by Rebecca Pugh
Rosanna laughed prettily, and Maria was taken back to the first time they’d met. Rob had still been living at home, as had Maria, and Rosanna had joined them in the kitchen for dinner. Fish and chips, she remembered. Partway through the meal, Rosanna had excused herself and gone to the toilet. Robert had turned to them quickly and said, ‘I want to marry her.’ He’d been so sure of it, even at fifteen years’ old. The rest, as they say, was history. Now here they were, all these years later, happily married with twin daughters who, Maria noticed, were now squabbling noisily over a menu. If only things had turned out the same way for her. With a man who had truly cared about her and loved her, in the way that Rob loved Rosanna. She swallowed down the lump in her throat and joined in with Rosanna and Ellen’s chatter, willing the troublesome thoughts to bugger off and leave her alone.
A short while later, the chatter declined as they tucked into their lunch. Leaving the pub, they passed by a small park that Maria hadn’t noticed on her previous visit and they spent the rest of the sunny afternoon watching the girls squeal with laughter on the rusty roundabout and on the swings, as Rob and Rosanna pushed them higher and higher.
Maria sat on the bench smiling as she watched then, with Ellen beside her. It was the perfect way to end what had been a wonderful day. She’d enjoyed having her family here and knew she’d be sad when they left. But this summer, she needed to get back to who she’d been before she’d met Mike. It was the time she needed to fix herself, and she knew that they understood that.
‘You will have that someday, you know.’
Maria’s gaze dropped to the grass. ‘I know. It just seems so unreachable right now, but who knows what the future will bring. I’m just happy to be here in the moment, enjoying spending time with you lot.’
‘When your father left, although I didn’t show it, I was devastated. But as clichéd as it sounds my darling, life goes on, and I’d hate to see you close yourself off from any future chances at love. People come and people go, we have to learn to accept that and not spend our futures wanting to be back in the past. Life is so short, sweetheart, and you’re an incredible woman. I just wanted you to know that.’
Maria sniffed and wiped away the tear that had managed to escape without her realising. ‘Thanks, Mum. That means a lot.’ And it did.
‘Look at them,’ laughed Ellen, nodding in Rob and Rosanna’s direction. They were pulling silly faces and chasing their girls around on the grass, laughing freely. It was a perfect moment and Maria smiled at the sight of them. That’s what she wanted one day. What she’d always wanted. But her mother was right. She couldn’t sit around wasting time thinking about what was and what wasn’t. Until the time came, she’d focus on the here and now, and the here and now looked pretty bloody good to her.
*
The following weekend, after trying her best to avoid Brad at all costs in the café, and after a tiring, busy shift where she and Harriet had been rushed off their feet, Maria opened the door of the cottage to Millie and Susie. Tonight she’d be spending some time with Susie while Millie went for her date with Harvey.
‘You look stunning,’ she said, taking in Millie’s red dress and matching heels. Her hair had been curled and looked bouncy and healthy.
‘Do you really think so?’ she asked worriedly. Millie glanced down at herself. ‘I feel like it might be a bit too much. Like I’m trying too hard?’
‘Millie, will you stop it? You look gorgeous. Harvey isn’t going to know what to do with himself.’
Millie stepped into the cottage when Maria moved aside to let her in. Susie was holding her mother’s hand and followed her in. ‘I’ve packed some bits and pieces in her backpack. I know she’s not staying over for the night, but I wanted to make sure you had everything, just in case. I do worry about her when I’m not around her, but I also know that she’ll be in safe hands with you.’
‘She’s going to be fine,’ Maria promised. ‘We’re going to have a lovely evening, aren’t we, Susie?’ Susie smiled up at her and Maria’s heart melted. She really was adorable. ‘I’ve got some princess movies ready to go, and some colouring books that I picked up earlier. We’re all set. Your mummy is going to have a great night, isn’t she? No worrying or fretting.’
‘I hope so,’ Millie said, following them into the living room. Her heels clicked along the tiles. ‘I haven’t felt this nervous since… since I went into labour with little madam. I’m terrified.’
