by Rebecca Pugh
‘I’m so happy for you. This is a real treat, and will give you back that independence that I know you’ve missed. I can’t wait to tell Rob and Rosanna the news. They’ll be chuffed to bits for you, I know they will.’
‘Rob will only be chuffed because he’ll think he can get a free breakfast when he comes to visit,’ she snorted. It was probably true. ‘I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. The food there is unbelievable.’
‘I can’t wait to visit for myself. It sounds delightful. So what does your job entail, as the waitress?’
‘Just the usual really. Serving food and drinks, wiping down the tables and helping Harriet with any rushes of customers. I know I make it sound simple but Mum, I feel like I finally have a purpose again. After depending on Mike for so long, it feels great to be doing this for myself, like I can actually do something without needing to lean on him for support. I probably could have done this all along anyway, but do you know what I mean? I feel free and capable, and able to stand on my own two feet.’
‘I know exactly what you mean, darling. I understand that completely. It’s about time you realised how fantastic you are. I’ll never forgive Mike for holding you back like he did.’
‘I know,’ said Maria. She remembered all of the times Ellen had spoken to her over a cup of tea, telling her to go out and do something for herself, never mind what Mike said. It wasn’t up to him, despite how he acted. ‘It feels good. Really good. I thought I’d ring you and share the news because I haven’t really had anyone to tell over here. I knew you’d be happy though.’
‘Thank you, darling. I’m thrilled that you did. It sounds like things are falling into place for you. How’s the cottage coming along?’
‘Okay. I’ve started work on the kitchen. It looks so much brighter and bigger already. I’m looking forward to getting it finished and moving onto the lounge. I have a few ideas in mind that I hope look as good in real life as they do in my head. I just really want to brighten the place up, make it stand out. It deserves it.’
‘I’m sure it will look fabulous once you’re finished, darling. Despite what you think, you’re actually very good at a lot of things when you put your hand to them. You’ve just never been given much chance to try, that’s all. Well, this is your chance and it sounds like it’s going brilliantly so far. I’m so proud of you. Mike has no idea what he’s lost out on. Do you know that? You are a wonderful woman, Maria. I’m proud to call you my daughter. And you know what they say. One man’s loss is another man’s gain.’
‘I don’t want another man,’ Maria sighed. ‘And it’s definitely his loss. Not mine.’ She knew Ellen was right. She would have done anything for that man. Absolutely anything. And he repaid her by completely shattering her trust. ‘Anyway, I’ll let you get on. Are you flower arranging at the church this week?’ Her mother adored anything to do with flowers, and so when she’d been asked to join in with the other women who met weekly for updates and to share ideas, Ellen had jumped at the chance to try her hand at it. She’d always been creative, and enjoyed meeting new people too.
‘Certainly am,’ replied Ellen enthusiastically. ‘We had a meeting yesterday evening. I’m excited to get started. You know how much I love my flowers.’
‘I do,’ Maria laughed. ‘Have fun. I’ll chat to you soon, okay? And don’t forget to let Rob and Rosanna in on the job news too. I know Rob is going to be thrilled.’
‘I will, darling, don’t you worry. I’ll tell everyone!’
‘I’ve no doubt about it, Mum.’
They said their goodbyes and Maria ended the call feeling uplifted and happy. She knew Ellen would take the news well, which was why she’d been so excited to share it with her. Leaving the phone on the coffee table in the conservatory, Maria peered through the window at the glorious sunshine. There was nothing else for it when the weather was as perfect as it was right then.
