“Yeah.”
“And?” Steve asked.
“And, well…” She hesitated and looked at Michelle again.
“What is it, Amber?”
“I just found out I might not be able to have any more kids,” she replied.
Michelle sat back in her chair, uncertain how to process that information.
Steve put his hand over hers. Then, turning to Amber, he asked, “Is that because of the condition you had when you were pregnant?”
She nodded. “Yeah. Placenta previa. The doctor said because of all the blood I lost, it affected my pituitary gland. So she says she’s not sure if I’ll be able to have any more kids.”
“I’m so sorry, Amber,” Michelle said. She slipped her hand out from under Steve’s and grasped Amber’s with both of her own.
Amber began to cry softly. She looked up toward the ceiling and sniffed, then rubbed the back of her free hand across her cheek to wipe away the tears.
“Here,” Steve said, extending a napkin to her, glancing at Michelle with raised eyebrows.
She took it and began apologizing as she tried to regain her composure. “Sorry. I just get kind of upset when I think about it.”
“No need to apologize,” Steve said. “We’ve been there, Amber. It was a miracle that we were able to have Madison.”
She nodded and blew her nose. “Yeah. I remember when the social worker told me about that. That’s one of the reasons I wanted you guys to have Caleb. You deserve to be parents.”
They sat silently for a few moments while Amber composed herself.
“So, anyway, that’s why I need to see Caleb. He might be the only kid I’ll ever have. I need to know he’s okay.” She looked up and asked, “Does that make sense?”
“Of course it does,” Michelle replied, her heart going out to Amber. “But you’ve got to realize that Caleb isn’t the same baby you saw before you left. He’s a pretty big boy now.”
“Yeah. I know. He’s six, right?”
“Yep,” Steve answered and then added, “He’s a great kid, Amber. We feel very blessed to be his parents.”
“So, you’ll let me see him?” she asked.
“Yes, but we need to set a few ground rules,” Steve replied, leveling his gaze on her.
She looked from him to Michelle and nodded.
“First, Caleb is too young to process the whole idea that you are his birth mother, Amber. We’ve explained adoption in very general terms, and he knows he’s adopted,” Steve said. “But he’s too young to be confronted with the idea that you are his biological mother.”
“Okay, so who will we say I am?” she asked.
“How about if we just tell him you are one of my former students,” Michelle suggested. “It’s possible Madison might remember you and your brother from the park visits we had when you two were in foster care.”
“Oh yeah. She might. I sure remember her and her cute blond curls,” Amber said with a smile.
“Well, that little six-year-old girl is now twelve,” Michelle said.
“Wow. She’s only two years younger than I was when I had Caleb.”
“Pretty mind-boggling, isn’t it?” Michelle shuddered to think of Madison going through what Amber had experienced at fourteen.
“Yeah,” Amber agreed. “She doesn’t know I’m his mom, right? I mean… you know what I mean.”
“His birth mom? No. We never specifically told her that. It’s hard to say what she may have overheard, but she was pretty young,” Michelle said.
“She probably wondered why I got so big.”
“Maybe. But you did a pretty good job of hiding it,” Michelle replied.
“Yeah. I tried.”
“So anyway, how about if we meet at the same park where we used to go when you lived with Mrs. Harte?” Michelle suggested.
“Okay,” Amber replied.
Michelle glanced at Steve, who nodded. “That sounds good. I can tell Caleb we’re going to try out his new catcher’s mitt, and that you happen to be meeting a former student who’s in town for a visit.”
“Anything else I should know?” Amber asked. “I mean like other rules.”
“Yeah,” Steve replied. “Just keep things casual with him. No asking a bunch of questions, just regular conversation, and no trying to make plans to see or talk with him again. It’s fine to interact, just remember that he’ll be thinking you are there to see Michelle.”
“Got it.” She turned to Michelle and asked, “Do you have any pictures of him with you?”