‘Of what?’ Maria asked, shaking her head. ‘Of having a fantastic time? Of being shown some much deserved attention? Please, Millie. Enjoy yourself and stop fretting.’
Sighing, Millie nodded. ‘You’re right. Well, I better get going. He was going to pick me up but I said I’d meet him at the pub instead. Wish I hadn’t now. These heels are going to kill my feet.’
‘Go on then. Off you go. Enjoy yourself, and I can’t wait to hear all about it.’ Maria walked her to the front door, having popped a DVD in for Susie, and waved her off with a grin.
‘Right then,’ she said to Susie once she was back in the living room. ‘That’s us sorted for the night. Let’s get you some juice and then settle down, shall we? I’m so excited for your mummy, Susie. I really hope she lets loose and has a good time. She works so hard, taking care of you and working all of those hours at the salon. It’s about time she was wined and dined. Fingers crossed this Harvey comes up good.’
***
It wasn’t long after midnight when Maria heard the faint knocking on the cottage door. With Susie snoozing on her, she shifted position and gently laid her back down on the sofa cushions as she went to answer the door. On the doorstep she found Millie, smiling from ear to ear.
‘I take it you enjoyed yourself then? You look like the cat that got the cream.’ She stepped aside and once Millie was in, closed the door and followed her up the hall and into the kitchen.
‘Oh, Maria,’ said Millie dreamily as she fell down onto the chair. ‘It was wonderful. It’s the nicest evening I’ve had in a long time, and being with a complete and utter gentleman only added to it.’
‘Tell me everything,’ Maria grinned, taking the seat opposite.
‘Well, we had dinner and a few glasses of wine. Not much, but a few. We just got to talking about anything and everything really. He was so genuine and down to earth, and looked gorgeous. He was wearing a suit, for goodness sake. A suit! Can you believe it? He’d really put the effort in. And he was so full of compliments too, and didn’t look bored of me talking about Susie once, which sounds odd but it’s really important to me than a man includes Susie in our relationship. Not that this is a relationship of course, it’s still early days, but that’s definitely a good sign, isn’t it?’
‘I’d say so,’ nodded Maria.
‘I loved it. Every second sat at that table with him was just perfect. I think we really hit it off, and just before we said goodbye, he asked if we could do it again. I said yes, and then he kissed me on the cheek. He smelt divine, and his hand lingered on the bottom of my back for a few seconds. Honestly, I’d go out for dinner with him again in a heartbeat.’
Maria grinned and sat back in the chair. ‘Well, it sounds like the perfect evening to me, and you certainly enjoyed yourself.’
‘Oh, I did. I really and truly did. He’s wonderful.’ Millie exhaled and smiled at herself. ‘I sound like a love-struck teenager don’t I? Anyway, enough about me. How was Susie? Was she good?’
‘A little angel,’ replied Maria. They left the kitchen and headed into the lounge, where Susie lay fast asleep still. ‘We watched movies and coloured and then at about half past ten she lay down and fell straight to sleep.’
‘I can’t thank you enough for taking care of her for me.’
‘Nonsense, it was a pleasure. Nice to have some company for a change too. I’m just chuffed you had a good night.’
Once Millie had woken Susie up, Maria saw them both out of the cottage.
‘Thanks again for this,’ said Millie on the doors
tep with Susie in her arms. ‘I am so grateful.’
‘Like I said, it was a pleasure. She was as good as gold.’
‘Bye Susie,’ called Maria as she waved them both off.
She smiled as she watched Millie disappear up the street. She was genuinely happy that the evening had gone well and she really hoped it would turn into something more. If what Millie had said was anything to go by, it was definitely looking that way.
Chapter Nine
During the week, between waitressing at the café, Maria began to make a start on the lounge. Throwing white sheets upon the two-seater sofa and the armchair, Maria decided on a soft yellow for the walls. With the trusty stereo by her side and the tunes leaking out into the room, she opened up the tub of paint and got to work. She was enjoying these moments that she had to herself with just the music for company.
