by Toni Shiloh
“Whoever commits sin is a slave of sin,” Darryl continued.
Her mouth dropped open. She couldn’t help it. She shut it, praying no one noticed her reaction. Was she imprisoned?
Isn’t that why you’ve been going crazy sorting through your emotions?
Was it why she was afraid to give her all to Guy? Or was it simply because he had left her in the first place?
Darryl looked up. “I chose this passage because I have a problem with the truth. Not that I tell lies even though that could be someone’s downfall. The reason this struck a chord in me, is because I try and run away from the truth staring me in the face.”
GUY SAT BACK IN HIS chair. He had run from the truth. He had minimalized Michelle’s feelings so he could move forward with his life. Only now the truth burned a hole in his pocket. Every time he fingered the love knot, he was reminded of what he’d done to her. Every time his girls said ‘good night,’ he was reminded of his brief hatred of them. The truth was all around him, and it was all he could do not to focus on it.
He ran a hand across his stubble. What a heady subject. He was surprised Darryl admitted to having a problem with truth. He peeked at the others wondering their thoughts. Holly looked contemplative. Tanya looked close to tears and Michelle...she looked shocked.
What was going on in her mind?
Too bad she wasn’t sitting next to him so he could ask her now. Now he would have to ask her later. Of course, the scent of her perfume would probably drive him crazy and distract him from the message. Like just the thought of her was messing with his focus. He tuned into Darryl.
“How many of us know a truth...whether it’s about us, our circumstances, or something we need to do? Do we do it or run?” Darryl ruffled his curly hair as he gathered his thoughts. “The more you run, the more it seems you run into reminders of that truth.” His friend gazed around the table. “I don’t know about you, but it’s like it hounds me. Let’s just take Christ for instance. After all, this is a Bible study.” He grinned cagily.
“Does everyone remember a moment when they questioned how God could possibly be real?” He looked around, but no one seemed to want to answer his question.
“I remember.”
Guy looked at Michelle. Lord, give her the words. He knew how much her parents’ death affected her.
“Care to share, Michelle?” Darryl asked.
“Yes. When my parents were killed. I had never thought too much about God before that. Sure I went to church but on holidays. On that day, I clearly remember thinking there was no way He existed. And if He did, why would I believe in Someone who had let my parents die?”
Grief covered her face. Guy tried to capture her gaze to offer her comfort, but she appeared lost in thought.
“I’ve had similar questions.” Darryl paused. “However, I know now God is real.”
He stared at his friend in shock. It wasn’t a revelation he expected Darryl to come to. His friend seemed so reticent about it.
“How do you know?” Tanya asked.
“Because He’s everywhere. I’ve tried to run from the truth of Christ’s existence, and I can’t escape it. The more I tried to ignore it, the more it followed me. Until, I took the plunge and came to the Bible study.”
“It’s true,” Guy stated. He leaned back as all the heads swung to his direction. He stuffed his hands into his pockets. “For those of you who are new to the group, I lost my wife three years ago when she died giving birth to our twins.”
Jordan gasped. Tanya’s eyes watered. And Holly smiled in sympathy.
“I tried to escape God. I couldn’t believe He was good or He existed if my wife who loved Him faithfully could die. Yet, I couldn’t escape Him. He hounded me. Evan hounded me.” He let out a snort. “Even Darryl hounded me. Everywhere I turned, God’s truth was there.”
“Why would He seek us out?” Tanya asked. Her brow furrowed as she looked around the table.
He could only pray the stress from whatever she was going through would be eased in this study.
“Because another truth states He loves us.”
A hush fell over the group as the truth of Darryl’s words settled over them.
“But we do horrible things,” Tanya uttered.
“And His grace covers it,” Chloe remarked.
He watched as something passed between Chloe and Tanya. He didn’t know what it was, probably a chick thing, but he saw the relief that came across Tanya’s face. Whatever had just happened, helped.
He thought back to the times he tried to outrun God’s truth. Thank You for not giving up on me.
The study didn’t last much longer, but it didn’t matter. Darryl did a good job of leading and Guy had a lot to think of. He stood with the others, cleaning up the mess they had made over food and fellowship. After he placed the final cup in the dishwasher, he made his way over to Michelle, who was clustered in a group with Tanya, Holly, and Jo. He brushed her arm to get her attention.
She turned and her hazel eyes lit up. Heat pooled within him. If it weren’t for the audience, he’d kiss her senseless. “Hey, can you come over tomorrow?”
“What did you have in mind?”
He tugged her arm. “Excuse me ladies, I just need to talk to her, and then she’ll be right back.”
“I didn’t want them to hear.” He led her over to the couch. “This is a little embarrassing, but um...can you help me redecorate the girls’ room? My mom thought it would be a good idea, so I hoped we could go to the city and make a day of it.”
“Don’t you think your mom would want to do that? Especially if she made the suggestion.”
He grinned. “She told me to take you.”
Her mouth dropped open and he laughed outright.
“Are you serious?
“Yes, she thought we’d have fun.”
“So she likes me?”
He ran a finger across the lines in her forehead. “Yes, she likes you. Were you worried?”