After grabbing a jug of juice from the kitchen, and adding a few ice cubes for good measure, she gathered up the magazines she’d been flicking through earlier and took herself outside into the back garden. To one corner, shaded slightly by a neighbouring tree, sat a pretty, white, wrought-iron garden set. The borders were still bright and attractive with the flower heads popping open and baring all. The table and chair were both rusted slightly, she noticed as she approached, but rather than appearing tired, it only added to the charm of the garden and the cottage itself. Pulling out one of the two chairs which ground against the concrete slabs beneath, she sat down and splayed the magazines out across the table. Feeling refreshed as she drank a glass of the cold juice in the sun, she allowed the rays to warm her shoulders. It was completely silent except for the birdsong that filled the warm air, which seemed to be heard everywhere she went. It’s like they never stopped, especially first thing in the morning when the sun was just rising. They’d be outside the window, chirping merrily, beginning the day in the most perfect of ways. It was like she’d stumbled upon a dream house. Sure, it was in need of a little tender loving care, but wasn’t everything, and everyone for that matter?
*
‘So how long have you worked in the salon for?’ Maria studied a tub of fresh yoghurt before returning it to the fridge. She was thinking about going on a diet. The overeating she’d indulged in was beginning to catch up. It wasn’t a bad thing, but she wanted to try and get everything under control again. She’d really lost sight of herself the past few months.
‘Oh, years now,’ replied Millie, her eyes flicking over the yoghurts too. ‘I went to college, did the usual stuff and trained, and when I heard about the salon opening up here I couldn’t believe it. I was one of the first to begin working there when it was still brand new, and I’ve been there ever since. It’s a great job, I love it. It’s amazing how much difference a haircut can make. Take yourself for instance. When you popped in, how much better did you feel afterwards?’
‘A lot better,’ Maria laughed. ‘Hairdressers are like magicians with scissors,’ she whispered, as if sharing a delicious secret. ‘You really did make me feel fantastic after that one appointment. You are seriously talented, Millie.’
‘Where did you work before you came here?’ asked Millie. They continued on up the aisle of the supermarket, side-stepping other shoppers, their half-full baskets in the crooks of their arms. It was rather busy, and they’d been lingering in the refrigerated aisle for far too long, probably because of the coolness it offered. A blessed relief from the heat outside.
‘Nowhere,’ Maria replied simply. ‘Well, that’s a lie. I did have a paper-round years and years ago but that doesn’t really count does it? I was only a teenager at the time. And then, after that, when me and Mike were beginning to make plans, I had a part-time job in the local newsagents. I’ve never had any big plans for myself, no dreams or ambitions. I just wanted a family, and to be happily married, I guess.’
‘And how about after the newsagents?’ asked Millie.
‘I was engaged to Mike by that point. Apparently, when his high-flying career began to take off, there was no need for me to work.’ She rolled her eyes at the memory of it. ‘So that was that, really. Awful, isn’t it? That I allowed myself to be controlled by someone so bloody easily?’ She popped two bottles of milk into her basket. ‘But at the time, I believed everything that came out of that man’s mouth.’
‘But you loved him, and people do strange things when they’re in love, don’t they? Or so they say.’ Millie placed a hand upon Maria’s shoulder and squeezed. ‘Anyway, it doesn’t matter any more. You’re here, and you’re the waitress of Harriet’s Place.’
‘I certainly am,’ Maria said with a nod. ‘And it feels incredible to finally be doing something for myself. For so long, I felt like I was only alive for Mike’s benefit. I’d have his dinner ready when he stepped through the front door after work, I’d iron his bloody shirt and trousers, even polished his shoes one evening because he had an important meeting and wanted to look immaculate. God, I was an idiot. And
what did he do for me, Millie? Nothing, that’s what. He threw it all back in my face as soon as he could. Well, I just hope that whoever catches his eye next knows what they’re in for.’
‘Did you ever find out who it was? This other woman, I mean?’
‘No, I didn’t want to. To be honest, Millie, I’d built her up so much in my head, the thought of seeing her in real life was terrifying. I imagined this stunning woman with legs up to here. Without seeing her for myself, I’d already started to compare us. I went through a pretty bad phase, and my confidence took a bit of a knocking too. Well, I say a bit, but what I mean is a lot.’
‘I can understand that. I bet you’re still a million times better than her though. What kind of woman goes off with a man who is already married, for goodness sake?’