“As a matter of fact, I do,” she said, pulling out her cell phone. She opened the photo app and scrolled to a close up of his face with a wide grin as he prepared to blow out the candles on his birthday cake.
Amber was mesmerized. She stared long and hard at the picture.
“He’s got your eyes,” Michelle said.
She looked closer. “Really?”
“Really.”
“He’s so cute,” Amber added.
“Yeah. He is pretty adorable,” Michelle agreed.
Amber leaned over and hugged her. “Thanks for saying ‘yes’ Mrs. B.” Then she looked at Steve. “I promise I won’t do or say anything to upset or confuse him.”
“Okay, well we can go get him and meet you at the park,” he said.
“Right now?” Amber seemed surprised.
“Sure. Might as well. I’ll be busy at work all week, so if you’re only here for a few days, today’s the day to do this.”
Although his words were upbeat, Michelle could see the concern on his face. “I’ll call Mom and let her know, so she can have him ready.”
Amber stood up. “Chad and I will head over there.” She looked very nervous but happy.
“Okay, we’ll see you in about twenty minutes,” Steve said.
As soon as she was gone, he turned to Michelle. “I hope we’re doing the right thing,” he said.
Me, too, she replied in the recesses of her mind.
“So how did it go?” Chad asked as Amber got into the car.
“Good. I’m meeting them at the park in twenty minutes.” She unzipped her backpack and pulled out a brush. “It’s the park we passed on the way over.”
“Okay.” He started the car and pulled out of the lot.
Amber pulled down the visor and flipped open the mirror. She fingered her bangs and then applied some tinted lip-gloss. Turning to Chad she asked, “How do I look?”
He glanced over at her. “Fine.”
“Just fine?” She could feel herself getting jumpy. “I think I need a hit,” she said, wishing she had a joint with her.
“Amber, you look great, okay? And you told me you were cutting back on that stuff.”
“I am. I just need a little hit to calm my nerves. Look at my hands,” she said, stretching them out in front of her.
“Whatever,” he replied. “I don’t think it’s a good idea to show up smelling like weed.”
“Yeah. You’re probably right.” Amber reached over and turned on the radio. She slouched into her seat, tapping her hands to the beat of the music. As they pulled up to the curb by the park, a flood of memories washed over her. Memories of living in foster care, separated from her brother Jack. Memories of Mrs. B offering to supervise her and her brother at the park so they could spend more time together. Memories of her social worker, Bonnie Blackwell, who brought Jack to the park every time.
And then memories of her pregnancy, Adam’s refusal to help her, and the way Mrs. B had agreed to adopt Caleb.
Now she knew he might be the only child she would ever have.
She could still feel his tiny body pressed to her chest the day she gave him up. And the way his little mouth opened like a bird’s as he gazed into her eyes with such trust.
Had she made a mistake? Was it wrong to give him up? Maybe he’d think she didn’t love him. That she only cared about herself and her own life.
“What’s the big sigh about?” Chad asked.
“Just ne
rvous, I guess,” she replied, refusing to allow him into her secret world of doubts.
“Well, it’ll be over soon,” he said. “Then we can get on the road and get back home.”
She nodded, but in her heart she wondered if she’d be able to pull herself away from Sandy Cove and her son ever again.
“Hey there, champ. What are you doing?” Steve asked as he sat down beside Caleb on the back step.
“Nothin',” the boy replied seeming a little let down after his big day. “Can we go to the beach?”
“Well actually, I was thinking the park. Your mom is meeting one of her old students there. She’s in town for a few days.”
“Okay,” Caleb said with a smile.
“Why don’t you go get that new catcher’s mitt, and we’ll throw a few balls while we’re there.”
“Cool! I’ll be right back.” Caleb stood and ran into the house.
Please let this go well, Steve prayed silently. He stood and went inside, almost bumping into Madison on her way into the kitchen.
“Where did you and Mom go?” she asked.