“Of course! I thought she hated me.”
“Nope, you were all she talked about after dinner Wednesday.”
A huff of air blew gently across his face. A look of relief replaced her frown lines. “Thank God.”
He kissed her on the cheek, not daring to do anything else. “You’re cute when you worry.”
“Thanks a lot.”
“So I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Definitely. I’ve been itching to get my hands on their room. When do you want to leave?”
“How about eight. We can get breakfast first.”
“Sure, sounds like a plan.”
“Okay, I’ll see you then.” He leaned close to her ear. “I’ll call you after the girls go to bed.”
“I’ll be waiting.”
Bible study had been great, but tomorrow promised to be even better.
Chapter Thirty
“This bed would be spectacular in their room!” Michelle looked at the bunk beds already visualizing it in the twins’ room.
“I don’t know. What’s wrong with the beds they have now?”
She looked at him. Was he serious? “They’re white.”
“And?”
“How many times have you cleaned them?” She folded her arms across her chest.
“I thought girls liked white beds. Aren’t they princess-y?” He ran his hand down the nape of his neck.
She wanted to lean in and kiss his frustration away. “Sure they are. But they’re also high maintenance. If you don’t want to go the bunkbed route, then consider painting the beds a different color.”
“Like gween?” Bekah asked.
Michelle looked down at her, her heart melting at the sparkle in her eyes. “Yes, you like green?”
“I like Tiana.”
“Princess Tiana?” Michelle eyes widened as thoughts suddenly flew through her mind. They liked the frog princess. She could paint the beds, the walls, add some canopies over their bed...
“I don’t like that look. What are you
thinking?”
The husky tone of Guy’s voice sent tingles down her spine. Who knew shopping could be so stimulating. “I just had some ideas for their room.” She told him her vision.
“That’s...doable.” He offered a grin. “Thanks, Chelle Belle.”
Leaning forward, she kissed him. His arm traveled up her arm and she stepped back, breaking contact. She did not want to get carried away. A hand tugged on her shirt. Two little girls were staring at her with goofy expressions on their face.
“Do you like my, Papa?” Rachel asked, hands on her hip.
“I do.” She needed a black hole to swallow her up pronto. What had she been thinking kissing him in front of his girls?
“Maybe my prayer will come true,” Bekah said, her r’s turned into w’s.
“What prayer?”
“Let’s go find some paint.” Guy interjected.
She looked at him, noting the panicked look in his eyes. “Okay, calm down. Let’s see if they have canopies before we leave.” Men.
Fortunately, the store had canopies and some life-size Princess Tiana stickers to go on the wall. She couldn’t wait to finish their room. She grabbed some pillows, a mirror and convinced Guy he needed to buy a bookshelf for the girls.
“Now we can go get paint.” Michelle said as they loaded the trunk.
“What color were you thinking?”
“Well they already have Princess Tiana bedspreads. Just pick one of the soft colors from the blanket and paint the room that color. Pick the other color for the beds.”
“How long is it going to take for their beds to dry?”
“I’m sure the paint store will know. In the meantime, have a sleeping bag party or something.”
Guy closed the trunk of his SUV and stared at her. “How do you think of these things?”
“I live to shop and learning how to accessorize goes with it. Women just know.”
He snorted. “Like guys don’t.”
“Have fun, yes. Accessorize? Not if it’s not sports related.”
He put his hands on her waist and pulled her in. “Watch it, cheri.”
“I’m not afraid of you, Mr. Pierre.” She wound her arms around his neck.
He nuzzled her neck. “You should be.”
She shivered as his breath tickled her neck. “Why?” How did her voice get so breathy?
“This is why.” His lips met hers in a dance that was as old as time itself.
As the kiss deepened, her heart melted with pleasure. She was a goner.
TODAY HAD BEEN A SUCCESS. Guy turned onto his street and glanced in the rearview mirror. The girls had fallen asleep from the excitement and exhaustion of the day. He turned to Michelle as he parked in his driveway.
“Will you come over to help tomorrow? I figured we could at least paint the beds.”
“Sure.”
“Hey, I meant to ask you what you thought about Darryl’s topic at Bible study?”
“It was good.” She unbuckled her seatbelt and began gathering her things.
He frowned. “That’s all?”
She chuckled, but it wasn’t her usual laugh. “What else do you want me to say?”
“Do you ever feel like you’re running from the truth?”
She froze, her mouth parting. Her tongue darted out to lick her lips. “What do you mean?”
“I mean I know you go back and forth about God’s goodness.”
A look flashed in her eyes so quickly he almost missed it. But he knew the look of relief when he saw it.
“It is something I wrestle with, but maybe I’m becoming more convinced each day.”
Something was off. “The Bible study didn’t confirm it?”
“No. I get what Darryl’s saying about truth, but how does that reconcile with all the bad? I just don’t get that.”
“I’ll pray for you then. I want you to be as peaceful as I am.”
Her soft smile made his heart stuttered. How he l... No, it was too soon for that thought.
“Thank you.” She kissed his lips softly then sat back. “I’ll get Rachel out of the car.”
“Thanks.”