‘No idea.’ Maria studied a jar of curry sauce. ‘Oh, I love this. I haven’t had a good curry in months.’ Into the basket it went. ‘Remind me to pick up some rice when we pass it. Anyway, like I said, whoever she is, good luck to her. She’ll need it with him.’ With a smirk, she linked arms with Millie and they carried on around the supermarket, laughing and joking as the baskets piled up.
Chapter Seven
The next week saw Loland Green still bathed in the most glorious summer sunshine. From the lush, green grass to the hanging baskets peppered here, there and everywhere throughout town, the area was a hectic celebration of vivid colour. Heads of ruby red, daffodil yellow and candyfloss pink had burst through the soil and the place was beginning to grow busy with visitors who wanted to spend their holidays somewhere beautiful. They’d definitely come to the right place if that was what they were after.
Maria eyed the families and couples through the café window, moseying along outside in the afternoon heat, taking their own sweet time. The children licked hungrily at dripping ice creams and the parents smiled and laughed as they followed, a few with cameras dangling around their necks. Maria watched it all from the safety of the café, oblivious to the look of longing on her face.
‘I know how you feel.’
Maria jumped and found Harriet was next to her, although she had no idea of how long she’d been stood there. Maria laughed and turned back to the window. ‘What do you mean?’ She knew exactly what Harriet meant and it always surprised Maria how easily Harriet managed to see right through her without her even having to say a single word. She shifted on the spot. Was it really that obvious?
‘You’re thinking about how you haven’t had any children yet. How much you’d love a family of your own, just like those out there.’ Harriet folded a cloth over in her hands and sighed wistfully. ‘Peter and I were unable to have children sadly, although we dearly wanted a little one to take care of and watch grow up.’ Harriet watched the families too. She smiled sadly. ‘I guess it just wasn’t meant to be for us.’
‘I’m so sorry, Harriet.’ Tenderly, Maria placed her hand on Harriet’s shoulder and squeezed. ‘You would have been the perfect mother. I can tell.’ Maria thought, not for the first time, about the type of mother she would have been. She was thinking in the past tense, although there was still a chance that it could happen, she supposed. She’d always looked upon Rosanna as a brilliant mother. Despite how well-presented and perfectly made-up Rosanna always appeared to be, she’d never been afraid to play at being a gorilla or a tiger with the girls. She’d have a roll around on the floor if the game needed her to, and Maria had often found Rosanna leaping from cushion to cushion on the lounge floor, pretending the carpet was boiling-hot lava, the girls bouncing around behind her. More often than not, her temptation to join in had got the better of her and she’d leapt from cushion to cushion too. It was good fun and reminded her of being a little girl herself. How she wished she could back to those days of innocence. Of when her experiences hadn’t been tainted by the harshness of reality. She thought of little Maria and had the ridiculous urge to cry.
Harriet chuckled softly but it was obvious from the way her eyes lit up that she loved the comment. ‘I certainly would have given it a jolly good go, that’s for sure. It doesn’t upset me any more, not as much as it used to. What will be will be, as Peter always said to me. He would have been a marvellous father too. I suppose that’s why I adore Susie, Millie’s little one, so much. I’m very fond of her. When she barrels in here and throws her arms around me, it makes me forget my own sadness. I’ve known her since she was very small so we have quite a close bond.’
‘Mike and I…’ Maria began, feeling like she should say more. ‘We did plan on having a family but it just didn’t happen. He worked so much, he was always knackered when he came home and often took himself straight to bed. Never mind trying for a baby, we didn’t even have sex that often.’
A chair scraped along the floor behind them. Maria knew who it was immediately. Her instincts went on high-alert and there was only man who affected her in that way. She remained facing the window whereas Harriet turned to greet the customer. She could feel her cheeks beginning to burn and had always hated her pale complexion for giving the game away if ever she were embarrassed. She’d hoped that as she’d got older, the blushing would have retreated, but it hadn’t. She tried to figure out whether her voice had been loud enough for him to hear what she’d said. She prayed that it hadn’t been, and crossed her fingers for good measure.
