by Rebecca Pugh
It had grown busy since they’d arrived. Parents ushered their children towards the school just around the corner, and people laden down with shopping bags from the supermarket further up the street hurried past, some with a friend beside them and some alone, busy and rushing to their next destination. It was nice, watching the place come to life like this. It made her feel as if she was part of it all again, life happening all around her.
‘Terrible,’ she admitted eventually.
Rob studied her with concern. There really was no point in lying to him. He knew her inside out, and even trying to lie would make her feel so very guilty. They’d always been close and he’d confided in her so many times, she couldn’t shut him out any longer.
‘I guess you could say I’m not coping very well,’ she added, realising that he was waiting for her to elaborate. It was the understatement of the century. She wasn’t coping at all. She felt like she’d lost whole months of her life somewhere along the way since it had all gone wrong. Days of darkness and sadness trailed out from behind her, like chunks of bread helping her to find her way home. She was too deep into the woods to return to the person she’d once been, and the reality of being divorced from the man she’d planned to spend the rest of her life with didn’t make sense to Maria. She felt like she’d suddenly swapped lives with someone else. One thing that constantly poked at her was the fact that she didn’t think she deserved this sort of pain. It was a childish thing to consider, but she’d been such a good person throughout her life. Always there for everyone else when they needed someone to confide in. A compliment that had been thrown her way many times was that she was a good listener. She was down to earth, happy and always full of good advice. But it seemed that now, when she most needed it, she was unable to help herself.
‘I didn’t think so.’ Rob waited patiently for her to continue, giving her the time she needed to properly explain how she felt.
‘I just don’t know what to do now.’ Maria shook her head. ‘Any future plans I had involved Mike, and now that I know he’s not going to be included in any of them, I feel lost. As if I suddenly have no direction in life. I’m so angry at him, Rob. So, so angry.’ She blinked away the tears that threatened to surface. It was a wonder she had any left, considering how often and how hard she’d cried recently. ‘I suppose most of all, I feel like an idiot. For being loyal, for worshipping the ground the stupid man walked on, and then to find out he was playing away with some bloody tart from work. It’s crushing.’
‘You’re not an idiot.’ Rob’s jaw was set. ‘You trusted the man you married, Maria. He made vows to you on your wedding day, vows which you believed he meant. Any woman would have done the same. He’s the idiot. Not you.’ He closed his eyes momentarily, and Maria wondered what was going through his mind right then. Was he angry too? She guessed he was. He and Mike had been good friends for a while, heading out to the pub for a pint and to watch the football every now and then.
Maria sighed. She certainly felt like an idiot. She’d never felt more stupid in her life. ‘You’re right. I know you are. I thought our marriage meant more to him than that, but clearly I was wrong. I want so desperately to stop thinking about him, about the why, but it’s so damn hard. I know I need to move on, to focus on me now. Being here is helping, and I’m grateful to Geraldine for letting me stay at the cottage. I don’t have to worry about bumping into him in the street, which is a relief. I was always terrified of that while I was back home. Can you imagine?’ A shiver wriggled its way up her spine. What would they have said to each other, she wondered? It would no doubt be awkward, an interaction involving mostly silence and not knowing where to put themselves. She’d much prefer to stay out of his way, to not put herself in that position at all, actually. The very thought of it was mortifying and she couldn’t promise herself that she wouldn’t crumble into a heap on the pavement and cry her heart out for all to see.
The divorce had been simple, if you could call the breakdown of a marriage simple. There’d been no need for solicitors to become involved, which she’d feared. A war in court was not how she’d wanted it to end. It had been efficient, and before she’d even known it, the papers were signed and they were free from each other.
There was a clatter on the table as their drinks were delivered then.
‘Here you are, folks. Sorry for the delay. I’ve managed to find myself in a bit of a pickle. My waitress walked out on me this morning, so it’s just me bumbling along at the moment. I’m Harriet, by the way. I should have introduced myself sooner.’
‘It’s no problem,’ Rob smiled handsomely. ‘In fact, there wasn’t a delay at all.’
