As she savored those memories, she wondered how much longer they’d have. How she wished she could go back in time for an hour and be that little girl again in the security of her grandfather’s arms without a care in the world.
Lately she’d been thinking about how fragile life could be. Her father’s passing, Chad’s sudden death, and now Grandpa Phil’s illness all made her feel a little vulnerable.
Then a familiar verse arose in her spirit. I will never leave you nor forsake you. It was a scripture that had given her strength and peace during so many difficult seasons of life.
I’ll always have You, she prayed with a grateful heart. And that truth grew a new root deeper into her very soul.
How I wish I could have been that disciple, Lord. The one who leaned close against Your chest. The one who could hear Your very heartbeat. What a reassuring sound that must have been, even in a situation like that last supper, when the future looked grim.
If only I could nestle up against you right now, Jesus, and hear it beating steadily. Maybe it would calm me. You know how afraid I am of losing Grandpa. He’s always been my anchor to You.
She sat back against the pillows and listened for God. Suddenly a voice spoke into her spirit. It wasn’t anything audible, but it was just as clear. And she understood every word.
“If you want to hear my heartbeat, daughter, then tonight when you are in bed, rest your head on your husband’s chest. Steve is mine. I live within him. When you hear his heartbeat, know you are also listening to Mine.”
It was as if time and space stood still. The magnitude of this truth penetrated her entire being with such force that she was moved to tears. In that instant, she realized how God was transferring her little girl spiritual leadership through her grandfather to a new one through her husband.
And it was true. Jesus did live in Steve’s heart. She already knew that. Now she understood it at a whole new level. She didn’t have to wish she’d been that disciple reclining at His bosom because she could listen to His heartbeat any time in the chest of the man God had given her.
Gratitude and love swelled within Michelle. And without saying a word, she knew God understood what she was thinking and feeling.
Later that night, after the kids were both sound asleep and Steve had climbed into bed beside her, Michelle scooted over and rested her head on his chest. As he stroked her hair and prayed with her, she listened to the steady beating of a heart for God, knowing her spiritual leadership was no longer dependent on her grandfather’s physical presence in her life.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Amber stared at the phone. “Why hasn’t Michelle called me back?” she asked the air. It was already the middle of the week, and she was supposed to call her on Sunday. Probably just told me that to get me off the phone. She’s busy with her own life and doesn’t need me complicating it.
Glancing over at the photo of Caleb on the refrigerator beside the picture he’d drawn for her, she ached with loneliness as she thought about how empty her life was here in Arizona without Chad or her son.
I need to talk to someone. She wracked her brain, trying to figure out whom she could call. Who would help her sort through her life and find a way to move forward?
A face flashed before her mind’s eye. The wife of Pastor Ben. She’d always seemed to care about Amber. What was her name? Kathy? No. Courtney? She shook her head. Then it came to her. Kelly. Her name is Kelly.
Grabbing her Smartphone, she began searching the internet for churches in Sandy Cove, Oregon. Lighthouse Chapel. That’s it. She clicked on the website link and found the phone number. A moment later, a man answered.
“Lighthouse Chapel, Ben speaking.”
“Pastor Ben?” She wasn’t expecting him to be answering the phone.
“This is he. May I ask who’s speaking?”
“It’s Amber. Amber Gamble.”
“Amber! What a surprise! Is everything okay?” His voice sounded friendly and warm.
“Uh, yeah.”
“How are things going?” he asked.
“Okay I guess. Actually, I was calling to see if I might be able to talk to Kelly about some stuff.”
“My wife, Kelly?” He sounded surprised.
“Yeah. She’s always been really sweet to me. And I kind of need someone to talk to.”
“What about Michelle? Or is this something about Caleb you don’t want to discuss with her?”
“It’s not specifically about Caleb,” she began, and then added, “Well actually it’s partly about him but mostly about my whole life, and what I should do.”
“I see. Is it something I can help you with?”
“Uh…well…I think I’d rather talk to your wife. If she’s available, that is.”
“Okay. Why don’t you give me your phone number, and I’ll ask her to give you a call. It’ll probably be later this evening, though.”
“That’s fine. I can wait.” She rattled off her number and then thanked him. After they’d hung up, she thought, I should have told him not to mention this to Michelle. I don’t want her getting upset or all paranoid about me calling them. Hopefully he won’t say anything.
Ben was about to call Kelly when Steve walked in the church office. He stood and walked around the desk to greet him. “Hey, bro. To what do I owe this pleasure?”
“I thought I’d drop by and offer to take you to lunch,” Steve replied, patting him on the back. “Where’s Mrs. Taylor?” he asked, noticing the receptionist was not there.
“Home with the flu. I’m a one man band today.”
“Bummer. So are you stuck here then?”
“I could forward the church calls to my cell phone, I guess. But I shouldn’t be gone long.”
“Okay. We can grab a quick sandwich at the diner if you want. My treat.”
“You’re on.” Ben adjusted the phone setting to forward calls after the second ring. He’d long ago gotten used to having church calls coming through his cell phone.
After they got their sandwiches and Ben had prayed a blessing over their food, Steve began telling him about Michelle’s grandfather.
