraction for that life. “I love you like you are now. You have passion for life as if you have a purpose, which gives you a reason to open your eyes each day. You are happy. I don’t want to ruin that by taking all that you treasure, while a mortal.”
His words made me think. The fact was I did think I had a purpose, since I’d begun to train my powers and protect the innocents. But I was also happy those few days for another reason, and it wasn’t only because my plan for revenge was working perfectly. I was growing extremely fond of Galvin. However, Galvin was right, I still had unresolved feelings for Ewan, and I shouldn’t. But he had also said that I should take my time to resolve them. Which I planned to do. I was also planning to understand what was going on inside Ewan’s head. Why was he saying all those things, and why he was playing with me? He wanted to make me believe that he was worried about me, about my feelings, about the fact of him being a monster? Was that a sick joke? He had never cared about anyone else before. But again, he was always good at pretending it, wasn’t he?
“Why are you here, if you know all that and you don’t want to make me a monster?” I asked, trying to figure out his intentions. “Why are you telling me all these things? You could just leave, and I would never have the certainty that you were a real vampire.”
“You didn’t listen! I just can’t be away from you,” he complained with an aching voice as if the closeness between us was unbearable. “And before I met you—I was even considering the possibility of killing myself.”
“What?” I asked, leveling my voice, truly shocked by his confession. Was he serious? “Why?” I wanted and needed to know. He stepped back to give me space, and probably to be able to speak.
“Life has no mysteries for me. For more than a century, I lived like a zombie without anything that would give me a valid reason to keep opening my eyes each day. I just had a daughter to take care of. But she is raised and trained. I have nothing else to offer her.”
“A daughter?” I asked, pursing my lips and tilting my head.
“Anastasia. She isn’t my sister.”
“No shit, Sherlock,” I muttered between my teeth. He looked puzzled by my words. “You were sending a weird vibe, and you didn’t act like siblings.”
“She can be protective like that.”
“Protective about what?”
“She doesn’t want you to break my heart. She thinks, we shouldn’t be together.”
Nothing new there, but breaking his heart was the least of my concerns. “And what do you think?”
“I think that...I need to know how you feel, before I...decide to move on.”
“So, she’s your daughter. Can vampires have babies?” I asked an absurd question to prove my innocence on that matter, and to fulfill my curiosity about how he was going to answer me.
“No. I picked her up as a child to offer to my wife, so we could have a family. We raised her together, until they came and killed my companion, and all reasons for my immortal existence ceased to be.”
His voice was really emotional when he spoke. However, my face showed my disbelief in his fairy tale, because Ewan silenced himself and gazed at me with wounded eyes. I drank my tea that was no longer hot, and I tried to take control of my feelings. Talking about Violet seemed to sadden him.
“Are you scared?” he asked.
I cursed myself for my trembling hands. “No,” I tried to empower the answer, but it came out insecure.
“Sarah,” his alluring voice caressed my ear, his body towering over me. “Do you want me to go and never come back?”
I was tempted to say yes, so he would leave, and I could scream and break everything in my rage. And then I thought: he is testing me. He is making sure that I’m not Violet. Ewan is a vampire with more than a thousand years, he probably knows about the cure. He probably suspects my resemblance. I’ve dyed my hair black, I’ve changed my eye color surgically, but he must still have his doubts.
“I never thought that I would find you,” he whispered, caressing my face. His honeyed voice made my body weak, my eyes became heavy, and I felt my shoulders shuddering in reply to his touch. “And now I really don’t want to stay away from you. But I have to know if you feel the same.”
I didn’t know exactly what I was thinking, but the closeness was affecting my reason, or maybe it was the vibration his touch was sending to my skin. I put my arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss. His soft lips replied to mine as his arms surrounded me. For some moments, the warmth of our bodies together and of our lips touching, made my head turn and my rationality shut down. My breath narrowed to small urgent gasps of yearning. His lips were soft and his hands were rubbing my ribs, pulling my chest against his, and making lust cover my skin with goose bumps. I had missed touching him. My mind swirled, hopelessly addicted to all the pleasure his lips gave. Then when his tongue became impatient, swirling and invading my mouth, I felt the taste of blood in him. He had fed recently. The blood was sweet, probably from a young girl. Suddenly, I didn’t know what was more disturbing: my lust for him or my lust for blood.
Moments after, his hands were caressing my body and touching my breasts.