‘Your breakfast shouldn’t be too far behind. I’ll pop it over once it’s ready.’
‘Thank you,’ said Maria. Harriet’s smile reached her eyes, before she returned to the counter.
Maria took a tentative sip of the rich brew. It was the first decent cup of coffee she’d had in weeks. There was a shiny coffee machine back at the cottage but she hadn’t had the patience to figure out how to work it. What buttons did you press if all you were after was a standard coffee? Thankfully, she’d found a jar of instant in one of the cupboards, settling for that. It wasn’t the best but it was something at least.
When Maria had turned the key in the cottage door and stepped inside, she’d taken a curious wander through the home and found the cupboards and fridge-freezer stocked up. Even the sheets on the bed had been freshly washed and smelt divine. The place itself though – and Geraldine had said as much – was in desperate need of a lick of paint. The walls were dull and the paint peeling, and as soon as Maria had come face to face with them, she’d known a splash of colour was just what the cottage needed.
‘What’s next?’ asked Rob.
‘I told you, Rob. I’m completely clueless. I suppose I’ll take the summer and use it as time to recuperate. I said I’d do up the cottage for Geraldine as a thank you. I need to pull myself back together and get used to life without Mike.’ She shrugged. ‘That’s all I can do really, isn’t it?’ She couldn’t, no matter how hard she tried, think ahead to after the summer had ended. When she did, it felt like looking into a void, empty of people and plans. It was a horrible feeling, one she didn’t quite know what to do with. Perhaps ignore it? That seemed like the best option.
‘You’ll be fine, I know you will.’
‘I hope so.’ She tried to smile at Rob gratefully.
‘And try not to think about him,’ Rob added. ‘He doesn’t deserve even a second of your time.’ He reached across the table to squeeze her hand comfortingly. ‘We’re all here for you. Me, Mum, Rosanna and the girls. You don’t need him. You’re much better off here, away from it all, for the summer at least. Everyone’s still asking about you, about how you’re coping. You’d hate it.’ The corner of his mouth quirked.
‘I would,’ she agreed quietly, nursing the warm mug with both hands. Her fingers curled around it, seeking comfort. That was another thing that had begun to get on her nerves. The sympathy had been overwhelming, especially from her mother’s friends. Pats on the back and sad smiles by the bucket-load. She couldn’t stand it. She’d hoped, foolishly, that people would manage, for the first time ever, to keep their noses out of her business, but they hadn’t. Everyone knew what had happened. She guessed that was partly to do with Ellen and her network of friends, who always seemed to know everything about everyone. There were no secrets in her life, and Maria hated that. At least here, no one had the slightest clue about her.
‘I never liked him anyway, not really. Plus, you deserve better. Move on, forget him.’
Easy for you to say. She knew he meant well but when it wasn’t happening to you, it was easy to hand out advice. It was okay for her brother with his perfect family, job and home, not that she would ever hold that against him. She couldn’t be happier that Rob had such a wonderful life and that she was such a massive part of it, but she didn’t think he had the slightest clue of what she was going t
hrough and she’d never wish it upon him.
For Maria, it was as if her whole world had been shredded into a tiny million pieces right before her eyes and there wasn’t a single thing she could do about it. She felt lost, out of place, as if she were floating higher and higher into the sky, like a balloon that had been released by the hand that had once held her so tightly. She needed to anchor herself again, she just didn’t know how and, at the end of it all, she knew one thing was for certain. She needed to move on.
When breakfast was delivered, Maria inhaled the smell of the food deeply and tried to remember the last time she’d felt as ravenous. She wasn’t sure what it was but, all of a sudden, the idea of tucking into the plate of food sat before her, completely inviting, was more than appealing. Perhaps it was the way Rob snatched up his cutlery and tucked in as if he hadn’t eaten for days? Or perhaps it was simply her surroundings and new circumstances, coupled with the fresh air her lungs had taken in that morning? Whatever it was, her stomach untangled itself from the tension it had been victim to and, after the first mouthful of egg and bacon, she was unable to stop herself from shovelling the rest into her mouth at an unbelievable speed. Using the last slice of buttery toast to mop up the puddle of baked bean juice, Maria sat back in her seat and gave her full stomach room to breathe.