‘Brad! How nice to see you.’ Harriet bustled over to the counter, leaving Maria alone, still facing the window.
Maria felt abandoned as Harriet left her side. She knew that she’d have to turn around and face him sooner rather than later. After all, she’d appear quite odd if she continued to stand where she was, staring through the glass. And so, with a forced smile of politeness fixed firmly in place, she slowly turned round and nodded at Brad, who’d taken the window table as usual.
‘Morning,’ he said. ‘Lovely weather.’ He didn’t seem able to make eye contact with her and Maria’s worst fears were confirmed. He had definitely heard what she’d said, that’s why he now looked uncomfortable as he sat down and rubbed his jaw. In fact, he looked as though he wanted the ground to open up right there and then and swallow him down, providing a quick escape from the awkward situation they’d managed to find themselves in.
‘Yes, it is. Lovely. I’ll get your coffee.’
‘Maria, your face looks like a ripe tomato!’ Harriet announced loudly with amusement when Maria passed her by to reach the coffee machine.
‘Yes, thank you, Harriet,’ she mumbled. ‘I’m just hot, that’s all.’ How absolutely mortifying. Now, thanks to her big mouth, Brad knew all about her non-existent sex life. She was a grown woman and certainly not a prude when it came to that sort of thing but still, it wasn’t really the sort of information she’d wanted to share with whoever was in the near vicinity. She was so angry with herself she could have snapped the handle off Brad’s coffee cup, she was gripping it so tightly.
She delivered the drink and rushed away quickly, although she was sure Brad’s eyes were on her. When she risked a glance a little while later, he was lost in the newspaper spread out across the table and she wondered if perhaps he hadn’t heard her at all. Oh, how she hoped so. Despite having become rather fond of him in just a short space of time, it wasn’t exactly the sort of thing she’d wanted him to know. It was rather personal. In turn, it made Maria wonder about Brad and his sex life. Had he been with anyone since Sophie? Was he the one-night-stand sort of man? She chased the wayward thoughts away and focused on what she was doing instead. She needed to stop stumbling down these paths of thought. They were quite dangerous.
The rest of her shift slipped by and before she knew it, Maria was hanging up her apron and saying farewell to Harriet. A strange sense of sadness always overcame her whenever it came to this part of her shift. She always, without fail, would allow the strings of the apron to run through her fingers one last time before she turned away and carried on with whatever she’d been about to do. It was only an apron, for goodness sake, but already, she’d heaped a w
hole lot of sentimentality onto it. Poor thing.
‘See you on Friday,’ Harriet called as Maria stepped outside. Brad was long gone. She wasn’t sure when he’d left but she was thankful that he had gone without saying another word to her. Although a goodbye would have been nice, she grumbled to herself. She was still holding out hope that he hadn’t heard her little declaration to Harriet, but she couldn’t be sure. Now he knew she hadn’t had sex since forever. She didn’t know why exactly it was bothering her so much. It was just sex, after all. Still, she didn’t want to look completely hopeless in his eyes. It bothered her but she couldn’t put her finger on why.
He was gathering bits of information about Maria that she hadn’t intended to share, which was another thing that was knocking her off her guard whenever he was around. What else was he going to tease out of her, if given the chance? He already knew too much, and it made Maria uncomfortable. She’d wanted to come here to start anew, away from the people who knew the ins and outs of what had happened, and now here was Brad, reading her like a well-thumbed book and getting right beneath her skin without even having to try. Gah, he was infuriating. She didn’t mind Millie and Harriet knowing, but Brad? No.
She met up with Millie the next day and they decided on going for a stroll around the lake. It was a place Maria had quickly grown fond of during her time there. So full of natural beauty and things to look at, not forgetting the sounds and smells, it was a place that could have easily been the inspiration for countless love stories and movies. If there’d been a place like this back home, she would have spent plenty of time there. It was healing and calm, and made her feel that her life wasn’t so bad after all.