Armed with Bekah, he unlocked the door and headed straight for their room. He was so glad they had eaten dinner before leaving the city. He didn’t have to worry about waking them. Bekah mumbled something then snuggled deeper into his shoulder.
He laid her softly on her bed and then straightened up. He watched as Michelle laid Rachel down. His breath caught. This was something he could get used to. He could see them doing this every night.
Guy stepped back, rubbing his chest. Was he ready for that? Was their relationship leading down that path? He didn’t even know how she felt about his kids. He knew she liked them, but to agree to help raise them was an entirely different subject.
He gulped. He wasn’t ready. Was he? Hadn’t he just laid the ghost of Charlene to rest? Lord, help! I’m freaking out here.
“Hey,” Michelle whispered. “Come walk me out. I’m going to get some beauty sleep.”
He nodded, still too stunned to speak. He followed her out to the car thankful for the reprieve to gather his thoughts. She opened her car door and leaned against it.
“Text me when you get home, so I know you made it safely.”
She grinned. “Yes, Sheriff.”
She definitely kept him on his toes. “Sassy. Go home,” he kissed her softly. “Sit with me at church?”
“Yes,” she murmured.
“Night, Chelle Belle.”
He watched as she drove away. She had captured his heart as fast as the first time they dated. He was in serious trouble.
MICHELLE SAT DOWN ON the bench at the foot of her bed. “Do you ever feel like you’re running from the truth?”
She winced. Guy’s question had echoed in her head all the way home. It repeated itself like a preschooler trying to grab an adult’s attention. Nothing she did would block it out. The music on the radio had failed to bring her peace. And she couldn’t talk to Jo, who was on the side of the supposed ‘truth.’
Lord, what is truth anyway? If I were to go from Darryl’s words, then I would have to tell Guy what happened. Because everywhere I turn, it’s slapping me in the face.
Michelle sniffed, trying to keep the tears at bay. She didn’t want to go back there. To remember what happened on that exam table. She had desperately tried to stuff it into the far recess of her brain. Yet it continued to resurface like a drowning man gasping for air.
“I don’t know how to speak about it, Lord. It hurts too much.” Her stark whisper seemed to reverberate off the walls. The echo clawed at her, trying to drag her back down into the pit she had climbed out of.
Only if what Darryl said was indeed truth, then she had been shackled by her sin and omission all these years. Could revealing the truth really set her free? Would it ease the ache and burden she’d carried?
Would it stop the nightmares? The voices in her head reminding her she would never be a fit mother? She had decimated the one chance she had. Gone. Forever.
“I don’t know how to escape the past. And I know there’ll be repercussions, Lord.”
“And that’s where grace comes in.”
She whirled around on the bench and faced Jo. “What are you doing here?”
Jo walked in the room and sat down on her bed. “You do know I live here, right?”
“Girl, you know what I mean.” She rolled her eyes.
“I just had a feeling you needed to talk. And it looks like I was right, considering you were in here talking to yourself again.”
A ghost of a smile passed her lips. “I was actually talking to God.”
“Good. What did he say?” Jo’s brown eyes met hers, urging her to talk, but showing no signs of condemnation.
“Whenever I talk to Him, I always hear two phrases in my brain. ‘Tell the truth’ and ‘forgive yourself’.”
“So do it.”
A tear slipped down her cheek, and she brushed it away. “I
don’t know how.”
“For which one?”
“Both,” she choked out. The rising ache in her gut threatened to strangle her. The emotions welling in her were not cathartic but filled with despair.
Jo wrapped an arm around her and leaned her head against hers. “You told me the truth. Didn’t you feel better not having to carry it by yourself? And think about what you shared with Tanya.”
She was right. A feeling of relief had leaked out each time. “But how can I tell Guy?”
“With the strength and courage of the Lord, Chelle. You have to do it, or you’re going to drown in the guilt and burden of shame. The only one shaming you is yourself.”
Michelle licked her lips. It sounded reasonable, but life never worked out as her thoughts portrayed. “I just don’t know.”
Jo sighed. “Tell Chloe.”
She jerked away. “What, no! Why would I do that?”
“Do you think Chloe would condemn you?”
“Without a doubt. You know how she is about God and those who do or don’t follow Him.”
Jo nodded. “Which is why you need to tell her. If you can tell her, you can tell anyone.”
She gulped. Telling her friend...the thought was too incomprehensible to entertain. “I don’t know, Jo.”
“Call her. Now. Invite her over and hear what she has to say.”
“I...” she stared at the cell in her friend’s hand. “You do it,” she whispered.
She watched as Jo dialed Chloe and asked her to come over. Once Chloe arrived, there was no turning back. She would no longer be able to hide beyond the veil of secrecy she had maintained.
Chloe arrived in record time, her gaze darted back and forth between Jo and Michelle. “What’s wrong? Is anyone hurt?” She sounded out of breath as if she had run the whole way instead of taking a car.
“No one’s hurt.” She licked her lips. “Let’s go sit in the kitchen.”
Chloe eyed her warily. “Is it about my father?”
“Oh, no, Chloe. I have something I need to share with you about myself.”
Her shoulders sagged and her brow smoothed. “Okay. Do you have any tea?”