“Oh, man. I’m really sorry to hear that. We’ll definitely put him on the prayer chain,” he said. “How are Michelle and her mother doing with all this?”
“I think they’re both realizing he probably won’t go through the treatments. I mean, at his age and with this type of cancer, it’s almost pointless to subject his body to that kind of grueling regimen for something that’s likely terminal anyway.”
Ben nodded. “Yeah. I’d probably make the same choice if I were in his shoes.”
“But it’s still pretty hard on them. I mean…Phil’s been such a spiritual leader for their entire lives. He’s helped each of us through some rough patches. The guy’s a spiritual giant in a soft-spoken gentle teddy bear of a man.”
“Do the kids know he’s sick?”
“Yes, but they don’t have any idea how bad it is. Michelle’s been talking a lot about heaven lately. Kind of getting them geared to thinking in that direction.”
“Good idea. It must be extra hard after losing Michelle’s dad last year, too.”
“For Michelle and her mom, yes. But for the kids, I think John’s passing was the beginning of them grasping eternity. When Michelle brings up heaven now, they talk about how that’s where Grandpa John is. So when it’s Phil’s time, I think they’ll be ready.”
“That’s good. Sometimes kids grasp these truths even more fully than we do.”
“Yeah.”
“So guess who called before you dropped by the office?” Ben said.
“Who?”
“Amber.”
“Amber? Really? What did she say?” Steve looked concerned.
“She wanted to talk to Kelly.”
“Why?”
“She didn’t say exactly.”
“Did you ask if it was about Caleb?” Now Steve was leaning forward and looking at him intently.
“I did. But
she said it was basically about her life in general. That she needed another female to talk to, or something along those lines. I suggested Michelle, but she insisted on trying to talk to Kelly.”
“Are you going to set that up?”
“I took her number and told her I’d ask Kelly to call her later this evening.” He put his sandwich down and looked Steve in the eye. “Don’t worry about this. Kelly will know how to talk to her. And if anything comes up about Caleb, she’ll be in your corner regarding what’s best for your son.”
“Yeah. You’re right.”
“Amber’s probably really missing Chad and just needs someone to encourage her to press on.”
Steve nodded. “Think it’s okay for me to mention this to Michelle?”
“I don’t know why not. She didn’t say it was confidential or anything. Just reassure Michelle that Kelly will tread lightly with Amber. She won’t get sucked into any of Amber’s drama and compromise Caleb in any way.”
“Good,” Steve replied, picking up the tab and pulling out his wallet. Paying for their lunch, he took one more swig of soda before they headed back to the car.
When he got home from work that evening, Steve found Michelle sitting at her laptop answering an email. “Hi, babe,” he said, leaning over and kissing the top of her head. “Who’re you emailing?”
“Kristin. She just bought her first maternity clothes.”
“When do they find out if it’s a boy or a girl?”
“In about a month.”
Michelle signed off the computer and stood up. “So how was your day, honey?”
“It was pretty quiet, actually. I ended up dropping by church and taking Ben to lunch.”
“How’s Ben?” she asked, starting to clear some paperwork off the table to set it for dinner.
“He’s fine. But he had a surprise call before I dropped by.”
Michelle turned and looked at him. “Really? Anyone I know?”
“Yeah. It was Amber.” Steve saw her expression change to concern.
“Oh, shoot. I forgot to call her back,” she said in a tone that clearly communicated her aggravation with herself. “I was supposed to call her, remember?”
He nodded.
“Why did she call the church?”
“She told Ben she wanted to talk to Kelly.”
“Why Kelly?”
“Something about needing a female to talk to about her life,” he replied, trying to accurately relay what Ben had told him.
“She probably thinks I’m trying to push her away since I didn’t call back. But all this stuff with Grandpa has really distracted me.”
Steve put his hand on her arm. “I know, babe. The last thing you need to be worrying about right now is Amber. Ben said Kelly can handle it.”
“Are you sure? I hate to put this on Kelly.”
“Let her talk to Amber. Maybe Amber needs a more impartial viewpoint anyway. And I’m sure Kelly will give her solid feedback and advice.”
“You’re right. I’ll talk to Kelly tomorrow and see how it went. I’ll also call or email Amber and apologize for forgetting.”
“If you feel like you need to, that’s fine,” he said. “But I think the less contact we encourage with her, the better.”
When Ben walked in the front door of their home that evening, the usual chaos was ensuing with the twins chasing each other from room to room, Luke playing a car racing video game, and Logan begging for a turn.
“I’m home,” he announced.
“Hi, Dad,” Luke replied without looking up.
“It’s my turn,” Logan complained to his father.
“Home sweet home,” Ben said with a smile. He caught Liam flying past. “Whoa there. Let’s not run in the house.”
“But we’re playing chase the monster,” he explained, wiggling free and taking off after Lily.
“Chase outside, okay?” Ben called after him. He heard the back door slap against the jam. Turning to Luke, he said, “Share the game with your brother, or we’re turning it off.”
“Okay,” Luke replied reluctantly, handing the control to Logan.
“Where’s your mother?” Ben asked.