My legs were between his, and I could feel his arousal against my stomach. After all that time, I still lusted for him. His kisses were like a drug. His touch made my mind go blank, and my body became caged by lust and vanquished by how much I had missed him. Things were going to get out of hand, and as much as I wanted to control myself, the fact was that the attraction was real and the need was growing. His touch was defeating my rationality and my racing heart begged for more contact, more kisses, and more touches. My hands caressed his torso, my nails softly scratched his skin under his sweatshirt, and my tongue was fighting his tongue. We stepped back, hitting the fridge, my hands pulling at his shirt and his hands grabbing my legs, making my dress ride halfway to my thighs.
The strong knock on the door woke us up from our yearning. It took me a while to understand that someone was at the door. It took longer to want to stop what we were doing. But the next wave of blows made us realize that I needed to see who was at the door. I pulled him back, fixing my lipstick with the back of my thumb, straightening my dress, and rearranging my hair with trembling fingers.
Chapter Nineteen
Sorry to interrupt
I OPENED THE DOOR, confusion on my face, and saw Francesca on the other side. I blinked at her crying figure and stared back at Ewan, who was fixing his clothes.
“I didn’t know where else to go,” Francesca sobbed as I gulped and spared her another look.
“Come on in,” I invited her.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you had company,” she sniffed, cleaning her eyes and gazing at Ewan.
“I was just leaving,” Ewan informed her, staring at me for a while. “We’ll continue this conversation tomorrow,” he whispered in my ear, giving me a quick kiss on the cheek and leaving. He closed the door behind.
I stared at Francesca, puzzled by her state. “What happened to you?”
“Nothing,” she grinned mischievously, coming closer to me and taking hold of my mouth. She kissed me, and I tried to push her back. What the hell was she doing?
“I’m sorry, Francesca, you are my friend and all, but I’m not really into girls.” I tried to explain without hurting her feelings. She started laughing and I got even more confused. Was she high on something?
“You should have seen the look on your face,” she said, and her voice started to change and become more guttural.
Before me, Francesca’s appearance faded away, and Galvin appeared in his well-shaped and clean appearance of a cunning, evil sorcerer. I felt like punching him in the face for the nerve he had in tricking me. What the hell was he thinking, pulling a stunt like that? I think my enraged face said it all, because he stopped laughing, and clumsily fixed his messy hair.
“It was the only way I could think to get that guy out of your apartment,” he explained.
It made me even madder.
“Were you spying on me?”
“I was coming here when I noticed he was inside, talking to you, so I waited, but he was taking too long leaving and I—was missing you. Fuck, Violet! Why are you mad? What were you two doing?”
I turned my back on him and stormed my way to my bedroom. I was feeling ashamed and, at the same time, annoyed. He had interrupted our kiss. I was kissing Ewan when he was outside. I was cheating on him, and I didn’t even feel bad about it. But I was feeling bad right then, cussing mentally by the amount of mixed feelings fighting inside my mind and heart.
“What happened?” Galvin asked, sitting on my bed next to me. His voice was trembling, but there was no hint of anger in it. He was just sad. He knew what happened. He just wanted the confirmation.
“He kissed me,” I mumbled. “And he said he loved me.”
“Hum,” he replied back.
“The sick bastard said he loved his wife and—he was planning to kill himself after her death. I guess he meant Violet, meaning me, didn’t he? And I don’t get it. I don’t understand,” I sighed, thinking about his words. I stared at the painting on the wall and kept talking about my doubts. “Why would he think about killing himself if he tried to get rid of me? Why would he say all those things?”
“I don’t know,” Galvin whispered. His voice trembled, and I turned to look at him.
“I think he was testing me. I think he suspects that I may be Violet.”
“I don’t know,” Galvin said once again. Then he did something weird. He pulled me by my arms and made me hug him. “Vi,” he whispered sweetly in my ear. It was my new nickname, and I smiled at it. I was glad that he wasn’t mad at me. He knew my revenge involved certain things that I had to do to please Ewan and prevent him from suspecting. He knew that. However, I knew that it wouldn’t prevent him from feeling jealous. But, he seemed more worried than jealous right then. “Baby,” he mumbled against my hair, kissing the crook of my neck, “You know I love you, don’t you?”