As she streaked the wall with paint, the colour made Maria think of sunshine and lemons and daffodils. It was gloriously uplifting and she knew that she’d made the right decision in choosing this colour for the lounge. The window gave a perfect view of Daffodil Lane, including the cottages sat opposite, resplendent in the sun beaming down.
Not wanting to become distracted by the view outside, as gorgeous as it was, Maria turned back and focused on the task at hand. She continued until she realised how much time had passed and that she’d completely missed dinner. She whipped up a quick stir-fry and sat perched on the arm of the armchair as she ate, surveying the work she’d done so far. She was impressed, if she did say so herself.
There was something comforting about the room she was sat in. With its low ceiling and tiny fireplace, it was traditional in a sense that made Maria think of home. It summoned up memories of Christmases gone by and cold winter mornings spent getting ready for school, and leaving the house in a scarf and gloves after a warm bowl of porridge. It was bizarre, really, how she felt so comfortable there when it didn’t even belong to her. She wondered whether the place had the same effect on Geraldine whenever she came to stay, if ever. Maria knew that if it had been her cottage, she’d never have left the place. There was a certain sense of calmness that overcame her as she finished off her dinner and basked in the peace and quiet.
It felt good to be this still and free of worries after the past few months, she decided. She’d never before in her life dealt with the emotions that Mike’s betrayal had swept upon her, so to be completely free from it all really did feel like a blessing, and a blessing that had arrived at exactly the right time. Her mother had been right in ensuring that Maria took up Geraldine’s offer. After all, what would staying at home have achieved? Looking back now to that moment in Ellen’s lounge, she tried to imagine where she’d be now if she’d steadfastly refused and stayed instead. Would she be as peaceful as she felt right at that moment? Would she have the beautiful views of Daffodil Lane and the surrounding countryside? She didn’t think so. It’d be the same old life, just without Mike, and with more risk of bumping into him again, and she hadn’t wanted to take a chance with that.
Maria washed up the plate, dried and put it away in one of the cupboards, and returned to the lounge to take another look around. What it needed next, once the walls had been dealt with, were new curtains, maybe a brightly coloured rug for the centre of the room, and perhaps some lovely canvas print images to have on the walls. Oh, and now that she was thinking about it, some lovely scatter cushions to spread about too. It was bare of any colour, besides the paint that had already been applied, and Maria thought that with a few bits and pieces here and there to brighten the room up, she’d have cracked it. It would be the perfect place to relax in. She wanted to capture the essence of Loland Green itself in the cottage. She wanted the fresh, popping colours, the greens and the blues and the yellows. The colours represented her new, if temporary, life. That’s what she imagined in her mind whenever she thought of the cottage finally finished, and she loved the image she conjured up. She was going to put her heart and soul into the sprucing up of the cottage. She wanted Geraldine to be thrilled she saw the work that Maria had managed to achieve during her time there. It had been such a long time since she’d done anything she could be proud of, and so the cottage represented a sort of challenge to Maria in her own mind. Something she could get stuck into and tackle to the ground and, hopefully, come out on top with a triumphant grin without the help of Mike or anyone else. This would all be her doing, and once again, she felt that stab of jealousy towards any would-be families who would spend a summer here.
It had actually been Mike’s mother who’d chosen the furniture to fill their first home with. She could remember Mike telling her about how Felicity had spotted some gorgeous net curtains and thought they’d look lovely in the house. She’d opened her mouth to protest but then thought better of it. Mike worshipped the ground Felicity walked on, which really wasn’t a bad thing. Maria adored her own mother, but the difference between the two was that Ellen didn’t interfere, whereas Felicity did. The woman seemed to think that her son’s wife didn’t have clue about what she wanted, so had often stepped in to share her opinion, probably thinking that she was being nothing but helpful. Yet if Ellen had tried to step in, Mike had refused to truly take in anything that she said. Maria had often smiled and nodded, not wanting to kick up a fuss. She knew now that that was where she’d gone so wrong. She should have stood up for herself as well as Ellen. She’d allowed Mike to stamp her down until she’d felt ridiculously and infinitely small, like anything that she had to say was worthless.