‘Now that’s what I call breakfast.’
Rob grinned. ‘Blimey, you wolfed that down, didn’t you?’
Finished and ready to go, Maria and Rob back went back towards the counter. ‘How much do I owe you?’ he asked, rifling through his wallet.
Harriet glanced up from what she was doing. Maria tried to take a closer look, and realised she was writing out a sign for a job vacancy. She returned the lid to the black marker pen she’d been using with a little pop and smiled. She took payment and handed over a receipt.
‘Hey.’ Rob nudged Maria in the side with his elbow and nodded at the sign. ‘That’d be perfect for you, just while you’re here. Keep you busy when you’re not painting back at the cottage.’
Harriet’s eyes sparkled with promise as she looked at Maria hopefully. ‘It’s only a temporary position, mind you. I’ve got everything handled any other time, but when summer arrives, it’s much harder to stay on top of it all. The place gets so busy, you wouldn’t believe it.’
Maria tried to laugh it off and shook her head quickly. ‘No, I don’t think so.’ In her mind, she could clearly hear Mike roaring with laughter. He would think it hilarious if she, Maria, who’d been a ‘kept’ woman since they’d met, now took up the role of a waitress. The sound of his evil cackling rattled around her mind, making her nerves surge back to the surface once more. Swallowing, she tried to shove Mike into a box right at the very back of her mind and added a padlock for good measure. He was gone for good now. History.
‘Why not?’ Rob persisted cheerfully, seeing no problem with the idea. ‘You’d be great, and with you only staying here for the summer it’s perfect. I think you should go for it. Help Harriet here out!’
And I think you should shut up, Robert, Maria thought to herself, with a smile plastered onto her face so that they couldn’t see what she was really thinking. ‘I don’t know,’ she said slowly, as if mulling it over, when she already knew the answer. ‘Maybe.’
‘Oh, it’s all right. Don’t feel like you have to,’ Harriet laughed heartily. ‘But, if you do happen to change your mind, don’t hesitate to pop back.’
Maria smiled, grateful at Harriet for noticing her discomfort. ‘I will do, thank you. I’ll no doubt be back for breakfast anyway,’ she laughed.
‘Goodbye,’ Harriet waved, as Maria and Robert left the café.
*
‘That wasn’t so bad, was it?’ Rob said before downing the last of his coffee and placing the empty cup into the sink with a chink against the others.
They were back at the cottage and Maria was putting away the shopping she’d picked up on the way back to Daffodil Lane. Her stomach felt deliciously full after their breakfast. She was still surprised at how much she’d managed to eat that morning, wondering whether it was the very area itself working its magic on her. It was a completely ridiculous notion but something had certainly changed that morning.
‘It was lovely,’ she agreed with a smile, and she meant it. ‘Exactly what I needed. If you hadn’t turned up today, I’d probably still be wandering about in my dressing gown. It’s done me the world of good to get out and into town. I feel much better for it. Thank you.’
‘Right,’ he announced after a quick glance at his watch. ‘I best be off. It’s my turn to cook dinner tonight. Teriyaki chicken.’ He rubbed his hands together in anticipation. ‘The girls and Rosanna love it. And you’re welcome, by the way. It’s a stunning place. I’m glad you’re tucked away here for the summer. I reckon you’ll be back to yourself before you know it.’
Maria walked Rob to the door, feeling sad to see him go but looking forward to relaxing. She hadn’t even begun to gather the bits and pieces for the decorating yet. She had no idea where to begin with it. Still, it would be good to turn her mind to something else, and despite having not been expecting Rob to turn up on the doorstep that morning, she’d actually really enjoyed his company.
‘Come here.’ On the doorstep, Rob grabbed her head roughly and yanked her towards him. He planted a loud kiss on her forehead and laughed when she protested.
‘Ow, Rob!’ she screeched, trying desperately to wriggle free and push his hands away. ‘Get off! I’m older than you, don’t forget that, will you?’