“Just out for coffee. We’re heading out again in a few minutes. Mom’s going to meet up with one of her old students. They’re meeting at the park, so I thought I’d take Caleb and throw the ball with him.”
“Oh. Cool.”
“What are your plans for the rest of the afternoon?” he asked.
“Don’t know. Luke might come over for a while,” she said nonchalantly. “We might go for a walk or something.”
“You should spend some time with your great grandparents. They’re leaving day after tomorrow, you know.”
“Yeah. I wish they could stay longer,” she said, helping herself to an apple from the refrigerator.
“I think Grandpa Phil’s got a doctor’s appointment later this week,” he said.
“Do you think he’s okay, Dad? He seems a little tired to me,” she observed. She leaned back against the counter and took a bite of the apple.
Something about the way she stood there, leaning back and expressing her concern for Phil — it dawned on Steve just how much she was growing up. In another six months she’d be a teenager. How could that be possible?
“Dad?”
“Yeah?”
“I said, ‘Do you think Grandpa’s okay?’”
He nodded and smiled. “I think he’s fine, honey. He’s just getting up there in age.”
“Yeah.” Then she added, “I miss Grandpa John.” Her eyes told him just how much.
“Me, too,” Steve said, pulling her into a hug. He kissed the top of her head. “We’ll see him again one day.”
Madison nodded, but the grieving process was still apparent.
“What are you two talking about so seriously,” Michelle asked as she walked into the kitchen. Her eyes looked into Steve’s with a clear question. This isn’t about Amber, is it?
“We were just talking about Grandpa John and how much we both miss him,” he replied, watching her expression change from worry to understanding.
“Your grandfather really loved you, Maddie. I think you and Caleb gave him more years than he otherwise would have had,” she said.
Madison smiled through her teary eyes.
“We’d better get going,” Steve said to Michelle. “Caleb went upstairs to get his mitt.”
“Okay. I’ll just tell Mom where we’ll be,” she replied. “Are you going to stick around here?” she asked their daughter.
“Yeah. I was thinking of doing something with Luke, but Dad suggested I spend some time with Gram and Gramps before they leave. So I guess I’ll just read until they wake up from their nap.”
“Good idea,” Michelle said.
Caleb bounded into the room. “I’m ready!” He had his new baseball cap on and his mitt and ball in hand.
“We’ll be in the car,” Steve said to Michelle.
“Okay. Be there in a sec,” she replied as she went to find Sheila.
CHAPTER TEN
Amber’s eyes were fixed on the road as she sat on the park bench with Chad. “They should be here.”
“Want me to go wait in the car when they get here?” he asked.
“Yeah. That’s probably a good idea.”
They sat silently for a few minutes. Then pulling her cell phone out of her pocket, she checked the time. “It’s been almost thirty minutes. I hope they didn’t change their minds.” She stood up and looked around.
“I’m sure they’ll be here any minute,” he said. “Sit down. You’re making me nervous.”
Just then, Amber spotted the car pulling up to the curb. Mrs. B was in the front passenger seat. “That’s them,” she said, starting to walk toward the street.
Chad followed her, then split off and headed for his own car. “I’ll be waiting in the car,” she heard him say over his shoulder.
As Amber approached the car, she spotted Caleb getting out on the other side with his dad holding the door. Michelle greeted her with a hug, looking almost as nervous as she felt herself.
“Let’s go sit on the bench,” Michelle said.
“Okay.” As they walked from the car, Amber watched Steve and Caleb fan out on the grass to throw the ball to each other. Caleb looked so big — so old. He reminded her a lot of her little brother when he was that age. Wavy chestnut hair and a slight build. But full of energy and the cutest smile. “He looks like Jack.”
Michelle nodded. “Yeah. He kind of does,” she agreed with a smile.
“I’m glad he doesn’t look like Adam.”
They walked over to the bench and sat in the warm sun. “It’s a nice day for the park,” Michelle said, gazing up into the blue sky.