“Upstairs with Lucy.”
Ben found Kelly sitting on the edge of Lucy’s bed. Their daughter was stretched out on her stomach, and Kelly was rubbing her back. “Something wrong?” he asked.
Kelly shook her head and warned him not to press it. “Girl stuff,” she mouthed without a sound.
He nodded, leaning over and giving his wife a kiss. “I’ll start the barbecue, and we can cook up the last of the burgers and hotdogs.”
“Good idea,” she replied. “Thanks.”
A few minutes later, she came into the kitchen by herself. Ben was getting the meats out of the refrigerator and retrieving the utensils for the barbecue. Kelly came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. Leaning her head against his back, she asked, “How was your day, honey?”
He loosened her grip and turned around to face her. “Probably easier than yours,” he replied, pulling her into a hug. They stood holding each other for a minute, soaking in the chance to reconnect without the kids.
“I miss you,” she said.
“I’m right here.”
“You know what I mean. I miss this,” she added, hugging him close.
“Yeah. Me, too.”
After a sweet, lingering kiss, she said, “So tell me what happened at church today.”
He gave her a brief replay of the day and then added, “You got a call.”
“I did?”
“Yeah. From Amber.”
“Michelle’s Amber?”
“Yep. Apparently she needs someone to talk to and thought of you. She said you were always so nice and understanding toward her.”
Kelly looked surprised. “Really? I’ve only talked to her a handful of times.”
“Well, I guess you made a good impression.”
“So what did you tell her?”
“I told her I’d ask you to call. She gave me her cell phone number.”
“Did you say when I’d call?”
“I told her it would probably be later this evening.” He studied her face and saw the fatigue of a summer day full of kids. “You don’t have to call her tonight if you don’t want to, honey.”
“No. It’s okay. But you’re on for getting the kids to bed.”
“You got it.” He kissed her again and then said, “Better get this meat on the grill.” Grabbing the platter and utensils, he headed for the back door, turning around to add, “You’re the best. You know that, right?”
Kelly smiled. “Go grill.”
Kelly glanced at the kitchen clock. 9:15. Ben was upstairs with all the kids except Luke, who was off at a friend’s house for the night. She poured herself a cup of coffee and pulled her cell phone out of her purse. Looking at the sticky note Ben had written Amber’s phone number on, she dialed.
“Hello?” the girl’s voice on the other end said.
“Amber? It’s Kelly Johnson, Pastor Ben’s wife.”
Amber’s voice immediately brightened. “Oh, hi. Thanks so much for calling me back.”
They exchanged some light conversation, and then Kelly said, “So what’s going on with you these days, Amber? How are you managing?”
Amber started tentatively, relating information about her work and family. But within a few minutes, she was pouring out her heart to Kelly. “I can’t stop thinking about Chad and how he should still be alive.”
She paused and Kelly could hear her sniffle. “That old guy shouldn’t have even been behind the wheel of a car. What a jerk. He’s the one who should be dead. Not Chad.” She started to cry, and then added, “Everything in my life is messed up.”
Kelly took a deep breath. Give me wisdom, Lord. How can I help this girl? She waited a moment for Amber to calm down.
“Sorry,” the girl said quietly from the other end. “I didn’t mean to fall apart like that.”
“You know, Amber,” Kelly began, “it sounds like you’ve got a couple of issues going on. I know you’re really missing Chad. I can’t imagine how I’d feel if something like that happened to Ben. I’d be just as mad as you are, I’m sure.” She gave Amber a chance to absorb that and then continued. “But here’s the deal. You’ve got a really tough choice to make now if you want to move on with your life.”
“Yeah? What’s that?” Amber asked softly.
“You need to choose to forgive the old man who was driving the other car.”
Silence.
“I know it seems like an impossible thing to do. But if you don’t, your anger will just turn to bitterness and poison your own heart and life permanently.”
“But if I forgive him, isn’t that the same thing as letting him off the hook?”
“No. It’s making a choice for your own mental and emotional health.” She paused for a moment. Should I tell her about Ben’s outreach to the other driver, Lord? A nod in her spirit prompted her to continue. “Amber?”
“Yeah?”
“Ben’s been reaching out to that old man who was driving the car that hit you guys.”
“Really? Why?”
“Michelle’s grandfather urged him to do it. Phil had seen the man in the hospital that night, and he wanted to go talk to him. But it didn’t work out. Besides, since we live in this area, he figured Ben would be the best one to do it since he could follow up for a while.”
“Oh.”
“You know, honey, this may not mean a lot to you right now, but that man is going through hell. He will have to live with Chad’s death hanging over him for the rest of his life. And he’s in a world of trouble. His license had been revoked because of medical reasons, but he kept driving anyway. He just couldn’t give up his freedom and independence. Now he may lose them completely.”
“Is he going to jail?”
“We don’t know yet. The hearing’s in a week.”
“How old is he?” For the first time, she heard Amber’s voice shift from anger toward the man to a hint of concern.
“He’s eighty-seven. His wife died a few months ago, and his daughter and her family have been trying to get him to move in with them.”
Around the Bend (Sandy Cove Series Book 4) Page 22