He stepped backwards towards the car. ‘I know you are, but you’re still my sister. See you soon, all right? Take care of yourself. Oh, and Maria? Why don’t you have a think about that job in the café? You never know what might come of it.’ He hopped into the car then, and reversed off the driveway, before trundling up the road and disappearing round the corner.
Maria watched him go before turning to take in Daffodil Lane itself. It was, she had to admit, a gloriously pretty area. The cottages were almost identical. One had a bike propped up beneath the kitchen window and another had a garden absolutely overflowing with gorgeous wildflowers that wouldn’t have looked out of place in a watercolour painting above someone’s fireplace. Surrounded by thick woodland and with the cornflower-blue sky above, Maria began to feel that she was on holiday in some far-off land, which she knew had been the point of coming here in the first place. It was a relief to be away from the house she’d shared with Mike for so long. She wondered if he’d packed up his things and left yet. The very thought of going back there sent her stomach rolling. She disappeared into the coolness of the cottage to stop herself from feeling dizzy and light-headed.
Stepping inside, she walked down the narrow hall which led into the conservatory at the back of the cottage. It provided her with a perfect view of the never-ending, rolling green fields reaching out into the distance. The sight was relaxing and, with a sigh of relief that the morning had been successful – in that she hadn’t had a meltdown or burst into tears – she plopped down into one of the wicker chairs and allowed the sun to warm her face through the windows. She kicked off her shoes and stretched her legs out, propping her feet upon the oak table in the centre of the small room. She wriggled her toes and felt calm in the simple beauty of her surroundings. Yes, she could get used to this. No worries. No pressure. Just the journey of getting back to her original self. It would no doubt be hard, but oh-so worth it in the end. The happy, carefree Maria who she missed dearly could be just around the corner.
Stupid Mike. She’d never forgive him for what he’d done to her, what he’d done to their relationship. But it was time to let go and focus on herself, Maria promised, as she closed her eyes and relished the feel of the sun warming her cheeks through the glass.
Yes, by the time summer came to its end, she vowed to be happy once more.
Chapter Two
It hadn’t taken Maria long to decide on visiting the café again the next morning. There was s
omething about the place, perhaps even about Harriet, that Maria felt pulled towards, like a magnet. One thing was for sure, the food she’d eaten had been incredible; she could already feel the stirrings of hunger within her stomach at just the thought of eating it again. Also, fluttering about in her mind was the vacancy. She knew she shouldn’t have allowed the thought of Mike laughing at her to put her off, but it was difficult to ignore. Still, she wasn’t completely decided on it. It was just there, taunting her, refusing to let her concentrate.
Getting herself a part-time job just for the summer wasn’t such a bad idea though, was it? Besides sprucing up the cottage, she didn’t have anything else to do in the area, except perhaps take woodland walks and wander about in the sunshine. And, she had to admit, she did like the café and the owner. It would be a wonderful place to work. Was she up to it? Well, she couldn’t be sure of that, but she’d always been a believer in giving things a bloody good go and hoping for the best. She was friendly, approachable, and once she got to grips with something there was no stopping her. Maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea after all? She nibbled her lip as she thought some more about it. It deserved at least a bit of consideration.
First though, before any of that, she’d promised to give Ellen a call to update her on the cottage and how she was getting on. Still in her dressing gown and with a cup of coffee fresh from the shiny machine in the kitchen (which she’d finally managed to figure out), she took herself back into the conservatory which was quickly becoming a favourite room of hers. It must have been a recent addition to the cottage as it hadn’t yet been painted or carpeted, although it didn’t put her off in the slightest. Maria curled her legs up beneath her as she picked up her mobile phone, her feet cold from the floor, and called Ellen.
‘Hi, Mum. It’s only me. Just checking in.’ She twisted the belt of the dressing gown around her finger and became fixated by the lush garden visible through the windows, bordered with bright flowers springing up from the soil. ‘I thought I’d give you a call let you know how I’m getting on in Loland Green.’