“Yeah. We’re lucky it’s not raining.”
Michelle looked at her and smiled. “Guess you don’t get that much rain in Arizona, do you?”
“Not like Sandy Cove. That’s for sure,” Amber replied.
There was an awkward silence for a few moments as they both watched Caleb and Steve. “Do you think I could throw the ball with him?” Amber asked, fixing her focus on her son.
“Yeah. I guess that would be okay,” Michelle said. She stood up and called out, “Hey, guys—come over here for a minute.”
Amber watched as Caleb jogged over to his dad and the two of them approached.
“Yeah, Mom?” the little boy asked.
Mom. The word pierced Amber’s heart. Knowing he was her own flesh and blood, that she’d given him life—it was almost more than she could bear to hear him call someone else his mom.
Michelle’s voice brought her back to the moment. “Caleb, this is a friend of mine. She used to be one of my students at Magnolia.”
Caleb looked Amber in the eye. “Hey,” he said with a smile.
“Hey,” she replied, her heart falling in love with his grin and boyish freckles. “My name’s Amber.”
“I’m Caleb,” he said. “I just had a birthday.”
“I know,” she replied.
“You do?” he looked surprised.
Amber saw Michelle’s eyebrows go up and quickly replied, “Yeah, your mom was telling me.”
“Oh. See my new mitt?”
“That’s pretty cool. Think I could throw the ball with you for a while?” she asked.
Caleb glanced up at his father, and Steve nodded. “Okay. Sure.” He handed her the ball. “Let’s go over where there’s more room.” He pointed to the open section of the park they’d just come from.
Amber turned to Michelle and Steve for approval. Michelle’s nod was all she needed.
“Come on,” Caleb said grabbing her hand and leading her off.
While their son led Amber to the open space, Michelle watched Steve nervously. He was focused intently on Caleb as he showed Amber where to stand. “What do you think?” Michelle asked, tipping her head toward their son.
He put his arm over her shoulder. “I don’t know. We’ll keep an eye on them.”
They sat together on the bench, neither talki
ng as they took in the scene of Amber interacting with their son. At first she looked pretty awkward out there. Her throws were either too short or off to the side. Caleb moved a little closer and punched the center of his mitt, then turned it toward her as a target. Eventually she started sending him some throws he could catch. His smile indicated his delight.
Michelle started to relax a little as she realized the two of them were not really talking much. Just tossing the ball back and forth and laughing when Amber fumbled it.
“When does she leave?” Steve asked.
“I think in a few days,” she replied. “Her boyfriend has to get back to work.”
“Right. That’s good.”
“Watching them play reminds me of when I used to bring Maddie here and supervise Amber’s visits with her brother. Before you two walked over here, she was telling me that Caleb reminds her of Jack.”
“Really?” Steve asked.
“Yeah. I can see the resemblance. They have the same hair and build.” She paused and took a moment to examine their son from a distance. “Of course, Jack was older than this when I met him. But I can see how she would say that. He probably looked a lot like Caleb at his age.”
“Do you think she’s pretty serious about this Chad guy?” Steve asked.
“Seems to be, although I don’t like that they’re living together when they’re not married.”
“Yeah. Hope she doesn’t end up in the same situation as she did with that other guy.”
“It sounds like it may not even be possible for her to get pregnant again,” Michelle said.
“That’s what she told us. But I wonder if it’s true or just another way to convince us to let her see Caleb.”
“I doubt she’d lie about something like that,” Michelle said. But as she thought back to all the challenges she’d faced with Amber as her student, she knew it was possible. Amber had been a handful. What a year. Her first experience as a full-time teacher, Madison starting kindergarten, and then all the drama with this girl. She could still remember the day Amber told her she was pregnant. Fourteen and having a baby. Michelle shuddered.
“Are you cold?” Steve asked, pulling her close.
Around the Bend (Sandy Cove Series Book 4) Page 7