She hadn’t realised at the time, but now she could see it all crystal clear. She couldn’t believe that she hadn’t done more about it at the time. What had been wrong with her? Had she been stupid? Yes. Yes she had. Felicity had practically been a third wheel in their marriage. Maria wondered how she felt now, knowing that it had been her precious son who’d been sleeping with another woman behind his wife’s back. Bet that had knocked her down a peg or two. Maria didn’t really take the pleasure from it, but after all of the pushing and shoving, it was good to know Felicity had finally seen the true side to her son. Still, Maria supposed, it probably hadn’t changed her view on him. She probably still thought that the sun shone out of his arse no matter what the idiot did.
She was one to talk though. She’d thought the exact same thing, hadn’t she? All of those nights spent waiting for Mike to come through the door. All of those dinners that had turned stone-cold as the hands of the clock on the kitchen wall had ticked by. What had they all amounted to? Nothing. That’s what. She’d spent so many evenings staring at her phone, waiting for a text or call to apologise for running late, but she’d received nothing. Even when he had arrived home, he’d whisked off his jacket and strutted around as if nothing had happened. He’d say, ‘why don’t we order in tonight?’ and snatch up the takeaway menu, rendering Maria momentarily speechless. What kind of man did that? But of course, once again, at the time, she hadn’t wanted to cause any stupid arguments over things that couldn’t be helped. If she’d have looked a little closer, perhaps she would have spotted the tell-tale signs earlier. Misplaced receipts for gifts she hadn’t received and dinners she hadn’t eaten. The faintest trace of perfume woven into his jacket. She’d been blind to it all, like a complete fool.
Realising she’d become lost to her inner thoughts once again, Maria shook herself out of them and placed herself in the here and now. She needed to focus. Mike wasn’t here, and all of that had happened so there was nothing that she could do about it, no matter how much it taunted and teased her. What she needed, after her hard work in the lounge, was some fresh air. A walk around Loland Green. It was still light outside so she grabbed a denim jacket from off the banister, took a last look at the lounge so far, felt pleased, and then left the cottage.
Once outside, she inhaled deeply and instantly felt more grounded. Birds chirped merrily from somewhere nearby and as she walked, with no set destination in mind, the worries and niggles that kept pricking at her conscience gradua
lly began to lift. Being here was like a medicine that had been crafted just for her. It offered her freedom and the chance to explore and focus only on herself, which was something that felt rather alien to Maria. The light breeze fluttered through her hair and cooled her cheeks, as she tried to decide on which direction to head in.
Walking on past the town, Maria passed by the lake and spotted a worn trail in the grass up ahead. Glancing back to memorise the way which she’d come so as not to get lost, she decided to throw caution to the wind and felt the promise of a small adventure fizzle through her veins. She had no idea where it would lead her but picked her way through the grass anyway. Twigs cracked and snapped underfoot as Maria ventured further into the woods, the overgrown bushes turning to towering, ancient trees. In any other place, she would have felt frightened at being there alone but there was something magical and enchanting about following a path to see where it would lead her, rather like life.
The melody of nature surrounded Maria on all sides. Squirrels skittered and raced through the undergrowth and it put a smile on her lips. There was something incredible about being totally at one with nature like this. She supposed she’d spent most of her life living on the estate where she’d grown up, and then later on in the house she and Mike had bought, both of which were plonked in the middle of roads and neighbouring houses, surrounded by even more roads and shopping centres. There’d always been hustle and bustle around the corner, but here, it was totally different. It was peaceful, even with the sounds of the woodland and its creatures. It was refreshingly different to what she was used to. She couldn’t hear any wailing sires or beeping horns. It was just… natural.
When she reached the clearing ahead, Maria paused and took a good look around. It was strange, stumbling upon such a place, but beautiful too. The trees still surrounded the area, but the open circle of green grass, peppered with pretty wildflowers, was unbelievably gorgeous. She wondered how it had come to be there. Feeling like she’d wandered into some other world, Maria stepped slowly through the long blades of grass towards an old, worn bench. It looked out of place sat where it was, but she took a seat nevertheless and closed her eyes, at one with the surreal surroundings.