“I do,” I sighed, forgetting all about my doubts, and becoming happy with his confession. I believed his words. However, it was disturbing, since one moment I was kissing Ewan, and the other I was in Galvin’s arms. It was a bit messed-up, but I had truly missed Galvin. I had missed his sweet words and his tender hugs.
“Don’t ever forget about that, okay? You need to remember that all I did was for your own good. That you are the most important thing to me right now in the world.” He kept talking, spreading kisses on my skin. His hand fell over my stomach, and then his fingers hooked to my skirt and pulled it up my legs. His hand slid inside my dress to keep caressing me. “You will need to do a new blood test tomorrow.”
“I just did one last week,” I complained, tangled inside my mixed feelings of lust and guilt.
“I know. But we need to do a new one tomorrow. And you need to eat. Have you been eating organic food like I told you?”
“Yes. I found out that I like to eat fruit,” I mumbled, searching for his mouth to kiss. I had missed his smell and the taste of his skin. His hands were extremely soft over my skin, arousing me, making me crave more.
“That’s good. You don’t mind if I sleep with you here tonight, do you?” He asked to my surprise, and I raised my head to face his eyes. He doesn’t normally ask that. I felt guilty because of it. He was probably thinking that I didn’t want him anymore. I was kissing him, wasn’t I?
“Well, I guess you’ll need to pay to sleep here, sexually speaking of course,” I teased him to break the ice and he laughed.
“Quid pro quo?” He teased back.
“Definitely.” I smirked, starting to unbutton his shirt and kissing his ripped torso. It was my favorite thing, to undress him and kiss him while doing so. But he was always impatient when we were apart for long. The first time would be a bit rushed, but he always made up for it in the second round.
I fell on the bed with his mouth kissing my cleavage, and his hands getting rid of my dress. He was always gentle and careful not to hurt me. There was something in the way he touched me that was enough to make me feel safe, loved.
“Where did you go with this dress?” He inquired and I nibbled my lower lip, giggling because he couldn’t conceal the jealousy in his tone.
“Out with some guy.”
“And how did Ewan end up inside your apartment?”
“Galvin,” I sighed, bored by the questions. “More action and less talking, unless you are planning to sleep on the couch,” I warned and he got the hint, because he shut up and kissed me on my mouth.
“The only place I’m planning to fall asleep, darling, is between your thighs, after showing you nirvana a couple of times,” he mumbled against my breasts.
I found myself getting wetter and giggling at those words. That was something I loved about him. He always had really good comebacks to my threats and teasing words.
Chapter Twenty
Something left unsaid
I COULDN’T SHAKE the feeling of confusion, because of what had happened the night before with Ewan. We had kissed and I had enjoyed it. A lot. There was also the intriguing story about his deceased wife, and his intention
of suicide, besides the love confessions he had pulled on me. And then there was Galvin. Galvin, who I was sleeping with and enjoying it a lot. He didn’t deserve my ambivalent feelings for Ewan. Firstly, because he was really important in my new life and also because—my feelings for Galvin ran deep.
The next day was exhausting. I’d tried to concentrate in classes, but I spaced out while thinking about all the things that Ewan said to me, and all the things that didn’t add up. Something wasn’t making any sense. I was just glad when I arrived home to enjoy the silence and the relaxing feeling of having nothing to do. But my happiness was short-lived, because someone knocked on the door and I had to move to open it. Well, it wasn’t a big surprise when it turned out to be Ewan on the other side of the door.
When I opened the door, he looked up and gave me a boyish grin that made me smile back at him. I felt crazy and unwanted butterflies inside my stomach. The sunlight outside the corridor cast an almost angelic glow on him, making him appear ethereal. The image was stunning, there could be no denying his beauty.
“I’m here for us to finish our conversation,” he glibly informed me.
I let out the breath I was holding, and stepped back for him to enter.
“So where were we?” I asked, closing the door, and before I could understand what was happening, he seized me between his arms and crashed his lips against mine. Well that was a question that he found the urge to reply accordingly. I barely had time to breathe, it was a savage and demanding kiss. His body was rock solid against mine and I melted under his lips.
“I want you to be mine,” he whispered, burying his mouth into the hollow of my neck, and grabbing my hips to ground me against him. “I barely slept just thinking about how good it was to kiss you.”
“We have some things we should clarify,” I managed to say, and he glanced at me, confusion spread in his glare.
“Such as?”
“You’ve told me that you had a wife and a daughter. That your wife was killed and because of that you became really sad and—suicidal.”